Feeling powerless to protect my child

LegacyUser

My exes (not in the picture) parents are taking me to court for access to my preschool aged child because I won't let them take her on her own to their home halfway across the country every month. I have given them scheduled access in my home town which they have repeatedly thrown back in my face.

From past experience, I have a very real fear that my child's safety and wellbeing are at risk if they get their own way in way in court.

I feel absolutely powerless to protect my child and I'm barely coping day to day with the worry.

I'm afraid of the ramifications of ignoring a court order but I can't possibly let my child be taken by these people.

Has anyone been through anything similar or have any advice from me? I'm sick with worry.

athtrasna

worriedmum56 wrote: »

<Snip> Please don't unnecessarily quote large bodies of text.

They have no automatic entitlement to access and courts may not grant it. I'm on mobile so can't post the link but there's a current thread in legal discussion called Harassment by someone in a similar position and the courts did not give the grandparents any right to access.

LegacyUser

athtrasna wrote: »

They have no automatic entitlement to access and courts may not grant it. I'm on mobile so can't post the link but there's a current thread in legal discussion called Harassment by someone in a similar position and the courts did not give the grandparents any right to access.

I read that thread earlier. That seemed to have a lot of evidence though, I have nothing like that.

Big Bag of Chips

The thing about it is though, once it goes to a judge it is out of your hands. And a judge may well grant them the access that they ask for. The best you can do is keep evidence of what you have offered so far, and what they have refused. If you can show the judge you are being reasonable then they are more likely to listen to you. If you are offering access but the grandparents are turning it down you may be able to convince a judge that they are not interested in access to your child, but rather getting one over on you by having the child go to their house. Above everything get the best solicitor you can afford. You can be certain they'll have one.

You don't mention the access your ex has. Does he see your child? Does he take them for access/overnights? Could the grandparents' access be built into the time your ex has access?

MrWalsh

Have you got evidence of your past experience or experiences? Anything you can use as proof?

zeffabelli

Has paternity been established?

Can they prove they actually are the grandparents?

What is the context of their relationship? Do you know these people at all? Are they strangers to both you and the child?

Does your ex pay maintenance?

Neyite

Get a journal and start backdating all the dates and times that you can remember where you offered visits and were turned down, go through your texts or emails to build a picture. Save those text/emails to a usb.

Write down your description of the incidents that make you fear for your child's safety and well-being, with approximate dates if you can - write down who witnessed it, if that's applicable. Even if its as simple as not adhering to your feeding schedule, or threats to take the child to a location unknown to you. Or any kind of remarks or threats or hints that concern you. Put everything down, and you'll see you probably have more evidence than you think you do. Keep it factual, and dont embellish the facts.

Would you consider talking to social services? Tell them why you feel you child would be at risk during an unsupervised visit, they might have suggestions for you or at least you've flagged the grandparents as a concern. They might be able to help you in terms of bolstering your concerns to a judge.

You've been willing to give them supervised visits and that shows that you are reasonable yet cautious about the care they can provide. See if you can get legal advice. You might be able to talk to someone in Citizens Advice who can advise you on legal concerns, but you'd probably need to see a solicitor for proper legal advice.

Rubberchikken

i know you say you fear for your child's safety while with them - do you have proof that something has happened in the past or proof that the child's safety would be at risk with them. if so this would help.
i second a good solicitor with experience of this. showing the judge that you have made reasonable attempts to have the grandparents visit their grandchild in it's own environment can help.

getting as much good advice as possible is vital. best of luck.

zeffabelli

Rubberchikken wrote: »

i know you say you fear for your child's safety while with them - do you have proof that something has happened in the past or proof that the child's safety would be at risk with them. if so this would help.
i second a good solicitor with experience of this. showing the judge that you have made reasonable attempts to have the grandparents visit their grandchild in it's own environment can help.

getting as much good advice as possible is vital. best of luck.

Im confused. Is she legally obliged to give them access?

Why does she have to demonstrate this?

MrWalsh

zeffabelli wrote: »

Im confused. Is she legally obliged to give them access?

Why does she have to demonstrate this?

No, that's why they are going to court.

But it shows she is reasonable and willing to allow access, so long as it's supervised and isn't just trying to punish them or use the child as a pawn etc..

Big Bag of Chips

zeffabelli wrote: »

Im confused. Is she legally obliged to give them access?

Why does she have to demonstrate this?

Grandparents don't have an automatic right to access. But they can apply for leave to apply for access. Which means they first have to ask the permission of a judge to apply for access. Once that is granted they then apply for access. Once it gets to that stage it is out of the parents' hands, and the judge makes the call.

This is why you need good reason, and proof where possible, why you don't want them having access.

Ms. Pingui

The leave stage is being taken out of law now with the child and family relationships bill. They will just need to apply like a dad would now. It's totally ridiculous.
I'm in the middle of this too, back to court in June because they didn't bother showing up last time. :mad:

zeffabelli

Ms. Pingui wrote: »

The leave stage is being taken out of law now with the child and family relationships bill. They will just need to apply like a dad would now. It's totally ridiculous.
I'm in the middle of this too, back to court in June because they didn't bother showing up last time. :mad:

Counter sue for maintenance. :-)

Counter claim with a harrassment order.

Ms. Pingui

zeffabelli wrote: »

Counter sue for maintenance. :-)

Counter claim with a harrassment order.

Maintenance- I can't they have rights but no responsibilities. :rolleyes:

The harassment would bring more trouble I'd say.

zeffabelli

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Grandparents don't have an automatic right to access. But they can apply for leave to apply for access. Which means they first have to ask the permission of a judge to apply for access. Once that is granted they then apply for access. Once it gets to that stage it is out of the parents' hands, and the judge makes the call.

This is why you need good reason, and proof where possible, why you don't want them having access.

To an extent its out of your hands, the judge will make the call based on the story you present to them, and that is very much in your hands.

Big Bag of Chips

There was a woman on another forum a few years ago, whose mother was looking for overnight access, once a month to the woman's 8 year old son. The mother had been verbally and emotionally abusive to the woman and her sister since they were children. Continuing into their adulthood. She went to court and was granted overnight access once a month.

This was despite the woman putting across her story. One thing that might have gone against the woman was she said she got very upset in court and couldn't fully get her side of the story across. Her son came home from his first overnight with his granny saying his nanny said this/that/the other about her. And that he slept in the same bed as his nanny but she told him not to tell his mammy.

That woman had to stick to that order and send her son to her mother's house once a month.

Get a solicitor and let them do the talking as much as possible.

Ms. Pingui

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

There was a woman on another forum a few years ago, whose mother was looking for overnight access, once a month to the woman's 8 year old son. The mother had been verbally and emotionally abusive to the woman and her sister since they were children. Continuing into their adulthood. She went to court and was granted overnight access once a month.

This was despite the woman putting across her story. One thing that might have gone against the woman was she said she got very upset in court and couldn't fully get her side of the story across. Her son came home from his first overnight with his granny saying his nanny said this/that/the other about her. And that he slept in the same bed as his nanny but she told him not to tell his mammy.

That woman had to stick to that order and send her son to her mother's house once a month.

Get a solicitor and let them do the talking as much as possible.

Jesus, that's a disgrace!

zeffabelli

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

There was a woman on another forum a few years ago, whose mother was looking for overnight access, once a month to the woman's 8 year old son. The mother had been verbally and emotionally abusive to the woman and her sister since they were children. Continuing into their adulthood. She went to court and was granted overnight access once a month.

This was despite the woman putting across her story. One thing that might have gone against the woman was she said she got very upset in court and couldn't fully get her side of the story across. Her son came home from his first overnight with his granny saying his nanny said this/that/the other about her. And that he slept in the same bed as his nanny but she told him not to tell his mammy.

That woman had to stick to that order and send her son to her mother's house once a month.

Get a solicitor and let them do the talking as much as possible.

JEsus Christ. Biological fathers get less access. That is so messed up.

So your own parents can sue you, the other parents can sue you, your ex boyfriend can sue you, the father can all ask for acccess now. You could theoretically end up with a bunch of court orders and no time with your own kids. And the only person who has to pay any maintenance is the biological father!

It's sick.