Ever feel that your libido is a curse?

LegacyUser

Hi there folks. Lately I have really been feeling that I'm just a slave to my libido.

At 38 years of age it shows no signs of retreating. In my teens and early twenties I had plenty of one night stands, since then I have been in a couple of what would be considered healthy sexual relationships and still have not been satisfied .

I constantly have it on the mind to the point that it feels like a curse, like something that plagues me every waking hour. If my girlfriend is away for a night I'm practically going out of my mind.

Masturbation and porn helps for all of about 30 mins and then im back to square one. I don't want to be over elaborate or sordid here so all i can say is that the urge is almost constant and I cant imagine going through another few decades being a slave to this.

This not a piss take. Can someone please tell me, is this just what its like for every bloke or have i got a problem? In fact, ladies feel free to comment too.

ancapailldorcha

Yep, constantly. All of that is down to a success rate of 0 with women though.

mayway

I solved this problem by having more than 1 partner. 10 in fact whom I service more than once a day.

Presumably you're open to male partners as well? This will help getting your numbers up.

Wibbs

mayway, constructive answers in future or don't post here again.

bb1234567

That sounds stressful and like it would put in on your life a lot. Im happy my sex drive is so low, I nearly thought I was asexual at some points in my life because my longing for sex is often almost non existent

LegacyUser

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Yep, constantly. All of that is down to a success rate of 0 with women though.

Maybe the take away here is that whether success rate is high or low, we men are never content. Hope your luck picks up pal!

LegacyUser

bb1234567 wrote: »

That sounds stressful and like it would put in on your life a lot. Im happy my sex drive is so low, I nearly thought I was asexual at some points in my life because my longing for sex is often almost non existent

Thanks for your comment, that's interesting. Yep i does encroach on my life a lot, to worrying extremes that I wouldnt be willing to post the details of here

LegacyUser

Etten wrote: »

Thanks for your comment, that's interesting. Yep i does encroach on my life a lot, to worrying extremes that I wouldnt be willing to post the details of here

Ok my last comment sounded really sinister reading it back haha, wasnt meant to.

bb1234567

Etten wrote: »

Thanks for your comment, that's interesting. Yep i does encroach on my life a lot, to worrying extremes that I wouldnt be willing to post the details of here

Have you thought about seeing somebody? I don't think thats normal, and if its affecting other aspects of your life in a negative way then I think you should take action. Im sure a doctor could easily supply you with some kind pill or medicine to calm down your hormones a bit!
Btw how old are you out of interest?

LegacyUser

bb1234567 wrote: »

Have you thought about seeing somebody? I don't think thats normal, and if its affecting other aspects of your life in a negative way then I think you should take action. Im sure a doctor could easily supply you with some kind pill or medicine to calm down your hormones a bit!
Btw how old are you out of interest?

I'm 38. No i hadnt thought of seeing someone until now. To be honest i thought it was normal, until lately ive just begun to feel really fed up with it. Part of me still suspects that most guys feel this way but its just not socially acceptable to harp on about it. Thought i might get some opinions on here

bb1234567

Etten wrote: »

I'm 38. No i hadnt thought of seeing someone until now. To be honest i thought it was normal, until lately ive just begun to feel really fed up with it. Part of me still suspects that most guys feel this way but its just not socially acceptable to harp on about it. Thought i might get some opinions on here

Id say guys are hornier than they let on yeah, but going crazy when their girl is away for a day? no, I don't think many are as bad as you. otherwise Id say prostitutes would be used by people a lot more!

strobe

In a way I suppose it's a frame of mind thing. Like food, you need it constantly, you can either look at it from the angle of thinking "fvck, this is a curse, never get a break, always have to be planning ahead what I'm going to eat, once I eat it's only a matter of time before I'm hungry again..." or you can think of it like "fvck I'm starving now, this feels awful, but that steak at home is going to taste unreal when I get to fry it up whenever I get home". But I suppose it's a little different in that you don't have to rely completely on someone else when you want to eat, if the fridge is empty, you just pop down the shop and pick something up. I'm sure people would have a better understanding if anytime they wanted to eat it had to be when someone was there to eat with them, or they just go hungry.

I dunno man. Just try to focus on when you'll get to eat the steak rather than how hungry you are when you're working late and missed dinner?

I don't know if there's an answer.

Chloris

I had a conversation with a friend who is 35, saying libido fades with age. I can't believe that. I reckon, if you're tired of it, you're doing something wrong; maybe change things up?

Unfortunately I'm something of an addict myself. I've gotten off in some shameful (eh... kind of exciting...) places. And I've had a long term partner through all those... deviances. I'm kept thoroughly satisfied. I just also like a bit of personal intimacy now and again.

I reckon also, just different strokes (pun definitely intended) for different folks. Himself definitely doesn't have the same insatiable urges I have; he never has. Whereas I've been a nympho for longer than I can remember. It's like breathing air for me. But I can understand the conservatism of some people who aren't as finely attuned to the aesthetics of being human, due to whatever inhibitions. Not to mention the potential hormonal differences Wych may cause that distinction.

Mister Vain

Chloris wrote: »

I had a conversation with a friend who is 35, saying libido fades with age. I can't believe that. I reckon, if you're tired of it, you're doing something wrong; maybe change things up?

Well at the age of 31, mine is nowhere near as high as what it was in my 20's. I went mad on the escorts for a while to satisfy the urge. I wouldn't have the desire for that now.

Chloris

Mister Vain wrote:

Well at the age of 31, mine is nowhere near as high as what it was in my 20's. I went mad on the escorts for a while to satisfy the urge. I wouldn't have the desire for that now.

Is the chase not part of the excitement of it? You could've gone into a lot of pubs and put in a bit of leg work with an attractive lady, bought her a few drinks and "bam"... One of my friends was mad into escorts when he hit 18, he was the type of guy who liked that they looked "perfect", their pretence of total attraction to him; had a lot of self esteem issues and wasn't exactly a charmer. Wouldn't have liked to have felt challenged by a lady.

Same guy used so many steroids to build up muscle that he told us his balls had shrivelled up. He doesn't have much interest in sex anymore either, I'd guess.

Mister Vain

Chloris wrote: »

Is the chase not part of the excitement of it? You could've gone into a lot of pubs and put in a bit of leg work with an attractive lady, bought her a few drinks and "bam"... One of my friends was mad into escorts when he hit 18, he was the type of guy who liked that they looked "perfect", their pretence of total attraction to him; had a lot of self esteem issues and wasn't exactly a charmer. Wouldn't have liked to have felt challenged by a lady.

Same guy used so many steroids to build up muscle that he told us his balls had shrivelled up. He doesn't have much interest in sex anymore either, I'd guess.

Ohh it is. That's the one thing that's missing from an encounter with an escort I suppose. Although meeting a very attractive stranger in a hotel room for a bit of fun can be very exciting too. Like with everything else though the novelty wears off after a while.

I never tried the steroids myself but bulking up was something I was really into as well when I was younger. I spent hours killing myself with weights and I spent a lot of money on supplements, too much in fact. I still work out and eat healthy but I'm not as obsessed with building muscle as I used to. I'm happy enough with my body now.

Chloris

Mister Vain wrote:

Ohh it is. That's the one thing that's missing from an encounter with an escort I suppose. Although meeting a very attractive stranger in a hotel room for a bit of fun can be very exciting too. Like with everything else though the novelty wears off after a while.

I suppose. I'm pretty fortunate to be in a very sexually exciting relationship, we're very open about what we want and try new stuff if the old stuff feels like going through the motions. We're like... hand in glove... in terms of anatomy. We can't keep away from each other. It's excellent.

Mister Vain wrote:

I never tried the steroids myself but bulking up was something I was really into as well when I was younger. I spent hours killing myself with weights and I spent a lot of money on supplements, too much in fact. I still work out and eat healthy but I'm not as obsessed with building muscle as I used to. I'm happy enough with my body now.

That's nice, being comfortable is a big part of sex drive as well actually. The better I look, the more my libido increases. It's like... "I deserve this, they deserve me!"

mrkiscool2

I'm still under 25 OP and I wouldn't feel that way at all. Some days I may masterbate 2-3 times, others none at all (it probably averages out about 1 a day when I don't have a partner, like now, and 2-3 times a week when I have a partner). I think if it is affecting you as bad as you are saying it is you should most definitely go to your GP and talk about it. He/she would be happy to listen and refer you on if need be! Also, have you tried talking to your partner about how you feel? A lot of small little issues can affect libido in quite a large way!

H3llR4iser

I guess most guys are in the same boat here; I've read/heard a few older gentlemen stating that their retirement/old age was the time of their lives, as the fact they lost at least a bit of their sex drive made them much more capable to focus on their hobbies and endeavours.

By the way, 38 is not nearly old enough for a drop in libido...it's more likely to hit well into the '50s. I am turning 35 this year and, if anything, it's actually increasing. It's not at the point where it takes up my mind, but it does occupy a significant part of it; As a single guy, for example, I can't help but feel a bit guilty if I spend Friday night watching a movie, with the little self nagging of "you should be out there!" going on. Even if I am totally wrecked (and fall asleep well before the movie ends!).

Again, low rate of success might be the reading key here but I wouldn't bet on it - as men, we are simply programmed to want "action" as much as possible. I've often met guys in long term relationships or marriages who would send a college kid run for his money, sex obsession-wise!

Chloris wrote: »

Is the chase not part of the excitement of it? You could've gone into a lot of pubs and put in a bit of leg work with an attractive lady, bought her a few drinks and "bam"...

Frankly, no. I have been unfortunately forced to do it, and will be in the future, but I hated and will hate every instant of it; I actually don't get what is supposed to be exciting in the "chase" - the kind of women who like to pull the strings along, making it look like they are making you a favour by just talking, put me off immensely.

In an essence it's a pointless endeavour in all cases - ladies tend to make their mind up about being in "intimacy" with somebody in the very first
moments of interaction. It's either "could do" or "not in a million years". In the latter case, there's nothing you could possibly do to change her mind (although a lot of guys fail to understand that).

In the "could do" case, you're always in a precarious balance - you can do everything right, then at the last moment she spots this guy she likes better and you wasted time and resources.

This said, I actually never hired an escort - it's something I still see as a "last ditch" effort, although I'm probably wrong and might change my mind in the future.

Chloris wrote: »

Same guy used so many steroids to build up muscle that he told us his balls had shrivelled up. He doesn't have much interest in sex anymore either, I'd guess.

Lol, as much as I do think our sex drive to be a curse (it makes men, including myself, do really stupid things in the hope of a bit of action), I wouldn't go that way

fits

NSFW link
http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/come-as-you-are-2/

Review of a book about sex drive. The author's work may be of interest to OP.

Mister Vain

H3llR4iser wrote: »

I actually don't get what is supposed to be exciting in the "chase" - the kind of women who like to pull the strings along, making it look like they are making you a favour by just talking, put me off immensely.

Actually I'm inclined to agree with this. The chase is only exciting if it leads somewhere. If you do it enough times and are not having any luck it can be a bit soul destroying. I actually like it when a woman makes the first move. Some guys don't like this but I think its great. Not that it would happen too often, but it shouldn't always be up to the guys to do the chasing.

gsi300024v

Etten wrote: »

Hi there folks. Lately I have really been feeling that I'm just a slave to my libido.

At 38 years of age it shows no signs of retreating. In my teens and early twenties I had plenty of one night stands, since then I have been in a couple of what would be considered healthy sexual relationships and still have not been satisfied .

I constantly have it on the mind to the point that it feels like a curse, like something that plagues me every waking hour. If my girlfriend is away for a night I'm practically going out of my mind.

Masturbation and porn helps for all of about 30 mins and then im back to square one. I don't want to be over elaborate or sordid here so all i can say is that the urge is almost constant and I cant imagine going through another few decades being a slave to this.

This not a piss take. Can someone please tell me, is this just what its like for every bloke or have i got a problem? In fact, ladies feel free to comment too.

Stop looking at porn and it'll become more inline with the norms for guys, although so many look at porn now that who knows what the norm is.
Look up your brain on porn, stop looking at it , you'll find your gf even more hot in no time and generally be happier.

ancapailldorcha

Mister Vain wrote: »

Actually I'm inclined to agree with this. The chase is only exciting if it leads somewhere. If you do it enough times and are not having any luck it can be a bit soul destroying. I actually like it when a woman makes the first move. Some guys don't like this but I think its great. Not that it would happen too often, but it shouldn't always be up to the guys to do the chasing.

Spot on. If there's a bit of a rapport going on then it can be quite enjoyable though if it doesn't escalate then it gets boring fast. Personally, I'm hoping for reversible chemical castration to be developed soon.

Wibbs

Not a fan of the "chase" either. Some back and forth yea, that's OK, when it starts getting into some silly buggers amateur dramatics "cos I'm worth it" game I cool right off. The way I see it this bodes ill for the future. At best through the initial honeymoon period it'll be OK, but when that passes and it's just the two of you chugging along that drama stuff comes out again as it's the default. Goes for both men and women too. Life's too short for that guff. Plus whether you're into men, women of farmyard animals there is so much choice of people you will get on with and are more compatible out there.

I just wrote the longest reply to this and it ended up being so deep (from my perspective at least) that I am not sure I should post it

ancapailldorcha

Please do.

Etten

Etten wrote: »

Ok my last comment sounded really sinister reading it back haha, wasnt meant to.

A little. But then again my own "libido" had me in a bit of a mess during my college years too. To the point I would be out with people I could have ended up calling life long friends - but I would suddenly abandon them on a night out because I got that "urge" to just be alone with me myself and i. And I am not proud of where those moments took me either

I would literally tell good people "I am going to the loo" on a night out and just not come back. Next day I would make up the worst cock and bull stories too.

But the reality was I just wanted to get back home and - - - take myself to bed so to speak - - or take to porn. Though "porn" in those days for me was text based not picture based for whatever reason. Which probably meant I missed out on encroaching on the law a bit.

It is hard to excuse oneself those moments either. These days if you tell someone "I did not mean to do that - I was drunk - that was not really me" they will quite rightly not take you that seriously. It was your own fault you got drunk. And those things you did were "in you" anyway the drink just brought them out. Do not blame the drink. So on and so forth.

So you can imagine how hard it would be to be taken seriously saying "I did not mean to do that - I was horny - that was not really me". Even though in THIS case you were not the one who put the chemicals in.

But sometimes it can feel the same way.

It's like when your sexual system secretes its hormones into you it changes you in ways just like being drunk - exacerbating the worst in you while suppressing the best parts of you that kicks the worst parts ass every day.

I am a LOT more in control of it now in my life. Meditation - a healthy life style - a healthy sexual outlet - good food - and a focus for my moment to moment attention in hobbies and training and DIY. But still today a LOT of what drives me is running away from the devil that makes work for idle hands. And where I am today was hard won - but very much based in looking over my shoulder at - myself.

We have a lot of threads on boards and a lot of awareness in general about depression. And what was once scorned and scoffed and even hated in the past in depression has been found out to be medically explainable and understandable. We are now raising awareness about it and normalizing and understanding the place in the world people have who suffer from it.

I sometimes think there is a similar science on the horizon about sexual hormonal imbalances. And it will show that the worst of us (not to excuse them either) or the ones that suffer - will end up finding that their sexual addictions and extremes are equally explainable - and then - one hopes - treatable.

We are a species that lives on a hormonal and chemical knife edge. And with so many of us out there - there are OF COURSE many of us who slip off. Its mathematically inevitable.

The tiniest imbalance can have the most amazing effects on the individual. For the worst cases the question only remains how can we help them and understand them. For the medium cases the question is usually how can we help ourselves. For me - I told you how I center myself and maintain that struggle. For others - that advice may help or theirs is another path.

But understanding each other and communicating - as ever - is key. As with any human struggle - it is almost never original - and in the days of the internet we almost never have to re-invent the wheel any more in getting through it - because there are others out there/here.

Mister Vain

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Spot on. If there's a bit of a rapport going on then it can be quite enjoyable though if it doesn't escalate then it gets boring fast.

Ohh yeah, sometimes you meet a girl who may not be interested but you can still have a bit of a laugh with them, even if its only momentarily. In that situation I'd feel more relaxed and confident about approaching someone else later on in the night because it puts me in a good mood. If you're constantly encountering snooty bitches though it would just turn you off wanting to approach anyone else. There's only so much of that shyte you can take.

It depends on where you go too. In Maynooth for example there's a large student population and I find them rather cliquish. Approaching women there can often evoke a look as if you're a young Larry Murphy protégé in training. That sh1t gets old fast. Some of the larger towns are not as bad from my experience.

Just Be Yourself

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ohh yeah, sometimes you meet a girl who may not be interested but you can still have a bit of a laugh with them, even if its only momentarily. In that situation I'd feel more relaxed and confident about approaching someone else later on in the night because it puts me in a good mood. If you're constantly encountering snooty bitches though it would just turn you off wanting to approach anyone else. There's only so much of that shyte you can take.

It depends on where you go too. In Maynooth for example there's a large student population and I find them rather cliquish. Approaching women there can often evoke a look as if you're a young Larry Murphy protégé in training. That sh1t gets old fast. Some of the larger towns are not as bad from my experience.

Man forget students and forget the trendy spots. Move to a tourist town. Foreign girls are so much nicer and easier to talk to.

Mister Vain

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

Man forget students and forget the trendy spots. Move to a tourist town. Foreign girls are so much nicer and easier to talk to.

Well not all Irish girls are difficult to talk to, but there are a good few foreign girls in Maynooth too.

Justin1982

Take up powerlifting or weightlifting. Absolutely knocked my libido back from driving nearly every decision in my life to really not being bothered about sex at all. Prior to the weightlifting I played field sports. I was pretty darn fit but my libido was still crazy high or worse. Not sure why the powerlifting kills my libido. Think it's something to do with your testosterone levels plummeting are a heavy lifting session. My girlfriend complains constantly the last 3 years that she never met a man with such a lack of interest in sex. I'm not too worried though as I find it quiet liberating. My career, my discipline, my life attitude, my drinking levels and my interests in other things in life changed for the positive. On saying that, comparing my lifeback a few years ago to now, well there is absolutely no craic now. Best time you well ever have in your life is when your libido is high and you're running around doing crazy **** while chasing women. Best pastime ever. But when you have to get back to the normal day to day living such as having a job or its a mid week night and no women around to chase then life is a nightmare. So I don't get the highs anymore but I also don't get the lows.

Mister Vain

Justin1982 wrote: »

Take up powerlifting or weightlifting. Absolutely knocked my libido back from driving nearly every decision in my life to really not being bothered about sex at all. Prior to the weightlifting I played field sports. I was pretty darn fit but my libido was still crazy high or worse. Not sure why the powerlifting kills my libido. Think it's something to do with your testosterone levels plummeting are a heavy lifting session. My girlfriend complains constantly the last 3 years that she never met a man with such a lack of interest in sex. I'm not too worried though as I find it quiet liberating. My career, my discipline, my life attitude, my drinking levels and my interests in other things in life changed for the positive. On saying that, comparing my lifeback a few years ago to now, well there is absolutely no craic now. Best time you well ever have in your life is when your libido is high and you're running around doing crazy **** while chasing women. Best pastime ever. But when you have to get back to the normal day to day living such as having a job or its a mid week night and no women around to chase then life is a nightmare. So I don't get the highs anymore but I also don't get the lows.

I find the opposite tbh. Weight lifting increases testosterone levels, especially if I've worked the legs. When I do a session of squats I usually notice a spike in libido. It generally makes me feel better.

H3llR4iser

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ohh yeah, sometimes you meet a girl who may not be interested but you can still have a bit of a laugh with them, even if its only momentarily. In that situation I'd feel more relaxed and confident about approaching someone else later on in the night because it puts me in a good mood. If you're constantly encountering snooty bitches though it would just turn you off wanting to approach anyone else. There's only so much of that shyte you can take.

That is true; Unfortunately, snooty bitches types seem to be very widespread and easy to find. Sometimes they are easy to spot ahead too, but not necessarily - I ran into quite a few who had that "nice" aura around them, but turned out to be nastiness incarnate as soon as they opened their mouth.

Justin1982 wrote: »

Take up powerlifting or weightlifting. Absolutely knocked my libido back from driving nearly every decision in my life to really not being bothered about sex at all.

Quite the opposite for me. Exercise, especially the heavy kind, tends to kick up my testosterone levels. Big time, actually.

It is also noteworthy to say that the libido actually works as a motivator for the exercise - the reason being that keeping in decent shape makes it a bit easier to "catch" some attention. If I had no desire for sex, I'd be spending much less time in pain, out of breath, trying to lift a hump on metal for no particular reason

ancapailldorcha

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ohh yeah, sometimes you meet a girl who may not be interested but you can still have a bit of a laugh with them, even if its only momentarily. In that situation I'd feel more relaxed and confident about approaching someone else later on in the night because it puts me in a good mood. If you're constantly encountering snooty bitches though it would just turn you off wanting to approach anyone else. There's only so much of that shyte you can take.

It depends on where you go too. In Maynooth for example there's a large student population and I find them rather cliquish. Approaching women there can often evoke a look as if you're a young Larry Murphy protégé in training. That sh1t gets old fast. Some of the larger towns are not as bad from my experience.

+1.

I've approached 2 women in as many years. Doesn't so much erode one's confidence as wash it away in a deluge.

LiamNeeson

I think that if you have a specific strong fetish it is better as when something really excites you it completely drains your balls but if you can't get excited by porno you may only come up with a small ejaculation which in turn would leave you horny later on in the day. I have specific fetishes and so one ejaculation every few days does the job for me however I could ejaculate 3 times a day if I wished to.

A good orgasm should leave you shaking at the knees, you should spend a few hours building up to it, none of that 2 minute caper in the work toilets.

Ally Dick

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well not all Irish girls are difficult to talk to, but there are a good few foreign girls in Maynooth too.

Find out where nurses drink, and you'll be fine. Some of them are very <cough> generous. I used to love McGowans in Phibsboro for that reason. Haven't been in it in over 10 years though since I met my wife.

Ally Dick

Ally Dick wrote: »

Find out where nurses drink, and you'll be fine. Some of them are very <cough> generous. I used to love McGowans in Phibsboro for that reason. Haven't been in it in over 10 years though since I met my wife.

That's quite the generalisation. Quite disrespectful to an entire profession, no?

Wibbs

Just a bit. Meh it's a common generalisation long shared as a male meme and across different cultures with variation. I partially blame your Carry On films for it. Before say the 1950's Nurses were seen as virtuous , near nun like(and many were in fact nuns). Your middle class guy tends more towards air hostesses in the meme. "Foreign burds" are yet another and I've personally heard one that come from Irish, English, French, Spanish, Italian and American lads, with no sense of irony. As if there's an el dorado in the male mind of exotic, sexy and available women somewhere "out there". It's so endemic I'd not be surprised to find there's an evolutionary vibe behind it.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Just a bit. Meh it's a common generalisation long shared as a male meme and across different cultures with variation. I partially blame your Carry On films for it. Before say the 1950's Nurses were seen as virtuous , near nun like(and many were in fact nuns). Your middle class guy tends more towards air hostesses in the meme. "Foreign burds" are yet another and I've personally heard one that come from Irish, English, French, Spanish, Italian and American lads, with no sense of irony. As if there's an el dorado in the male mind of exotic, sexy and available women somewhere "out there". It's so endemic I'd not be surprised to find there's an evolutionary vibe behind it.

I'm just surprised it stands unactioned, regardless of it's origins as a meme it's hardly appropriate to paint an entire profession as easy lays who hold the key to alleviating the frustrations of those feeling enslaved by their libidos.

The evolutionary vibe is a maiden who's job it is to take care of her charge. It doesn't need much more explaining.:) I suppose the same is true of the flight attendant fantasy.

Wibbs

Candie wrote: »

I'm just surprised it stands unactioned,

Well I only saw it now and nobody reported it, but you're right.


Ally Dick no more childish generalisations please.

Wibbs

Candie wrote: »

The evolutionary vibe is a maiden who's job it is to take care of her charge. It doesn't need much more explaining.:) I suppose the same is true of the flight attendant fantasy.

Sure, the nurturing aspect would play in a big way, but I more meant the "foreign women" meme. But since that's running waaaaay off topic.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Sure, the nurturing aspect would play in a big way, but I more meant the "foreign women" meme. But since that's running waaaaay off topic.

Genetic diversity.

I'll leave it though .

astonaidan

Wibbs wrote: »

Sure, the nurturing aspect would play in a big way, but I more meant the "foreign women" meme. But since that's running waaaaay off topic.

Regarding the foreign women thing, all I can speak of from a personal point of view is my experiences with foreign girls has been so much better. Currently with a Latina girl and she is the best girl ive ever met, compared to the Irish girl I was with previous to her who only ever seemed to be negative, then german girl I was with before was real fun and just a nice girl, was irish girl before same negative nonsense.
So pretty much for me its not even comparable tbh, Ive found Irish girls to be polar opposite to Irish guys. But obviously not everyone has this experience

Mister Vain

astonaidan wrote: »

Regarding the foreign women thing, all I can speak of from a personal point of view is my experiences with foreign girls has been so much better. Currently with a Latina girl and she is the best girl ive ever met, compared to the Irish girl I was with previous to her who only ever seemed to be negative, then german girl I was with before was real fun and just a nice girl, was irish girl before same negative nonsense.
So pretty much for me its not even comparable tbh, Ive found Irish girls to be polar opposite to Irish guys. But obviously not everyone has this experience

My experience has been similar, but then again I've met plenty of stunning Irish girls who I would have gone out with in a heartbeat and they ticked all the right boxes, but they simply weren't available or else they weren't interested. Some guys judge Irish women based solely on their experiences on nights out which are often negative.

As for the nurses being an easy lay. I thought that was only the case if you're a member of An garda siochana. I've heard numerous stories of Guards hooking up with nurses in temple bar.

Colonel Panic

My current girlfriend is Irish and nothing like that Irish woman stereotype.

I've been in relationships with women from all over the world and while I do think where a person is from shapes their outlook and attitude to life, they're still very much individuals and should be taken on that basis.

I dated a South american woman, for example, who was more passive aggressive than an Irish Mammy you'd see on a crappy RTE "comedy".

beks101

I think there's just this general thing where what is foreign is exotic and what is exotic is exciting and less mundane than the standard.

I've seen it everywhere. When I lived in Canada, the Canadian men I dated thought my accent was awesome, my bright eyes and pale skin were exotic and "all Canadian women are boring/stuck up/vain etc". I hear similar negativity about "English birds" here in the UK.

When I lived in Ireland, I was sick to the teeth of "Irish men" and how exasperatingly infuriating it was to have to wait until any man was twenty shades of gee-eyed before he hit on me and then it was drunken clumsiness and rudeness and blatant ignorance if I didn't fall into bed with said dude. I found sex with foreign guys more exciting, more open, in a very very general sense a greater willingness to talk about it and talk about their likes/dislikes and try new things without any great embarrassment or discomfort.

Then I got over myself and realized these guys grew up in an entirely different country, culture and context to what was the norm in Ireland and their attitudes towards everything was different as a result, and how could it not be? It also meant that things like humour, personality, attitude towards women weren't quite the same either and that would shape up to some wildly different experiences with the opposite sex.

H3llR4iser

Great post Beks, spot on almost everything.

Only one thing:

beks101 wrote: »

...When I lived in Ireland, I was sick to the teeth of "Irish men" and how exasperatingly infuriating it was to have to wait until any man was twenty shades of gee-eyed before he hit on me and then it was drunken clumsiness and rudeness and blatant ignorance...

Not necessary to wait on the guys to make the first step...I know many will actually feel weird and/or "scared" of a woman who takes the initiative, but those are also likely the ones you wouldn't want anyway

As for the general concept yes, most guys will always find foreign women more "approachable" or "fun", as you say it's simply a matter of them being different from what the guy grew accustomed to.

The other way around it's much more rare, as I expressed in the past (don't remember if it was here or on AH); Women, at least the ones living in their native country, prefer local guys. It's something that is partly evolutionary (local men tend to have connections, family and also a better social/economical position than an immigrant), partly due to cultural similarities and mostly due to the aura of "uncertainty" that comes with a foreign partner: one day, he might just get on a plane and disappear on the horizon.

A prerogative that, in your situation, is yours :P

Mister Vain

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Women, at least the ones living in their native country, prefer local guys. It's something that is partly evolutionary (local men tend to have connections, family and also a better social/economical position than an immigrant), partly due to cultural similarities and mostly due to the aura of "uncertainty" that comes with a foreign partner: one day, he might just get on a plane and disappear on the horizon.

I think you're right for the most part. I've spoken to a good few women about this and they said they wouldn't date foreigners, whereas you'd see a lot of Irish men with Eastern European women for example, but rarely Irish women with Eastern European men.

With regards to the approach, I would find Irish women more intimidating, at least on a night out anyway. Maybe its just because it never went well for me in past whenever I tried so maybe there is a reluctance there. As the old saying goes, A fall into a ditch makes you wiser.

Colonel Panic

Colonel Panic wrote: »

My current girlfriend is Irish and nothing like that Irish woman stereotype.

My partners are from sligo and cork - and they conform to neither the stereotypes from those locations - nor to any general Irish Stereotype for women which I have heard.

In fact I am not sure I have seen - met - or witnessed the stereotypes I often see perpetuated on this forum and After Hours about Irish women even once in my life. I half wish I might do someday just to meet such a person.

I somewhat begin to suspect that the people perpetuating them formed them from the couch with the minimal of factual or real research into - actually meeting real people. Or someone snubbed in an advance has simply built up a narrative to explain away the rejection.

And like Beks I have seen similar stereotypes in other countries - countries that people in THIS country might be stereotyping as more "fun" and approachable - yet the people of those countries are saying the same things about their locals as we say about ours - while perpetuating similar stereotypes about the Irish that some people here might about the Spanish or whatever. The grass really is always greener as they say.

And I have witnessed some of the advances on women by guys who later perpetuate such stereotypes. They claim the woma(e)n in question must have been snooty, stuck up, frigid, dry, boring, and many other things. But not being much of a drinker any more I can see the facts they were blind to - that their approach was boorish, drunken, rude, fumbled, transparently done with an agenda, unappealing and unattractive. But no - they see none of that in themselves - so the reaction of their target(s) was clearly some failure in them.

And perhaps that is one of the curses of our libido (to bring it round back on topic) - that all too many of us ruin potentially wonderful contact with other human beings by this agenda we have to get physical with those we approach.

H3llR4iser

Mister Vain wrote: »

I think you're right for the most part. I've spoken to a good few women about this and they said they wouldn't date foreigners, whereas you'd see a lot of Irish men with Eastern European women for example, but rarely Irish women with Eastern European men.

Confirmed, I did the same "research". It all stemmed from the fact that, in one specific circumstance (which is not appropriate nor permitted to discuss here) I felt I was being "snubbed" because it was clear I am a foreigner.

So I went on and asked a few Irish ladies I am friends and/or work with; I also asked a few lady friends back in Italy - they confirmed what I wrote above, especially the part where they are kinda worried the guy would just move somewhere else, leaving them high and dry.

There are exceptions, mind you: my Italian friends more or less admitted they'd overlook the "foreign" thing for an American guy, essentially because of the remote yet possible prospect of ending up in the US with him!

Mister Vain wrote: »

With regards to the approach, I would find Irish women more intimidating, at least on a night out anyway.

It's the night out thing. I am not sure if it's a sample bias (meaning it's easier to find a certain kind of person in a bar/pub/club than anywhere else) or a change of mindset, but I notice a staggering difference.

I can talk away to all the ladies at work, even the ones I have never seen before (huge office!), with no problem at all. Most, if not all of them, tend to be very nice and friendly; Same goes for some random conversation happening in the most disparate places - and many times it's the women actually keeping up the conversation past the point where I would have let it drop, and sometimes even get a bit flirty.

A few evenings ago, for example, me trying to navigate around a very good looking (Irish) girl standing between me and some cheddar in Tesco stemmed a conversation about how many types of cheese there were in the fridge. Ring on her finger (attention for details is a basic skill!!), but still a nice way to spend a couple of minutes.

Deleted User wrote: »

In fact I am not sure I have seen - met - or witnessed the stereotypes I often see perpetuated on this forum and After Hours about Irish women even once in my life. I half wish I might do someday just to meet such a person.

I somewhat begin to suspect that the people perpetuating them formed them from the couch with the minimal of factual or real research into - actually meeting real people. Or someone snubbed in an advance has simply built up a narrative to explain away the rejection.

And like Beks I have seen similar stereotypes in other countries - countries that people in THIS country might be stereotyping as more "fun" and approachable - yet the people of those countries are saying the same things about their locals as we say about ours - while perpetuating similar stereotypes about the Irish that some people here might about the Spanish or whatever. The grass really is always greener as they say.

You have people reporting their experiences, there's no way to say "it didn't happen!". As I said before, I have experienced the rude, unnecessarily offensive response a few times in Cork. Not once in Dublin if I have to be honest, but I lived there for 1 year, versus six - so it's very likely a sample bias enters the picture.

The "grass is greener" effect point, I can understand; however I can also see where the point of view of some Irish guys generate from.

Deleted User wrote: »

And I have witnessed some of the advances on women by guys who later perpetuate such stereotypes. They claim the woma(e)n in question must have been snooty, stuck up, frigid, dry, boring, and many other things. But not being much of a drinker any more I can see the facts they were blind to - that their approach was boorish, drunken, rude, fumbled, transparently done with an agenda, unappealing and unattractive. But no - they see none of that in themselves - so the reaction of their target(s) was clearly some failure in them.

This is definitely an issue. For the life of me, I don't understand why Irish people need to get plastered off their face before approaching somebody - and then expecting it to go "grand". Most guys on a night out are simply drunken messes, there's no other nice way to put it.

The flip side is that many (if not most) women tend to be beyond tipsy too, so probably what would have been a "no, thanks anyway!" becomes "Fkuc off!", a drink thrown or just a childish "running away" skit.

Unfortunately, alcohol is and will be the pivotal point of a lot of interaction around here...

Deleted User wrote: »

And perhaps that is one of the curses of our libido (to bring it round back on topic) - that all too many of us ruin potentially wonderful contact with other human beings by this agenda we have to get physical with those we approach.

I am about 50% on this; For example, I worked in a few places where there was barely any conversation at all going between ladies and gents; It essentially looked like primary school, boys on one side and girls on the other. This happened mostly because almost everyone was engaged/married and therefore had no interest in the men/women around. Silly beyond any description.

However if you are on a night out, it would be a bit odd to go through the trouble to talk over the music, stand the friend's disapproving stares and so on if you weren't at least a bit attracted by the person in question. As I see it, different situations and environments, different approaches.

ancapailldorcha

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