Dating advice

BANNERMAN98

So I'm giving a matchmaker a go as I can't take online dating anymore. So I've had three dates, all went really well from my side of things anyway. Good conversations, chatted about how we were finding the crowd we are using, family, friends, work, future plans, basically everything and anything there is to talk about, my thing is I can't seem to get a second date and I'm wondering is there something from my end I can change. Dress wise I go for black shoes with dark jeans, shirt, clean shaven and not over powering aftershave, feedback I've gotten Is I'm a very nice guy and all that but not enough of a physical attraction, so I'm out of ideas.

Mr. Incognito

Keep dating till you click with someone

doireann08

How many 1st dates have you gone on? It could be that you just haven't met anyone you gel with yet

shaymus27

Don't blame yourself.

Some Irish women are shallow and only go by looks.

Some go for nice-looking guys who are self-absorbed and will treat them badly instead on a lesser-looking guy who would treat them well.

Hopefully you will meet a nice woman who will appreciate your qualities.

Don't give up.

kylith

Three dates isn't a lot, really. Internet dating really is a numbers game.

LegacyUser

Fair play to you, you're working on myself that deserves praise...

What I would say is just to relax a bit, what kind of dates are you going on??

My preference is for coffee dates only first then progress to dinner\drinks etc

You may not like the other person, its important to go on a good few of these...

One thing I would advise is to know you are , what you're looking for....This is so important and will save you a lot of time...

Girls smell desperation, not saying you are , but they do, act like its a friendly catchup , and expect nothing, even after a good first\second\third\fourth date.....If you do this right you can get yourself up to speed by end of the year.......And even then you could be single, but the process is a lot more important than the girl just now, its about having fun and finding and creating yourself Best of luck

gsi300024v

I did online dating, guessing it's kinda same, I found when you were there just to have a chat kinda attitude it worked best, anything extra was a bonus, as in if there was a spark.
Short dates are probably good, so meet for coffee, that way you can leave it short if you like or keep it short if it's not going well. Some say leave it short anyway, if they want to see you again they should know within an hour, and so should you really.
3 dates isn't a lot, plus I think you get better at 1st dates the more you go on them. If I had a laugh at all but didn't know if I wanted a 2nd date or not, I'd ask for a second date to find out.
I suppose one thing the online dating has over what you doing now, if it's online date you kinda know already you've stuff or ways of thinking in common from answering all the questions the sites have so you should have plenty to talk about.
I think I went on 12 1st dates and averaged that 1 in 4 got at least a second date.
Do you go for drinks, it definitely seems to ease the nervous, I was grand with coffee dates but most people to like a drink or two.

ruskin

I did online dating for a bit, met this one guy called Graham who...

castaway_lady

shaymus27 wrote: »

Don't blame yourself.

Some Irish women are shallow and only go by looks.

Some go for nice-looking guys who are self-absorbed and will treat them badly instead on a lesser-looking guy who would treat them well.

Hopefully you will meet a nice woman who will appreciate your qualities.

Don't give up.

Precisely don't give up. It's most not actually a case of shallowness and only going my looks. Its more a case of different people find different types attractive and of interest to them. It's a case of finding that combo to get something worth investing in. Just incase you were going to write off a chunk of the Irish population of females on this basis. Also dont limit your connections to the matchmakers efforts. Use online dating too. Just keep at it and dont get expectations too high too soon.

Neyite

ruskin wrote: »

I did online dating for a bit, met this one guy called Graham who...

Mod:

Read the charter before posting again. This is a serious advice forum with zero tolerance for muppetry.

catonthewire

Hi OP,


I was talking about this very subject with a group of female friends on Tuesday, two of them met their current long term partners online...
Both of them found that the majority of men they chatted to also based their choice on looks , and many times they felt like giving up....
Interestingly many of these sites use models to advertise , portraying their members as young, beautiful , successful , confident ect ...
Reality?.....All of us are unique individuals, we come in all shapes, sizes, looks, personalities ect...

After chatting with my friends, I would suggest that you keep going, wear what is comfortable for you, be honest, and don't worry too much about getting second dates...
The fact that you have gotten this far is testament to the fact that women do in.italy find you interesting ect...
If you think about it , imagine going into a bar and meeting a group of women for the first time would you find them all attractive and want to meet them again?...

ruskin

ruskin wrote: »

I did online dating for a bit, met this one guy called Graham who...

...turned out to be a complete gentleman with a courteous and amicable manner.

Est28

shaymus27 wrote: »

Don't blame yourself.

Some Irish women are shallow and only go by looks.

Some go for nice-looking guys who are self-absorbed and will treat them badly instead on a lesser-looking guy who would treat them well.

Hopefully you will meet a nice woman who will appreciate your qualities.

Don't give up.

Apart from the last two lines... don't listen to this OP. Irish guys are just as bad for spouting this crap.

3 dates isn't loads. It might well just be that you both didn't click. Women often have a few options if they've had a few dates themselves, it's not all about looks, you just have to stand out.

I was seeing someone for a few months lately and the first date I went on after CRASHED AND BURNED. Haha, I say it with a laugh because I just hadn't been on a date in so long, I just wasn't on form at all and the girl was totally not into it. But chalk it up to experience, got me back on the horse and a few more dates over the last while I met someone lovely lately. Point is, go on dates, get used to it. If you're not used to it, you might be just being too nicey nicey or overly polite or just up-tight. You need to relax a little... talk to a girl like she was your best mate, not like a special unicorn. You might think you're being nice to the girl but it's actually more uncomfortable for her than a guy who can just have a laugh with her.

TheBeardedLady

If you walk into a bar, you're not going to click with the first 3 women you meet, you scope out the place and perhaps you might getting talking to a woman you quite like but she has to like you too so I assume online dating a numbers game too. 3 dates is nothing. Keep at it.

miamee

I'm guessing a bit here but would I be right in thinking OP that you pay the matchmaker/matchmaking service a large amount of money up front and they guarantee you X amount of first dates? So you've paid a lot of money, the women have paid a lot of money...that's a lot of investment in finding 'the one' and a lot of pressure. I'd suspect that if there is no chemistry or connection right away, they'll move on to the next first date. No different to other dating I suppose but the financial investment seems like this is now a high priority for all involved to meet a partner for life.

As others have said, three is a tiny number. If you'd met the woman of your dreams after only three first dates, you'd be the lucky exception, not the rule!!
I hope I haven't gone off on a pointless tangent there about matchmaking...good luck

Stavro Mueller

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

If you walk into a bar, you're not going to click with the first 3 women you meet, you scope out the place and perhaps you might getting talking to a woman you quite like but she has to like you too so I assume online dating a numbers game too. 3 dates is nothing. Keep at it.

These are my thoughts as well. Let's imagine you were in a confident mood and walked into the "Carlsberg best bar in the world". The bar's full of nice single women who are interested in chatting to lads like you. Would you just go for the first women you met once you stepped inside the door? No, you'd scope the bar, wouldn't you? Look out for the ones you fancied and hope that you clicked. Attraction's an intangible thing and even though you can find people you have a lot in common with, you might not fancy them no matter what you or they try.

What I'm wondering is if you really fancied all these women. If so, why? Was it because the matchmaker's magic formula worked wonderfully on your side? Or that you're a little desperate and perhaps built things up more in your head than you should have?

All I can suggest to you is to keep plugging away and hopefully you'll meet someone you'll click with.