alcoholic family member

LegacyUser

Just asking for help here on what i should do next,

a family member i am very fond of has a problem with drink, a pattern has emerged where he tends to relapse at a particular time of the year and then stays off it the rest of the year,

the last time he relapsed i had his phone in my possession (for legit reasons) when a text popped up on the screen that i shouldn't have seen, but i did, it was very personal in nature and was very clear in it's meaning, it was from a male sexual partner of his clearly detailing a sexual act he wished to do to the relative, i figured he would not want other family members (who were also there at the time) to see it so i swiped it so it would go straight into his inbox and not remain on the screen where others would see it as far as i know none of them saw it or know. (none of us would read his inboxed messages and i must insist i ONLY read what came up on the screen as the message came in)

after he sobered up i felt as he is such a private person it was best to not mention what i saw, but i cannot help but feel this is one of the main reasons for his drinking, the loneliness stemming from this, that he cannot be honest with his family and this would have huge implications for his professional life so he keeps us all at arms length, he isn't a young family member and he wouldn't be able to change career at this stage in his life, i feel that the fact he has to hide away a huge part of himself is a major factor in stopping his recovery,

he can and does disclose other personal information to me that he wouldn't other family members, we would be quite close or as close as you can get to him, he know's i am an open person who wouldn't judge him, i too have had my fair share of mental issues and i found having someone to talk to so comforting, so now i am wondering should i sit down and talk to him about what i saw, i cannot help but feel if he knew i knew he'd have someone to turn to and talk to and it might help, but i am also worried he may shut down more, or worse i'd cause a relapse, but then i remind myself that saying nothing has had him relapsing anyway so what should i do?

ABajaninCork

I guess you can talk to him. But I definitely wouldn't tell him about what you saw. Not yet, anyway. If you go in guns blazing, then he might clam up and and things might be much worse. He won't tell you anything that way

Why not just ask him if everything's OK and see if he opens up to you. Maybe, if he talks, you might suggest counselling.

seventeen sheep

The thing is you can't really know that what you saw is the reason for his drinking. It could actually be a part of his life that he's quite happy and comfortable with.

It sounds like he has fairly genuine reasons for wanting to keep details of his sexuality from his family and from his colleagues. I know of quite a few people who are "out and proud", but who for whatever reason choose not to disclose their sexuality to their family or to their colleagues or both. However it's common knowledge amongst other friends and acquaintances.

There could be other issues altogether that are at the root of his alcoholism. I certainly wouldn't mention the text. As suggested above, best thing may be to open up a general discussion about how he's feeling ... and if he doesn't want to talk, just let him know that you're always there if he ever does. And I think leave it at that.

SepTomBer

It will be nice thing if he can talk to someone, especially that someone like you, a family member can understand him. Alcoholic can felt fears, they denied but deep inside they are alone. As for his situation, he can prevent relapse if he can learn some new constructive way of changing his lifestyle. Try suggesting him to seek for alcohol and drug center rehabilitation therapies and counseling. Your support will be a huge help for his recovery. Stay strong and i hope everything will be okay for him.