Feeling Quite Unhappy

LegacyUser

I know they always say if you compare yourself to other people you'll always come up short but when you're bombarded with information about other people's lives on a daily basis it can hard not to sometimes.

I feel like each year of my life gets a little bit worse, I lose a few more friends and it gets harder and harder to make new ones. I find it so difficult to connect with people; small talk is impossible, I haven't much to talk about since I don't get up to much, I just seem to be a different specie to people and I'm so tired of pretending to be happy.

I can count how many friends I have on one hand and some of them don't even live in the same county/country as me. I've been studying for exams for the last few weeks and like anyone I'd rather be doing anything else but it's only when I finish for the day that I realise I have nothing else to do. What's the point of working hard if there is literally nothing to look forward to at the end of the day? What's the point of getting up everyday and battling through everything for nothing? I don't know how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

This weekend has been particularly hard, everyone has been posting loads of photos on FB detailing all the adventures they've been on and I haven't even left the house.

I had a lot of dark thoughts lately and every time it happens I try to think of things to do to get me out of this situation. I go online and try to find things to do but then I start thinking that it takes years to establish a friendship and how come other people don't have to do this, I get so demotivated.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, I just wanted to share with someone I didn't know so I didn't feel like a burden or someone who's just whining.

Thanks for reading

pookie82

Posts like the one you've just written abound on Boards, so one thing's for sure, you are NOT the only one who feels like this.

Social media will be the death of personal contentment. I heard a good saying which summed it up once: stop comparing your everyday to other people's highlights. That's what you see on social media - highlights! I don't post when I'm sitting around in my pyjamas with the fear on a Sunday night, dreading work; I don't post when I'm stressed out about having lost touch with a friend or worried about something; I just post when I'm on a night out/holiday/weekend away and have taken photos as memories of that.

Likewise, I've been on pretty tame nights out before where the few photos taken make it look like it was a wild one and I was having the time of my life, when in reality I was bored by midnight and at home with a chipper.

What you're seeing on facebook/twitter/instagram is usually NOT a true or whole reflection of other people's lives. Not by a long shot. So please log off and stop comparing yourself to them.

It doesn't necessarily take years to establish a close friendship. On the contrary, people I've met in the last two years are now closer to me than some of my lifelong friends, by virtue of living in the same city and sharing the same interests and being more on a par with where my life is at now. Sure old friends are lovely, but it's NEVER too late to build lasting, true friendships with new people.

What's your living situation like? Are you based rurally or in a city? There are websites like meetup.com which I hear are good for reaching out to others in your area to make new friends. There's nothing "romantic" about it to the best of my knowledge.

You mention you're studying ... when you finish, think about where you'd like to work and be based, perhaps lots of new doors will open for you once you're in a workplace. Studying can be extremely isolating.

It might be an idea to have a chat to your GP if the thoughts start to overwhelm you. There's lots of support out there for you when you don't feel like the best version of yourself.

Don't give up. Life is short and for living, but you need to stop watching others and just work to improve your own.

orthsquel

I've felt what you feel and it doesn't last forever. Things can change if you allow yourself them to change.

By the tone of your post I think you should have a chat with your GP (even in college if there is one) and talk to them about what you are feeling.

Other people's lives are no where near to what they are cracked up to be. Especially when seen through the skewed view of facebook or other social networking sites. It's easy to think someone is the most popular or well liked with their 200 or 2000 friends, but most likely if you looked at who wished them a happy birthday for example, only a fraction of that did, and out of that only a mere handful would be those who would regularly have contact with them. Social networks are a world where all the acquaintances, colleagues, fellow students, neighbours, family, the woman in the shop, man in the bakery and everyone else in between is called a "friend" when most really wouldn't be what we would define as a friend, i.e. someone we spend real meaningful time with, talk to and with, can turn to, would stand by, have a laugh with, cry with, etc. So it's really not worth comparing your life as is as you know to the representation that social networks are, which is really just a window dressing to someone's life.

I'm left with the impression you are somehow reliant on online contact or the internet in general to spend your time on.... that is something you really really need to look at. If all you are doing after college and study is going back to a computer then it is time you take steps away from the computer and engage in other activities. Since before you started college were there hobbies you particularly enjoyed that you haven't really had the time for? Or are there hobbies or activities you'd like to go back to from childhood, or try new ones? The more you engage with other people in a different way than from online, the more you are interacting with others in person, in activities, and it can make a difference. It will be a way to build on getting to know people and making friends that you can do stuff with, or engage with outside of small talk and form friendships with.

it doesn't have to be this way as is now, you can change it, it might take a bit of courage to get yourself out of your comfort zone but it would be worth it. Even if you haven't got someone to go to something that is on, go by yourself anyway and enjoy it. I recall an event I went to alone (although I have been to lots alone) and had a bit of a laugh myself, but there was this woman I met along the way who was also on her own, but really put a lot of effort into talking to everyone she met in the hope of someone reciprocating and I admired her courage for that.

From my own experience, the last bit of Pookie's post is very true, never mind what others are doing but work to improve your own life. If you put your focus on making your life better, from getting new hobbies, to meeting new people, to forming new friendships, joining whatever groups you're interested in, challenging yourself in a different way, you'll be so busy with your own life you won't have time to sit and worry if it measures up to what everyone else may or may not be doing themselves.

LegacyUser

I have some idea of how you feel. The truth is that once your exams are over you need to look into groups or organistions that you could join. This will give you some thing to look forward to, help you meet new people and make new friends.

I know at times anyone can get into a rut and see no way out. A few months ago I was like you so I decided to lose some weight. I went to a weight loss class and met new people. I got out every day for a walk. I joined a gym and went to a few classes. I have made new friends and my life has improved a lot over the past few months.

I know people who look on facebook always and/or are always posting up things about there lives. The reality can be far different from the photos ect they put up.
I know someone at the moment who has this so called perfect girlfriend. He put up things on facebook about there realtionship. A while ago he told everyone she was pregnant and how happy he was.
I heard via a friend that he asked them about dna testing. I have also heard that he has got infomation about her that points to the fact this baby is not his. Very few people know this about him & her. Looking at facebook it seems like his life is great.
I am telling your this story to show that what is on facebook and the reality can be very different.

LegacyUser

I've felt the exact same. My advice is to do what I did and deactivate your Facebook account. I found I became a happier person when I did that. Facebook gave me a feeling as though my life was cheap. Just some display to put on show for others to hopefully find interesting or funny, and for Facebook to exploit for advertising. You need to rise above the chokehold of social media and be yourself. Funnily enough I was forced to go back on Facebook to communicate with others on a project I was in and noticed that my happiness deteriorated again. I am back off again for good hopefully!

I would also recommend regularly going to the gym. Doing some exercise be it running or weights or whatever will give you some goals to achieve, plus you will feel good every time you've put yourself through a challenging workout - especially when you start noticing improvements.

grumpynerd

Rough Time wrote: »

Please don't quote full posts. It's hard on our mobile readers.

Facebook is built on narvissism and deceit. Best leaving it tbh.

Also possible lifebis getting worse. Sorry to say but for me every year has been worse since I turned 30.

Of course changing goals and projects can be good. Change terms of the problem and the problem goes away.

Also lives peak in different decades for different people. Consider.

acuriouscat

I know how you feel x

liquoriceall

Delete facebook you will be so much better off without that drivel clogging up your brain and making you unhappy!
When you are finished your exams look into joining something 1 or 2 evenings a week be it toastmasters, macra na feirme, tag rugby etc etc its nice to have 1 evening where you have to head off for your meeting 😊
And chin up it not sure if it helps but unfortunately a lot of us understand how you feel we have been there

grumpynerd

facebook= hell.


Just write down 5-6 important things to you and set about reenergising them.

Find new friends or old friends. Find a new way to connect with your family or disconnect if theyre dragging you down. Always good to find a new club or social activity too. Youd be surprised how doing a new hobby or finding even one new person yo can trust will change everything about how being alive feels.