Do your friends like your partner?

lolly28

Just wondering do your friends like your partner/boyfriend/husband?

eviltwin

Yeah I think so. They haven't told me any different anyway. Now, what he thinks of them is a different story

lolly28

I do wonder some times do my friends like him. They don't say anything bad about him and when we are all around they are friendly but the odd time there will something that i'm not sure about, hard to explain!

lazygal

Does it matter? I'm sure if there were serious red flags they'd be right to be concerned but if its a simple personality thing it wouldn't bother me.

lolly28

lazygal wrote: »

Does it matter? I'm sure if there were serious red flags they'd be right to be concerned but if its a simple personality thing it wouldn't bother me.

Sometimes it bothers me. I'm not concerned as in red flags or do they know something I don't because they would tell me, they are the type to. I suppose not everyone is going to like everyone!

Sometimes a little TOO much I fear

MrWalsh

Id say some do/some dont.

He is quite dismissive of some friends so no doubt they pick up on that and the feeling is probably mutual.

I dont think too much of some of their partners while I think others are as sound as a bell.

Takes all sorts and all that.

LadyAthame

lolly28 wrote: »

Sometimes it bothers me. I'm not concerned as in red flags or do they know something I don't because they would tell me, they are the type to. I suppose not everyone is going to like everyone!

Single but thinking hypothetically.
It would be nice. I would like them to make an effort on both sides. But to be honest I think he treated me well they would like him simply for that. They might not GET ON with him or have much in common. But they would like that he treated me well and was good for me etc. My friends are pretty nice people.

So no if they were not best buddies but he was good to me it would not matter. It would be nice if they we could hang out as a couple with them sometimes.

Not everyone has a kinship. And I might not get on with his friends either. I would always be polite. I am polite unless pushed.

meeeeh

I think so. I've met some of my Irish friends through him. And my old gang of friends is very mixed gender and they get on well with him. Partners of others mostly fit in too.

Wobbly_Legs

Nope .. Well this is a bit the other way around - he doesn't like them.. they haven't met him due to reasons below.
I know this for the fact he has specifically said he does not give two F's about them (his words).. this broke me to pieces and messed up a head a lot.
I do not even bother trying to convince him to try and do things together with my friends, so I keep friend things seperate now.. its really hard to do!
It makes me miserable a lot, especially as I really tried to make an effort with his friends when we first got together (end of last year)

What do you ladies think about this?

One eyed Jack

Wobbly_Legs wrote: »

Nope .. Well this is a bit the other way around - he doesn't like them.. they haven't met him due to reasons below.
I know this for the fact he has specifically said he does not give two F's about them (his words).. this broke me to pieces and messed up a head a lot.
I do not even bother trying to convince him to try and do things together with my friends, so I keep friend things seperate now.. its really hard to do!
It makes me miserable a lot, especially as I really tried to make an effort with his friends when we first got together (end of last year)

What do you ladies think about this?

I'm not a lady WL, but I think your partner's attitude towards both you and your friends, says more about him than it does about your friends.

Given the effect his attitude has had on you in just a year, could you honestly see yourself putting up with his attitude long term?

I don't think anyone should have to put up with that tbh.

With my own relationship, my wife and I have our separate friends, but sometimes we'll mix and mingle with each other. My wife's friends seem to like me, and my friends don't know how my wife puts up with me (:o), but they have great time for her.

I wouldn't dwell too much OP on whether your friends like your partner or not, but in Wobbly_Legs case it's a bit of an extreme reaction alright.

MrWalsh

Wobbly_Legs wrote: »

Nope .. Well this is a bit the other way around - he doesn't like them.. they haven't met him due to reasons below.
I know this for the fact he has specifically said he does not give two F's about them (his words).. this broke me to pieces and messed up a head a lot.
I do not even bother trying to convince him to try and do things together with my friends, so I keep friend things seperate now.. its really hard to do!
It makes me miserable a lot, especially as I really tried to make an effort with his friends when we first got together (end of last year)

What do you ladies think about this?

So he doesnt like them but they havent met him? Huh?

Im just going to be blunt, it might sound mean, but I dont intend it to be mean so try to read it with the notion that I am speaking with concern and not meanness!!

When you are with someone they dont meet your friends because they WANT to, but they do it FOR you. They do it because you want them to and they care about you.

What you are describing sounds like an utter selfish git. He doesnt care about it because he doesnt care what you think about it. He only cares about what he wants.

But, and this is the bit you need to remember that its concern - you are allowing this. You are allowing him to behave this way by accepting it. Dont accept this horrible selfish behaviour. You get what you settle for.

Wobbly_Legs

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Given the effect his attitude has had on you in just a year, could you honestly see yourself putting up with his attitude long term?

I don't think anyone should have to put up with that tbh.

MrWalsh wrote: »

Im just going to be blunt, it might sound mean, but I dont intend it to be mean so try to read it with the notion that I am speaking with concern and not meanness!!

When you are with someone they dont meet your friends because they WANT to, but they do it FOR you. They do it because you want them to and they care about you.

What you are describing sounds like an utter selfish git. He doesnt care about it because he doesnt care what you think about it. He only cares about what he wants.

But, and this is the bit you need to remember that its concern - you are allowing this. You are allowing him to behave this way by accepting it. Dont accept this horrible selfish behaviour. You get what you settle for.

I'm totally with you on this one!!:)
Quite happy now I realise I wasn't being selfish in what I was saying because I really gave him what for when he said that and I was on the very edge of calling it all off...
One of the conditions of staying together was that he has to make an effort and that we have to try to make some mutual friends which he agreed to, this was only a week ago, so we shall see how it plays out... Don't worry if he doesn't uphold his side of the agreement I shall be thoroughly P'd off and will most certainly call time
Thanks made me feel better about it as I was worrying I was being unreasonable.

lolly28

Thanks for all the replies, some very interesting ones.

My other half happily sees my friends and hasn't ever really said anything to make me think he doesn't like them.

I suppose they don't have to be best buddies!

Everybody likes my boyfriend. He's one of those people it's impossible to dislike. Though people who know him well know he can be very, very annoying at times. But my friends don't know him well, and they think he's perfect. To be fair I don't bitch about him either so they assume he's perfect!

LadyAthame

Deleted User wrote: »

Everybody likes my boyfriend. He's one of those people it's impossible to dislike. Though people who know him well know he can be very, very annoying at times. But my friends don't know him well, and they think he's perfect. To be fair I don't bitch about him either so they assume he's perfect!

That's so cool!

eviltwin

I don't like the partners of some of my friends but I don't need to, I'm not the one going out with them. Nothing wrong with any of them, its just down to chemistry, we don't have anything in common, they just aren't my types of people. I find with male friends they tend to think that when they start seeing someone that I'm immediately going to be her best buddy and we'll all be one big happy family but apart from one of two who I do really like it hasn't happened. For that reason I don't expect my friends to like my husband, I like him, that's all that matters.

Scarinae

I have one friend who I know doesn't like my boyfriend, and has not been shy about telling me so. In fairness he doesn't like her either, they are just very different people with basically nothing in common (apart from me) and they don't really get on. I just see them separately, which is easy because neither of them live in the same place as I do, so they haven't seen each other in years and I don't really talk about my boyfriend in front of her.

ShiftStorm

Yes. Usually more than they like me! He's a bit of a saint and his reputation of being the soundest guy on earth sealed the deal for me. What my family and friends think of him means a lot to me actually.

Das Kitty

Yep. They all get along. I have one friend who he has little time for, and in fairness she can sometimes wreck my head too, but I only ever get small doses of her so it's all grand.

Neyite

Yeah, people generally warm to him on the spot, quicker than they would to me. I think I've yet to come across someone who took a dislike to him.

Faith

Yep, all of my friends get on brilliantly with him. A couple of my very closest friends might be ever so slightly wary because he broke my heart into a million pieces a very long time ago, but I think they forgave him when he proposed . Half of my male friends only invite me for drinks so that I'll bring him, I'm sure!

My family adore him too, which is great. I think if my friends or family didn't like him, it would be a HUGE red flag for me. I'm not sure I could get past it.

I also get on very well with all of my friends' partners. They're all lovely guys who I have endless time for. There's only one that I don't like, and I've never even met him. I'm just incredibly wary because of the horror stories she told me about him when my friend was just a friend of his. She seems happy to forget all of that now that they're a couple but I'm not sure he and I will ever be friends. She's not the kind of person who'd be receptive if I tried to voice my feelings, though, so I've resigned myself to letting her carve her own path and just hoping that he won't treat her like he treated his poor ex-girlfriend

Ilyana 2.0

eviltwin wrote: »

... I find with male friends they tend to think that when they start seeing someone that I'm immediately going to be her best buddy and we'll all be one big happy family but apart from one of two who I do really like it hasn't happened. For that reason I don't expect my friends to like my husband, I like him, that's all that matters.

That's interesting actually; I've noticed that in a group of guys, they tend to assume that their girlfriends will all be bosom buddies, and are genuinely surprised if two or more of the girlfriends don't hit it off. It's not always down to bitchiness either, it can simply be due to a lack of common ground.

I've never gotten bad feelings from my friends in relation to my boyfriend, he's very friendly so it's never been a problem. It probably helps that we live far-ish apart so it's not like I drag him along to every night out or gathering!

SparkySpitfire

I think my friends like my boyfriend because they don't have too many interactions...so they're not forced to be friends or anything. They're happy to see him on the odd night out because that's all it is - the odd night. Like maybe twice a year or so.

Personally speaking, even if I find my friends' boyfriends nice, I can't help but resent them when they're brought out every other week. That's more down to my friends than their fellas though. "We haven't caught up in a month let's go out" "Sure, I'll ask Kevin and get back to you"

Ectoplasm

I'm single at the moment but my closest friends are not. When they first met their current partners I made a massive effort to get to know them and to find some common ground with them because I want to support my friends.

These guys make my friends happy which is all I want for them. Now I would count them as my friends too. We may not necessarily have a huge amount in common but what we do is the most important thing, that is the happiness of my friend and their girlfriend/wife.

I would struggle if my friends didn't like my partner, particularly as anytime in the past that I have genuinely not liked theirs, those guys were not good guys. I get that they might not love him but I would expect them to do what I have done and make an effort.

eviltwin

SparkySpitfire wrote: »

I think my friends like my boyfriend because they don't have too many interactions...so they're not forced to be friends or anything. They're happy to see him on the odd night out because that's all it is - the odd night. Like maybe twice a year or so.

Personally speaking, even if I find my friends' boyfriends nice, I can't help but resent them when they're brought out every other week. That's more down to my friends than their fellas though. "We haven't caught up in a month let's go out" "Sure, I'll ask Kevin and get back to you"

It gets 100 times worse when they get married.

MrWalsh

eviltwin wrote: »

It gets 100 times worse when they get married.

I really don't like that I used to be friends with Eviltwin, but now when I call to Eviltwin I'm actually calling to see "Eviltwin and Kevin". Does my head in.

When I have friends call himself makes himself scarce so I can see my friends by myself, but lots of couples don't cop that basic courtesy!

Raminahobbin

My last long term relationship nearly lost me all my friends because my they didn't like him (it wasn't a very healthy relationship) and the whole thing was desperately upsetting.

My current relationship is the total opposite my two closest friends really like him. I've even gone away for a mini break with just my two friends and my boyfriend, and it felt really comfortable and natural. They sat me down afterwards to gush about him and how much they think he's deadly!

Going from one extreme to the other, I can honestly say it's REALLY important that my two closest friends, at least, like my partner. I couldn't do the other end of the scale again, the stress of it was horrific! I trust their judgement now, and if they didn't like my partner it would throw up major red flags for me.

JillyQ

I have an unusual one in that one of my friends partners has only met one of us. Apparently it didn't go to well he told her she needed botox. Ive suggest meeting him a few times & its like she gets an allergic reaction.

Mozzeltoff

The majority of my friends love him to bits. Think he's a right character all together and feel completely at ease with him and know they can have the craic with him. Then there's some who are wary of him because they have done something to him or said something to him and have ended up in his bad books.

At the same time though I have lost touch with some of those people. Not because of him but more so because they wouldn't really be bothered keeping in contact with me and at one stage it was making all the effort to contact and arrange meet ups with them. I wouldn't really be bothered what they thought of him anyway.

wuffly

Yes, they get on well and like him, some of the boys have even become quiet good friends. They've all said how nice he etc... since they first met him. Personally I value my friends opinions quiet highly we've been through a lot together and if they had had reservations about him I would have taken them on-board. I'm not an island, I need my family and friends so someone that they genuinely thought was bad for me I would seriously reconsider. I've seen a few people isolate themselves because of their other halves(others that got absorbed in it themselves) then after a few years they try and restart the friendship, unless they were mean about it I would always give it a go, sometimes it works, sometimes the connection is gone.

Vojera

I think so! If they're calling to the house for a cuppa and I won't be home till later they've no bother calling in before I arrive and talking to Mrs Vojera. Or if they ring my phone and I'm driving they'll stay on talking to her for a good while rather than just saying "oh grand, sure just get her to ring me back when she's out of the car" and they often ask if she's coming along when we're meeting up.

Out of the group of us, me and Mrs Vojera are together the longest and we've been living together the longest so the gang would have had a lot more contact with her than the other partners in the group, so I think that helps. I also think the dynamic might be a little different because we're two women so my female friends don't really make any difference with her (I know some people are for some reason not 100% comfortable with opposite gender friendships).

On the other side of it, the group of us don't like the partner of another one of our friends. We're all friendly to him and we don't think it shows, but he really rubs us up the wrong way and don't think they have a good relationship. But our friend is a big girl and can make her own decisions, so until she says otherwise, we'll be nice.

barleybooley

There's a group of six of us from school. One of the girls in the group always hates everyone else's boyfriend. Silly petty reasons that she should just get over. She's VERY vocal about this and makes no bones about letting us/them know her feelings about them. We range from 25-27 so are by no means adolescents but her behaviour would suggest otherwise. Whenever she goes off on one, we're just like "there she goes again" and ignore her. Awful behaviour but there you go. Funny thing is, she's never had a proper boyfriend. Any guy that she was seeing was invariably a kn0b that dumped her for no apparent reason but woe betide us if we were to say anything bad about them!

Ave Sodalis

I'm fairly sure my friends get on with my boyfriend. They don't see him too often but I think the fact I haven't changed in personality since going out with him and still hang out with them nearly as much helps. One girl in our group of friends, none of us like her boyfriend. You just sometimes have a gut instinct about someone that's hard to shake, and thus far, most people who've met him seem to have the same feeling. It's her choice to go out with him though so we put up with him.

larrymickdick

All my friends like him. We don't see that much of our friends though as he lives 3 hours away so when we get time together we're more wrapped up in each other.

Saying that - I think his friends like me and mine definitely like him. When there's stuff on they always invite him and are really hopeful that he can come. When he can't, they are genuinely disappointed. Even though he's not around during the week, his friends include me in group emails and invite me to things. It's really nice everyone gets along and if they didn't it would make things a little more difficult, but wouldn't change how I feel about him.

TheBeardedLady

They do, yeah. Everyone likes him; he's that kinda guy.

Pepe LeFrits

Coming at it from the opposite angle (I'm single), two of my oldest, closest friends got married recently and I'd see their wives as being almost like sisters to me. I generally get on great with all of the OHs of my friends, although I wouldn't know all of them that well. Some couples are less couple-y and more independent than others I guess, so I don't see some of my friend's partners very often.

I was at a wedding last week and there was one girl whose boyfriend just doesn't want to know, and I don't think anyone likes him. I'm not sure if one precipitated the other, but the guy just makes zero effort to get to know any of her friends. I find it weird to be honest and personally I think I'd find it very isolating being with someone like that. She's a nutter and a total extrovert though so I suppose she can deal with it better.

Chloris

We do the whole 'American Psycho' arrangement.

(Reese Witherspoon's voice)
But my friends are your friends, and your friends are my friends!

Chemical Byrne

Wobbly_Legs wrote: »

I'm totally with you on this one!!:)
Quite happy now I realise I wasn't being selfish in what I was saying because I really gave him what for when he said that and I was on the very edge of calling it all off...
One of the conditions of staying together was that he has to make an effort and that we have to try to make some mutual friends which he agreed to, this was only a week ago, so we shall see how it plays out... Don't worry if he doesn't uphold his side of the agreement I shall be thoroughly P'd off and will most certainly call time
Thanks made me feel better about it as I was worrying I was being unreasonable.

To be honest, if things have come down to these sort of ultimatums, its probably time to call it anyway.

HalloweenJack

All my friends like my GF, they think she's really friendly and nice and, despite being a bit shy, she makes a decent effort with them.

I think her friends like me but I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a big talker, especially with people I don't know and, frankly, I've reached a point in my life where I'm ok with long silences and not forcing conversation. This isn't a big deal as me and my GF don't speak the same language so her friends think that my quietness is down to struggles with Spanish, which isn't true but does take a bit of pressure off me, which I'm grateful for.

Our groups of friends are pretty different so I can't really say that I've made great friends with some of hers, though there's none that I don't get on with, they just have very different interests to me.

She is good friends with one of my mates but think she can also feel a bit out of the loop when she's with my mates.

All that said, I do remember one night out where I said I was turning in and my GF said she'd come home with me. One of her friends accused me of not letting my GF go out without me (which is far from the truth, I've no problem with her doing her own thing), despite my GF saying she just wasn't up for it. It pissed me off a lot at the time but it wasn't worth starting a row. That friend hasn't said anything similar to me since and I chat to her in a friendly way whenever I see her so I reckon it was just a once-off, was just annoying, especially as it was a while into our relationship, the friend had met me plenty of times before.

With the partners of my friends, I can't think of any that I have any problems with. A lot of them I'd consider friends too, while others would be grand to be with whenever I see them.

joollyparo

All my friends love food(no kidding) he is a chef so................