don't like my friends anymore

LegacyUser

Hi guys slowly since I became pregnant and had my baby , I find I really don't have that much in common with my friends any more . I don't drink or smoke etc.. and don't enjoy going to nightclubs every weekend . I just find that everyone of them are too much into getting drunk, its like everything they do it as to involve drink. when we do meet up there is nothing to talk about but awkward silences and just talk of old drinking memories

they go out to town every weekend to get drunk , find a guy to sleep with and then laugh about it , I did find it funny 2 years ago but since I have had my baby and been with my boyfriend I just don't enjoy being around them and they never use contraception I remember when we did go out an if they wanted to sleep with someone I would have to force a condom into their purse I feel like a snob by not being around them or joining them for drinks but they don't make an effort to visit me either only getting in contact if they have no one to drink with .

I think I should find new friends but I am shy and can't make small talk hate it , I just want to have friends I have stuff in common with

Lollipops23

nofriends wrote: »

I think I should find new friends but I am shy and can't make small talk hate it , I just want to have friends I have stuff in common with

It sounds like you're all just at different points in your lives. It happens, particularly in your 20s, when some start settling down in relationships and having babies.

Would you maybe look into mother and baby groups in your area? It might help to meet other young mums in your area, could be supportive. Maybe look into taking up a new hobby, something just for you? It can be hard to make new friends when you're older, but certainly not impossible. Some of my best mates are people I only met 5 years ago

hoodwinked

i was the same as you, i had what i would have called my friends, we went out drinking almost every night of the week, then i stopped drinking (for health reasons), then i met my now husband and had our daughter and after that the girls "dropped" me.

when i had our daughter only two of the gang congratulated us, the same two came to our wedding and will communicate with me and i them to this day but we still have nothing in common unless i go out with them which isn't possible these days

i felt so lonely and like it was all my fault somehow for being a bad friend to them,

then i realised i was never going to make friends sitting at home with my baby doing nothing, it wasn't good for me or her, so i got pro active about it, i started taking her out to local parks, play area's..etc i forced myself to get talking to other parents, other people, and from these outings it led me to do other things which led me into meeting the two people i would now call my best friends, one has a child so she get's the whole 'parenting' thing, and the other doesn't but unlike my former "Friends" we actually hang out, talk, do things that don't revolve around alcohol.

we are coming into the good weather months, so it's an excellent time to get out there and make new friends, it may not happen immediately so try not to get disheartened if it takes time, you never know when you'll meet that friend you click with, but if you stay home and do nothing you are making it a lot harder to meet them, you need to put yourself out there, it's hard but it's worth it if it works right?

bjork

You are at different stages in your lives with different priorities


Do you not find it ironic your giving out about their contraceptive use when your the one with the baby?

LegacyUser

I don't have children myself but I have friends with babies and small children.
I am older than you but I still keep in contact with these friends.
I realised that they can't go drinking on a Saturday night but instead I meet them for a meal/coffee and a chat during the day. I kept these people as friends as we both made the effort to do this.
The reality is that you have moved to a different stage in your life. Your so called friends are making no effort to keep in contact with you.

I would look into get involved in a local mother and baby group. It will help you meet other mothers who you may have more things in common with. See if your local pool has a water babies class where mothers bring there babies to get use to the water. If you have some baby weight to lose why not join a slimming class. I joined a slimming class a few months ago & have made a few new friends. After the summer holidays see what classes or course are on the local vec. This will get you out of the house 1 or 2 nights a week and widen your social circle. I would follow the advice of the previous posts here also.
Yes it is hard to push yourself but making some effort will help you make some new friends who you have more in common with.

strobe

No offense, or anything, but they probably had condoms already when you were 'trying to force them into their purse', or wouldn't have slept with a guy if he didn't (and 99% of guys will)? wasn't the case, well it's their decision... Any chance you've tried to adopt a 'Mammy role' since you've happened to get pregnant and they just find it a little silly/annoying? Seeing as you are the same age as them, and just as (im)mature as them, but you just happen to have gotten pregnant, they don't really appreciate the mammying? Maybe it's intensified a little from your original ignorable mammying since you've had a child?

I've seen that before.

Maybe this doesn't apply to your situation, but in the situation I've seen, the girl very much seemed to think she was suddenly more mature than all her friends, on account of she'd given birth, and it really grated on them understandably, as she really really wasn't. She just had a baby, and was the same girl, but now she knew better, cause she had been impregnated and given birth.

Maybe it doesn't apply to your situation, but just throwing it out there in case it might help.

grumpynerd

nofriends wrote: »

Hi guys slowly since I became pregnant and had my baby , I find I really don't have that much in common with my friends any more . I don't drink or smoke etc.. and don't enjoy going to nightclubs every weekend . I just find that everyone of them are too much into getting drunk, its like everything they do it as to involve drink. when we do meet up there is nothing to talk about but awkward silences and just talk of old drinking memories

they go out to town every weekend to get drunk , find a guy to sleep with and then laugh about it , I did find it funny 2 years ago but since I have had my baby and been with my boyfriend I just don't enjoy being around them and they never use contraception I remember when we did go out an if they wanted to sleep with someone I would have to force a condom into their purse I feel like a snob by not being around them or joining them for drinks but they don't make an effort to visit me either only getting in contact if they have no one to drink with .

I think I should find new friends but I am shy and can't make small talk hate it , I just want to have friends I have stuff in common with

A: nature programs women to become focused on maternal things. Singletons have other genetic and hormonal pressures.

B: we all change our circles maybe 3 times over a lifespan.

Natural process. Dont fret.

the_syco

nofriends wrote: »

since I have had my baby and been with my boyfriend I just don't enjoy being around them and they never use contraception

It seems their lifestyle of not caring about anyone or themselves has gotten to you.

Walk away from the group, and see who follows. Some will keep in touch, some won't. As for making new friends, consider baby groups. Most community centres will have some sort of mother-baby group.

Paddy Cow

strobe wrote: »

No offense, or anything, but they probably had condoms already when you were 'trying to force them into their purse', or wouldn't have slept with a guy if he didn't (and 99% of guys will)? wasn't the case, well it's their decision... Any chance you've tried to adopt a 'Mammy role' since you've happened to get pregnant and they just find it a little silly/annoying? Seeing as you are the same age as them, and just as (im)mature as them, but you just happen to have gotten pregnant, they don't really appreciate the mammying? Maybe it's intensified a little from your original ignorable mammying since you've had a child?

I've seen that before.

Maybe this doesn't apply to your situation, but in the situation I've seen, the girl very much seemed to think she was suddenly more mature than all her friends, on account of she'd given birth, and it really grated on them understandably, as she really really wasn't. She just had a baby, and was the same girl, but now she knew better, cause she had been impregnated and given birth.

Maybe it doesn't apply to your situation, but just throwing it out there in case it might help.

^^^^^ In the op's defense, she said she was handing out condoms two years ago, when she herself was carefree. Getting pregnant with your boyfriend is very different to getting pregnant with one night of fun, something her friends seem too immature to grasp.

Op you are at a different stage of life now than your friends. They are still in the party mode and you are in Mammy mode. You seem happy with motherhood and your friends aren't suddenly going to change.

As other posters have suggested, you will probably make friends who are more on your wavelength if you join Mother and baby groups. You can still have a social life without going out and getting hammered every weekend.

R.D. aka MR.D

Make more friends who are mothers.

Unfortunately, it's very difficult to maintain friendships when such a life changing thing changes you. You're a mammy now and have different priorities. Find friends who you have things in common with and stop judging your old friends because they are still free and single.

strobe

Paddy Cow wrote: »

^^^^^ In the op's defense, she said she was handing out condoms two years ago, when she herself was carefree. Getting pregnant with your boyfriend is very different to getting pregnant with one night of fun, something her friends seem too immature to grasp.

Yes I know, that was my point, sounds like the OP has always tried to play 'the mother hen' to her friends, and now that she's an actual mother technically, it's possible she's gotten 'worse'. That happens sometimes, is all I'm saying. Her friends are adults, if she ditches them and finds new ones they will be adults too, and will be just as unlikely to want a surrogate mother that will look down on them and tut tut over their decisions.

And her friends don't seem to have gotten pregnant, with a boyfriend or anyone else? Unless the OP follows them each round 24/7 handing out contraception, it's probably not her doing.