what are his intentions

confused about him

I've known a guy for the past year. We are both late 20s. he came to work in the bank i was working in just as my contract was coming to an end. i was quite fond of him so made a point of staying in contact. he has always been very engaging and easy to talk to in texts. we have met every so often over the past year but have never gotten too close. he is single but i know he loves to hang out with different women all the time. i find him very hard to read though. at the start of our contact, he was always very flirty and gave the impression that he was really into me. i then went through a phase of having him on my mind all the time and told him this but he was distant and his actions showed the complete opposite of what his words had said. i heard from girls in the bank that he was a charmer and known to bring different girls places all the time. i then put him out of my mind romantically and decided i would see him as a friend.
so, last weekend he drove us to bray beach late at night and we went skinny dipping in the sea when no one was around. i have to admit that while i was reluctant to do it, i had a lot of fun after. it was not sexual at all but we both had a laugh getting into the sea for a few seconds naked. i went home feeling happy and enjoyed hanging out with him.
anyway since then, he messaged me asking me if id be interested in more things like that during the night such as naked tree climbing or walking a phoenix park fully clothed. all of the things sounded fun but then he asked would i mind him taking naked pictures of us at night. he asked would i be okay posing nude? this is where im wondering what his intentions are. is he looking to use me as a model for his photography or does he want to take the photos for his sexual pleasure? i cant understand why he'd want to take photos but maybe its just because im not a photographer and dont share his passion for photography. is this a normal thing to do? i get that it could be fun to do those things but why the need for photos? when i asked him why he would want to take photos, he explained that he likes nude art and nature and it is not sexual but just art. does he fancy me? does he do this as a hobby? what do people think?

athtrasna

Naked photos outside of a committed relationship are dangerous imo. You have no control over where they go after they are taken. It could have serious implications for you if they end up in the wrong hands. Avoid!

strobe

No, don't agree to pose for naked photographs with the guy you barely know and have been on one kinda but not really date sorta on.

No.

If he's that into 'nude art' there's museums full of the stuff, and fvckloads of amateur models he could hire, if he wants to produce it.

Like the poster above said. In this digital world of ours once that photo's taken it exists pretty much forever. If you're cool with that, and everything that entails, then go for it and yes it could be a lot of fun.

But seriously, nah, c'mon.

nozipcode

If you have to come onto an internet forum to ask this question then no, do not do it. Unless you want to have photos taken of you for YOU, and are not concerned if other people see them (because they will - art or porn he will share/sell/distribute on some level) it is a bad idea.

From reading your post you sound like the reason you'd do this is because maybe in exchange you might gain a boyfriend or lover. As above, AVOID.

I'm not saying you should steer clear, just don't do the naked photos thing.

LadyAthame

It's a fetish.

i heard from girls in the bank that he was a charmer and known to bring different girls places all the time. i then put him out of my mind romantically and decided i would see him as a friend.

he is single but i know he loves to hang out with different women all the time. i find him very hard to read though. at the start of our contact, he was always very flirty and gave the impression that he was really into me. i then went through a phase of having him on my mind all the time and told him this but he was distant and his actions showed the complete opposite of what his words had said.

Stay away. It's not a healthy situation.

My mother is an artist and would have drawn people nude before. It's done in a class. There are other people. Professional glamour photography is also done with other people.

You should never take personal photos of yourself naked I am recalling certain celebrities etc. Some guys do like to take photos and keep them on their laptops etc. of exes or dates. Do you really want a guy having pictures of you years perhaps after you break up?
I know lots of artists and photographers who do nudes ...this is not how they go about things.

Whatever people want to do they can do. But I think you would be crazy to let him take them.

Even if he was a professional photographer i think you would be crazy. You can't control them.

Saralee4

Agreed with the posters above also since there has been romantic interest shown on your side previously, that's a little insensitive of him to ask that from you I think.

LadyAthame

strobe wrote: »

If he's that into 'nude art' there's museums full of the stuff, and fvckloads of amateur models he could hire, if he wants to produce it.

But seriously, nah, c'mon.

Agreed it's not the way you go about things. Amateur pornos are not the way to go OP. They can be used for ANYTHING. He could blackmail you in your job etc.

Adults can do whatever they want obviously. But it doesn't sound like he is a guy looking for a relationship at all just a sexual thing. He has pretty much set it up for that. I think you would be nuts.

that's a little insensitive of him to ask that from you I think.

VERY insensitive in fact it shows he is not really intuitive enough or caring enough for a relationship or a good friendship. You don't trust him and he has left you hanging before. He does not realize he can hurt people or he is less concerned with that.

Matteroffact

Has he asked you to go on any normal dates, like going for meal, or to the cinema or a pub ?

IlmoNT4

just no on all counts....

Any pictures he takes of you OP, he has forever and can do whatever he likes with them, include posting them to the internet, how would you feel about that, your naked body online forever....for any future relationships, jobs, marriage, your future children.

Honestly, he comes across as a user and a player, he knows you like him and his pushing his luck with you. He's not being your friend, he's anything but that...

Stay far away from him...

confused about him

Matteroffact wrote: »

Has he asked you to go on any normal dates, like going for meal, or to the cinema or a pub ?

yes we have done normal things too. we never called them dates, we hang out like friends. he has invited me to meet him for wine in a wine bar a few times and he came to a party in my house another time. he also invited me to the theatre one night but i couldnt go, so yes normal things too. there is attraction on both sides but im afraid to get too emotionally attached because i feel hes definitely emotionally unavailable. i know from how he talks and from stories i hear. he also told me by text one night that he's still in love with a girl he was with in the past and then when i asked him about her, he later forgot who i was talking about. so i take what he says with a pinch of salt. i get the impression he doesnt mean a lot of what he says. at the beginning, i started to fall for him because i believed his words but now im more cautious when he says nice things.

Matteroffact

My gut instinct, based on what you have said, is that you are wasting your time with someone you have to analyse !!!

no.panic neva.panic

This guy is trouble, OP, keep a good distance between you two. For some reason I get shivers from reading your description of him.

Don't allow yourself to fall for a man you say you "can't read". If you can't read him, you can't trust him, and if you can't trust him, allowing yourself to be vulnerable around him (emotionally or physically) is a very bad idea.

mapaca

Don't do it. You hardly know him and it all sounds a bit dodgy. My first thought was that he is taking advantage because he knows you like him. What's in it for you? Are you hoping it will lead on to a relationship? Because I don't think that's what he's looking for.

confused about him

OP here, thank you very much to all the posters. you really cleared my head on this issue. i will tell him i am happy to hang out and do adventures but not to be photographed nude. i am not comfortable with this. now to respond to some of your posts...

strobe wrote: »

If he's that into 'nude art' there's museums full of the stuff, and fvckloads of amateur models he could hire, if he wants to produce it.

Like the poster above said. In this digital world of ours once that photo's taken it exists pretty much forever. If you're cool with that, and everything that entails, then go for it and yes it could be a lot of fun.

i am certainly against him taking the photos but what do you mean when you say the photos taken exists forever? even if its deleted? also i agree that he could use an amateur model for his work so why do you think he asked me? i don't understand it. is it possible he maybe uses it as porn to turn him on? i dunno

nozipcode wrote: »

From reading your post you sound like the reason you'd do this is because maybe in exchange you might gain a boyfriend or lover. As above, AVOID.

I'm not saying you should steer clear, just don't do the naked photos thing.

I agree with you. To be honest, i was doing it in the hope that he'd find me fun and he'd continue to want to hang out. he definitely really enjoyed the other night and texted me numerous times the next day which is very out of character for him. normally i am the one who messages first. i am very attracted to him and love being around him but i am not comfortable being photograped nude. i dont even like my body. but you were right, the only reason i was considering doing it was to get to spend more time with him because i do fancy him

LadyAthame wrote: »

VERY insensitive in fact it shows he is not really intuitive enough or caring enough for a relationship or a good friendship. You don't trust him and he has left you hanging before. He does not realize he can hurt people or he is less concerned with that.

i agree. and the most hurtful part and ironic part is that i confided in him and trusted him with problems i was having with friends taking advantage of me and walking all over me and he was always helping me and telling me not to allow people treat me badly.. yet he puts me in this situation. i have been completely vulnerable around him

mapaca wrote: »

Don't do it. You hardly know him and it all sounds a bit dodgy. My first thought was that he is taking advantage because he knows you like him. What's in it for you? Are you hoping it will lead on to a relationship? Because I don't think that's what he's looking for.

what do you think he is looking for from me??

Dial Hard

OP, I mean this in the kindest possible way but you sounds very naive and vulnerable and I think you're letting this man lead you up the garden path and back down again.

If you don't mind me asking, what's your cultural/ethnic background? It's just that your syntax doesn't read like that of a native English speaker and I wonder if there's a bit of a cultural misunderstanding going on here where he thinks he's giving off a very clear "this is only a sexual thing" signal and you're picking up something else entirely.

LadyAthame

confused about him wrote: »

hes definitely emotionally unavailable.

There is your answer plain and simple. He is not what you are looking for.

I agree completely with Dial hard. You sound very naive. Been there. I am a pretty non judgmental person. I take people as I find them. People take advantage of it if you let them.

He is sending clear signals it's just sexual. Now he is clearly aware you are emotionally invested and to be honest he should be more sensitive to that.

I think you are being taken advantage of. He is asking you to do things you are clearly uncomfortable with and not being clear as to what type of relationship he wants. He is not being straight forward and not committing to anything. They are not dates ..but clearly they are more than platonic

He says he is in love with someone else. I personally think he is setting you up for casual sex but not being completely straight about it. He is giving signals that is what he wants but not straight spitting it out and all the while knowing you are having different feelings and he is quite happy to let that be.

I think you should back away. I think you will be hurt.

mapaca

To answer your question, what do I think he's looking for from you: I think he wants to take these photos as a thrill and a turn-on for himself. He knows you like him and so you might be persuaded to do it. I don't think he's looking for a relationship or romance with you, otherwise he would be asking you out on a proper date and being respectful of your feelings- not trying to talk you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

strobe

confused about him wrote: »

i am certainly against him taking the photos but what do you mean when you say the photos taken exists forever? even if its deleted? also i agree that he could use an amateur model for his work so why do you think he asked me? i don't understand it. is it possible he maybe uses it as porn to turn him on? i dunno

Well you would have to trust that he actually deleted them, and didn't make copies, which can be done in half a second. But yes even if you delete the original and there's no copies, the deleted photos can be recovered. I've an app on my smartphone that will undelete any photo I accidentally deleted in one click, takes two seconds.

Well yes it's to turn him on. Not necessarily as porn, I'm sure you're very pretty and all that but there's tens of thousands of very pretty girls on the Internet if he wants porn. It's probably more the titillation of actually getting you to pose nude,about the experience rather than the end photos that it results in.

He's clearly got a bit of a voyeuristic / exhibitionistic streak, what with the skinny dipping, and then this, which is perfectly fine, nothing wrong with that, and you seem to too a bit, again nothing wrong with that.

Just maybe not a good idea to have photos like that out there in the possession of someone you really don't know, unless you'd be fine with other people seeing them to.

And no offense, but yeah you do come across as quite naive, and nothing you've said really suggests this guy is interested in anything more than a bit of fun, which again is absolutely fine, go have fun with him, but maybe come round to the idea that you may not exactly end up marrying this guy.

It's not for certain that he wouldn't delete the photos and leave them deleted if you asked him, or that he would pass them on to anyone else, but the fact that he tried to dress it up as an artistic appreciation for nude photography rather than just saying he'd get a sexual thrill out of it, suggests he probably doesn't consider honesty and integrity as very precious things, and also suggests he also thinks you're quite naive.

And if he thinks you're naive enough to buy this whole 'love of nude art' story, then he probably shouldn't be asking you to do this in the first place. I've had girls allow me to take nude photos and videos of them in the past, but I'd never of asked it of someone if I felt they were that innocent or naive, it'd be taking advantage.

Stavro Mueller

OP, my understanding of photos being around forever is that if he starts moving them/copying them/uploading them to anywhere, they'll take on a life of their own. It'd probably be fine if he just copied them to his computer and wiped the memory card on his camera/phone. If you were following the Elaine O'Hara murder trial, you'll have learned that even deleted files don't stay deleted. They can be retrieved for quite a while afterwards. You also don't know how he'll dispose of the computer's hard disk when the time comes to change his computer. I know for a fact that some people don't bother wiping the hard disks before giving it to someone else/selling it/throwing it out.

That's assuming he behaves in the best way possible. You have no way of knowing what exactly this man will do with these photos or how responsible he will be with them. How do you know he won't share the photos with his friends or other people who are into this sort of thing? If that happens you can say goodbye to controlling where they go. If they're shared with one person they could sent to more people. You also can't say for sure that the photos won't end up on the internet. If he doesn't upload them, someone else might. It's like when a YouTube video with controversial content is uploaded. Even if they take it down within an hour or two, it's too late. There will already be people who'll have downloaded it to their computers and possibly sharing it elsewhere.

Aside from that, it is clear as day that this man is NOT interested in a romantic relationship with you. You are too naive/smitten to see this but everyone else here can see the warning signs. I agree with the others - he is definitely taking advantage of you. I hope that you starting this thread here on boards is a sign that you sense that something is wrong. I honestly can't see this ending well for you and you are going to end up hurt. For your own sake you really should finish this now before you do something you bitterly regret.

kylith

confused about him wrote: »

i am certainly against him taking the photos but what do you mean when you say the photos taken exists forever? even if its deleted?

Even if he deletes the original there's no guarantee that there won't be copies on his Photobucket or Cloud storage, or that someone won't access his computer and download it. Look at the massive Cloud storage hack last year. Any photo that anyone takes of you you have to assume will be online, and will be there forever.

Honestly, I'm getting massive 'creep' vibes from this whole thing.

Saralee4

Op try not to get confused with what he is asking you to do here. Would you pose like this for art for anyone else?

Since you are attracted to him, you must be flattered by the fact that he would be turned on by taking photos of you naked. It might seem exciting but it just sounds to me like some bloke trying to convince a girl he knows has romantic interest in him to comply with his sexual kicks. He is giving you nothing in return and you are putting your naked self on the line.

I wonder how he would respond if it was the other way round? If I was you I would tell him that it is not something that you are against but you don't thinks it's something that friends do together even if it's for art.

Who suggested the skinny dipping? My impression is it was him, he seen you were up for that easily enough so straight away he's asking about photos, if you did the photos then what's next, what will he be suggesting next? Sounds like its possible he's slowly pushing you to be some kind of sexual toy. I just don't see what you have to gain from taking part in this but I can see that you would have a lot to loose.

skallywag

Naked digital photos in any context, irrespective of whether one is in a committed relationship or not, are terribly naive in my opinion.

OP, steer well clear.

Naked tree climbing? Leave it to the monkeys.

magicmushroom

No, no, no, no, no, no, no
And No.

OP you have let this guy get into your head - I have a feeling that you will look back at this in a few months time and say to yourself - Oh Jesus, what was I even thinking?!

Seriously, do not go there.
Stay friends, have fun, go on these weird naked 'dates' if you must (you'd be better off not though) but for the love of God, do NOT allow him to take pictures of you.

Stavro Mueller

Just to add, people who are into their photography like to show their work to other enthusiasts. If you think about it, why else would camera clubs exist? Or online communities like Flickr? Even is he wasn't hoping to take the pics for voyeuristic purposes, do you seriously believe he'd just leave them on his computer?

I bet it was him who suggested the skinny dipping. And once he saw you were up for that, he pushed the envelope and now we're into naked tree climbing and nude photos. What's the next step? Porn? It's time you put a value on your self worth and dignity and ended this before you've got regrets.

magicmushroom

I'm very confused about the whole naked tree climbing thing too - is this normal?
What an odd thing to suggest to someone!
Like, you'd in no way look good/sexy and neither would he - if we was above you, you're gonna look up and be peering right up his hole, ball sack flapping about in all its glory - yuck!! :eek:

walkingshadow

magicmushroom wrote: »

I'm very confused about the whole naked tree climbing thing too - is this normal?
What an odd thing to suggest to someone!
Like, you'd in no way look good/sexy and neither would he - if we was above you, you're gonna look up and be peering right up his hole, ball sack flapping about in all its glory - yuck!! :eek:

Well that's my lunch ruined.

kylith

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I bet it was him who suggested the skinny dipping. And once he saw you were up for that, he pushed the envelope and now we're into naked tree climbing and nude photos. What's the next step? Porn? It's time you put a value on your self worth and dignity and ended this before you've got regrets.

This does sound pretty spot on. You were ok with skinny dipping, so he suggested frolicking in the park. You went for that so, why not take some photos? If you went for the photos then why not film it? Sure ye may as well have sex, what with all this naked time ye have together. Since you're having sex sure you may as well film it...

If it's the kind of thing you're into OP, then that'd be one thing, but it sounds like the beginning of a somewhat seedy spiral.

LadyAthame

strobe wrote: »

Well you would have to trust that he actually deleted them, and didn't make copies, which can be done in half a second.

Even if he actually deletes them in front of you and there are no copies, they can be easily retrieved in a matter of minutes by most people. I just thought it was important to point that out to you in case. But you have ask why is he taking them if not to keep them? As others have said photography whilst maybe not even salacious is for looking at.

You are not even in a relationship with this man and he is giving you clear signals of being emotionally flakey or even opportunistic.

daisybelle2008

Climbing Trees naked doesn't sound like fun at all, I mean there are loads of pointy branches and even the trunk is rough and knobbly...your bits would literally be shredded to bits! I can't imagine anything less fun and sexy.