How to handle a friend slagging me off

Shelly Cooper

Bringing this back to life again from a previous post i posted here. I am going to bring up the issues I have been having with my "friend" as I want the slagging and digs that she makes towards me in group settings to stop. Want to have it out with her but without a major hullabaloo or drama. Her jibes are really stupid but are hurtful and she has repeatedly done it in front of others. If what she was saying was funny or it was a one off I wouldn't give a hoot.

How do I tell her politely this has to end. I dread social occasions that she will be at and the jibes have really got into my head and make me anxious.
Advice appreciated.
As if you can't tell I'm not a confrontational person.

Neyite

Mod:

Hi Shelly, I've given you your own thread so you can get advice specific to your situation.

Est28

I posted a while back about having 2 similar friends.

Honestly, I tried and tried as I saw them as my only friends but recently I just cut contact.
No confrontations, no drama. If you ever ran into them they be pleasant, say you've been busy and run be on your way.

The people are draining. I found it like a whole new start. Nobody was holding me back or making snide comments to bring me down to their level. I just stopped caring and stopped engaging in it. Best thing I ever did.

As easy as it would be to say "Adress the issue with them", some people who are like this just don't see it. Their own insecurities drive it.

One of the guys I blocked has sent my whiney texts and even posted things on facebook aimed at me ignoring him. Again... Ignore. The over-riding theme is he cannot fathom why I am no longer talking to him. Which astounds me. But he really just doesn't see it.

The Princess Bride

Shelly, this is not a friend.
As a matter of interest, have any of your other friends who chat in group settings, ever commented on her behaviour?
I'd love to see you say "that's not very nice, why would you say that to anybody?"And I'd love to see you say it during the group chat.
But only you know whether or not you can do so.

For what it's worth?
I'm years older than you, only have a few friends, but each and every one is fantastic and I'd rather that than lots of lightweight, superficial "friends" who make me feel miserable.

Best of luck, remember, you deserve better than this person in your life.

Roselm

Shelly Cooper wrote: »

Bringing this back to life again from a previous post i posted here. I am going to bring up the issues I have been having with my "friend" as I want the slagging and digs that she makes towards me in group settings to stop. Want to have it out with her but without a major hullabaloo or drama. Her jibes are really stupid but are hurtful and she has repeatedly done it in front of others. If what she was saying was funny or it was a one off I wouldn't give a hoot.

How do I tell her politely this has to end. I dread social occasions that she will be at and the jibes have really got into my head and make me anxious.
Advice appreciated.
As if you can't tell I'm not a confrontational person.

If she's a friend you should be able to say seriously to her that the jokes and slagging is happening too much and it's getting annoying.
If she cares she'll stop as maybe she thought she was just poking fun in a harmless way.
If she ignores what you say then I'd definitely cut her out as she's clearly not really interested in what you feel...

jimmycrackcorm

Perhaps you cant cut her out because of the group situation meaning you'd have to cut contact with a group of friends. I think you just just be assertive in group situations where she does this and respond in front of everyone that you are getting weary of the snide remarks and jibes and please stop. Just keep repeating the mantra and it'll stop as it makes what she is doing very obvious.

tomwaterford

Cut them out....life is forever too short to be putting up with people like that OP....just don't engage with them atal in the group situation even if possible??

El_Duderino 09

Hey Shelly

Is there any chance you're taking normal slaging to heart? I was out with a couple of friends recently and we were chatting and every now and again we'd make a joke at each other's expense. We all laughed it off because we are certain of the underlying respect for each other. However I did notice one of us looked like he was taking it to heart.

He wasn't getting picked on but he made a bit of a deal out of any jokes about him. The fact that he didn't laugh it offer made it look like he was getting a tough time. He challenged jokes about him while most of the rest of us just laughed if it was a good joke or played along and embellished the joke to make it more ridiculous.

With that said I don't want to downplay your experience. It's about respect. I couldn't be insulted by someone who respects me, taking the mick out of me.

Equally I would be mortified if a friend asked me to lay off them. I'd take that request very seriously. So I'd say test the waters by seeing if you are actually treated differently to the rest. If you don't enjoy the craic, ask them to lay off. A friend will apologise because they love you and will hate the idea of making you uncomfortable. A d1ck will behave differently. Give them a few days for the info to sink onto them and see how they behave.

Hope it works out for you.

LadyAthame

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Shelly, this is not a friend.
As a matter of interest, have any of your other friends who chat in group settings, ever commented on her behaviour?
I'd love to see you say "that's not very nice, why would you say that to anybody?"And I'd love to see you say it during the group chat.
But only you know whether or not you can do so.

For what it's worth?
I'm years older than you, only have a few friends, but each and every one is fantastic and I'd rather that than lots of lightweight, superficial "friends" who make me feel miserable.

Best of luck, remember, you deserve better than this person in your life.

This , unfortunately the girl in question is immature and socially unaware. Either she can't tell it's getting to you which means she is oblivious or she does and enjoys it and doesn't care. If you tell her it should stop I have a feeling it won't.

I don't waste time with these people. I actually can't. I can't sit there and pretend I like someone I don't. When I was younger every one of these situations would turn ugly as I am one who does not fear confrontation in the least. I learnt to be more withering as I matured and now to be honest I just leave them wondering why I don't hang around them anymore.

I am to be treated the way I prefer. Not the way you prefer. When there is mutual agreement on this that is when we become friends. Otherwise I wish you the best but so long.