Always getting emotionally hurt

Usernamejust

Anytime I get close to someone I always get hurt, whether it'd be after a date or 2 or communicating through texts & phone calls for months with a person or even years in some cases with being led on, then finding out they've no interest in you

It does get very disheartening after awhile I have to be honest

So far I haven't managed to be in a relationship, I also haven't had sex

I'm in my mid 20s now, I feel I need to iron this out soon as if this keeps up the chances of finding love & settling down raising a family will dramatically diminish, especially if it rolls into my 30s 40s etc still being a virgin.

This post might come across as if I'm all doom & gloom, but Im not, I'm a funny friendly chatty & a positive person, my looks aren't the greatest but I do my best to make it up with a great personality

So I guess I'm looking for advice help & suggestions to help me not get emotionally and/or mentally hurt every single time I get involved with a woman

LadyAthame

'Anytime I get close to someone I always get hurt, whether it'd be after a date or 2 or communicating through texts & phone calls for months with a person or even years in some cases with being led on, then finding out they've no interest in you

It does get very disheartening after awhile I have to be honest '


I feel in the same boat.I feel no one takes my feelings into consideration sometimes.
I have had a few relationships but I feel like I always get let down. I guess you just have to use better judgement and be direct and ask them to be direct back?.

Some people try and play with emotions but it's worth waiting for a genuine partner. :-)

zeffabelli

I understand.

Then I decided I had a responsibility to what I let under my skin.

Then I didn't get hurt so much.

But I also lost some of my sensitivities, and this was not go good.

So I decided to go back to being skinless and I got my other gifts back.

You can't fully live and also protect yourself. You are asking a cake and eat it question.

Usernamejust

I feel in the same boat.I feel no one takes my feelings into consideration sometimes.
I have had a few relationships but I feel like I always get let down. I guess you just have to use better judgement and be direct and ask them to be direct back?.

Some people try and play with emotions but it's worth waiting for a genuine partner. :-)[/QUOTE]

Well you've got further than me anyway, at least youve had a few relationships even if they haven't worked out well

Yeah I know where youre coming from, but in my case I feel it's not done purposely in most cases, yes 1 or 2 did try play with emotions, but the majority of them didn't so

Usernamejust

zeffabelli wrote: »

I understand.

Then I decided I had a responsibility to what I let under my skin.

Then I didn't get hurt so much.

But I also lost some of my sensitivities, and this was not go good.

So I decided to go back to being skinless and I got my other gifts back.

You can't fully live and also protect yourself. You are asking a cake and eat it question.

I have tried the toughen up & not get emotionally involved tactic before & it didnt really work out for me either

It didn't make things worse though so it kind of just stayed the same

shaymus27

What you are going through is fairly normal.

When you think of it until you meet someone who you settle down with, anyone you go out with with until then will involve some sort of hurt when you split up, especially if it is not you doing the breaking - up, and even then there may be feelings of guilt.

As you are being dumped you will feel more upset. No-one likes being rejected.

You are probably a sensitive enough person and thus will feel things more than those of a naturally thicker skin.

I think from your first line or two that you continue to go out with or keep in contact with women who have no real interest in you so you have to be a bit more honest with yourself as to whether your texting etc relationship is going anywhere.

You may be a bit too much in need of going out with someone (we've all been there) and may be linking up with some who aren't really interested in you and you seem to be hanging on in hope or desperation.

As another poster said you just have to use better judgement.

Hopefully you will meet women who are interested in you. You may have to be rejected by a few frogs before you meet your princess but it will be worth it in the end.

Getting hurt seems a price we sometimes have to pay but obviously if you continue on your run you risk getting a bit down-hearted about dating.

I'm sure the world is full of people in your situation who went on to meet the right person for them and never looked back, so keep the faith that you will eventually meet the right person. You have lots of time, but you are right to be proactive now rather than let time drift by.

Perhaps try meet someone at some interest or hobby you have - you will have something in common with them.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

My guess is that you are being too submissive to the girl. Maybe you are too goofy, make fun of yourself just to make her laugh? Don't put yourself down just to make her feel good.

Women LIKE that (for their ego and self confidence) but are not sexually ATTRACTED to that. They want a guy who is assertive and confident, and as a big bonus is easy-going and kind. can't be kind without being assertive though that's not attractive.

Try and make a little fun of her. Try speaking to her as if she was your annoying little sister.
You need to have balls and have opinion on things.

txm

My guess is that you are being too submissive to the girl. Maybe you are too goofy, make fun of yourself just to make her laugh? Don't put yourself down just to make her feel good.

Women LIKE that (for their ego and self confidence) but are not sexually ATTRACTED to that. They want a guy who is assertive and confident, and as a big bonus is easy-going and kind. can't be kind without being assertive though that's not attractive.

Try and make a little fun of her. Try speaking to her as if she was your annoying little sister.
You need to have balls and have opinion on things.

ash23

Usernamejust wrote: »

Anytime I get close to someone I always get hurt, whether it'd be after a date or 2 or communicating through texts & phone calls for months with a person or even years in some cases with being led on, then finding out they've no interest in

Firstly you're investing too much, too soon. After a couple of dates a person is well within their rights to decide you're not well suited. That's what dating is about. Getting to know each other and see if you're compatible. Seems like you're going into the first date already having decided you like the person without really knowing them well enough to decide anything about them at all.
It's not nice when you want another date and they don't but at the same time after one or two dates you shouldn't be so emotionally involved that it hurts. A sting of rejection, yeah, that's normal but not more than a day or two of moping and then done and back to normal.

Secondly don't text for months and years unless you're getting something in return. By that I mean a date followed by another and another etc. If you're meeting these people via online dating sites then be aware a lot f people are just looking for an ego boost not to actually meet someone.
I encountered many people like that. I remember one guy was constantly texting but whenever I suggested meeting he had an excuse. I gave him more chances than I should have and then just told him good luck and I moved on.
Three years later I still get the occasional text from him. Now, I could still be texting him and emotionally investing in him and getting nothing I want in return. But because I stopped wasting time on him, I was able to meet someone and I'm in a proper relationship the last eighteen months with the man I will probably marry.

Stop giving so much of yourself to people that you barely know or who aren't interested in dating you unless you just want them as a friend. If you want more then cut them loose after a certain point.

Op, you really don't need to wait to be told the person has no interest. It's obvious from their actions. Any woman who is interested is going to want to date you and see you again and again. They're going to want to kiss and be physical with you.....even if they want to wait a while to have sex, there would still be affection and passion in terms of kisses and cuddles and make out sessions.

If none of this is happening after you've made it clear you're interested by asking them on a date then cut them loose and leave yourself available for a woman who wants more than a shoulder to cry on or a text friend to boost her ego.