Got his comeupances

LegacyUser

Have to go Annoy for this
I started dating a guy i knew from my area, whom i got on really well with, he was great to talk to and i thought a really decent guy. I fell head over heels. He saw my weakness and controlled me, wasnt allowed talk to anyone, belittled me, had me a nervous wreck, he'd click I'd jump. i was terrified of him, he'd scream and shout at me. Then I found out that he was a small time drug dealer, i was so far caught in his web that i found it so hard to get away from him. Everyone started to notice a difference in me, i was turned into a nervous wreck.
i'd break up with him and he would follow me, threaten me, tell me he'd smash all the windows in my house.
i eventually cracked, when he started beating me up. i confided in my oldest brother, my brother told me he would get it sorted , i told my brother to be careful as he was a drug dealer in a rough area and he knew ppl. My brother said he knew bigger fish and would get it sorted, that my ex was only a coward.
it's finished 3 weeks now and my ex has left me alone, is afraid to look at me , when he sees me on the street each day he crosses the road.
i asked my brother what happened, he just said 'someone had a word with him and he was told to stay away from you'.
i know what my ex is like, he is afraid of nobody and would freak out by anyone telling him what to do.
it's on my mind what was said to him and how it was said. as i couldnt imagine him taking crap from anyone. What way do these people 'have a word' with ppl like this to scare them?
I'm terrified now that he may get someone after me, as he's the sort of person that
wouldnt let anyone away with anything.

skallywag

Ask your brother for more details?

Jimmy Bottlehead

abusedmess wrote: »

<Snip> No need to quote whole post.

It sounds like your brother took action to protect you. Whether that's right or wrong is debatable (personally, it sounds like your brother did something I'd feel is 'right') but the outcome is positive.

If you're worried for your safety, then consider telling the gardai you're concerned about your ex. Or tell your brother you're worried and see what he says.

In any event, you're well shot of this guy and the best thing to do is to try to move on past this.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

Ask your brother for more details?

that's the thing, he wont tell me. He just said 'it was sorted you dont need to worry he wont go near you or look at you again'.

i had gone to the gardai and reported his threats and that he was abusive towards me but they asked if i had any proof and that there was nothing they could do unless i have proof.

pookie82

The guy sounds like a nasty piece of work. Whatever was done to get rid of him, I'd push it to be back of your mind and just move on. Be grateful he crosses the street now as opposed to threatening to smash your windows in.

Perhaps he has a secret or two someone knows on him that he doesn't want getting out. If I were you I'd just be grateful for whatever it was my brother said or did, I wouldn't ask too many questions, and I'd move on.

Dancor

This ex of yours was nothing but a coward.

Maybe because he was abusive to you and had control that you thought he was terrifying but he was nothing but a bully who got put in his place.

Fair play to your brother.

El_Duderino 09

Sorry to have to say this, but if he was so mean to you it's unlikely he actually loved you in the way you loved him. You might like to think he's as heartbroken about the breakup as you are but he might not give a toss. If he cared for you the way you cared for him would he have threatened you and treated you so badly?

He sounds like a nasty piece of work and I'm delighted for you that you decided to finally get rid of him. I wish you well with your future. He stops having control over you when you stop caring about him.

Big Bag of Chips

Sounds like he was a real tough man alright. Bullying, humiliating and abusing a weaker person.

If he didn't look like he had been beaten up, then he probably wasn't beaten up. Maybe people your brother knows know him and know he's actually a coward who just talks the talk. I'd imagine someone said something. That's all. He was probably threatened. Not beaten up. Somebody probably "had a quiet word" telling him to stay away from you or the next time it wouldn't be a "quiet word".

I think behind it all he's not the tough man you seem to think.

Either way, he's gone. Get on with your life now and leave him behind. Best thing you can do now is to be happy. It'll kill him to see you going around not caring about him. And I'd guess in a few years when he's still trying to be the hardman you'll realise just how pathetic he actually is.

DoYouEvenLift

Don't question it, just be glad the kunts gone

Big Bag of Chips

DoYouEvenLift you have previously been asked to tone down your language. It is not appropriate in Personal Issues.

whattodo1

hi op ive understand what your going throught simaliar position to mins and if I hadn't listened to advice on here id be in the same rut, your forst step standing up to him was telling your brother exactly what I did and he sorted it for me, there all the same cowards hitting abusing a woman don't let a low life like him destroy you, chin up hun youll be fine

Gregor Samsa

abusedmess wrote: »

i know what my ex is like, he is afraid of nobody and would freak out by anyone telling him what to do.

He's afraid of everyone, that's why cowards like him act the way they do. He was afraid of you, and that's why he tried to manipulate and control you. If he really had no fear, he wouldn't have to resort to such despicable acts to have someone in his life.

And quite clearly, your brother knows someone who this jerk is very afraid of.

Forget about him. Life usually catches up with that kind of person. Things won't end well for him.

Pawwed Rig

He is a low level thug who has been 'introduced' to a higher level thug by your brother. This type of human detritus only understand the rule of the jungle.
Move on with your life and try to avoid the kind of people you seem to be surrounded by in future.

helimachoptor

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

He is a low level thug who has been 'introduced' to a higher level thug by your brother. This type of human detritus only understand the rule of the jungle.
Move on with your life and try to avoid the kind of people you seem to be surrounded by in future.

yeah agree, your brother knows someone bigger and badder and it was likely a case of " if you go near her again we'll break your legs"

As has been said OP, he's got the message just forget about it now.

If and its a big if he was to do something, i would imagine he'd not be long for getting an ass whopping.

strandroad

Forget about the ex, worry about the crowd your brother is with!

...__...

I wouldn't be too worried about who your brother knows everyone knows someone who knows someone. usually these things are sorted in a few words and the person saying them means it.

Be glad he's gone and be thankful you have a brother who is there to watch out for you.

shaymus27

What you went through was pretty scary and more than the average person experiences.

You may need to go to counselling or some women's group to deal with it properly.

A lot of abusers have control over the people they abuse and put them in fear, exaggerating their own power and status. It's usually mainly the person who has been abused in this way who thinks of the abuser as being so powerful as they have been put in fear for so long and haven't been objective. Some child abusers tell the children they abuse that they will hurt their parents if the children tell them, so the children say nothing. They exaggerate their power. The power over you has been broken by your brother.

You need to build yourself up again and be careful, not paranoid about future relationships.

Thank your brother. He has been a great help to you.

sReq | uTeK

You're basing him taking no **** from anyone on the basis that he beats up women. You can be guaranteed in the drug circles he resides in hes seem as a little weasel running around selling some gear to make a living.

Is safely say that all that's happened here is that someone your brother knows who's not a coward said something and that was that.

I had something similar happen my sister when I was young she was going out with a thief and a druggy never hit her or hurt her but when I had a word with a few mates from my old days he quickly lost interest in my sister.

You can rest assured knowing that he values his legs more than getting back at you

The_Conductor

You're lucky you have someone like your brother who cares for you.
You have an opportunity to put your life back together again- and to move on.
It doesn't matter who your brother knows, or what was said- what happened was a necessary evil- and it has gotten you to a better place. You are lucky you've been given the opportunity your brother has given you. Don't question it.