Feel inferior to others professionally

meadow30

Hi, I feel insecure about my job when around friends and family, most of whom are in traditional professions e.g. doctor, lawyer etc. I'm a community worker and when asked what I do at social occasions people just say 'oh right' and change the subject, or at best say what I do sounds 'interesting.' This is in contrast to others being asked multiple questions about illnesses or court cases etc. They also talk a lot about their jobs and are immediately understood, whereas for me people'e eyes seem to glaze over when I give an example of what I do, or they look confused. My parents tell me constantly how my successful siblings are doing and never know when I have an important work day coming up/have to give a presentation etc., even though I tell them sometimes. I am academically very strong and could have done any of these careers but didn't have a passion for them. I don't have a huge passion for what I do now, but do like that I can help people in a practical way.

Any advice? My SO thinks I am mad to be even feeling this way; he knows I am smart and thinks the other jobs are boring and that I should be proud of what I do. I feel like I wish I could achieve more, but in my career it's not a ladder type structure so it is hard to know how to stand out and sometimes I wonder if I'm only doing it to impress others. Any advice appreciated.

TizTaly2015

This sounds like me. Is this me?? ;-)

I know exactly what you mean. I am in the same job 12+ years in a similar field. My family/friends still don't know what I do (I feel like Chandler from friends sometimes)

My advice to you - its a job. Its a means to an end. You don't HAVE to explain yourself to people. If someone asks you what you do, I always say 'its too complicated, you wouldn't understand'. This gets a laugh, sometimes it doesn't but it moves people swiftly on to the next topic of conversation.

Also, if there is no career progression options for you, is it possible to change career direction? Not sure what age bracket you're in but I went back to college 6 years ago at the age of 29 to give myself the qualification that I will need if/when I leave my current job.....

Good luck OP

LegacyUser

I'm in one of those professions people ask you questions about all the time - I've a pain in the face getting cornered by bores and angry people who expect me to solve their problems while I'm off the clock and in the pub, or are just fixated on some problem and want to rant about it, so the other side of this coin isn't always all that great either )

If you do want people to ask and understand more, maybe be more specific. "I'm a community worker, I organise return to education programmes for adults/sports for kids/relocation for the homeless/visiting programmes for the elderly", or whatever is a handy one-liner about your job, will likely facilitate people asking more questions and showing more interest.

meeeeh

Lawyer or doctor are the easiest professions to talk about. Everyone gets sick and everyone knows some criminal cases. My best friend became a general manager of a company with couple of hundred employees at 27, they are supplying stone for luxury yatchs (some of the most expensive ever made) and hotels. Whenever we meet we talk about cases his solicitor wife does and very little about his job.

How easy or interesting it is for other people to talk about something really doesn't indicate how prestigious or interesting the profession is. Btw I am not saying being a lawyer or doctor isn't prestigious profession but you would be surprised how many questions can car mechanic get.

kyogger

meadow30 wrote: »

Any advice? My SO thinks I am mad to be even feeling this way; he knows I am smart and thinks the other jobs are boring and that I should be proud of what I do. I feel like I wish I could achieve more, but in my career it's not a ladder type structure so it is hard to know how to stand out and sometimes I wonder if I'm only doing it to impress others. Any advice appreciated.

Hi meadow. For a start it sounds to me like you have a good partner. A reassuring supportive person who is not materialistic. Your choosing of this kind of partner says a lot about you also.

I would say inferiority can be measured in many different ways. Job title and bank account balance are the measure used by many but to be honest that says more about the people who are using these gauges than those who are measured by them.

When it comes to being a good person I would hazard that you are not inferior.

When it comes to having friend and being kind to family I would hazard that you are not inferior.

When it comes to having a good partner I can see from your post you are not inferior.

I genuinely can say I have not observed any correlation between career and how interesting a person is. You will find that there are many people you will meet who are super intelligent who just never really had a chance, and conversely people in well respected jobs who were spoon fed through life to get there.

Stick with the real measures of value in a person and you will soon notice there are plenty of doctors and lawyers who are inferior to you.

cactuspaw

Being a community worker is an amazing job. you are just as good as doctors/lawayers in that you are helping people improve and better their lives. if you have pride in what you are doing you should never feel ashamed or inferior about it. I work with young people. its not a high paid job at all and i have many friends who are engeneers and lawyers, but that is just their job. your job is different, but equally as challenging (legal issues, housing issues, funding cuts, security, education problems etc).
Just because people people dont understand what community work is dose not mean its valid. your job is to empower and educate people. even if that people who think just play games with kids.
If all else fails, do what i do and say your a social worker.

meadow30

Thanks to all for your thoughtful and kind comments. Yes I know there is more to most of us than simply a job title but sometimes it feels like that us how we are judged or classed by others. The worst for me is people assuming that because I'm not in a high achieveing career that i am perhaps not as intelligent as those who are. The whole status given to traditional professions does seem to be more prevalent amongst older generations, in

meadow30

...including my parents unfortunately. Even though I'm in my 30s it still hurts to feel that my career is not as important in their eyes. I respect those doung these careers just wush sometimes the work others in less recognised careers wererespected as much in society!

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

baby and crumble

I actually completely understand where you're coming from OP. I work in the same sector as you (now more on the policy side) and did my time as a frontline worker and I'll tell you something. Not only do you need traditional intelligence for that job but you need emotional intelligence, quick reactions, and most importantly a bit of cop on.

Most of my friends have been settled in their careers much longer than me- consequently they have much steadier income and to the outside are more successful, and a lot have PhD's, but they don't enjoy their job half as much as I do.

Some people do look downo people who work as youth workers or care workers, but I gaurentee you half wouldn't last a day. So hold your head up high, you're not spending your days making other people more wealthy, you're spending your days making people's lives better. Measurably better. I'll take that over a lawyer any day.

Wompa1

All my parents think I do is something to do with the computers. I don't really care, my career path isn't very sexy. I've won multiple awards that are only given out to a very limited number of people in the entire world. I'm one of only a handful from Ireland to get one of the awards. Certainly the only one from my city back there to get it.

Nobody cares. Nobody even understands what the award is and what it's for.

BUT I don't care. My job is my choice and is something I'm doing to get the life that i WANT.

My Fiance works in the mental health field. She gets the same reactions...not because people wouldn't be interested or understand what she does but in her case, they'd feel uncomfortable asking because it could be some emotional and downing stuff

TheBeardedLady

I can't imagine why anyone would look down on someone who worked in your sector - I'd genuinely be in awe of someone who told me that and I can't be the only one.

ongarboy

I find unless you have a job that falls under a typical role that a kid could say "When I grow up I want to be a ....", people will generally not understand what you do and therefore not be able to engage with you about the occupation.

I work in a company where many of my colleagues (even those within my department) wouldn't necessarily know what I do. I work within the IT realm in a finance company but my knowledge of computers is minimal as it has nothing to do with my particular role yet family and friends (and some dopey colleagues) expect me to be able to fix computer viruses, printers, log in errors!

OP - I wouldn't take offence. Some roles are naturally going to generate more interest than others. It doesn't mean you are or should be considered inferior. If those people do consider you so, then that is their issue and not yours and if they do judge you negatively about it then I would think more about the company you keep. Otherwise, be careful that you are not projecting your own feelings of inferiority onto others in erroneously assuming they are looking down their noses at you. Maybe there are self esteem issues you need to address.

PS - I don't know much about being a community worker but it comes across as a very noble, civic minded and altruistic role that attempts to address problems of less well off or disadvantaged people or communities. That is far more interesting to me then hearing a stock broker boast about how rich he made his already wealthy clients (and himself).

beks101

What you do for a living is a sort of social currency, just like your relationship status is. It’s an easy talker and one of the first questions a set of people who just met / people on a first date etc will ask each other.

And some professions are ‘sexier’ than others. Doctor, lawyer, psychologist. As someone else mentioned - everyone deals with illness, legal issues, mental struggles - they’re easy conversation starters and ‘visible’ jobs which generally can be explained very easily. They’re highly regarded and to the more conservative/older folk, tied into social status.

‘Community worker’ - less familiar. Someone else took the words right out of my mouth - I wouldn’t be quite sure of what that entails. I’d ask, because I’m a nosy fecker, but many others wouldn’t for fear of coming across as ignorant or stupid, or perhaps feeling that the question is invasive and inappropriate in a social setting. Who wants to spend their free time explaining the ins and outs of their office life?

I have one of these ‘sexy’ jobs and the intrusion on social scenarios can be unsettling. I get judgement, grief, fascination, “ooh, have you met X, Y and Z’, relentless questions and the constant assumption that I should have opinions on things that I couldn’t care less about or don’t feel like discussing while I’m trying to have a drink and enjoy myself. I get people handing me their business cards, pitching story ideas, taking my personal opinion as representative of the company I work for or making assumptions about me because “well of course you think that, you’re a journalist.” I’ve started telling people I “work in Finance” coz it kills the conversation dead


I’ll go home to my folks and my dentist-in-training sister will take over the spotlight because my parents are a bit older and understand that better than how I spend my days - and that’s perfectly fine with me. I get to be Beks101, not “that woman who works in TV”

I think you should change your perspective on this. You’ve got a freedom to be yourself without the judgements in these situations and with the option of selling yourself on YOURSELF and not what you do. At the end of the day we’re all doing the same thing - we’re all just paying bills.



Leave work in the office, go out and enjoy yourself and take a lighthearted approach, maybe crack a joke about having 'one of those jobs that people greet with 'oh, that's interesting...' or find a funny way of simplifying what you do (mine is 'a monkey could do my job. A very angry, very stressed monkey':pac:)

LegacyUser

I'd much sooner have a conversation with a social worker than I would with a doctor or a lawyer, and there's plenty of people like me. It could just be that your friends and family don't know how to relate to the work that a social worker does. You know yourself it's not an easy job.

If I were in your position, I would talk to these lawyers and doctors about their own work and if they ever work with people who avail of social services such as the ones that you're involved with. Ask them about their opinions on the justice system and how it's not helping social work, for example.

LegacyUser

You can overthink it for ever, (not your fault btw) But the only way to resolve it in my opinion is let it all go...People can see how you're affected by it, you might be more sensitive than most, (and I don't think sensitive is a bad thing) They can see you cringe and try to think of something etc and they're enjoying it...As one poster said get a one sentence answer for it....

We all like to be comfortable in our skin, people notice it when we are and when we're not....Stop fuelling it for them....Make it very clear in your own way, that you enjoy your job, are doing well in it ,without being too overly serious....Best of luck....