suicidal threats

xLisaBx

I know this isn't exactly the right forum but it gets the most traffic. Mods feel free to move. Also, not looking for medical advice.
A friend of mine has started threatening to kill himself recently, and this only occurs when I refuse to do something or ignore some of his texts (he won't stop flirting with me so I try not to talk to him too much). He seems to be using it as a means of getting his own way and its really not fair. I also feel like he really Wouldn't do it, that it's a threat. I woke up one morning to messages from him saying he was going to commit suicide if I didn't call him. It was a complete lie, he was grand. I would definitely feel guilty and blame myself forever if he did end his life. But I shouldn't have to give into his demands.
What should I do? at this stage I don't know what's right anymore.

kfallon

xLisaBx wrote: »

I know this isn't exactly the right forum but it gets the most traffic. Mods feel free to move. Also, not looking for medical advice.
A friend of mine has started threatening to kill himself recently, and this only occurs when I refuse to do something or ignore some of his texts (he won't stop flirting with me so I try not to talk to him too much). He seems to be using it as a means of getting his own way and its really not fair. I also feel like he really Wouldn't do it, that it's a threat. I woke up one morning to messages from him saying he was going to commit suicide if I didn't call him. It was a complete lie, he was grand. I would definitely feel guilty and blame myself forever if he did end his life. But I shouldn't have to give into his demands.
What should I do? at this stage I don't know what's right anymore.

Next time he does it, go to his folks and bring them down to see him, it's not your problem and it's just emotional blackmail on his part so time to turn the tables and make him squirm

DarkJager

Tell him he needs help and don't feed his attention seeking. It's tough love but you don't owe him anything and you certainly shouldn't be putting up with this suicide threat bull****. Tell him to get his head sorted out and then ye can talk.

the_syco

kfallon wrote: »

Next time he does it, go to his folks and bring them down to see him, it's not your problem and it's just emotional blackmail on his part so time to turn the tables and make him squirm

This. It'll also be of little surprise if he's doing this to you, because he had already done it to someone else.

wendell borton

Doesn't sound like something a friend would do.

DarkJager

wendell borton wrote: »

Doesn't sound like something a friend would do.

I've had friends like this and to be fair, they were in very dark places when I heard this sort of stuff out of them. However, there are others who abuse this idea to seek attention and this is exactly what it sounds like the OP is facing.

EoghanIRL

The best thing would be to inform his parents so that he can get the help he needs.

Moved from After Hours.

Please ensure you read the Personal Issues charter before posting.

xLisaBx

kfallon wrote: »

Next time he does it, go to his folks and bring them down to see him, it's not your problem and it's just emotional blackmail on his part so time to turn the tables and make him squirm

Not a bad plan!

Just want to clarify: I have no problem helping genuinely suicidal people and friends, it's something I do a lot and am trained to do so. But this just doesn't seem right.

KKkitty

xLisaBx wrote: »

Not a bad plan!

Just want to clarify: I have no problem helping genuinely suicidal people and friends, it's something I do a lot and am trained to do so. But this just doesn't seem right.

Your friend knows you're trained and plays up because of it. As has been said before get his family involved.

FluffyAngel

Hi Lisa/op

if you are trained you will know that any person who says they are willing to commit suicide there is a danger that they will and are thinking about it

all threats should be taking seriouslly


but

the most important person in this from your view point should be you
and the effects of this person and their emontional weight on you

i would suggest working out an exit plan that entails as much support as possibile for the person(contacting parents ,him/her to explain that you are not comfortable with the way this is going ,out of your range of support )

and making sure that you leave their stuff with them instead of you

and putting in place a care plan that supports you to prevent this happening again( brought down this path by emonitoal response)

Dark Phoenix

Id agree with others who suggested he is doing it to get your attention and then guilt you to keep giving more. As you are trained he probably feels its a good excuse to be contacting you about it.

Why not suggest that as you are a friend you are not the best placed person to help him with the root of the problem and refer him on to a similarly qualified colleague - that way if theres a genuine issue you have put him in touch with someone who can help.
I'd agree with getting parents involved or siblings if need be. You cant be expected to bear the load of this persons emotions - letting their loved ones know means you are sharing the problem and giving them an opportunity to help. If your friend isnt happy with you sharing that info then tough - they cant expect to burden you with this all the time and demand your constant attention