5 year old hitting dog

DeltaWhite

Hi all

First off, I'm not a parent, but I am an Aunt to a 5year old boy who I love a lot. He stays in our house twice a week and he does have some behaviour issues. Parents are recently separated and he's been acting up in school etc. The school have told his parents that they want to test him for ADHD as he is very disruptive and wild in class.

My issue is, I have a little dog she's very small and loves children. She has lots of anxiety issues and can be frightened quite easily. She loves my nephew but is also terrified of him making loud noises (I call him the Tasmanian devil ) so she spends a lot of time running away from him or hiding with the adults.

Problem is, I've caught him a few times hitting and kicking her when nobody is looking and it's really getting to me now. Before anyone asks, his father (my brother) is not a person you can speak to about these things. He is a very aggressive person which I reckon is where the child is getting his aggression from. I generally try to avoid my brother as much as possible so I want to try sort this issue myself with my nephew.

Just last week I found him laughing to himself and when I asked why, he casually informs me that he smashed the door closed in the dogs face and laughed..

So of course I try to keep calm and ask him how he would feel if someone was to do that to him? But he just stares at me. Which does really irk me but I don't let him see that.


I was thinking (please correct me if I'm wrong) maybe if I talk to him about bullies (he's learnt about bullies in school and from his parents) and say that only bullies pick on someone smaller than them and that nobody likes bullies. Nobody would want to play with a bully and that means he needs to stop picking on the dog.

Is there any advice from all you parents out there? Would I be right in what I'm doing or should I be saying something else?

Ps. I would never slap my nephew or anything like that because I am fully aware that would just teach him to slap when he's angry/not getting his way.

Help, because when I'm not there I'm always worried what he may be doing to the dog at home

jopax

I can understand your predicament, but my first thought would be to keep the dog away from the child.

Is she an indoor dog, maybe you could put her bed in a room and lock it so that he can't get to her.

I would be very concerned for the animal, and also if she gets a bad scare some day she might bite him, obviously not meaning to but reacting to it.

From a parents perspective I would be furious if one of my kids hit our dog.
I have seen a couple of incidents where my daughter made a move as if she was going to hit our dog but it was because the dog had ran off with her toy and broke it.

I caught her and gave out to her & explained obviously that the dog didn't understand that it was her toy etc.

Anyway the long and short of it is I wouldn't trust any child with a dog and vice versa.

My dog is very gentle also but I wouldn't leave her alone with the kids, I know the dog wouldn't do anything but if she was hurt or got a fright who knows what could happen.

I think your idea about explaining about the bullying is a good idea and might help, but to be perfectly honest he has shown what he can do, so please just don't leave the dog alone with him.

Big Bag of Chips

You've tried the softly softly explaining and it hasn't worked. So why not give out to him? Punish him if he does something wrong. Take something away from him, or don't give him something he'd like. He is not yet diagnosed with ADHD so you can't be sure that he has it.

He's 5. He does things because he gets away with it and there are no consequences. Discipline him. Teach him what you will and won't tolerate in your house. If your brother doesn't like it he can make alternative arrangements for the 2 days. He won't find too many childminders who will tolerate bad behaviour.

I have two nephews who most people think are wild. I have no problems with them because they know I won't put up with it. They have great fun with my children when they are here and I rarely have to say anything to them!

DeltaWhite

Much appreciated for the responses Jopax and BBoC

Jopax - It's an unfortunate situation at home, the dog was mine and my Mams, but she passed away so she isn't there to keep an eye on her anymore. And I totally agree, I am afraid she will bite him. He seems to only do these things when he thinks nobody is looking. He went to slap her when she barking at a cat out the back one day and I caught his hand, told him that only adults are allowed to tell her to stop barking and that we do not hit her. That was fine he went off on his merry way. I have told him also that if he keeps hitting her, she will bite him and then he will never be allowed play with her again, and we might even have to get rid of her. He seemed upset at that! I know he does love her, but he has this little mean streak in him! From his Father I guess!

BBoC - This is next in line, I am very soft on him I will admit but I am definitely going to take away his beloved Spongebob programme on tv next time he misbehaves. He was over last night but was too tired to be acting up. He will be over at the weekend so I am going to try what you both have advised! Cheers for the help!

alroley

Sorry but if that was my dog, I'd be keeping him the hell away from that child. Poor pup

Your nephew needs to be taught respect for animals. It's very worrying that he likes to hurt them and laughs about it. Your dog should not be suffering like that. I'd be telling his parents to make alternate arrangements for those 2 days a week.

SF12

I don't know if your nephew has ADHD OP but what he does have is a completely disrupted home environment. His whole world has been turned upside down. You really don't know what sort of behaviour he's been seeing in the house from his parents either - you say your brother is aggressive.

I'd second all the advice given. Bear in mind that, while you don't want to slap him, there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting your foot down (very, very firmly) and enforcing punishments (or consequences) for stepping over the boundary lines that you establish. I'm not excusing his behaviour, but he's 5 and he's had a rough time, so he's probably all over the place behaviourally. Having said that - he is also old enough to know when he's doing wrong. Having a constant in his life like your house where there are rules and a consistent approach to everything can only be a good thing, even if it is only for 2 days of the week.

I'd keep the dog away from him for now. If he asks, you could always tell him that he hasn't been very nice to the dog, and how can you let the dog near him when he's going to be like that? (I wouldn't wait for an answer from him on that, myself, I'd let him consider it - but you know what sort of reaction that will get better than me)

Good luck.

jopax

Hi Delta,

I just wanted to say sorry to hear about your mam passing.

Also when you explained to your nephew that she could bite and you might not be able to keep her & he got upset at this.
I would take this as a positive sign as he obviously has empathy in him, maybe he just hasn't been shown how to be respectful to animals & just needs to be taught how to.

I really do hope it works out.
Best of luck with it.