Furniture damaged or wear and tear

beaufoy

I have an apartment and the tenant wants a new couch because the one they have has collapsed. When he told me he wanted a new couch he stipulated that the new one would have to be stronger as he liked having sex on the couch. I pointed out that having sex on a couch is not fair wear and tear.
Is there a way to find out if the couch collapsed because it was badly made or because it was being used for sex ie are there inspectors that can be employed

Rackstar

Surely the tenant is winding you up?

Mrs OBumble

Why is having sex on the couch not fair wear and tear?

Any couch I've ever seen has been stronger than the beds in the same house.

endacl

Rackstar wrote: »

Surely the tenant is winding you up?

Somebody's winding us up all right!

beaufoy

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Why is having sex on the couch not fair wear and tear?

Any couch I've ever seen has been stronger than the beds in the same house.

All furniture is built to specifications required. You would not expect a two seat couch to withstand an Elephant sitting on it. You would expect it to stand small children jumping up and down on it, but probably expect it to break if adults jump on it. You would expect it to withstand 2 75 kilo people sitting on it, but would it stand 2 75 kilo people having sex. Its called kinetic energy. Concerning beds withstanding sex well the frame is more protected than that of a couch, because the manufacturers expect people to have a lot of sex on the bed

runawaybishop

beaufoy wrote: »

I have an apartment and the tenant wants a new couch because the one they have has collapsed. When he told me he wanted a new couch he stipulated that the new one would have to be stronger as he liked having sex on the couch. I pointed out that having sex on a couch is not fair wear and tear.
Is there a way to find out if the couch collapsed because it was badly made or because it was being used for sex ie are there inspectors that can be employed

No, there are not. Inform him he broke it due to misuse and that he must replace it.

DaraDali

runawaybishop wrote: »

No, there are not. Inform him he broke it due to misuse and that he must replace it.

Misuse? Looks like I've been misusing couches for a long time. Thanks for putting me right.

MarkAnthony

Seriously?

What do you do about the wet patch? At least on the bed there's a sheet.

Baby01032012

I think this whole thread is a wind up.

Tell him to use the sitting room floor instead..though he might complain about the quality of the carpet and want it replaced if he gets carpet burns. I can't believe I'm typing this but this thread has set a new standard...jeez

DaraDali

MarkAnthony wrote: »

Seriously?

What do you do about the wet patch? At least on the bed there's a sheet.

You just have to flip the pillow thats wet. :rolleyes: Love this thread

dori_dormer

Get a leather couch. It'll be cold and squeaky.

MarkAnthony

DaraDali wrote: »

You just have to flip the pillow thats wet. :rolleyes: Love this thread

Ewwww, what happens with that over time.

Mrs OBumble

MarkAnthony wrote: »

Ewwww, what happens with that over time.

Sheets ain't that absorbent. What happens to your mattress over time?

Youngblood.III

Must try this one with my landlord ;-)

Youngblood.III

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Sheets ain't that absorbent. What happens to your mattress over time?

Yer all doing it wrong....

MarkAnthony

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Sheets ain't that absorbent. What happens to your mattress over time?

Well I insist on a rubber under sheet but one doesn't like to brag.

Joking aside one might expect the tenant to replace the mattress or at least be aware if they did not. Not so with the sofa, especially as replacing sofa cushions is a bit more of an undertaking than a standard sized mattress.

Baby01032012

Still waiting for mods to step in and shut this off topic thread down..maybe it could be moved to After Hours where most of the responses so far have headed

endacl

MarkAnthony wrote: »

Ewwww, what happens with that over time.

When you can no longer peel the cushion up, you hose it down and start again.

G_R

Thread reopened in AH

have at it folks

MarkAnthony

Brilliant thread! Thanks for moving it!

Spunge

damn thats funny

NachoBusiness

Jesus Christ. If I had known you were going to start a thread about it I wouldn't have opened my mouth.

Capt'n Midnight

Goods must be fit for their purpose – they must do what they are reasonably expected to do

K4t

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Why is having sex on the couch not fair wear and tear?
.

Maybe the sex is unnatural? e.g. homosexuals.

magentis

K4t wrote: »

Maybe the sex is unnatural? e.g. homosexuals.

Gets popcorn.

Kevin McCloud

Strengthen it up with a few 6x2s be grand.

the_syco

dori_dormer wrote: »

Get a leather couch. It'll be cold and squeaky.

This is a good idea. When they leave, pop over with a blacklight, and ask have they cleaned the couch, and if they have, black light the room.

Or not. You may find you'll have to deep clean every item in the room :pac:

G_R

K4t wrote: »

Maybe the sex is unnatural? e.g. homosexuals.

Mod

Don't even go there.

Tiddlypeeps

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Goods must be fit for their purpose – they must do what they are reasonably expected to do

Is having sex on the couch a reasonable expectation?

I'd imagine it's not very clear so if a claim were opened with the PRTB I'd expect them to side with the tenant like they always do when the case isn't clear cut.

viper006

beaufoy wrote: »

I have an apartment and the tenant wants a new couch because the one they have has collapsed. When he told me he wanted a new couch he stipulated that the new one would have to be stronger as he liked having sex on the couch. I pointed out that having sex on a couch is not fair wear and tear.
Is there a way to find out if the couch collapsed because it was badly made or because it was being used for sex ie are there inspectors that can be employed

Haha. Must say this is the first time i burst out laughing at a thead in the accommodation of boards.ie. All the funnier by the business like tone of your the OP's message. Very good

Toots

I suppose it would depend on the kind of sex they were having. If it was a long slow screw I can't imagine that'd place the couch under too much strain, however if they were absolutely hammering it into one another it might be a bit too much for any couch. I think you need to sneak in there and stick up a few hidden cameras, see how they're banging it out. Worst case scenario you can recoup the cost of replacing the couch by selling the footage to an amateur pr0n site.

On a serious note, how old was the couch? I mean, technically they're entitled to have sex wherever they want in their own home, but if it's wrecking the furniture that's another story. If they were sitting on the couch watching tv most of the time, and had sex on it the odd time, and it collapsed, then yeah it'd be fair wear and tear. If they were regularly using the couch for rough sex, then not so much. Years ago, myself and the hubby broke a bed riding on it things got a bit heated and the headboard suddenly broke. If that had happened to me in a rented house, it would never have entered my mind to ask the landlord to pay for it.

One eyed Jack

Tell your tenant you'll be taking the price of the couch out of their deposit, should soften his cough a bit.

Some cheek though, you'd wanna be telling him pull the other one OP tbh.

endacl

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Some cheek though, you'd wanna be telling him pull the other one OP tbh.

The skinny one? She'd want to have been some big lassie to be bustin' up a sofa. Some cheek indeed. And the other cheek too.

:pac:

Tell them to buy their own damn (wipe clean) sex sofa.

I think I just identified an niche in the furniture market.

endacl

Candie wrote: »

Tell them to buy their own damn (wipe clean) sex sofa.

I think I just identified an niche in the furniture market.

The right kinda niche and he wouldn't need the woman at all!

Dozer Dave

No amount of riding will break this

One eyed Jack

endacl wrote: »

The right kinda niche and he wouldn't need the woman at all!

That'd be a gap in the market though, niche work if you can get it that whole couch sex stress testing gig...

Oh christ, now I'm after being reminded of the mental image of my flatmates footprints on the wall behind the couch a few years ago, I thought "How the F did they get there?"... took me a minute to realise

endacl

Dozer Dave wrote: »

No amount of riding will break this

Challenge accepted!

Ruu

Tell him you have a sex inspectors license and that the couch shows breakage points consistent with sexual maneuvers so he'll have to pay up. Get a metal garden bench and throw a few pillows on it, no sexy sex then.

Roger Hassenforder

Buy a similar couch, and bring your missus over.
Ask him to demonstrate with your missus, how exactly (rhythm/stroke length/angle/duration etc.) he broke the first couch.
If you allow him and his auld doll to demonstrate, they might be particularly vigorous for fear of being found out, so an impartial witness is desirable. Might take a few visits with your missus.


If he breaks the couch pay up.
If he doesn't, take if out of his deposit (pardon the pun)

FloatingVoter

For the price of a new couch you can install

A trampoline

An overhead mirror

A webcam

Everybody makes love and money.

PS: I will be entering the property market later this year. Expect announcements.

--LOS--

You know what you have to do OP

Youve sorta danced around it but I think you've already made your decision

Threaten them with the sex inspector

Kevin McCloud

Op get one of these

beaufoy

thanks for most of replies very funny. I agree I did write a funny enquiry in a serious way its just the way i am. anyway i found an inspector and to a certain degree my idea worked.

jimgoose

You need a special Riding Couch. Go to Harvey Norman and ask one of the assistants - ideally a young, green-looking female one - about them. Await results. I shall expect a full report.

Kevin McCloud

Bigmickey might have something suitable, one can ask him here

bigmickey.ie

Kevin McCloud wrote: »

Bigmickey might have something suitable, one can ask him here

We will always find something for everyone for the budget they have. Thanks

kylith

Two people having sex on a couch is the same as two people jumping up and down on the couch. He broke it, he replaces it. And, since the new couch will be covered in his bodily fluids and you will be unable to let the next tenants use it in good conscience he'll need to take it with him and replace it with an unsoiled one when he moves out.

Desolation Of Smug

Get him a park bench and cover it with a sheet. "Break that, ya tramp..."...

DARK-KNIGHT

that has to be the weirdest landlord conversation ever... firstly telling them your spreading body fluids everywhere and also telling landlord they need to invest in better furniture so you can pound her harder Ah **** it I absolutely love boards

Baby01032012

Baby01032012 wrote: »

I think this whole thread is a wind up

Yep. And a pretty obvious one at that.