Not sure what Sister is doing!

LegacyUser

My sister is 25, starting her career as a teacher. But is now just announced she is pregnant and engaged to a man she knows only about 6 months. He is also 34( so he claims he looks older)

It all seems too convenient. as he has been trying to add overly nice to my parents the last number of weeks ,, it seemed a bit odd to me. Things have happened very quickly with them which is a worry as they are at different stages in their life. Mid thirties compared to mid twenties.

I obviously wont be getting involved but the situation dosent sit well with me.

What do you think or am I just being cynical. One minute they are going out few weeks, the next engaged and expecting their first child

blatantrereg

Sounds like she's rushing into things a lot alright, but you just have to leave her to it. Her life and all. I wouldn't see being overly nice to your parents as something to view suspiciously though. Just making an effort probably, which just indicates seriousness about the relationship.

Tokyo

With respect, it really doesn't seem to be any of your business - your sister is a grown adult, capable of making her own choices in life, and while six months isn't an overly long time, it is more than the 'just a few weeks' that you are trying to push.

It's natural to want the best for your siblings, but right now, with an engagement and a child on the way, she probably wants your support far more than your criticism.

deisemum

Keep out of it. I got engaged 5 months after meeting my husband, we'll be 25 years married next Monday and a lot happier than a lot of people who were years going out before getting engaged and married and then split up after a while.

It looks like you dislike her fiance and masking it with concern for your sister. Maybe time will prove that you're right to be concerned but that's up to your sister to make that choice.

BTW my sister in law disliked me before even meeting me or knowing much about me but she would have been the same with whoever he got involved with but my husband has no time for her now and eventually saw through her fake concern for him. Be careful and keep your opinions to yourself or you could be the one coming off the worst down the line.

Dolbert

Sounds like they had an unplanned pregnancy and are making the best of it. Either way it's none of your business, they are both adults. Are you an older sibling by any chance? Sometimes it's hard to let go of those family dynamics, but you really have no business telling her what to do.

Rubberchikken

for your own sake, best to stay out of it.
be a good sister and a good aunt and even a pleasant sister-in-law and if things work out then happy days. if not then you can be there to support your sister if needed.

jelenka

I was in same position as your sister, going out with someone for very short time and with a similar age gap. Found myself pregnant very early into our relationship. We are a very happy family now for over 6 years and I wouldn't change anything.

My advice is to support her, although she is playing happy family now you never know how things turn out, so she really doesn't need someone telling her that it's too early or he is too old for her and that she is rushing it, believe me - she knows it ( she won't admit it though)

What she needs to know is that she has people to support her no matter what.

skallywag

I can empathise with your concern OP though I don't see any alternative at this stage other than being positive and supportive. It's important to keep on good terms with your sister, she way well need your support in the future be it with the new arrival or just to have an ear to bend, etc.

These situations are impossible to call at such an early stage, I know that there is a risk of things going south but there are also plenty of examples (even on this thread alone) of things working out well.

Good luck!

eviltwin

What exactly do you expect her to do now OP? She's an adult so you have to trust her that she is going into this with her eyes open. Its always a worry when things happen very fast but it works that way for some people. I was pregnant and living with my boyfriend less than 6 months after we started going out and we're together nearly 20 years. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, thought we were mad too. Get to know her finace, be there for them both and try to be happy cause your post reads a bit of the green eyed monster.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm guessing the pregnancy was a surprise. So the engagement has happened quicker than it might have happened otherwise. She's 25 though. An adult. A fairly established adult at that! What would you prefer to happen? That the fella leaves her to be a single mother bringing up a baby on her own? Would that somehow be better?

I started seeing my husband in Feb. In June we became "official". In August we went about getting a mortgage, and in November we moved into our house. 15 years later we're still together. I was married at 25.

Your sister isn't a child, and whatever she's doing is her business. Just be happy for her. If it all goes pear shaped you can (silently) say "I told you so". She knows how you feel. My family were horrified that I was buying a house with someone I "didn't know"! It made it awkward for me to talk about something I was very happy and excited about.

Let your sister live her life. Because at the end of the day, it's not really going to affect you anyway.

dellas1979

guest200089 wrote: »

One minute they are going out few weeks, the next engaged and expecting their first child

OP I know - its hard to understand when your siblings dont live their life according to your ideas/rules. What is she thinking?

Back in reality, you have no business to make comments about her life.

Grandpa Hassan

Also, mid thirties to mid twenties does not necessarily mean that they at different stages of their life. My long term gf (soon to be wife) is 11 years younger than me, and we met when she was 25. And we were at similar life stages. The age gap is a non issue IMO

Big Bag of Chips

Something else to consider is that you, and I assume your family, are suspicious of this fella she's "only known a few weeks". I'm sure his family are equally suspicious of your sister and how she managed to "trap" him by getting pregnant so soon. Forcing him to get engaged etc.

The reality is, you're probably all wrong. Their relationship is between the two of them. Nobody else knows the intimacies of their relationship. You can all speculate as to who is taking advantage of whom, but at the end of the day, they are two capable adults who will go about their relationship however they see fit... Despite what everyone else thinks of them.

They're happy. Be happy for them. Allow them to be happy, and not to feel like they are doing something wrong.