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How do I deal with this

  • 24-04-2015 3:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My ex and I split up over a year ago. We have a three year old little girl. We have a court order in place where he takes her for two days with one overnight ( he works shift work so sometimes these access days are weekdays)
    He is also in college part time in conjunction with his work. He has start co-op back in March and I asked him to take our daughter when he was off at the weekends as this way she would get plenty of time with him.
    He refused and wants to stick to the court order resulting in my child only seeing him for a max 3 hours when he has her. She is passed from one family member to another( one of whom I do not deem fit to care for my child).
    He has now reduced my maintenance as I have refused to sign over my single parents tax credits. The maintenance is also court ordered.
    Since the court order was put in place at the beginning I was very fair with him, I allowed him to change access days and take her on days that were not his access days so that he could bring her to events ie first communions, birthday parties ect, but as time went on he began to chop and change as he pleased so I told him I would not change his access again.

    I now have to bring him back to court about access and maintenance.

    Today was the first time I broke the court order( I told him he could not take her today as I want to bring her to a Christening tomorrow and he would not return her tomorrow until 6pm as per order, I did offer him alternative days but despite him being avaible he demanded that I allow him collect her and involved the guards.
    They came to my home and were very understanding and did agree that he was just being very difficult ect.
    He knew my daughter was looking so forward to tomorrow and was also give two weeks notice about this but still out of bitterness and badness tried to prevent me from taking her.

    He has often refused to return her at the allocated time which is 6pm returning her at 7.30 pm instead.

    He is constantly causing hassle for me ie, at the end of the 5 week cycle of the court order there are two days in which we both decide what days he takes her and if she is unavailable on these days, I get endless text message of threats of him taking me back to court ect.
    I am drained from having any dealing with him, I cannot wait to get back to court to sort this out but in the mean time how can I deal with someone who is harassing at every opportunity he gets.


Comments

  • #2
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    Without getting into who is right and who is wrong it really sounds like you are both desperately trying to control each other and to the detriment of your child.

    Stick to the court order. Trying to insist he took her at weekends was you trying to control the situation. Him reducing maintenance in response to you refusing to sign over tax credits is more of the same. Him chopping and changing was taking the proverbial. There is too much tit for tat and trying to score points at the expense of the child. On both sides by the sounds of it.

    It sounds like you have both become totally inflexible with each other.

    I understand that you are totally knackered with this but really you get more out of someone with honey than you ever do with vinegar so trying to be more flexible from your side may mellow his side. Maybe you've been pushed too far for that, it's not an easy situation for sure.

    The only tip I have for dealing with difficult people is to refuse to engage unless they are being reasonable. But if they are reasonable, be reasonable back.


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