Scammed by friend

LegacyUser

Hi all

I guess this is venting, but if you can give any advice I'd appreciate it.

Long story short:

* A childhood friend was in some trouble - financially and emotionally.
* I wanted to help him out. I was worried about him.
* I contacted him offering an entry into a business I'm involved in. He didn't need to invest any money up front or anything like that (although he did create a company which has an expense) and it seemed to cheer him up / give him direction / help improve his situation.
* He made some money. Not a huge amount, but a lot more than average wage. Previous to this he was long term unemployed.
* I have been very kind and trusting to him throughout all this.
* He has now cheated me and my partners. Stole money. This has put me in a lot of trouble. He doesn't seem to care. In fact when I told him how it is very bad for me his response was "that's not my problem, is it".
* He is trying to justify what he did, but it's just paranoid nonsense. Basically anything to get out of returning the money. He's also threatening me that he will **** up my relationship with my partners if I try to force him to return the money.
* He's being horrible, basically.

Obviously this is heartbreaking and I'm finding it hard to believe. I've known this guy since he was three or four years old.

Can you think of any way I can make him think clearly. I have considered contacting his family but that seems weird. The alternative is to make this between him and my partners, and I have told him he is forcing me to do this, but I want to do this as a last resort as it is a nuclear option which isn't good for anyone (hard to explain). It will impact his family too which I am trying to avoid.

What would you do in my situation? I'd like him to just pay the money so the problem can go away. I don't want to go the nuclear route but he's forcing this to happen.

Thanks.

Neyite

Either call the Gardai if he stole your money, or defrauded your business, or contact a solicitor I'd say. The Gardai will probably clarifiy whether its a civil or criminal matter and advise you of the next step you can take.

punisher5112

That's one thing I found the hard way never lend or have anything to do with money with a friend.

You have to be prepared that they won't be a friend in most cases.

Best way to look at it is you are not a bank.

Lent a lot of money myself and everything was turned around at how I wasn't a friend and so on so they wouldn't have to pay me back.

Brought person to court and I won but only get little installments.

skallywag

OP, how strong is your evidence that he stole the money? I'm not doubting you in any way, rather just trying to get a feeling for how strong a case you have. If you do indeed have a strong case then do you think that threatening him with the law could convince him into having a change of heart?

orthsquel

In your situation I'd go to Gardai; you mention that he was a child hood friend, have you been friends for years since? Or reconnected recently? Regardless of that answer, it is probably the best for you and the company to get the Gardai involved. I think if you were to afford him of the opportunity of working it out between ye, you'll never get the money back (of which he is counting on, because of being a childhood friend, someone you once knew, or someone you have known for years) and possibly any action you take working it out between ye could be used against you. I doubt the problem will go away just by him paying the money back, given his response to you about paying it back.

Call me Al

I'd go the nuclear route without any hesitation.
He clearly doesn't rate any relationship you have with him. He is relying on your unfounded loyalty to not dob him in. But yet he doesn't extend you the same courtesy.
It's a one-sided friendship I'm afraid.

Tokyo

Right now he's relying on the fact that he can bully you into keeping quiet.

The only way of dealing with this situation right now is by going the legal route - don't waste your time in trying to make him 'think clearly'. Speak to your partners and explain the situation to them, and get the police and a solicitor involved ASAP. The longer this man remains as part of your company, the more damage he will do and the more he will screw you and everybody else over. He needs to be weeded out, immediately.

meeeeh

Your description of your relationship with your partners sounds more like mafia than reputable business. Why would you be in trouble with your partners if he stole the money? Did you lend him out of the cash flow without informing anyone? Anyway if it is genuine business treat it like business and talk to the solicitor and possibly accountant because I presume you have nice cash shortfall atm on company books.

leggo

Yeah, there seems to be something more to this. Not to question you OP, it's entirely your own business, but the degree to which people can advise you is limited without info. When you say 'steal', does that mean, 'physically took money from a till/safe/petty cash/company bank account'? Or is it meant in the looser term, i.e. 'wooed clients that he wasn't supposed to' or 'took commission that should've been yours'?

If it's a legitimate business then surely there's a paper trail that can verify this, which makes it open and shut in that you should seek legal advice. If it's the latter, though, then that's way more complex and you may just have to cut your losses, get him out of the company (even if that involves having an awkward conversation with the partners) and move forward.

jimmycrackcorm

You need to separate business from friendship. As this affects your partners you need to involve them otherwise it makes you look like you are in cahoots with your friend.

Business is business so take the personal issues out of deciding what to do. I'd anticipate that your partners knowing you a lot longer would understand that the situation is not of your making.

This person is not your friend given the threat being made to integer with your partnership so be prepared to put that friendship side.

davmol

Have a word with your "friend" and advise him that you are doing your best to prevent your business partners from going to the Gardai.Tell him to return the money or else they will proceed.

If he fails to,have a word with your partners and advise them to go ahead with legal action advising them that you woudl rather not be involved due to the close involvement of othr prople.Im sure they would understand.

You owe him nothing.You gave him a chance and he gave you 2 fingers.