Difficulty with Brother

Fakman87

For the past 5 years or so it's been very challenging living in the same house as my brother. He's incredibly hostile a lot of the time but since I hate confrontation so much I've never really said anything to him about it. I can feel it coming to a head as I am more and more frustrated by him recently.

I'm starting to think that no matter what I do, the problem is with him and he will just be a challenging person in my life for the foreseeable future. Anyone have any similar experience to this?

athtrasna

Why are you living with your brother? Is there any possibility that you can move out?

Fakman87

athtrasna wrote: »

Why are you living with your brother? Is there any possibility that you can move out?

I'm in my final year of college so can't afford to move out but I'll be leaving home in the next 6 months and I'm really looking forward to this. I've heard family relationships can strengthen when you don't live with them.

seventeen sheep

Fakman87 wrote: »

I'm in my final year of college so can't afford to move out but I'll be leaving home in the next 6 months and I'm really looking forward to this. I've heard family relationships can strengthen when you don't live with them.

Yes, this is certainly true.

Most people move out of home well before college - they don't suffer living with siblings all the way through. Hopefully your situation will improve when you move out!

Stavro Mueller

If you're going to be moving out in the next 6 months, then my advice to you is to stick it out. You'll be busy studying for exams for the next while anyway so you won't be interacting too much with him.

What is it that you want? You said in your last post that you've heard family relationships can strengthen when you don't live with them. It's not as cut and dried as that. Hopefully moving out will improve things for you all and that'll be the end of it. On the other hand, you may find that it's the beginning of either an uneasy truce or a drifting apart of the pair of you. I've seen posts here from people who've had terrible trouble with their siblings. I still remember a girl who posted here about her sister who hated her almost from Day 1. It had got to the stage where she could only visit her parents when the sister wasn't around and the parents couldn't mention her name to the sister because she'd go mad. Being a blood relation of someone is meaningless when it comes to how you get on.

Fakman87

Very good question. I suppose I've given up on having a good friendship with him but I'd like in future to be able to go to family events and not feel awkward around him.

nc19

Fakman87 wrote:

......Anyone have any similar experience to this?

I did but then he emigrated and I only see him once a yr so problem solved!

Fakman87

nc19 wrote: »

I did but then he emigrated and I only see him once a yr so problem solved!

Funnily enough my other brother that I get on great with is emigrating and I would give anything to swap them around :P

The_Honeybadger

Fakman87 wrote: »

I'm in my final year of college so can't afford to move out but I'll be leaving home in the next 6 months and I'm really looking forward to this. I've heard family relationships can strengthen when you don't live with them.

Agree with this 100%. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that. When you live with people, even people you love very much, their habits and behaviour can really get on your nerves at times. Moving out removes this from the relationship.

Stavro Mueller

Hopefully not living under the same roof as him will cool the animosity. If he's as hostile as that to you, then he's probably no nicer to other people. Does he treat your parents any better?

What's nice about living away from home is that you know you've somewhere to go to if things get a bit fraught. You might yet find that useful

Fakman87

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Hopefully not living under the same roof as him will cool the animosity. If he's as hostile as that to you, then he's probably no nicer to other people. Does he treat your parents any better?

What's nice about living away from home is that you know you've somewhere to go to if things get a bit fraught. You might yet find that useful

Seems to be hostile with me mainly. It's a strange situation that hasn't been made better by my avoidance of confrontation. Thanks for you advice

Lux23

Fakman87 wrote: »

Seems to be hostile with me mainly. It's a strange situation that hasn't been made better by my avoidance of confrontation. Thanks for you advice

Have you ever asked him why? Are you very different?

abff

Have you tried talking to your parents about it? Not in a blaming way, but just asking them have they any idea why he acts the way he does towards you. I'm sure they must have noticed unless he behaves totally differently towards you when they're around.

Fakman87

Lux23 wrote: »

Have you ever asked him why? Are you very different?

To be honest, communicating with the guy has become almost impossible. Plus a lot of what he does is so subtle that I risk looking like a weirdo bringing it up.

abff wrote: »

Have you tried talking to your parents about it? Not in a blaming way, but just asking them have they any idea why he acts the way he does towards you. I'm sure they must have noticed unless he behaves totally differently towards you when they're around.

I've mentioned it to them and my other brother before and they've asked him what's going on but he always says nothing and it's pretty much left there. It's grown into a fairly toxic situation.

Stavro Mueller

What age is this brother of yours?

If it was a workplace, I'd be advising you to keep a diary logging dates/times/what happened. Maybe it would be worth keeping a record in this case, then approach your parents again. I'm not sure what exactly you can do though. For whatever reason he has taken against you and either he has psychological problems or he's just a bully.


The problem now is that because you are the sort who avoids confrontation, he has trampled all over you and you are the one who's on the back foot. Maybe there are times when you should actually put your foot down and not let this happen. What I've learned from dealing with bullies in my job is that if you do nothing, it just gives them the green light to get even worse.