pregnant! maybe! panicing!

LegacyUser

ok, not me, but my partner, we think.

so, the end of February, start of March was the most stressful time of my partners life. without getting into too much detail, she was dealt some devastating news, news so bad that she threw up, on the spot; to give you an idea of how upsetting it was (note: this news was not health related). the following week or two were filled with the chaos and dismay that ensued.

so, last month, her period was due around the 15th of March (around a fortnight after the bad news), no sign of it, it didn't arrive. we assumed it was stress. we had been having protected sex (condom) the previous month, so i guess there was a minimal likelihood of pregnancy that we would like to eliminate. so after around 10 days we took a pregnancy test and it said we were not pregnant. phew, thought no more of it and chalked it up to a missed period due to stress.

so, this month, period due on the 12th and it didn't arrive. took a pregnancy test today and it says pregnant 3+ weeks. in the last month we have only had sex once, and it was protected.

we have made an appointment to see our GP, but they can't see us until Thursday. i would deem this a "crisis pregnancy". she is seriously panicking, i am seriously seriously panicking.

we have been in a relationship for close to 5 years (i am 25, she is 23), but we are both only graduating from college this summer and life is very "up in the air". we don't live together, we both only have weedy part time jobs, we are not ready for this. we both have accepted positions in graduate jobs ready to start at the end of the summer, we planned to move in together next year and although we both discussed in the past that we would like children in time (when we had some savings and a roof over our heads), we both agree that we are in no way able to provide or come close to providing at the moment with no home, no money worth talking about etc.

we are going to speak to someone in a crisis pregnancy center tomorrow to talk, but from my girlfriends talking, she doesn't want to keep it, which i understand and i fully back up her (our choice) whichever it may be (i understand this is a delicate subject and i don't want this thread to turn into an abortion debate). i love this girl, but i don't know what to do, i'm going out of my mind. is there a chance the second test could be wrong?

i don't know what i want to achieve by this thread. thanks for reading.

Tokyo

I realise that it's a stressful time for you both OP, but second guessing either test is going to get you nowhere, and realistically the only way you are going to get a conclusive answer either way is at your doctor's appointment on Thursday. It's easy for me to say, I appreciate that, but there isn't a whole lot you can do until then, and once you have an answer, then you can both decide how to move forward with this. From the sounds of it though, you are both supportive of each other and both seem to be on the sam page with what you both want, which is the best you can hope for in a situation like this.

The only thing you can do is be there for her through all of this, and I'd suggest you continue doing so.

njs030

A pregnancy test is based on the presence of a hormone in a woman's body that is only there during pregnancy.
So a positive test can't be wrong.

There's no point trying to guess when she got pregnant, check with a doctor and go from there. Trying to work out when it happened is just added stress at an already stressful time, just keep being supportive and working as a team and you will both be fine.

Best of luck op.


Edited to add that after some research I discovered positive tests can be false when the pregnancy hormone is caused by something else like medication. Its pretty rare but I don't want to be responsible for misinformation!!

iusedtoknow

Breath

1) take another test - there can be false positives. Do not rely on just one. Periods can be missed due to stress. IF you get another positive - then try and breath again.

2) It is Monday, while thursday may feel like a long shlep, it isn't and not much can be done in 4 days regardless. Breath and wait. While it may feel a "crisis" pregnancy - you can take of things in the UK up to 24 weeks - so you have lots of time.

3) breath again

Don't try second guess dates etc - protection can sometimes fail - not often, but it can. Just try and support each other - it sounds like you both have your heads screwed on, try and keep it that way and you'll come out of this fine on the other side.

yellow hen

I second all of the previous posters advice. If however she does turn out to be pregnant, don't panic. Take a week, a fortnight, whatever you need so you can both get to grips with your feelings. This is a horrible blow when you don't expect it but it's not the end of the world. Together, weigh everything up, and decide what is best for both of you. Try your best to leave parents, family and friends out of that discussion; anything they feel will be shortlived whereas you will live with your decision for the rest of your lives. If you make your decision together and carefully weigh up your feelings and what you want from your lives together/individually, then whatever decision you make is the right one for you, wherever the outcome. I know this is frightening for you but this is terrifying for your girlfriend, be there for her and offer her your love and support. Take care.

Neyite

Those tests can only count up until 3 weeks, just so you know, you could be 6 weeks along and it would still come up as +3 weeks on the display.

Try not to panic - easier said than done I know. False positives are rare and usually only occur with certain medications. So, unless she is on medications, its likely that she is pregnant.

But she has time to plan what she wants to do - honestly, while you cant sit around for months before deciding, you can take a week or so to think things through. Talking to a crisis agency is a good idea, but just check out that they are not faith-based. The likes of Positive Options are not affiliated with any religion and will give impartial advice.

Big Bag of Chips

Also, the weeks are counted from the date of her last period. Lets assume her cycle is the average 28 days. She had a period mid February. If you had sex 2 weeks later and conceived then, by the time she missed her period in mid March she would be counted as being 4 weeks pregnant even though it would be only 2 weeks since you conceived.

As others have said, you have time. Try to calm down. I know this is a stressful time for both of you, but remember it is your gf who is physically going through this. Anything that happens from this point on will happen to her body. So you need to be there to support her, to comfort her and to let her know that whatever you both decide to do she will be ok because you will be there with her.

Good luck to you both. I hope you get to talk to somebody today.

Rubberchikken

it's good that you're both going to talk to someone.
there's plenty of time for decisions when things calm down a little.

very best of luck with whatever decision you both make.

eviltwin

You're doing the right thing in talking to someone, its a lot to get your head around and its good to have an impartial person there to guide you through things. Don't rush into any decision, give yourself a week or so to think it over and decide what you want. You can make further follow up visits to the crisis pregnancy people if you need to. A crisis pregnancy is stressful but its not the end of the world, it just feels like it! Stay connected, keep talking and be there for each other. Best of luck.

zeffabelli

Try to remember whatever you and or her are saying to each other right now, it's the shock talking.

kjl

To be honest, a GP will probably give you the same test.

ahnowbrowncow

You only had sex once this month, it wasnt unprotected, she's in college and going through a tough time so a one night stand isn't implausible. I'd be getting a paternity test, for such a huge financial and life changing event I'd like to be 100% sure.

mapaca

ahnowbrowncow wrote: »

You only had sex once this month, it wasnt unprotected, she's in college and going through a tough time so a one night stand isn't implausible. I'd be getting a paternity test, for such a huge financial and life changing event I'd like to be 100% sure.

I don't think this is helpful to the OP. They might have only had sex once this month, but she has missed two periods. That means conception could have occurred as far back as the end of Feb, start of March, according to the dates given in the first post.

Anyway, they are going to see the doctor tomorrow. OP, best of luck, hope it all works out, whatever happens.

LegacyUser

It's definitely mine, not a question. We live together in college, 100% no one night stand type thing.

Anyway, went to a crisis pregnancy place yesterday and seen a doctor, confirmed the pregnancy, so cancelled the GP appointment. Now going to speak to a councellor tomorrow to talk about options.

We really aren't sure what to do at all yet. We are 8-9 weeks in apparently.

eviltwin

opagain wrote: »

It's definitely mine, not a question. We live together in college, 100% no one night stand type thing.

Anyway, went to a crisis pregnancy place yesterday and seen a doctor, confirmed the pregnancy, so cancelled the GP appointment. Now going to speak to a councellor tomorrow to talk about options.

We really aren't sure what to do at all yet. We are 8-9 weeks in apparently.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Have the chat tomorrow with the counsellor, take some time to absorb everything and work out a plan. Whatever you decide there is help and support out there and here. You'll get through this.

dd86

Hi OP, myself and my partner went through the same suitation in the past few weeks..... It's a very scary and lonely time. <mod snip - not permitted from our charter>

Pawwed Rig

kjl wrote: »

To be honest, a GP will probably give you the same test.

This ^^^^

Pregnancy tests are fairly accurate. When we had ours the GP did not take any further action and just assumed the pregnancy test was correct. You could test again for certainty but barring the medication issue that has already been mentioned these tests are a good indication.

maria34

Im sure councellor knows what options you have. Dont rush with decisions so you can make the right one for you both.