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Intervening in kids bullying?

  • 30-04-2015 4:36pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭


    Right, so I was walking along the canal in Galway there about an hour ago.

    Walking towards me on the other side were some young lads, looked to be about 12 or 13 years old. There was a bit of horseplay going on, didn't really think much of it, thought they were just mates messing. Then one of them started taking things out of a blonde boy's backpack and it became clear this was a bullying situation. I was pissed off, but they were on the other side of the canal and I didn't want to humiliate the poor wee kid further so I didn't know what to do. It was horrible, they started pushing him and grabbing at his hair and jacket, he was smaller than them (might have been younger) and it was three on one :mad:

    The situation escalated really quickly, one of the little scrotes actually grabbed the blonde kid by the hair and forced his head over the railings by the canal. At that point I and another guy on my side of the canal started roaring at them, and as gratifying as it was to see the little shít heads turn from big hard men into frightened little cowards, I'm sure as soon as we were gone they were straight back to business.

    I'm kicking myself for not doing more, but at same time is there anything you can actually do? I'd often be going that way at that time of day (and I'm going to make a point of it tomorrow), but like...follow them home and let their parents know what's going on (no guarantee the parents would believe me, or care)? Try find out what school they go to and let the school know? Can I just fcuk them out of it? On a scale of one to shifting-your-step-sister how inappropriate is it to shout insults at a bunch of 13 year olds and try to make them cry? :pac:

    I don't want to make life harder for blondie, and I know there'll always be some bit of bullying amongst peers and that adult intervention can often make it worse, but this was way, way over the line.

    tl;dr: if you see a bunch of kids bullying a smaller kid, is there any effective way to help, and since this is AH what mean names can I call a bunch of kids?


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,870 ✭✭✭✭Generic Dreadhead


    Hide in bush next time, wait till the time is right, then jump out with screaming with a hurley and chase them down and leather them with it


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    No bushes around and I don't own a hurley :(

    Maybe paint myself green and hit them with just a regular stick?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    I'd fcuk them out of it tbh. Might not be the proper thing to do, and might not do much good, but even if it permeated through the head of just one of them, it would be better than nothing.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I'd fcuk them out of it tbh. Might not be the proper thing to do, and might not do much good, but even if it permeated through the head of just one of them, it would be better than nothing.

    Me and the other guy both got in a good bit of roaring, in fairness. I dunno, I was kind of conscious that they'd just be giving the kid hassle over "haha, a girl had to save you" :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 803 ✭✭✭jungleman


    I saw this kind of thing happen in Ballyfermot once, didn't do anything to stop it and have hated myself for it since. I don't know what the "correct" thing to do in this kind of situation is. If you follow them home and tell their parents, the parents could end up kicking off at you. Some schools are woefully inept at dealing with bullying. Plus, you'd need to know the kids names if you were to report it.

    I know it's easy for me to sit here and say "I'd do this, I'd do that", but if I could go back to that time in Ballyfermot i would have grabbed the little scrotes and scared the nuts off them. There's nothing worse than bullies.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I'd fcuk them out of it tbh. Might not be the proper thing to do, and might not do much good, but even if it permeated through the head of just one of them, it would be better than nothing.

    I'm pretty sure that fcking them out of anything would get you put on the sex offender's registry.

    As someone who was bullied during secondary school, if I see anything like that I always step in, because I know exactly how it feels.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    Me and the other guy both got in a good bit of roaring, in fairness. I dunno, I was kind of conscious that they'd just be giving the kid hassle over "haha, a girl had to save you" :(
    True, but when I was 12 I'd have been mortified if anyone started roaring at me. Depends if they were bullying the other kid because they were three bullies or because there was three of them in it I guess. If that makes sense.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭Adamantium


    Cormac... wrote: »
    Hide in bush next time, wait till the time is right, then jump out with screaming with a hurley and chase them down and leather them with it

    Retire to Supermacs in Eyre Square, say you've been out training with the "lads".


    Free snackbox.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,462 ✭✭✭✭WoollyRedHat


    You should of thrown them into the canal I would of thought while shouting BARGE!
    And what's wrong with shifting your step sister?!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    True, but when I was 12 I'd have been mortified if anyone started roaring at me. Depends if they were bullying the other kid because they were three bullies or because there was three of them in it I guess. If that makes sense.

    Oh there was definitely a ring leader, but the other two weren't exactly hanging back and just following orders either


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    Did it before a few years back in town. Myself and a mate stopped some scrotes (mid to late teens) trying to beat up some alternative looking kid. Had to shove one on them on their arse.

    Each situation is different though. You could end up in a tricky situation if there's loads of them so there's no shame in not wanting to get involved.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    Oh there was definitely a ring leader, but the other two weren't exactly hanging back and just following orders either
    Trying to impress the other buck no doubt. Jesus I'd hate to be that age again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,782 ✭✭✭dmc17


    This is how you deal with them!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,870 ✭✭✭✭Generic Dreadhead


    No bushes around and I don't own a hurley :(

    Maybe paint myself green and hit them with just a regular stick?

    Hmmm, well I guess it could work.... but my order of preferred weaponry would have been:

    1) Hurley
    2) A Medieval Mace
    3) Large Sex Toy
    4) Kayak Oar
    5) A 4 foot novelty pencil
    6) Regular Stick

    Ya see, it's more about scaring them for life mentally rather than physically.... plus if it's Galway and you make them afraid of a Hurley they'e gonna end up being bullied themselves for being one of only 9 people in the county who doesn't play Hurling


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 24,465 ✭✭✭✭darkpagandeath


    Child protection laws are a joke, If you had intervened physically you could end up on charges. Even though you were protecting a child..... The little folks know this to well at this stage.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    anncoates wrote: »
    Did it before a few years back in town. Myself and a mate stopped some scrotes trying to beat up some alternative looking kid. Had to shove one on them on their arse.

    Each situation is different though. You could end up in a tricky situation if there's loads of them so there's no shame in not wanting to get involved.

    Ah I'd say I'd be alright. Judging from the way they froze just from being yelled at from 20 feet away I'd say they're definitely the type who can dish it out but not take it. Also it's Galway, everyone's a pussy :pac:


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,144 ✭✭✭DVDM93


    Cormac... wrote: »
    Hmmm, well I guess it could work.... but my order of preferred weaponry would have been:

    1) Hurley
    2) A Medieval Mace
    3) Large Sex Toy
    4) Kayak Oar
    5) A 4 foot novelty pencil
    6) Regular Stick

    Ya see, it's more about scaring them for life mentally rather than physically.... plus if it's Galway and you make them afraid of a Hurley they'e gonna end up being bullied themselves for being one of only 9 people in the county who doesn't play Hurling

    ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,692 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    You should have recited the well-known bullying rhyme as a calming method:

    "Sticks and stones may break my bones but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!!"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,870 ✭✭✭✭Generic Dreadhead


    DVDM93 wrote: »
    ?

    How's things number 6?
    You should have recited the well-known bullying rhyme as a calming method:

    "Sticks and stones may break my bones but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!!"

    [Mucky After Hours Comment] Sure then they'll probably grow up to end up liking that the duuuurrrtttty buggers [/Mucky After Hours Comment]


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    I intervened once in London when a young guy looked like he was going to give his girlfriend a punch. I was at a bus stop in the East End on the way to work and lost it completely. I managed to get the girl away from him who was in tears. They were only about 13 but I was scared, tbh but I'm glad I did something.

    You saw from their reaction today that they're essentially wimps. Tell them you're keeping an eye on them and if you see it happening again, you won't be alone next time.

    Fair play to you for doing something today though, Electro-Bitch:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    Right, so I was walking along the canal in Galway there about an hour ago.


    I'm kicking myself for not doing more, but at same time is there anything you can actually do? I'd often be going that way at that time of day (and I'm going to make a point of it tomorrow), but like...follow them home and let their parents know what's going on (no guarantee the parents would believe me, or care)? Try find out what school they go to and let the school know? Can I just fcuk them out of it? On a scale of one to shifting-your-step-sister how inappropriate is it to shout insults at a bunch of 13 year olds and try to make them cry? :pac:

    tl;dr: if you see a bunch of kids bullying a smaller kid, is there any effective way to help, and since this is AH what mean names can I call a bunch of kids?

    poor old Blondie, think you did the right thing. As long as you don't touch one of the little scrotes. Maybe blondie will come home that way in future, and the bullies might avoid.

    and anyway what's wrong with shifting your step sister? :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    I'll get my step-sister to PM ye lads....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    The blonde lad is the son of a heterosexual married couple who are voting No in the same-sex marriage referendum..

    Once the other kids found out, there was nothing anybody could do..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,412 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    K4t wrote: »
    The blonde lad is the son of a heterosexual married couple who are voting No in the same-sex marriage referendum..

    Once the other kids found out, there was nothing anybody could do..

    Jeez. Change the record!

    There are threads for that, and threads for getting away from that.

    :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero


    You walk down there side of the path tomorrow. When you see them you say, alright lads. (Only works if ur built like a brick s house) sorted a few scrotes out with minimal interference before. They just need to know they are not king of the castle and they get in line. No idea what happens wen no1 is there though.

    If you are not built like a tank, bring somebody that is and just stand there with them and point at the kids from a distance. Get the big guy to say alright lads and then say, right I know what they look like now. So the kids can hear. Kids are generally paranoid.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    endacl wrote: »
    Jeez. Change the record!

    There are threads for that, and threads for getting away from that.

    :)
    Studies have shown there is a direct correlation between parents voting No in the upcoming referendum on marriage and their kids being bullied.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,443 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Fair play electro, at least you did something, and the young lad being bullied knows at least someone gave a shìt that day.

    I've never had any problems separating kids bullying each other, it's fairly easy to tell the difference between a pack of kids messing, and a pack of kids out and out bullying.

    That may not stop them altogether, but usually I'd just tell the kid to not be afraid to say something to their parents, their teachers, anyone, rather than stay silent about it.

    Very much depends on context how I'd react really, but it's one of the reasons why I pushed for CCTV in the school. Some children don't just bully other children, but they'll bully adults too with impunity if they think they can get away with it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero


    K4t wrote: »
    Studies have shown there is a direct correlation between parents voting No in the upcoming referendum on marriage and their kids being bullied.

    Studies have also shown that idiots ahhhh I so want to say something that will get me banned haha haha

    Stay on topic kat #niceversion


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11 here228


    Right, so I was walking along the canal in Galway there about an hour ago.

    Walking towards me on the other side were some young lads, looked to be about 12 or 13 years old. There was a bit of horseplay going on, didn't really think much of it, thought they were just mates messing. Then one of them started taking things out of a blonde boy's backpack and it became clear this was a bullying situation. I was pissed off, but they were on the other side of the canal and I didn't want to humiliate the poor wee kid further so I didn't know what to do. It was horrible, they started pushing him and grabbing at his hair and jacket, he was smaller than them (might have been younger) and it was three on one :mad:

    The situation escalated really quickly, one of the little scrotes actually grabbed the blonde kid by the hair and forced his head over the railings by the canal. At that point I and another guy on my side of the canal started roaring at them, and as gratifying as it was to see the little shít heads turn from big hard men into frightened little cowards, I'm sure as soon as we were gone they were straight back to business.

    I'm kicking myself for not doing more, but at same time is there anything you can actually do? I'd often be going that way at that time of day (and I'm going to make a point of it tomorrow), but like...follow them home and let their parents know what's going on (no guarantee the parents would believe me, or care)? Try find out what school they go to and let the school know? Can I just fcuk them out of it? On a scale of one to shifting-your-step-sister how inappropriate is it to shout insults at a bunch of 13 year olds and try to make them cry? :pac:

    I don't want to make life harder for blondie, and I know there'll always be some bit of bullying amongst peers and that adult intervention can often make it worse, but this was way, way over the line.

    tl;dr: if you see a bunch of kids bullying a smaller kid, is there any effective way to help, and since this is AH what mean names can I call a bunch of kids?

    Were they in uniform? Notify the principal of the school right away. Chances are the principal will be able to identify them if you're able to give any sort of description. Poor boy. There's a few schools close to the canal but a boys one particularly close by


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero



    Very much depends on context how I'd react really, but it's one of the reasons why I pushed for CCTV in the school. Some children don't just bully other children, but they'll bully adults too with impunity if they think they can get away with it.

    Noooo. You can't perv on kids with CCTV. It does not stop the 'crime' it only records it.

    Why waste the money on an expensive CCTV system when you could employ a bouncer to give the bullies sum grief in the playground.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    househero wrote: »
    Noooo. You can't perv on kids with CCTV. It does not stop the 'crime' it only records it.
    And allows us to enjoy the crime in comfort over and over again.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I intervened once in London when a young guy looked like he was going to give his girlfriend a punch. I was at a bus stop in the East End on the way to work and lost it completely. I managed to get the girl away from him who was in tears. They were only about 13 but I was scared, tbh but I'm glad I did something.

    You saw from their reaction today that they're essentially wimps. Tell them you're keeping an eye on them and if you see it happening again, you won't be alone next time.

    Fair play to you for doing something today though, Electro-Bitch:)

    Would you have intervened if it were a girl about this give her boyfriend a punch? I'm just curious.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 793 ✭✭✭LadyAthame


    This is what you do.

    Call one only over to you preferably the youngest or the one least partaking. Hey you in the red top come here for a moment. Just you.
    Talk quietly to him. The moment you do if you get him to come over the other two will stop. They won't come with him. Keep it brief. Don't talk about blondie. Don't mention blondie. 'Your acting like a thug, it's getting a bit over the top '. Tell him to stand to the side for a minute.

    Call over another (if the others have not run) do the same thing. Very quiet. Make them stop to try and listen.

    ONLY take SEPARATELY to them. Never talk to them as a group or in front of the group. Never talk to one of them in front of the group or let the group hear what you are saying. Don't mention the child being bullied. Take the focus off. You only talk a few seconds.

    More then likely they will leave. Then...
    Talk to the bullied child ask for the name of his school ..report the incident and give his name and the other names if you have them.


    If the fighting is really bad then call the guards.

    It might not work but there you go.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    You did exactly the right thing I think, it would be really wrong to just keep on walking...but physically touching the bullies or following them would be a bit over the line. Like after all you don't know the kid..theres only so much you can do as a stranger.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,443 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    househero wrote: »
    Noooo. You can't perv on kids with CCTV. It does not stop the 'crime' it only records it.


    Nobody's perving on kids, jesus, you're messing right? :pac:

    The CCTV acts as both a deterrent, and a recording device in case of any escalation of an incident. Incidents of bullying and misbehaviour have been dramatically reduced in the school as a result. There hasn't been anyone setting fires in the yard or telling teachers on yard duty "fcuk off ye fat cnut!" in a while :D


    (and no, that wasn't directed at me, I may be a fat cnut, but I'm not a teacher, thank fcuk!)

    Why waste the money on an expensive CCTV system when you could employ a bouncer to give the bullies sum grief in the playground.


    CCTV is a far more cost effective option, though I like the way you're thinking :pac:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    LadyAthame wrote: »

    Call one only over to you preferably the youngest or the one least partaking. Hey you in the red top come here for a moment. Just you.
    Talk quietly to him. The moment you do if you get him to come over the other two will stop. They won't come with him. Keep it brief. Don't talk about blondie. Don't mention blondie. 'Your acting like a thug, it's getting a bit over the top '. Tell him to stand to the side for a minute.

    ONLY take SEPARATELY to them. Never talk to them as a group or in front of the group. Never talk to one of them in front of the group or let the group hear what you are saying. Don't mention the child being bullied. Take the focus off. You only talk a few seconds.

    i wouldnt be too quick to put myself in a position where i was on my own with anyones kid, not to mind a scrote, even if in public.

    "hey mister, you touched me...."


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    You'd wanna be careful, kids carry knives these days, presumably under the pretence of peeling oranges as part of their lunch, but nevertheless, they are packing


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    I'll get my step-sister to PM ye lads....

    pix or GTFO


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,443 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    myshirt wrote: »
    You'd wanna be careful, kids carry knives these days, presumably under the pretence of peeling oranges as part of their lunch, but nevertheless, they are packing


    "These days"?

    I never left home without my genuine Swiss army knife in my pocket! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero


    Nobody's perving on kids, jesus, you're messing right? :pac:

    The CCTV acts as both a deterrent, and a recording device in case of any escalation of an incident. Incidents of bullying and misbehaviour have been dramatically reduced in the school as a result. There hasn't been anyone setting fires in the yard or telling teachers on yard duty "fcuk off ye fat cnut!" in a while :D


    (and no, that wasn't directed at me, I may be a fat cnut, but I'm not a teacher, thank fcuk!)





    CCTV is a far more cost effective option, though I like the way you're thinking :pac:

    I guess it depends on the school. But the feeling of being watched all the time is disgusting and personally I think its damaging to a persons wellbeing

    When they installed CCTV on our school bus, fights still happened as frequently and just as before they had cctv, people got caught. After it happened.
    Its just before, somebody said who it was and after, nobody would say as they knew it was on CCTV #usGangMentality

    Your own observations are probably more to the point. You have successful moved the bullying away from the school. But you have not stopped the cause at all. Treating the symptom doesn't cure the disease


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Would you have intervened if it were a girl about this give her boyfriend a punch? I'm just curious.


    I'm curious as to why your curious and wonder what the relevance is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero


    How do you know somebody is about to give somebody a punch???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    I'm curious as to why your curious.
    I'm bi-curious.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 686 ✭✭✭Putin


    You saw from their reaction today that they're essentially wimps.

    All bullies are wimps and usually melt in the face of confrontation. They feed off apathy, removed the apathy and you remove the bullies.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭nathang20


    I would have to use a awful lot of restraint not to get involved. I would just picture one of my nephews in that situation. I don't particularly care how old the offenders are!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Putin wrote: »
    All bullies are wimps and usually melt in the face of confrontation. They feed off apathy, removed the apathy and you remove the bullies.


    They feed off fear. I don't think any victim is apathetic, I'd say they're too scared to react.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭househero


    LadyAthame wrote: »
    This is what you do.

    Call one only over to you preferably the youngest or the one least partaking. Hey you in the red top come here for a moment. Just you.
    Talk quietly to him. The moment you do if you get him to come over the other two will stop. They won't come with him. Keep it brief. Don't talk about blondie. Don't mention blondie. 'Your acting like a thug, it's getting a bit over the top '. Tell him to stand to the side for a minute.

    Call over another (if the others have not run) do the same thing. Very quiet. Make them stop to try and listen.

    ONLY take SEPARATELY to them. Never talk to them as a group or in front of the group. Never talk to one of them in front of the group or let the group hear what you are saying. Don't mention the child being bullied. Take the focus off. You only talk a few seconds.

    More then likely they will leave. Then...
    Talk to the bullied child ask for the name of his school ..report the incident and give his name and the other names if you have them.


    If the fighting is really bad then call the guards.

    It might not work but there you go.

    Seems like what you would do to a 5 year old.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    They feed off fear. I don't think any victim is apathetic, I'd say they're too scared to react.
    I presume he was referring to homosexual bystanders?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 793 ✭✭✭LadyAthame


    Call the guards then.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭nathang20


    They feed off fear. I don't think any victim is apathetic, I'd say they're too scared to react.

    Its just pack mentality, that's all. Very easily controlled...


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