Husband baby fever but... in our situation House first or Baby first?

HisPresence

Hello, sorry for the long post. I got married 3 months ago and my husband have baby fever. Please advice me what would you do if you in my situation, house first or baby first?
It seem like I have multiple layers of concerns. So many things going on at once, and I don't know how which is the best solution to all this.. And I apologize for my bad English grammars, English is my third language.

I had a cold childhood, my mother was abusive her children. Both me and my brother have move out away from her for more than a decade already but she still trying to control us, dictating us who we should married. She is a very controlling mom.

Throughout my whole childhood I hear she belittle me, put me down everyday and being verbally/emotionally abusive to me. So it does take a toll on my self-worth. In my mom in her eyes, I'm worth less than a dog on the street.
I don't know if this bad childhood experienced of mine is making me scare of becoming a mommy or not.

Subconsciously seem like my childhood experienced still haunt me. Now as an adult, I still do feel like I'm not worth it to be love at all. It also does make me feel awkward and overwhelmed when I get alot of affections from my husband. Like I feel ridiculously awkward when my husband kiss my butt cheek.

I'm Asian (Chinese), and my husband is Black (African), so we do have a huge cultural difference between us. We know each others 4 years. Met him when I was 26 and were friends prior to dating. After his long chase, we dated when I was 28 and we got married three months ago, I'm 30 this year. It was me that drag this relationship too long, we should have got married earlier instead of wait till I'm 30

This whole relationship was alot of hardship because of my mother disapproval. But her disapproval doesn't matter anymore because we married now.. Finally we can be together, I do want some 'couple time' alone with him before I bring a baby into the picture. Am I too selfish?

We both poor, we both live in the same cheap rent neighborhood, that was how we met, dated and married.. We both agree on continue living in this cheap rent bad area neighborhood after marriage, because the rent here is cheap. So it does help us alot with saving up money every month.

When we date he work 1 job, now we married he working 2 jobs so we can have enough money to buy a house. I told him we should aim at pay our house half in Cash, half in Mortgage. This is one of the reason why he working his butt off right now.

I always think it better to try to pay the house as much as we can in Cash, and the remain we pay in Mortgage. Am I thinking wrong? Perhaps we should just pay less down-payment instead of aim for 50%

We both have been working for more than a decade so we do have an okay amount of money in our own Saving accounts.. BUT I keep want to aim at paying the house half in Cash and this is hard. My husbadn aim at 20% down-payment, I aim at 50% down-payment.

I'm also working, but I work 1 job. And it a hourly pay job with little commission, so I don't make much. We both are Financially independent. We both have our own saving account.

Situation is that I promise him we will TTC next year in 2016, but now I want to hold it off few more years. The reason is I think my husband won't have time for the baby. Because right now everyday he working 2 jobs, everyday 12-14 hours. So if now I'm pregnant, he won't be able to spend much time with the baby.

When my husband get off work, all he have time for is shower, eat and sleep and next day work long hours again.. And baby cries alot, if baby cries all night and we both have to keep wake up. Then it will disrupt his sleep, how he going to have enough sleep to work 12-14 hours next day?

Eversince we married, my husband keep having baby fever. This month I'm late on my cycle, and he happy that I'm late. He be THRILLED if I'm pregnant!!
When he left to work, he kiss my stomach. He said take the pregnancy test and when I’m pregnant, he wants to kiss my stomach EVERYDAY for 9 Months until the baby born.

I can already tell our future baby will be spoil, still in stomach not even born yet and already have daddy kisses everyday. And with the way he is I can tell that he will spoil his kids rotten.

We probably have cultural clashes when we raise our kids. I know I will be very strict to my kids. And him the Dad that will spoil his kids. The kids will always run to daddy daddy for everything because daddy spoil them.

I had take the pregnancy test, I'm not pregnant. I take my BCP everyday on time so I know I'm 99% safe.
It is too SELFISH of me that I want to hold back baby plan for the next few years? So that we can have a solid financial ground, and then we have a baby?

His plan is after we buy our house, he wants to go back working 1 job. And we have our baby, he wants to be around the baby. I'm not even pregnant yet and he already have this much baby fever.
BUT my worried is when we have our house, we have to pay Mortgage and Bills, and with a baby will cost more money.

We both don't spend much, but we do want the best for the baby. Baby do cost ALOT right? If baby cost alot then he have to go back to work 2 jobs, then he won't be able to spend time with the baby. This is what I'm woried about.

And he is only 29 year olds, isn't it kindda young to be a father? But he soooo ready.
When I see him so ready to be a father and all his baby fever. Sometimes I do feel like I want to just get off BCP, and TTC naturally, whatever happens will happens. I'm just so confused right now.

I don't care for a house. Heck, perhaps I should told my husband that we just go Rent at a better environment neighborhood, and stop the pressure over this House issue. BUT he thinks it better to have a house, for our future and our baby future too.
He grow up in a bad environment area so he understand it very well. He doesn't want his children grow up in the same type of environment that he grew up in.

My husband would rather pay more mortgage so we can have our baby and spend time as family.
But I insist try to pay for the house half in Cash, so we have less Mortgage. He said alright, anything I want. He let me have it my way so I can be happy, so he go pick up another job. He have been working long hours 2 jobs everyday.

Any tips? Baby advice? What would you do if you in my situation? Is a house a must have before have a baby? This year I'm 30 year olds, and heard that at my age it is not easy to get pregnant.
I know he is a doting husband. If I say I want to wait few more years before TTC, he probably will just go along with it just for me. BUT then I know deep down inside he probably not happy, I can tell how much he wants a baby to complete our family.

I talk to him earlier today, he said he aim at 20% down-payment for a house, we will have more mortgage but we can start TTC in 2016 and he go back to work 1 job--more time for baby.
But if I keep want to aim for 50% down-payment, he said he will have to continue work 2 jobs everyday so he can fulfill my prefer "Pay house half in Cash"

For some reason I always think that lower mortgage is better. And we not buying a big house so we should pay in cash as much as we can, so we can have lower mortgage. Is this wrong thinking?
Does it seem like I'm looking at this like "All or nothing" approach? Am I giving my poor husband a hard time?

blatantrereg

Well after 35 the chances of various problems start to increase relatively quickly. You also can't assume that you'll get pregnant right away when you do start trying. So perhaps don't leave it off too long if you want kids.

Your situation seems pretty stable. Sounds like a stable relationship; committed and responsible partner; financially stable. I don't think you need to hold out for your situation to improve from what it is already to be honest.

mapaca

You could go along to the bank and meet with the mortgage adviser. They will go through all the details with you and tell you how much money they might be willing to lend you. Then you will know how much you will need to save and how much you will have to pay back to the bank each month, etc. Then you can decide what to do. It will be easier to plan for a baby then. It is not selfish of you to want to wait a while before trying to get pregnant. It is very sensible. Having a baby is a big decision! Good luck with it all!

dudara

@HisPresence - it has come to our attention that you have posted the same topic across several internet fora. I don't appreciate the time and input of our posters being used like this. Therefore, I am closing this thread and strongly advising you not to repeat this in future.

dudara