Am I really doing it?

Help!!!!

Been out with the missus shopping, first some woman & child invaded her space in the toilet by using the same basin as her when there was plenty free. Then some other woman asked her something stupid when she was in the line waiting to pay in a store.
She then asked me is it my fault as these sorts on incidents only happen when shes out with me. She reckons I intimidate people by staring at them
As far as I'm aware I don't stare at anyone. I like to look around when I'm but don't seem how I am intimidating anyone, I'm not a huge big scary guy anyway ( 5feet8 )
Lets says that it was the case that for some reason I looked at a women & she thought I gave her a " look " or something would she approach my wife to try to get back at me?
Am I really doing this without knowing it?

JuliusCaesar

How come you were intimidating women in the women's toilet if you are a man?

WellThen?

Yeah why were you in the womens toilet? Also if a man was intimidating me, I would stay away. Not annoy his missus...

Help!!!!

that's the thing I wasn't in the toilets

Torakx

I was accused once of flirting with someone when I was with my girlfriend.
Really what happened, was that I was being friendly and joking with her friend and her friend liked me.. So I got the blame.
The accusation came out of fear of loosing me and she fullfilled that prophecy by trying to make me feel bad about my looks in order to keep me.

It is probably a coping mechanism for something.
In this case if it is a once off, maybe a way to direct the frustration away.
When we don't have reasons for thing, we start to make them up, a severything in our reality has to have a reason or we strt to feel insecure. Unless we accept our reality and just let go and live it.

Think on it from her perspective. If you were worried about how the world perceived you and you started to have unfavourable run ins with people, it might tell you there is something wrong with you. But what!?
Wait maybe it is not you, maybe it is some other thing you can't explan. Oh there's my hubby.. *frown creeps in*.

On the plus side, this behaviour might push you to look at your onw behaviour too. Even if the issue is not with you, the experience might push you to new levels of awareness
It's all good I say, as long as we remember what is important to us really.

descheness

It could be a defense mechanism on her part, too. Not wanting to take ownership for it so she cops the blame to you? I can't say for sure since I don't know her and everything, but it's typical for people to act that way even without noticing

sadie9

The following is a personal opinion. That is equally likely to be wrong as it is right.
Seems like her mind is making a connection between you being around and 'stuff' happening to her. When stuff happens to her when you aren't around she ignores it, but when you are she is attributing that to your presence.
Some believe more strongly than others that their thoughts are related to external events when in fact there is no connection there at all.

When she is not stressed out shopping, you could ask her if she really believes that a woman in the toilets barged in front of her because you had influenced that woman in some way.

Some people's minds always look for a reason for things happening/something's to blame for this happening to me. Unfortunately for you if she stressed 'you' become the reason. That's what is sounds like to me.
I wonder does she have other thoughts about things that she attributes to external events eg. not drinking tap water because fluoride 'is poisoning' you. Or believes in herbal supplements etc. And expecting you to know what the plan is in her head for some event, how things are going to go in a certain situation, and then getting really upset when you don't follow that plan.

Labarbapostiza

Help!!!! wrote: »

She then asked me is it my fault as these sorts on incidents only happen when shes out with me.

It could be you, it could be her, it could be both of you.

When you're in public.......do you sometimes have weird experiences that don't make any sense with complete strangers?

evolving_doors

Labarbapostiza wrote: »

It could be you, it could be her, it could be both of you.

When you're in public.......do you sometimes have weird experiences that don't make any sense with complete strangers?

Eh! How could it be the OP, he was outside the toilets when this other woman used the sink at the same time as his wife! It's obvious there is something at the root of the wife's 'blame' association, is this just a once off thing that happened during shopping?

Just for clarity OP, did your wife say that the other woman and child barged in and used the sink at the exact same time (that seems a bit unlikely)... teasing it out, perhaps the woman and her child used the sink directly after the missus and the missus was wondering why they chose that one (hence exaggerating the issue slightly by mentioning 'the same time' when in fact what she meant was the other woman and child used the same sink at the 'exact same time' as she was in the same bathroom.

Next time OP, (and it will happen again if she thinks there is a general superstition around your presence), tease it out fully and question her over the exact details of the 'co-incidences' that happen. I think most men in this situation would just raise an eyebrow and forget about it, but you need to be really absolutely clear about what she is claiming and restate it to her. If you leave things fester and continue then before you know it she'll have enough 'evidence' (which are just 'coincidences') that your the reason her life is not going the way she had wanted it to go.

Nip it in the bud, I would suspect that there is something greater on her mind so don't let it fester but be prepared for an argument if you challenge her on the logic of it.

BTW I have zero qualifications in psychology. But this coincidence association is happening and I'll bet she's mentioned other 'crazy coincidences' that have happened and it's slipped under your radar.