Toy boy

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

This is by no means a big issue and I feel ridiculous even writing it but would like some outside opinions as I don't want to talk to my friends about this.

I recently ended a really horrible two year relationship and am so happy to be free again.

Life suddenly feels full of possibilities and I'm delighted to be single right now.

Anyway, I was in a bar last week and the barman asked for my number. I thought why not, and gave it to him. We went out and had a great night full of laughter and banter and ended up sleeping together. It was really good and just what the Doctor ordered post break up!

We ended up spending two full intimate days together.

However, he wants to see me again this weekend and we've been messaging but it means nothing and can 100% not go anywhere cos... cringe.... I'm 33 and he's 23!!

I only found this out on our second morning. There is no way I'd go out with a 23 year old. I'm looking for a 30 year old at the youngest and even then I'd prefer an older guy, like 36 or 37.

So, what do I do? He doesn't know my age btw, I just said a women doesn't tell or something when he asked.

Is it ok to meet him one last time, have great s*x (I was very surprised that he's better than alot of older guys I've been with tbh) and then tell him it's too soon for me?

i don't want to hold him back from meeting someone where there might be a future and more importantly, I don't want to hold myself back either. He's young and will meet loads of people, I'm not!!!

Any advice guys? Plus, how bad is it that I slept with someone so young? I feel pretty bad about it

Mr.McLovin

If you were a bloke you wouldn't even be posting this.

LegacyUser

well hes an adult so as long as he knows the score who cares? you dont have to tell your friends. you dont really need validation here ffs!

giggle84

Mr.McLovin wrote: »

If you were a bloke you wouldn't even be posting this.

Fact.

The guy is 23 not 15! You haven't done anything wrong by sleeping with him, if anything you should give yourself a little hi five!! Lol.. but seriously it is so not a big deal, especially if you both intend to keep it casual.

I might advise caution if you were thinking about entering a relationship with him but only because of the mental age gap between 23 and 33 rather than the actual age gap, age is just a number.

Go with it girl, have fun! What's the worst that can happen...?

eeeee

I wouldn't worry about the age thing at all. Let him know its just a casual sex thing you're after, then I don't see any reason why not? It's two adults enjoying each other. If he is ok with the casualness of it (and I suspect he will be) then there's no reason why Ye both can't have a bit of fun when ye're both on the same page. Enjoy yourself

LuckyLloyd

cougarville wrote: »

There is no way I'd go out with a 23 year old. I'm looking for a 30 year old at the youngest and even then I'd prefer an older guy, like 36 or 37

Why so specific?

And you've done nothing wrong whatsoever, you should be enjoying it / positive about it imo.

strobe

He's 23, not 13. He's a grown man and chances are you aren't the first woman in the bar he's hooked up with in this way. As long as you aren't planning to give him the impression you want something more than a bit of fun, then just have fun. Chances are you are both on the same wavelength here anyway. Just enjoy yourselves.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the replies

The sex was really good and that's all I want so yeah, to hell with age, In the words of Cartman, whateva, I do wha I want!!

kylith

And to paraphrase Elliot Reid from Scrubs "Pffff, you all wish you could bag a 23 year old".

LegacyUser

Thanks guys so much, now I'm all smiles and no worries.
I had felt like a cradle snatcher but if he's willing to be snatched then snatch I will!

skallywag

Most 23 year olds I know would sleep with a 33 year old in a second but would run a mile from getting seriously involved.

I'd be up front with him. I'd be very surprised if he has any mid to long term intentions.

Potatoeman

I wouldnt worry about the age, just tell him youre not looking for anything serious. You mention he's a barman, that kind of job gives him plenty of opportunity to meet women. He might not be looking for more and just doesn't want to say it.

LegacyUser

I hope it's an ideal situation whereby we can call on each other when we want some fun but outside of that it means nothing.

Only reason I mentioned it is that he's already said things along the lines of I really like you, you are so gorgeous etc and as he's so young, I don't want to hold him back from meeting other girls closer to his age. I just don't want either of us to get in any way hurt/serious but you guys are probably all right and he's probably just having fun too and thinking about s*x which is ideal!

Mr.McLovin

cougarville wrote: »

Thanks so much for the replies

The sex was really good and that's all I want so yeah, to hell with age, In the words of Cartman, whateva, I do wha I want!!

Good to hear!

and like other posters have said just be clear about this being casual to him and you'll have a clear conscience

Enjoy!

retro:electro

I wouldn't worry about the age difference op. He's an adult, ten years isn't that big of a deal. Go for it and have fun!

MadDog76

cougarville wrote: »

Hi Guys,

This is by no means a big issue and I feel ridiculous even writing it but would like some outside opinions as I don't want to talk to my friends about this.

I recently ended a really horrible two year relationship and am so happy to be free again.

Life suddenly feels full of possibilities and I'm delighted to be single right now.

Anyway, I was in a bar last week and the barman asked for my number. I thought why not, and gave it to him. We went out and had a great night full of laughter and banter and ended up sleeping together. It was really good and just what the Doctor ordered post break up!

We ended up spending two full intimate days together.

However, he wants to see me again this weekend and we've been messaging but it means nothing and can 100% not go anywhere cos... cringe.... I'm 33 and he's 23!!

I only found this out on our second morning. There is no way I'd go out with a 23 year old. I'm looking for a 30 year old at the youngest and even then I'd prefer an older guy, like 36 or 37.

So, what do I do? He doesn't know my age btw, I just said a women doesn't tell or something when he asked.

Is it ok to meet him one last time, have great s*x (I was very surprised that he's better than alot of older guys I've been with tbh) and then tell him it's too soon for me?

i don't want to hold him back from meeting someone where there might be a future and more importantly, I don't want to hold myself back either. He's young and will meet loads of people, I'm not!!!

Any advice guys? Plus, how bad is it that I slept with someone so young? I feel pretty bad about it

I met a girl several years ago who was 23 , I was 32 (almost 33) at the time .......... we just clicked in every way possible so I went with it .......... we're now very happily married with 3 gorgeous kids.

My advice? Go with it ........... like every relationship, it'll either work or it won't but don't let age be the reason for not enjoying yourself.

blatantrereg

Just mention that you are only interested in fun and not anything serious. Men aren't psychic. He might not know where he stands with you. Saying things like he really likes you may or may not indicate that he is thinking about things in more serious terms.

stuboy01

Hi op. I was the guy in a similar case a long time ago, i was 20, she was 30. I had a great summer. It was never serious, just great fun. We still meet occasionally through a shared sport, where we'll greet with a hug and chat over a drink with our respective OH's. Enjoy it.

Dial Hard

cougarville wrote: »

Only reason I mentioned it is that he's already said things along the lines of I really like you, you are so gorgeous etc and as he's so young, I don't want to hold him back from meeting other girls closer to his age. I just don't want either of us to get in any way hurt/serious but you guys are probably all right and he's probably just having fun too and thinking about s*x which is ideal!

Well then tell him your age and let him decide if he has a problem with it.

Brian?

cougarville wrote: »

I hope it's an ideal situation whereby we can call on each other when we want some fun but outside of that it means nothing.

Only reason I mentioned it is that he's already said things along the lines of I really like you, you are so gorgeous etc and as he's so young, I don't want to hold him back from meeting other girls closer to his age. I just don't want either of us to get in any way hurt/serious but you guys are probably all right and he's probably just having fun too and thinking about s*x which is ideal!

You wouldn't have a serious relationship with him because of a 10 year age gap? That's crazy IMO. You could be denying yourself years of happiness because of some weird social taboo that. In your shoes I'd commit 100% and see where it goes.

blatantrereg

Not a weird social taboo; plenty of practical considerations.

skallywag

cougarville wrote: »

...he's already said things along the lines of I really like you, you are so gorgeous etc...

I would imagine that the odds are quite high that he is merely buttering you up in order to prolong his sleeping with the older woman. I would also imagine that there must at least be some part of you which is quite pleased that he is saying these things.

I genuinely think that you are running very little risk of hurting his feelings or doing him any harm. How long do you think that it will take him to get the next phone number from a woman in her 30s who walks into his bar and is taken back with his charm?

walkingshadow

OP, if you guys like each other go for it! Its not like its even a big gap ffs.

skallywag

walkingshadow wrote: »

Its not like its even a big gap ffs.

I disagree. In general there is a colossal gulf between the mentality of a 23 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

walkingshadow

skallywag wrote: »

I disagree. In general there is a colossal gulf between the mentality of a 23 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

How can you make such a generalization? You don't know the OP, or her romantic interest

skallywag

walkingshadow wrote: »

How can you make such a generalization?

I think it a completely valid generalization.

walkingshadow wrote: »

You don't know the OP, or her romantic interest

She stated clearly in the thread that she has no interest in having a serious relationship with anyone that age and is indeed looking for someone older than herself.

Brian?

blatantrereg wrote: »

Not a weird social taboo; plenty of practical considerations.

What practical considerations? I literally can't think of one.

catonthewire

Hi OP,



Contact him and tell him your age, I bet he won't be one bit bothered...
Why should you not enjoy a bit of fun with him?..
Let him know YOU are not after a serious relationship, be upfront and let him decide what he really thinks of the situation...

As someone already said, if you were a man, you wouldn't even be posting about the age difference....
Kudous to you girl, and a huge high five, it sounds like the pair of you had a fantastic few days together, why not enjoy more?....
As I said though, be honest and upfront ...

ShaShaBear

Brian? wrote: »

What practical considerations? I literally can't think of one.

That her biological clock is ticking, and should she decide to have a family she would need to consider it within the next 2-5ish years, leaving her encroaching 40, and him still not 30 yet? Should that time elapse and he is still not ready to settle down fully, she's potentially lost all chance of having kids while he can look for someone new and settle down whenever the hell he feels like it.

Just the most obvious one.

Buona Fortuna

Hi Cougarville

I wouldn't "limit" this relationship to "just for fun". Maybe it is, maybe not. As others have said the main difference between 23 and 33 is a difference in expectations and outlooks.

He wants to see the world and change it and maybe you're ready to build a nest. I think either type of relationship can be fantastic providing everyone communicates honestly and everyone is heard.

I'm not at all religious but I do recall something the priest said when we married. "Be thankful that you found each other." Funnily enough he's not religious now either

Wish you well

catonthewire

ShaShaBear wrote: »

That her biological clock is ticking, and should she decide to have a family she would need to consider it within the next 2-5ish years, leaving her encroaching 40, and him still not 30 yet? Should that time elapse and he is still not ready to settle down fully, she's potentially lost all chance of having kids while he can look for someone new and settle down whenever the hell he feels like it.

Just the most obvious one.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the OP seemed clear that it wasn't a relationship she was After with the young guy....
Rather it was fun, she asked if others thought it would be okay to meet him again for great sex, this is hardly a woman on the lookout for a father for her babies..

LegacyUser

If its just sex why are you worried about age,you are both consenting adults. It's natural of course you care what others think, and women will nearly always be unconsciously screening guys as more than just sex objects, (that's why you generally won't have a guy worrying about this if he really only wants sex.) So go ahead and enjoy yourself..

Just apart from the above mentioned practicalities and different outlooks due to of age, I'm sure you're aware of the effect of oxytocin, the chemical biological reaction that occurs during and after sex. It has more of a bonding effect every time you sleep with a guy you find physically attractive. It's the reason women (and men, to a lesser degree) find themselves getting emotionally involved/ falling for totally unsuitable partners, when that wasn't their intention at all. So my advice would be if you have sex a few more times and then he ends it or you dont hear from him, and you know that won't hurt you at all then go ahead and have fun.

Matteroffact

The guy is only 23 but this doesn't give anyone free reign not be honest with him. Not all 23 year old barmen are out to bed their clients. This one might have really fallen for you OP and in my opinion he deserves to know what age you are and especially when he asked you. If he finds out your age and is happy to continue with the relationship then that's fine, but his feelings have to be taken into consideration as well as yours.

emo72

skallywag wrote: »

I disagree. In general there is a colossal gulf between the mentality of a 23 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

There can l be a colossal gulf in mentality between a 33 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

skallywag

emo72 wrote: »

There can l be a colossal gulf in mentality between a 33 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

Of course, but statistically speaking you are looking at a much higher chance of matching mindsets.

One the other hand the vast majority of 23 year old men are going to be miles away mindset-wise from a 33 year old woman, in particular if the woman in question wishes to have a family.

Brian?

emo72 wrote: »

There can l be a colossal gulf in mentality between a 33 year old man and a 33 year old woman.

There can be a colossal gulf in mentality between a 33 year old man and 33 year old woman. Age has nothing to do with it.

Brian?

ShaShaBear wrote: »

That her biological clock is ticking, and should she decide to have a family she would need to consider it within the next 2-5ish years, leaving her encroaching 40, and him still not 30 yet? Should that time elapse and he is still not ready to settle down fully, she's potentially lost all chance of having kids while he can look for someone new and settle down whenever the hell he feels like it.

Just the most obvious one.

A woman can have children quite safely into her mid 40s. As I said, it's a social taboo people try to justify with ""practical concerns" that don't really exist.

skallywag

Brian? wrote: »

A woman can have children quite safely into her mid 40s.

The chances of successfully getting pregnant and carrying the child to term is significantly reduced as a woman ages, and in particular from the age of 35 onwards. It's a very real practical concern.

Brian?

skallywag wrote: »

The chances of successfully getting pregnant and carrying the child to term is significantly reduced as a woman ages, and in particular from the age of 35 onwards. It's a very real practical concern.

I'll concede it's a small concern. Any idea how the chances reduce year by year? But a reason not to enter into a relationship? No.

What were all these other "practical
Concerns"?

skallywag

Brian? wrote: »

Any idea how the chances reduce year by year?

See attached.

dudara

Brian? and skallywag - if you want to have a conversation, please take it to PM. This thread should be focussed on offering advice to the OP.

dudara