Not Sexually Compatible ever!

LegacyUser

Hi guys, bit of a personal question here but could do with some advice. I should also add that I'm not looking for medical advice or referal, I just want to see if anyone else has experienced the same issue and if it's a normal thing.

Basically, I'm 25 year old female. I've had a relationship and a few on and off things with guys. Basically, I can't orgasm or feel anything when I engage in intercourse or anything sexual "down there" when I'm with someone. I have also tried to see what I like myself and I can't seem to feel anything except frustration or getting fed up and giving up on it. The thing is, I get aroused, and its obvious to the guy down there when I do but I dont feel anything except the fact that I'm being touched. I'm definetly attracted and want to, but its like something isnt working. Its terribly frustrating for me especially when you other people going on about how great their own sex lives are and I cant even get myself to that stage. I'm frightened now that I'm going to end up in a relationship with these same problems and be completely unhappy. Any advice guys?

LegacyUser

if anyone has any advice , I'd really appreciate it.

Neyite

Get into Ann Summers or online to the likes of love honey and start with getting a bullet vibrator for yourself. Then experiment, initially by yourself then with your partner when you feel ready.

Its perfectly normal for a lot of women to not orgasm through intercourse, and doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. But in order to do what floats your boat with a partner, you need to know what gets you going yourself.

Typer Monkey

Have you ever mentioned this to a doctor OP? Are you taking any medication that might be causing a numbness? When you touch yourself do you feel any sensation at all or is it just like touching any other part of your body?

As Neyite says many women don't orgasm via penetration and clitoral stimulation is usually more successful.

LegacyUser

Hi op,

I have similar problems. The only way I can climax is with masturbation or a combo of masturbation and oral, but it takes ages and I have to concentrate on a fantasy or something which obviously isn`t wonderful with a partner. I`m with my OH 15 years and he understands and its just part of our sex life now. The only way I enjoy intercourse is after an orgasm.

Try watching porn or something that turns you on and give masturbation a try again. I would try clitoral stimulation maybe some lubricant may also help. I never found vibrators enjoyable. It could take quite a bit of time, its not a 5 minute job for me anyway but does get easier the more familiar you are with yourself.

Also try a few days after your period when your coming up to ovulation or, I don`t drink but if you do, alcohol raises women's testosterone levels so could also help.

Good luck Op!

Penny Tration

The best things you can do are go to your GP, and buy some sex toys.

The reason for the gp is so that you can rule out any physical or psychological issues that may be hindering you.

The reason for the sex toys (assuming you're physically and mentally healthy!), is so that you can experiment slowly, in your own time, and find out what works for you.

Only about 20% of women actually orgasm through penetrative sex (read the stat a while ago, so can't remember the source). A lot of the time, clitoral stimulation is needed.

This can be achieved in a few ways - positions such as you on top, or you on top while he's sitting, rather than lying, or him on top while you stimulate your clitoris.

But first things first, go chat to your gp. There's no point working on it with sex toys if there's a physiological or psychological reason for it 'not happening.'

LegacyUser

Just a thought, but referring to a complicated system of organs and nerves as "down there" might be part of the problem. I'd say before you get/use a toy, get a good diagram, a mirror (and possibly a glass of wine!) and note what's "down there" in detail.

When you say you can't feel anything except that you are being touched, that is normal for most of the vagina - otherwise childbirth would be twice as painful. Parts to the front of it have more sensation because they are connected to the clitoris like roots of a tree.

The clitoris itself is quite separate, and often stays hidden in folds of flesh (labia minora) so you might need to work out how it likes to be uncovered and touched.

I'd say don't fret about having an orgasm before you get to know your own body. You're already frustrating yourself and that's putting you off in a vicious circle where you associate "down there" with hard work and no reward. Every body is different, so be nice to yours!

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I actually do feel a bit better about it, for example I have tried to see what I like myself, but I'm a bit green when it comes to doing discovering it myself, maybe its just the shyness of it. And as for sensation, I can feel myself doing that, but it gets a bit sore after a while, sorry for all the details :P I probably do need to unwind and discover for myself as well.

LegacyUser

Just to address your thread title - that's not a helpful way to think. So far, you may not have been sexually compatible with your partners, but that doesn't mean you'll never be compatible with anyone and you shouldn't be frightened of relationships on that basis. Any future partner will bring a different dynamic to your relationship, emotionally and physically. That dynamic is what's important and it's about what happens between the two of you, you're not the whole story.

By all means carry on your own efforts to find what fulfils you, or address what's stopped you being fulfilled up to now, but don't be blaming yourself when the fact is that you were only half of the sexual relationships that didn't do it for you so far. Maybe you have absolutely no issues and haven't done a thing wrong and the problem has all been with your partners, maybe because of a lack of experience or confidence, or maybe the relationships were not what you need emotionally and if you find someone you're closer to, expressing yourself sexually will be a whole different experience. Maybe you've talked yourself into a pressured loop of performance anxiety and the dynamics of previous relationships have compounded that, but whatever has been the reasons for your experience up to now, you never know the day when you could meet someone who suddenly changes how you feel and that change will impact everywhere, so don't see your situation now or your previous experience as being the pattern for the rest of your sex life.

Littlekittylou

Hi OP.

No I have never felt that way myself personally. I have always come quite easily. Although they are more intense on top.

Some people need very specific things sexually. Don't be shy about exploring what they are. Don't be shy about it or feel you are going to shock anyone. Some people are different.

What are your sexual fantasies? What turns you on? Sex is different for everyone. For some very different.

Don't be shy about what your needs are. You are not going to shock anyone.


Also have you looked into different masturbation techniques?

Ave Sodalis

Hi OP. I don't think it's anything to worry about. I've had approximately 20 sexual partners and out of them, I've had a proper orgasm with 2 of them. The first guy, it only happened once though I slept with him 3 or 4 times. The second (my current bf), it's only through his hands. Everyone is different. Nobody can tell you what you will or won't enjoy. Littlekittylou says it's more intense on top, but I go numb and stop feeling anything on top. It's just about experimenting and finding out what you like and don't like.

gsi300024v

Lube is also your friend on own or with a guy.
Feelings of love for a partner help. If I love someone and really have strong feelings for them sex is better.
You might like to look further into the psychological reasons why you possibly might not enjoy sex be it on your own or with someone.
It can be hard for some people to relax to enjoy either. Maybe try some meditation or as other said some wine.
How do you view sex and masturbation? Are you shy about it? Do you not like talking about it with friends?
Do you feel you deserve a healthy sex life?
Good luck with your exploring.
Don't worry about everyone saying they've great sex all the time. They're telling porkys!
Sex is like everything else in life, sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's a bit not so great. That's life!