how to deal with lost youth, if you are now not equal to women? :/

benjamiiin

Hi. I'm 28 years old and i never had sex. Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high school. Years were flying by and here we are - 27. You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem are those thoughts (facts) that are taking all my will to live away. I can't deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no kissing, no sex, no one night stands, relationship. All things that for most people are normal. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel they all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work. Also this inequality is showing in communication. You simply have nothing to talk about. I also have no friends, so cant go out. And since i don't have nothing to talk about, i cant meet new people (nothing to talk about even on internet).

Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i don't have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i take antidepressants which have taken at least the panic attacs and crying away, because o those thoughts about sex. But nothing cant take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this fact thoughts every day...

The problem is, whatever i would do, nothing can change the facts that i will be then a 22 year old boy who had the same amount sex as average boy in this age? Would an experienced men who had a lot of sex and different women want to trade his situation with me? No! This means i am worth nothing and i cant be on his level anymore.

LLMMML

Maybe it's just a figure of speech but you keep saying that since you haven't had sex you are "worth nothing". Do you think everyone who doesn't engage in sex is worth nothing? Nuns and priests? People waiting for marriage? Asexual people. Do you also view these people as worthless or just yourself?

benjamiiin

Worthless not, but they do not have in life the biggest pleasure - sex. And life without grestest pleasure is wasted life.

LLMMML

benjamiiin wrote: »

Worthless not, but they do not have in life the biggest pleasure - sex. And life without grestest pleasure is wasted life.

Sex isn't the greatest pleasure though. It has its good and bad points like all bodily pleasures. It can be messy, you can be with someone and end up lacking chemistry leading to awkwardness (and believe me things can get very awkward when you're naked), there can be health concerns, it can lead to messy emotions, pregnancy concerns, vulnerability, safety concerns etc. I think the first step for you is to take it off its pedestal.

benjamiiin

Its easy to say this if you have it... At least you alive something, you have something from life... i am all the time in my room, like in prison...i cant take this anymore... and being worthless for women

LLMMML

benjamiiin wrote: »

Its easy to say this if you have it... At least you alive something, you have something from life... i am all the time in my room, like in prison...i cant take this anymore... and being worthless for women

But again the problem is the pedestal. Yes it is easy for me to say. But it's also true. Do you at least realise that while you may feel worthless, RATIONALLY you have more to offer than just sex. Do you have friends? If sex is the only thing we can offer, do we have to have sex with our friends to be worth something? What I'm asking is can you put your negative feelings about yourself aside for a moment and see that objectively sex is not the only thing a person can offer?

LegacyUser

OP, I was 28 when I lost my virginity. Does this make me less of a person than someone who had sex at 16? Of course it doesn't. You obviously have serious self esteem issues which you need to get resolved. You should never think of yourself as nothing for any reason especially not because you haven't had sex yet.

benjamiiin

I sad i dont have friends. NOBODY. I cant go out with nobody on weekend or even on walk. Its the same as prison. And i am not person to go alone.

I know sex is not all, but its at least something and very important to some people. Its not just sex i didnt have. Its nothing i had from youth. Therefor i cant be equal and have now nothing to talk about with people. I am empty person.

baby and crumble

benjamiiin wrote: »

I sad i dont have friends. NOBODY. I cant go out with nobody on weekend or even on walk. Its the same as prison. And i am not person to go alone.

I know sex is not all, but its at least something and very important to some people. Its not just sex i didnt have. Its nothing i had from youth. Therefor i cant be equal and have now nothing to talk about with people. I am empty person.

If you truly believe that (I don't believe anyone is empty, you may not have lived a typical life thus far but that isn't a bad thing, and you've still lived a life that is worth something) then find ways to "fill yourself up". Sign up to an evening class, join a social group on meetup.com to tie together an interest and meeting new people.

shaymus27

You seem to be quite isolated.

You should talk to a doctor, psychologist or counsellor. You could talk to the samaritans for someone to talk to.

Some people have a lot of sex and it can be meaningless. People can go from one partner to the next never finding a meaningful relationship. Some never find a meaningful relationship. At some point in the future you may have a meaningful relationship which may be more than a lot of people will ever have.

Sex isn't the highest thing in life. There are plenty of brain dead people having sex with other brain dead people and it doesn't elevate their status above being brain dead people.

You want to have sex and there is nothing wrong with that. You will have sex in the future, you just need to sort yourself out first to increase your chances of having a social and sexual life.

You have no sexual diseases and have no child responsibilities so you may be more of a catch than you think. (I am not disrespecting anyone who does).

It may be sad the way your life has evolved but sexual relationships don't give you worth. This is faulty thinking which suggests you need help to correct this thinking.

While people will have histories, I don't know any male who thinks that the more history a woman has the better. Why value women so highly if they sleep around a lot? A lot of women don't sleep around a lot. I'm sure a woman wouldn't think less of you because of your inexperience.

You are caught in a cycle of thinking, that a psychologist or someone qualified might be able to help you with. Seek help and look forward to improving your life and meeting a woman in the future who you can make up for all your lost years of not having sex with. I'm sure you would make a woman very happy if you did that!

LadyAthame

Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i don't have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i take antidepressants which have taken at least the panic attacs and crying away, because o those thoughts about sex. But nothing cant take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since highschool, were on so many parties and so on.

This is your insecurity and nothing more. Sex is starting from point zero with every new person.

Therefor i cant be equal and have now nothing to talk about with people. I am empty person.

You know those trolling phone calls people get this reads like someone who has internalized those voices. I command it stops.

You have not lived a usual life ok...but you have lived a unique life. Sex is wide and varied ...but it's not the highest in life and you will be very disappointed if you think this. You could go to a group of extreme bdsm groups sex enthusiasts and swing from the chandeliers until dawn you could have sex with 300 people in the next year. It's still just you.


You are a very very different person that makes you interesting.

Point zero is fascinating. The start is one of the best bits.

I have always had a thing for innocence in men. 'This means i am worth nothing and i cant be on his level anymore. ' Illogical you have something to give and experience that he has already given, you have your first love and first sexual experience to give to someone ...that my friend is special...it is no more special or less special than someone giving their second time or third time ...but it IS special.

You will find someone who accepts you as you are all of your fears and all of the things you try to hide from the world and loves you and wants you to be happy. And that op is worthwhile.

We all have fears about inadequacies yours are obsessive. None sees you this way trully and even if someone SAYS they do it's really just bullying. So STOP bullying yourself.

Some people have been hearing from others for a long time how different they are etc. Nerd , Freak , blah blah blah.....it's BS from saddos who never developed from primary school. Don't internalize those voices. Your post really reads like a nasty note passed to you from high school from a disgruntled bully.

Be kind to you 'nothing to talk about with people. '

You are talking to us now aren't you?

An you are talking deep and real. 'and being worthless for women' I am female you are not worthless to me i see more than sex i see a human. I am sure many female posters here feel the same.

benjamiiin

Yes women would not thing less of me, BUT would she like to trade with me? Have the same meaningless youth without sex, orgasms and contact with males, party and fun? NO. And this says all about my worth and how much life is worth.

And no sex is meaningless, because you can touch and lick beautiful body and this is the biggest treasure in life for me.

You dont understand my situation. I cant go out! I am actually in prison with no friends to go out. Its the same as prison. I feel like being locked in cage in my room. Its all too complicated, no way out

LadyAthame

I would not trade my mind for yours because my mind would not fallen prey the the negativity and self loathing that yours has in the life circumstances you describe. If you are unhappy you need to talk to a professional.

Sex is meaningless without self esteem. To me sex is meaningless without love and mutual respect a beautiful body is meaningless without understanding and love of that person and from that person. Sex is not the biggest treasure in life. I would not want to live with that world view. I like sex, it's beautiful but i wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was the most important part of a relationship let alone life.
Trust me though for men and women sex is meaningless without self esteem. If you can't find the holy grail within you cannot find it without.

By all means try you can chase all the meaningless tail you want in pursuit of self esteem. You will end up still at point zero.

If you want to pursue sexual experimentation with many or multiple partners do so from a place of self worth and kindness see yourself as more than an object of sexual gratification and see others as more too. You will enjoy sex more then anyway.

I think you need to reach out to a professional. If you feel this bad seek help.

benjamiiin

I will not go to professional anymore. Not even the best on the world can change the facts that all people had sex in youth and what all have beautiful girls alived in sex I simply cant be on their level anymore.

Just take porn for example. There is nothing more beautiful on this world for me watching girls what they do there. Or women durring sex. Is the greatest art on the world. And i didnt have this, for all other people it was something totaly normal

First comes sex, then come other parts of life. If you didnt have sex, all other is not important for me...

bee06

Firstly, not all people have sex when they are young. There are loads of people who are in your same situation but they (hopefully) have a healthier mental attitude about it.

In your previous post you mentioned you are in a cage and you can't go out. You have put yourself in this cage yourself and you are the only person who can free you from it.

benjamiiin

I cant go out of this cage. Firsty i know how i feel compare to other people. How much more adult they can act in compay. Second, i dont have anyone to go out with though i would love to do many things, but alone its not possible and its useless to do those things, if you can never say in your life you had all those great sexual things in youth as other young people like girls in porn

bee06

Real life is in no way like it is in porn. You have a completely skewed view of reality and you need to get help.

LadyAthame

OP you are not the way you see yourself. That's all give yourself a break.

benjamiiin

How am i not, be real people.

1. people have alived all kind of things in youth, been going out with friends, party, done adult, normal things (80% of people)
2. people had partners, relationships, sex
3. people finished school, have good paid jobs

i have nothing of this!

And then you tell me i am not how i see myself. The results and numbers say it all, please...

Blue Iris

People are trying to offer you suggestions about how to help yourself move out of your prison. They care that you are suffering so deeply. All change starts in our minds. They're trying to help you see that if you only believe your own negative thoughts change will be impossible.

It sounds as if you've had a horrible childhood and are very wounded by your experience. That is really sad. Because of that your thinking has become distorted. That is very normal and would happen to anyone who went through what you have gone through.

How can we get through to you? For your pain to ease you need help and support. If you refuse to see this no one will be able to say anything that you will find helpful. It will be like going round in circles. Even if you disagree with us please try to open your mind to the possibility that there is good advice from the posters who have replied.

shaymus27

I have built things up in my head that didn't end up being a big deal in the end. We all have.

I think that because you haven't much of a life you have got in to the habit we all can have of thinking too much and thinking too much about one thing that you are obsessed with.

The more of a life you have the less you will obsess about any one thing.

I think porn is horrible. When you do have a sexual life you might change your mind on porn.

You need to see a psychologist or some professional to help you cope with your thinking and lack of life in general. From this you will have a better chance of meeting a woman. Your life as it is today can change. You are not in a position to help yourself so you need help from a professional. See it as the first step to meeting a woman.

benjamiiin

Its not negative thoughts, its reality unfortunately. Its reality i am so behind in all those aspects of life.

I did not have horrible childhood. It was good actually.

I dont know where you live, but people have sex out there. So how can i be equal to them. The biggest art of life is always available to them. To me it wasn't. And even now its not. You dont know how it feels to be around people who have all alived more. Yes i know there are some examples, but i always watch majority and always will.

Penny Tration

You don't seem to want help, op.

People here have offered you great advice and insight and you just keep saying 'but my life is meaningless because I haven't had sex.'

If it's THAT important to you, I'd suggest you go get an escort.

Sex isn't the big deal you seem to think it is. I've known men your age who hadn't had sex, and so what? Who cares?

Not partying or having sex in your early twenties doesn't mean you have nothing to talk about with new people.

The fact that you don't go out, make friends, have a job or have hobbies - that's why you have nothing to talk about.

You're focusing on sex, when you should focus on getting everything else in your life sorted out.

benjamiiin

Escort doesnt help... this has nothing to do with facts that people in youth had regular sex mostly...

Yes, you have meet some men like that, but have they been all their youth in their room only, doing nothing? No they didnt...

Hobbies? I dont know in which fairy tale you live that you can have hobbies withouh company, partners. All of those that interest me, you need. You dont know how emberessing it is to meet new people where it shows you have no past, no friends...

Penny Tration

benjamiiin wrote: »

Escort doesnt help... this has nothing to do with facts that people in youth had regular sex mostly...

Yes, you have meet some men like that, but have they been all their youth in their room only, doing nothing? No they didnt...

Hobbies? I dont know in which fairy tale you live that you can have hobbies withouh company, partners. All of those that interest me, you need. You dont know how emberessing it is to meet new people where it shows you have no past, no friends...

So every single young person has regular sex? I think you'll find you're wrong!

Actually yes, some of them did. I even dated one who did absolutely nothing til he met me, and hadn't had sex. As far as I know (I didn't sleep with him) , he's still a virgin but happy.

Why do you need to know people to develop hobbies? Go join some classes, join meet up.com, you'll meet new people that way.

All you're doing right now is telling everybody they're wrong. If you want to wallow in self pity, fair enough, but that may be more suited to a blog.

benjamiiin

I am on some online dating sites but is useless. No women want to talk there. How are you, what are you doing, what do you like? And then nothing other comes... women ask nothing back. You have to do all the work.

Yes, its easy to give suggestions to others? Do you know in how small city i live where nothing happens. Where everybody knows everybody and you are strange for them. Where you go out and always see some couples, never a alone beautiful girl.

Penny Tration

benjamiiin wrote: »

I am on some online dating sites but is useless. No women want to talk there. How are you, what are you doing, what do you like? And then nothing other comes... women ask nothing back. You have to do all the work.

Yes, its easy to give suggestions to others? Do you know in how small city i live where nothing happens. Where everybody knows everybody and you are strange for them. Where you go out and always see some couples, never a alone beautiful girl.

So what if you're from a small city? I'd imagine there are classes and clubs you could join to meet people. So what if you never see beautiful women on their own? You should be sorting your life out before trying to meet women anyway.

You sound very unwell. I really think you should see your gp.

Chucky the tree

What exactly is the point of this thread benjamiiin?

benjamiiin

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

So what if you're from a small city? I'd imagine there are classes and clubs you could join to meet people. So what if you never see beautiful women on their own? You should be sorting your life out before trying to meet women anyway.

You sound very unwell. I really think you should see your gp.

No there are not classes like this here and i dont even wanna be out around people who know me any my shame. Now its too late for everything unfortunately.

You dont know how it is if you have nothing to talk about...its prison...

Penny Tration

benjamiiin wrote: »

No there are not classes like this here and i dont even wanna be out around people who know me any my shame. Now its too late for everything unfortunately.

You dont know how it is if you have nothing to talk about...its prison...

It's not too late.

The reason you have nothing to talk about is because you are choosing to do nothing with your life.

So, what do you want from this thread?

benjamiiin

As i said its easy to give others suggestions if you dont understand his pain and facts...how crucial they are.

You dont know what is total loneliness... Being in your room for whole week without going out or talking to somebody.

I want people be objective and tell how those beautiful girls who had many sex partners think about loosers like me. And girls who had this great life tell they would never want trade with my past with no sex...

Penny Tration

You're making a lot of assumptions about people in this thread.

We all understand loneliness. We all understand pain. You seem to think you have it worse than everyone else in the world. You don't. You choose not to go out. You chose not to have sex. You chose not to have a job. You chose not to have hobbies. You chose this life, so either live with it or change it.

If you want to know how women would view you - well, based on your comments about sex and 'beautiful' women, I'd see you as very intense.

If you get off your backside and go develop some hobbies, speak to people, get a job, get yourself a life - women will be interested.

MissFlitworth

benjamiiin wrote: »

I want people be objective and tell how those beautiful girls who had many sex partners think about loosers like me.

If you're talking about girls you see in porn you're never going to meet them, they may as well be fictional. Don't get hung up on the impression that people you watch on a screen might have of you.

If you're talking about normal women you might in real life then not having had sex is not nearly as unattractive, not in the same remote ballpark of unattractiveness, as someone who feels intensely sorry for themselves, does nothing with their lives because of some perceived lack of worth and calls themself a loser. You're not a freak, people come to sex at different stages in their lives. Seriously, listen to the people telling you to get up, go outside and find things to occupy yourself and stop sitting around obsessing about sex & porn. You're making that side of things a way, way bigger deal than it is compared to the fact that you don't seem to do anything but sit in your room watching porn & obsessing.

RINO87

Benjamin, please seek help. Reach out, there are many many people you can talk to. Try something small today. If you have to visit the shops today for any reason say hello to the person at the till, if you are buying food ask them what they think of it, how you would cook it etc. Conversations Begin over the strangest things and none of them necessarily need to be about your past or your life!! The best thing about life is you never know what is going to happen!!

Throw out and disregard any ideas that tv/movies/porn my have given you, these things are not real and people who live their lives in that way are not necessarily happy!

kylith

Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help. You need to get out and meet people; join a book club, a pub quiz team, a football team, a painting class, volunteer in an Oxfam shop, join an internet group for something you're interested in and go along to meet ups, anything that will bring you into contact with people. Forget about meeting women until you're at a stage where you are happy with yourself.

benjamiiin wrote: »

I want people be objective and tell how those girls who had many sex partners think about loosers like me.

I've had a few partners in my time and I can honestly say that decent women don't care how many sexual partners you've had. Never even think about it. Don't want to know about your sexual past. Couldn't be of less importance. Trust me, a guy who has had loads of sex and is convinced that he's the worlds greatest lover is much worse than a guy who's a bit nervous.

MissFlitworth

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

I love how the female posters are just basically saying 'its just sex, what's the big deal lol'

I don't think that's what people are saying. I think that they're saying is that being a 28 year old virgin isn't a big deal (if admittedly a little different to where most people are sexually at that age), and it's not something that a woman is going to know unless you tell her. You can't smell virginity off someone. And that you're not going to have sex until you (the OP) gets out of your room, leaves the enormous deal that you're making of this behind you, and starts talking to real life women instead of looking at porn and obsessing about 'the girls' in it.

Just Be Yourself

MissFlitworth wrote: »

I don't think that's what people are saying. I think that they're saying is that being a 28 year old virgin isn't a big deal (if admittedly a little different to where most people are sexually at that age), and it's not something that a woman is going to know unless you tell her. You can't smell virginity off someone. And that you're not going to have sex until you (the OP) gets out of your room, leaves the enormous deal that you're making of this behind you, and starts talking to real life women instead of looking at porn and obsessing about 'the girls' in it.

That's I'm getting from it. Here's what one poster said

'Sex is meaningless without self esteem. To me sex is meaningless without love and mutual respect a beautiful body is meaningless without understanding and love of that person and from that person. Sex is not the biggest treasure in life. I would not want to live with that world view. I like sex, it's beautiful but i wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was the most important part of a relationship let alone life.'

Do you know why men NEVER say things like this? Because most men don't get much sex, except for the top 10% who won the genetic lottery. There's a reason it's called 'getting lucky'. We don't have the luxury of turning down sex because there's no 'mutual respect'!

woodchuck

You can't change the past. But you CAN change the future. That's what you should be focusing on right now. If you're not happy, you have take the steps to make the change. I'm not saying it won't be hard, of course it will be, but you have to DO something.

And yes, of course it's easy to give advice. But you're not the only person who has to push themselves to change their lives. We ALL have. I suffered from crippling shyness as a teenager. No friends. No life. No hobbies. I KNOW what the pain is like, trust me. But I got up off my ass and DID something about it!!!

You've been given some great practical advice on here already. Personally I think you need to start off small and take up a solo hobby for a short time (e.g. running). Then you could turn to group activities (meetup.com is great for this; even if you need to travel a bit). By doing something solo first, that will give you something to talk about in a group situation.

I wouldn't even be thinking about women/dating/sex yet. You really need to work on yourself first. It'll be a long hard road, but it's not going to happen unless you force yourself to take those first steps. The longer you put it off, the longer it's going to take.

(and even though I personally believe the lack of sex is the least of your problems, for whatever it's worth, I'm a female around your age and and I have a couple of friends who have had very little or no sex, but are very happy with their lives. So you're not an alien. And women really don't care as much about a guy who doesn't have much sexual experience. If anything it's a bonus as it's proof that someone isn't a just a horndog!)

benjamiiin

woodchuck wrote: »

You can't change the past. But you CAN change the future. That's what you should be focusing on right now. If you're not happy, you have take the steps to make the change. I'm not saying it won't be hard, of course it will be, but you have to DO something.

And yes, of course it's easy to give advice. But you're not the only person who has to push themselves to change their lives. We ALL have. I suffered from crippling shyness as a teenager. No friends. No life. No hobbies. I KNOW what the pain is like, trust me. But I got up off my ass and DID something about it!!!

You've been given some great practical advice on here already. Personally I think you need to start off small and take up a solo hobby for a short time (e.g. running). Then you could turn to group activities (meetup.com is great for this; even if you need to travel a bit). By doing something solo first, that will give you something to talk about in a group situation.

I wouldn't even be thinking about women/dating/sex yet. You really need to work on yourself first. It'll be a long hard road, but it's not going to happen unless you force yourself to take those first steps. The longer you put it off, the longer it's going to take.

(and even though I personally believe the lack of sex is the least of your problems, for whatever it's worth, I'm a female around your age and and I have a couple of friends who have had very little or no sex, but are very happy with their lives. So you're not an alien. And women really don't care as much about a guy who doesn't have much sexual experience. If anything it's a bonus as it's proof that someone isn't a just a horndog!)

I am jogging already. Never meet any girls and even if i would, you dont talk with people there. My look is not problem. I look attractive to many women. But they dont know my facts about my past, how i was in room. Every women would run away then (at least those good looking). You don't believe? Why then most of women run away in chat when you start talking about problems? Because women these days can have man without problems.

Yes, they dont care if guy has much sexual experience. I said this many times before. But the point is if they would want the same past as i had. And if the answer is no, this shows my worth. Its practicly saying, you are not good enough for me, because of your past.

TheBeardedLady

I wouldn't want the same past as many people I love but that doesn't mean they're unworthy in my eyes. Strange logic.



Tbh, you can regret your past 'till the cows come home but no one can help you unless you want to change yourself. What if we agreed with everything you're saying? Then what?

The point of coming of here is to get advice and as you can see from the thousands of threads, you're not the only one who had a less than ideal past. Unfortunately no one can help you if you're not even willing to see their point of view.

Penny Tration

Op, you say you have no friends and have never had a relationship.

You also say women run when you tell them your problems.

Why are you telling people who aren't your friends or girlfriend your problems?

If an acquaintance started telling me all of his or her problems, I'd run a mile too. It's way too intense.

woodchuck

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Op, you say you have no friends and have never had a relationship.

You also say women run when you tell them your problems.

Why are you telling people who aren't your friends or girlfriend your problems?

If an acquaintance started telling me all of his or her problems, I'd run a mile too. It's way too intense.

This!!!

When you're just getting to know someone the conversation should be light hearted and fun. Talk about your hobbies (i.e. your running. And presumably if you've spent your life in your room you probably have a keen interest in tv, movies, music and books to discuss). Ask them about their hobbies/life. Have a laugh over whatever it is you're doing at the time.

It's the intensity that's driving people away.

Chucky the tree

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

That's I'm getting from it. Here's what one poster said

'Sex is meaningless without self esteem. To me sex is meaningless without love and mutual respect a beautiful body is meaningless without understanding and love of that person and from that person. Sex is not the biggest treasure in life. I would not want to live with that world view. I like sex, it's beautiful but i wouldn't want to be with someone who thought it was the most important part of a relationship let alone life.'

Do you know why men NEVER say things like this? Because most men don't get much sex, except for the top 10% who won the genetic lottery. There's a reason it's called 'getting lucky'. We don't have the luxury of turning down sex because there's no 'mutual respect'!

Getting sex has nothing to do with luck. It has to do with competence. If you're incompetent with women you won't have much sex. If you're competent with women you will have sex.

The reason most men call it's "getting lucky" is because most men are too embarrassed to basically say that they are incompetent with women.

Neyite

First impressions last. If the first impression of you a woman gets is a negative, miserable moany person, no wonder they do a runner.

You don't even like that side of you, so why would you expect a woman to find that sexy or attractive?

kylith

Focussing on the sex part is going about it arse-backward. The question shouldn't be 'how can I get women to have sex with me?' it should be 'how can I meet people with whom I can form relationships?'

Dolbert

kylith wrote: »

Focussing on the sex part is going about it arse-backward. The question shouldn't be 'how can I get women to have sex with me?' it should be 'how can I meet people with whom I can form relationships?'

This. If you come across as obsessed with sex in real life as you do online, of course women are going to sense that and run a mile! How about forgetting about porn and actually trying to get to know a woman as a human being?

Just Be Yourself

The best way to get women is be a scumbag. Shave your head, get a tattoo, do drugs. Being a violent alcoholic is also recommended.

Whatever you do, don't try and be a decent guy who treats women with respect because then you will surely be alone!

bee06

Just Be Yourself wrote: »

The best way to get women is be a scumbag. Shave your head, get a tattoo, do drugs. Being a violent alcoholic is also recommended.

Whatever you do, don't try and be a decent guy who treats women with respect because then you will surely be alone!

I'll let my respectful, kind, thoughtful husband he apparently should be thanking his lucky stars I even looked at him never mind married him so.

dudara

@ Just Be Yourself - please take the time read the charter and watch your posting style. If you continue to post in this manner, your access rights will be removed.

dudara

Just Be Yourself

Alright, sorry. But it is a valid point that many women will reward scumbags with sex while overlooking the nice guy. There are serial killers on death row getting fan mail from women every day!

dudara

Please stick to offering constructive advice to the OP. Anything else will not be tolerated.

dudara