I ruined our day out today

LegacyUser

Not sure why am I posting this here but I don't have anyone to talk to so that's maybe enough of a reason. My wife and I are married 10 years now, with three kids and life is pretty good generally between us with the normal ups and downs and we both still love each other.

We were having a family day out today, kids were off school and we had decided to go to the children's museum imaginosity place. My wife was feeling a bit nauseous and maybe we should have cancelled the trip but we went in any case. I was a bit stressed out driving and my wife was giving me a hard time about picking the wrong route ( I have a crap sense of direction so I was going the way I knew even if it was 5 mins longer than the way she would go) The traffic was brutal and I was getting pissed off with the tutting etc from the seat next to me. I took a wrong turn and had to turn around which caused more caustic comments and I pulled into a gated entrance of an apartment block to let traffic pass so I could do a u-turn. A car then proceeded to come out of the apartment entrance, I got given out to again, and in a fit of rage I told my wife to "f*ck off you f*cking stupid b*tch" in front of our kids aged 7, 6 and 2 in the car and went on a bit of a rant.
I have a bit of a temper on me as does my wife but normally we get on good.

Obviously the rest of the day has been a complete nightmare, I have apologised 5 or 6 times but my wife feels that a line has been crossed (I know it has) and that in her own family she never heard her own dad talk to her mum like that etc, and she feels I have no respect for her after doing this and I have given terrible example to the kids as to how to treat your partner/ loved ones.

I feel really bad about what happened, and I know the above sounds pretty pathetic as there is no excuse for speaking to a loved one in this way (esp on what was supposed to be a nice family day which was ruined) and worst of all the looks I got from my kids conveyed a lot more than words could say especially from the oldest guy. Hopefully things will get better tomorrow once everyone has had a chance to sleep on things but I think this is going to take a bit of making up. We have barely spoken since this incident today and she is not accepting my apology. I don't blame her. She was crying coming home in the car and said I was knocking the confidence out of her.

Has anyone ever gone to anger management classes?

Big Bag of Chips

Look, we can all snap in high pressure situations. It sounds like you were in a stressful situation but your wife wasn't helping matters. She was niggling at you the entire time and then acts all wounded when you snapped.

You shouldn't have said what you said. Especially not in front of your children. But it's done. Your wife needs to be a little more grown up and accept her part in adding to the stress levels in the car and apologise for her behaviour towards you. That's probably not going to happen though.

I would sit down with your children today and apologise to them. Tell them you were wrong to say what you did, and you're very sorry if you upset them. Explain that everybody gets angry sometimes and says things they shouldn't or that they don't mean.

And for now I would steer clear of your wife! Just let the dust settle for a while and see what happens. She might thaw out soon enough. You were wrong, no doubt. But she's not totally blameless either.

Into The Blue

Blame.. Excuses.. I wouldn't even think that way tbh, you over reacted.

Yeah she was acting the dickhead, but a response such as yours is your thing to deal with.

Forget about anger management classes, that's you just looking for an easy fix to show her.

I think the best thing here is to give her time to sulk, and then apologise when she's ready to hear it.

But please don't bring up her actions prior to your outburst.


Edit: I'm speaking from experience here btw it's not nice, espically how you feel about yourself

Stavro Mueller

I think the apology to your kids is a great idea. For their sakes though, you and your wife also need to patch things up. They'll have noticed things are fraught at home. While you were in the wrong with what you said, your wife also needs to accept she had a part to play in your meltdown.

strobe

Look what you did wasn't OK. But you know that. You've apologised to your kids. You've apologised to to your wife 5 or 6 times. From what you say it sounds like this was pretty much a once off. Was your wife's behaviour leading up to it also a once off? Is she normally sound but just went completely mental that day and started acting like a gigantic bitch as a once off?

You can't keep poking a dog in the eye repeatedly and then cry and sulk when it bites your hand.

You've apologised, repeatedly. She's an adult. Stop apologising and let her come to you when she's ready. But afterwards I think you really need to sit her down when you have time to talk properly, and have things out a little bit. Her behaviour isn't acceptable and shouldn't be glossed over because she cried when you finally reacted to it.

glued

Sounds like your wife was being completely unreasonable and you overreacted. You're both completely wrong. Sounds like she was in a terrible humour and as the above poster said you can't keep poking someone or they will react eventually.

ellie1

Agree with other posters. Apologise to your children. And maybe sit down with your wife and discuss your family days out and go places where it's easier to get to and causes less stress for either of you.

I never understand why people take their children to hyped up places and indeed to shopping centres. I don't like shopping centres when they are busy and full of children crying or looking for entertainment and bored looking dads. I think they promote a buying culture and materialism. I understand if kids are very small and you are a single parent. But Why don't parents go shopping when their kids are in school or why does one parent not take the kids to the park. Surely, as I remember from my own childhood, children entertain each other and can come up with all kinds of fun and creative ideas all on their own. Building dens, pretending to be adventurers , collecting cookers and feeding the ducks. There are free hills, mountains, beaches and parks all over ireland , why go to these over priced , over crowded places where traffic and parking are awful, I would definitely be stressed before I even got there.

zeffabelli

You don't need anger management.... please.....

You snapped after a lot of backseat driving and in a stressful circumstance.

I also get lost easily and I need to be able to focus behind a wheel. I have pulled over and asked another adult in the car, or even my own child to ask them please stop....stop....you are distracting the driver...which is well acknowledged as a contributing factor to accidents.

I don't see this as the end of the world and you did apologise, and you know the affect you had on your kids....I'd say all of us have seen our parents lose it at one point or another, in a way it's good that they can see our limits.

Your wife practises what I have seen a million times....a gentle terrorism... where everyone is under the strictures of a certain sensitivity. You apoliged...she can't punish you forever.

milli milli

Your outburst suggests that maybe this is a constant thing in your relationship? Does she nag you repeatedly?

It doesn't really sound like something you'd say after a bout of nagging in the car - it sounds like it may have been brewing for awhile and the car incident was what tipped you over?

Whatever about that OP your wife sounds like a nightmare. Constant nagging at you about your driving. I don't have time for this behaviour. If your driving was so bad, why didn't she drive?

I see this kind of thing in public a bit - wives berating their husbands. It's so embarrassing and emasculating for the men.
I know the incident happened in your private car, but still in front of your children wasn't nice.

Your wife is no angel and she contributed to the incident and as for the sulking - she needs to grow up.
Sorry if that's harsh, but you don't act like a bitch and expect no consequences for your behaviour.

TheBeardedLady

As someone who "suffers" from a really awful sense of direction and gets very flustered when I feel under pressure in situations like the one you've outlined, I understand why you said what you did. Yes, the words you used in the heat of the moment weren't the best choice but your wife has to take her share of the blame too. We've all said stupid, hurtful things we didn't mean in high-stress moments but as long as the relationship is generally solid and loving, you can move on from this.

As others have said, let the dusk settle and apologise again. Sit your kids down and explain to them that you love their mam, you lost the plot for a moment and you didn't mean what you said. Bite your tongue the next time, OP or take a deep breath and count to 10 (that's what I do).

Give yourself a break though, OP; your only human and we all make mistakes and you sound like a good husband and father besides.

Lux23

I think what you need to do is sit down with your kids and your wife to apologise to them both and explain to the kids that talking to loved ones in that way is hurtful.

But why didn't you take the kids out yourself and let your wife stay at home, I know family days are important, but your wife might have needed a bit of space.

HelgaWard

Your wife is probably fed up with you taking ages driving places the wrong way and huffing and puffing with agitation because you know yourself you are fecking it up. It was a planned day out, you knew where you were driving to and from in advance, why not spend 10 minutes on google maps planning your route and use street view to familiarize yourself with the route. That way you get in the car knowing exactly where you are going, which equals a stress free trip from A to B. Having a bad sense of direction is not an excuse, it is just even more of a reason to plan in advance. Why should the whole family have to put up with your stress in the car because you don't bother thinking and planning ahead to make it easier for everyone. Your wife was probably pissed off from a culmination of years of you not preparing properly and stressing the whole family out during what is supposed to be a nice day out.
Apologise again to your wife and plan your routes in the future, that way you can avoid these situations in the future. If your wife knows you have planned and organised things she'll have no reason to get annoyed or nag.

Virgil°

HelgaWard wrote: »

Your wife is probably fed up with you taking ages driving places the wrong way and huffing and puffing with agitation because you know yourself you are fecking it up. It was a planned day out, you knew where you were driving to and from in advance, why not spend 10 minutes on google maps planning your route and use street view to familiarize yourself with the route. That way you get in the car knowing exactly where you are going, which equals a stress free trip from A to B. Having a bad sense of direction is not an excuse, it is just even more of a reason to plan in advance. Why should the whole family have to put up with your stress in the car because you don't bother thinking and planning ahead to make it easier for everyone. Your wife was probably pissed off from a culmination of years of you not preparing properly and stressing the whole family out during what is supposed to be a nice day out.
Apologise again to your wife and plan your routes in the future, that way you can avoid these situations in the future. If your wife knows you have planned and organised things she'll have no reason to get annoyed or nag.

Years of not preparing properly? Where in the OPs post did you read that?
I don't think I've ever read such a biased piece of tripe, ever, as i did in this post. Pay no heed to this rubbish OP.

You did wrong OP, your reaction was well over the line. But you know that. Your wife needs to stop acting like a child. Both in her petulant behaviour on the trip there and also in her reaction to your outburst.
I wouldn't apologise to her again. Let things cool off and then have a frank discussion about what happened in the car and how situations like this could be avoided in the future. Accept your part of the blame in creating it but don't accept it all.

zeffabelli

Fact of life: FAMILIES FIGHT IN THE CAR.

MissFlitworth

You can't snap at someone like that, that's not on and you get that. But you also can't tut at and make caustic comments and then give out to someone who's driving, knowing that they're stressed out and that heavy traffic is stressful, and expect them just to suck it up and 'Yes, dear, of course, dear' you. Neither of you covered yourself in glory yesterday, she just messed up in a way that wasn't as obvious to your kids. I wonder some times if people who are constant back seat drivers, and really, really aggravating back seat drivers when they enter their 'giving out' phase understand just how annoying they're being.

So you shouldn't have lost it, your wife shouldn't have goaded you. You both need to talk to each other once you've all calmed down a bit. As in, she needs to say her part without you interrupting and you need to say your part without her interrupting and see it from each others point of view. It sounds like your wife thinks she's entirely innocent in this and if she can't see that what she's doing isn't particularly nice she's not going to stop doing it.

Dark Phoenix

Apologise to your kids as your right its not something that should be said in front of them and its horrible for kids to hear their parents fighting I had a that loads as a kid and I hated it.

You already apologised to your wife several times. To be honest her behaviour sounds head melting and I wouldnt blame you for snapping - I'd have probably dont the same as being nagged at drives me demented. That sort of passive behaviour is designed to make you explode and then of course when you do you are the bad guy and she looks like the victim. I'd argue her nagging and tutting at you and sighing is also disrespectful as it makes you look like a moron in front of your kids which isnt fair either.

Its hard enough finding somewhere if you haven't a good sense of direction (Some people just don't regardless of having a route planned or a map) and theres nothing less helpful than someone sat in passenger seat making comments and putting you under more pressure. I'd suggest that next time either your wife drives herself (and you can critique her driving) or she learns to relax when someone else is driving - from where you said you were going - what was the mad rush to get there anyway ?

kylith

I can't add anything to the great advice you've gotten except to say; invest in a sat-nav. It's a relationship saver on long journeys.

Rekop dog

I think while your reaction was obviously over the top, your wife's constant undermining of you in the car was worse than a couple of swear words.

She probably plays on your weakness and will pretend to be overly affected by this to just have a hold over you. She already has you so guilty about this that it's completely blown out of proportion in your head. Don't apologies anymore.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies. I did speak to my two older kids yesterday evening (the two year old was asleep and too young to understand anyway) to apologise to them and to let them know what I did was wrong (in terms of how I had spoke to their mother) and that I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will take the comments re the sat nav on board, I am completely reliant on Google maps most of the time but I just thought I knew where I was going yesterday... I won't make that mistake again. Look I might just get her a bunch of flowers at lunchtime as a peace gesture and leave it at that, she did accept that she had contributed to the situation yesterday but felt I completely overreacted (which I accept I did) so she knows I feel bad so maybe that's that.

LegacyUser

OP driving in traffic with kids and getting lost = stressful, add to that back street driving whinge moan in the back ground and it gets double stressed. You blew a fuse fair enough there's no need to go anger management classes. Seriously you could have phrased a bit better but its done so there's no point in beating yourself up about it. You have apologised and if she wants to sulk well let her sulk. Parents

Next time she is back street driving pull over and tell her to get the bus or let her do the driving. There is nothing more annoying than a back street driver, I think they are worse than having a car of screaming kids!

DukeOfTheSharp

You snapped. It happens. While it's not ideal, I've witnessed those situations and it's always telling when the partner acts with no regard for the other's feelings. She basically decided to add stress on top of stress and make you feel worse for no other reason than she was being vindictive. You'll find with very immature people, people who lack empathy, that they enjoy criticism but hate receiving it. If the roles were reversed, she'd attempt to justify her reaction. Stop apologising and simply state that if there's anymore family trips (trust me when I say you should avoid these, the children hate them, the parents hate them, simplicity will save you all mental scars) they're to easy-to-access, straightforward locations. Have your wife use google maps to plot it, then check on your own and use street view to get a general sense of landmarks.

Also, sit her down and tell her in no uncertain terms that you won't tolerate that behaviour again. It's unhelpful, immature and the children suffer due to her, quite frankly ridiculous, need to feel superior. If she feels like she can do a better job, she drives, but you're not chaperoning just to have her moan and complain and criticise, that's not love. Wait for things to settle, but the only 'line' that's been crossed in the one between accepting her nonsense and no longer accepting it. She knows this, will try to make you feel bad, and you simply need to ignore that. Changes in negative dynamics - especially for those driving said dynamics - are difficult, mostly because the one person causing the hassle realises that they've lost control. Keep in mind that you're equal partners who should be helping each other in you weak spots, such as your sense of direction. If she's not willing to help, she needs to shut her mouth, it's that simple.

silverfeather

We all snap. Apologize to your children..what's important is that they know it's not a true picture of what you feel for them and for their mother.

Infact what might be good is if you and your wife apologize IN FRONT of your kids both to each other. I think it's frightening for children to see parents fight. And it's reassuring for them to see you both love each other. Explain that mom and dad are human and you really love each other and of course them.

You should NEVER have spoken to your wife like that ..and ESPECIALLY NOT in front of your children.
You need to relax and chill ...some anger management would be cool. And the wife ....she needs to chill too. Perhaps her nagging is her way of expressing anger. You both could work on that. Anger scares kids.

To be honest you should try not to swear in front of your children at all.


You should explain to your children that you respect their mother. And you never want to hear them speaking like that. And you are not going to do it again.

Remember .kids love both mom and dad. They don't like when one hurts the other ...either mom or dad.

nikkibikki

Look at it this way OP, your kids shouldn't have to hear you speak to their Mam like that. They also shouldn't have to listen to her undermine you like that.

You've apologised and recognised you completely over reacted. Chalk it down to a lesson learned. Don't let it build up in future to such a boiling point where you might snap. If such a situation arises in the future, just gently say something along the lines of "I really need to focus on the road here love so we don't get any more lost!"

shaymus27

Hi OP,

Welcome to the club of couples or married couples who have needled each other about the other's driving and had a falling out of some sort. Based on my experience I think everyone I know has had some sort of row about what one person said to another about their driving.

Obviously your reaction wasn't correct but constant needling isn't either.

If your wife needles you repeatedly again while you are driving in a stressful situation, you should start crying and tell her to drive because you are so upset. I have found men often put up with a lot of needling from women and then have an inappropriate go back and then they are the bad guy. Cry next time and let your wife be the bad guy and she can apologise to the kids for making you cry.

Big Bag of Chip's advice earlier is very good.

Successful relationships depend on how you deal with the things that go wrong rather than being able to make things go right all the time, as that is impossible. Make sure not to let rows come between you long-term as it's impossible to avoid some sort of disagreement. Flowers and a thoughtful present wouldn't hurt.

njs030

While I agree that the children shouldn't be exposed to swearing and sudden temper snaps, I would be more concerned about the nagging and tutting they were also watching.
Is it a common thing op? Watching their mother constantly undermine their father teaches them you don't need to be respected, that it's an acceptable way to speak to you, and how wives speak to husbands. That could have big repercussions as they get older and start pushing the boundaries.

Unless it was a one off incident perhaps your wife needs to be more respectful in front of the children and not treat you like an idiot.

zeffabelli

I tend to think your kids seeing your outburst was good. It shows them you have your limits.

Ultimately you were establishing boundaries and I don't think it's bad kids see this.

They might have been a little shocked but that's not the end of the world.

Edited to add: I think we are in an era that fetishises childhood....the current generations will be the most protected and helicoptered in history....while too much exposure to conflict is no good....I can't be confident that over protecting them from it is that great either, otherise how do they learn to resolve it or see two adults working it through?

While your response was not ideal, it was certainly understandable....maybe a better thing to say was "I REALLY REALLY NEED YOU TO STOP. I HAVE TO FOCUS ON THE ROAD!"

arayess

zeffabelli wrote: »

I tend to think your kids seeing your outburst was good. It shows them you have your limits.

Ultimately you were establishing boundaries and I don't think it's bad kids see this.

They might have been a little shocked but that's not the end of the world.

i 100% agree - some of the advice here is bewildering as if children are some precious flowers who should be kept in the dark about people, life and in this case couples rowing.
It's good that they see the ups and downs of relationships as it prepares them for relationships in the future.
Obviously there are limits - it's not good to see constant rows but the occasional one won't do them any harm.
Swearing is never a great thing but it's hardly crime of the century.
If anything I think your wife was more at fault and she owes you an apology.
You apologising to her has only reinforced in her mind that her behaviour is ok.

MadDog76

Why do women think that if/when they cry it automatically makes them right or the victim?
My wife has tried that one on in the past but I'll call her out on it ...........

Tigger99

MadDog76 wrote: »

Why do women think that if/when they cry it automatically makes them right or the victim?
My wife has tried that one on in the past but I'll call her out on it ...........

Some women do it, not all. I cry when I'm upset and never assume it'll 'win' an argument for me.

Jesus Wept

Is this typical behavior from your wife? She doesn't sound very nice. A satnav is unlikely to resolve the situation. Hope things pick up for you OP

shaymus27

MadDog76 wrote: »

Why do women think that if/when they cry it automatically makes them right or the victim?
My wife has tried that one on in the past but I'll call her out on it ...........

It's not just some women in personal relationships. I have encountered women bullies in the workplace who everyone allows a free reign for an easy life. Some even side with them so the women bullies won't pick on them. When you stand up to them they cry, and all people see is a woman crying and automatically blame the male. In fact, some will side with the woman bully because they know the woman bully might turn on them later whereas the victim of the woman bully won't.

Some women use tone of voice to be nasty. They don't say anything overtly offensive language-wise but use angry and hostile ways of saying things that on the surface may not seem offensive, but the way it is said it is intended to be hurtful.

The Op's wife I'm sure is not a bad person and on the day didn't use bad language and wasn't obviously nasty but on-going unnecessary digs and needles is hurtful also.

Men tend to let stuff accumulate then explode and look bad and sometimes the behaviour of women who make on-going digs which can be just as hurtful, doesn't get acknowledged for being as unfair as it is.

I would recommend flowers and a present. Sometimes when someone is in the wrong it is still nice to give flowers and a present and allow them the chance to appreciate you not looking for blood because of their mistake. If they have any love for you it will help them appreciate how nice you are and help them remember how much they love you when the daily grind of life and inevitable arguments makes them forget temporarily sometimes.

dudara

A small side question from me - why did you drive? You say that your wife would have taken a more direct route. Would she have been more capable of getting you there, and perhaps felt frustrated by your driving? It can be hard for men to hand over the driving to women.

Either way, she knowingly added fuel to the fire. It's like picking at a partially-healed scab, eventually it's going to come off. You both need to apologise to each other and acknowledge what triggers both of you to pick at the other.

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

A small side question from me - why did you drive? You say that your wife would have taken a more direct route. Would she have been more capable of getting you there, and perhaps felt frustrated by your driving? It can be hard for men to hand over the driving to women.

............

With all due respect, that is an irrelevant question. Raking over who drove is not useful.

dudara

It may seem irrelevant, but it could be a typical trigger of this kind of discontent. The OP and wife need to look at what triggers this kind of behaviour between them.

MadDog76

dudara wrote: »

A small side question from me - why did you drive? You say that your wife would have taken a more direct route. Would she have been more capable of getting you there, and perhaps felt frustrated by your driving? It can be hard for men to hand over the driving to women.

Either way, she knowingly added fuel to the fire. It's like picking at a partially-healed scab, eventually it's going to come off. You both need to apologise to each other and acknowledge what triggers both of you to pick at the other.

I would assume it was because his wife wasn't feeling well? They even contemplated cancelling the trip because of her feeling unwell .........

MadDog76

dudara wrote: »

It may seem irrelevant, but it could be a typical trigger of this kind of discontent. The OP and wife need to look at what triggers this kind of behaviour between them.

This kind of "behaviour" is quite normal with couples actually .......... women nag, men explode ......... couples argue due to financial worries, sleep deprivation, tension over who does (and doesn't do) what in the house, annoying habits etc. but the actual trigger could be something as simple as "did you put an empty milk carton back in the fridge!?!".

shaymus27

MadDog76 wrote: »

This kind of "behaviour" is quite normal with couples actually .......... women nag, men explode ......... couples argue due to financial worries, sleep deprivation, tension over who does (and doesn't do) what in the house, annoying habits etc. but the actual trigger could be something as simple as "did you put an empty milk carton back in the fridge!?!".

I believe leaving the toilet seat up has been cited as cruel and unusual treatment of a spouse in many divorces.

Teyla Emmagan

I seem to be the only one but I think the language you used to your wife was appalling OP. Fit of temper or not. I don't think it's a good thing that such words came so easily to your mouth when you spoke to her. And I think it's horrific you said that in front of your kids.

I know I am days late weighing in on this one but I read your thread during the week and that's the first thing I thought. No matter how angry we get there should be certain words we're not able to say to the people we love. No matter how annoying they are being. I think that's a shocking way to speak to anyone, never mind the mother of your kids.

Nervous Wreck

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I seem to be the only one but I think the language you used to your wife was appalling OP. Fit of temper or not. I don't think it's a good thing that such words came so easily to your mouth when you spoke to her. And I think it's horrific you said that in front of your kids.

I know I am days late weighing in on this one but I read your thread during the week and that's the first thing I thought. No matter how angry we get there should be certain words we're not able to say to the people we love. No matter how annoying they are being. I think that's a shocking way to speak to anyone, never mind the mother of your kids.

You're not the only one who thinks that but it's completely irrelevant. The OP has taken ownership of his behaviour, admitted that there was no excuse, shown remorse and enquired about information on Anger Management classes. Judgement of the act, in light of all this, is not a productive route for the thread to go down, so most people haven't bothered.

Stavro Mueller

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I seem to be the only one but I think the language you used to your wife was appalling OP. Fit of temper or not. I don't think it's a good thing that such words came so easily to your mouth when you spoke to her. And I think it's horrific you said that in front of your kids.

I think there's a good reason why most people haven't savaged the OP and it's this. Most of us have been in his shoes in some shape or another. We've felt that red mist descend.

It happened to me last year. I was so angry all I wanted to do was scream abuse and hand over the keys (you f----g drive!). The only thing that stopped me going postal in the car was self-preservation. I knew the car journey back home later on would've been horrible if I lost it and that was what stopped me.

OP, I hope everything's back to normal now. It was hard for your kids to sit through what happened in that car but you and your wife owe it to them to get their home life back to normal again. Kids aren't stupid and they'll have picked up on the fraught air at home.

skallywag

Don't beat yourself up too badly OP, you certainly made a mistake but it sounds like you have learned a lot from it already. I don't think anger management is required as long as this remains an isolated incident. Concerning your wife, it certainly sounds to me that she is determined to get as much mileage out of it as possible.

homerjay2005

i think alot of men would have reacted like that at some stage, there is only so much grief one can take before telling somebody for f off!

i dont think you crossed the line and she sounds like she is manipulating you and being a drama queen. stop grovelling and tell her either she can grow up or your lives are about to get more difficult.

you apologised, youve nothing to feel guilty about - she is making it into a bigger story than needs be.

deisemum

I think your wife's behaviour was worse than yours. Her nagging and tutting was bang out of order and a very bad example of how to behave in front of your children. That sort of nagging and tutting is very distracting and could have distracted you enough that you could have ended up in an accident especially when it was a bit stressful. She certainly wasn't thinking of your childrens wellbeing. You've apologised but once is enough to apologise to her, she's certainly milking it and tbh she's being manipulative. Your childrens reaction just confirms that your own behaviour was a one off.

I also think it's very important that when you do or say something wrong that children learn that no one is perfect and we can all make mistakes and use the opportunity to teach them the importance of apologising too.

LegacyUser

Glad to report that things are back to normal in our house. My wife was a bit under the weather with a bug on the day and evening before we went on this trip and looking back on things we just shouldn't have gone full stop, lesson learned number 1. Things are tough enough minding three small boys in the whole of your health never mind when you are a bit sick and out of your normal environment. My wife came to me a couple of days later to apologize about how she behaved on the day- direct quote "sorry for being a complete b*tch the other day, I really was feeling lousy" and in fairness to her she is ordinarily very easy to live with and we get on well, and typically doesn't back seat drive in the normal run of things. I apologized again for the language used and we have just closed the book on that one.

I am going to try to take some of the tips on board here as regards being more proactive in terms of route planning and maybe looking to try a less combative phrase as suggested "can you please stop - I need to focus on the road" type language focusing on the task in hand rather than lashing out (verbally) if this happens again or when in a stressful scenario in the future.

Thanks for the good advice people. It's interesting to me the different takes that people can have on a situation. I might post here sometime under my normal boards name.