Nervous about first time sex with new guy

LegacyUser

I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks and things are going well. I'm a bit nervous though as I really like him and it's been nearly three years since I've last done the deed. My confidence in the bedroom department isn't very good as one of my ex's told me I was bad in bed. This upset me as he was the guy I lost my virginity to and it has always played on my mind since. I've had a few other partners in between but nothing that lasted so I'd consider myself quite inexperienced at the age of 26.
The thing is I'm just wondering if I should let the guy know I'm feeling nervous or just fake the confidence. Sex is probably on the cards in the next week or so as we have been holding off but don't know how long it will last.
If anyone has any tips on how I can stop being so nervous and enjoy it that would be great as I don't want to ruin what we have. Is telling a guy you're nervous a turn off or will they mind?

P. Breathnach

Don't fake anything. You see this as sex in a relationship that might be going somewhere. So I am sure you can talk honestly with him. Tell him it's been a while since you last had sex, and that you're "out of practice". If you say that much, and he has any regard for you, he will make it his business to manage the event for both of you. And it can build from there.

Littlekittylou

If I had a nervous partner I would want to hold them tenderly until they were not nervous anymore.

I understand you op. There is a wide spectrum associated with sex depending on your experiences. Be there for each other and show each other how much you care.

shaymus27

Any male worth being with would not be turned off or mind if you told him you were a bit nervous. If you said it to him he should go out of his way to reassure you that it is an honour and joy for him that you are sharing something so intimate with him. He should think himself lucky. Don't let any previous male's comments affect how you think about yourself. What an a-hole. Sex isn't something you do, judge and rate, it should be about intimacy and sharing each other. Don't put yourself down. Think any male lucky to be with you.

jimd2

I now its difficult but the comments from the ex say more about him than you.

If you feel a good emotional connection with the new guy you could find that what you "give" to each other is different to with that ex who sounds selfish tbh.

You could make reference to the fact that it's been a while to him rather than going into a long speel about nervousness etc.

ladygirl

Op
There is no such thing as someone being good or bad at sex. (My friends and I are convinced of this). Its simply how you connect with the person that makes the difference. With my ex the sex wasn't great - but I wouldn't hold him or I responsible - we just didn't connect properly.

Now with my current partner I'm having the most amazing sex ever. I'm so comfortable with him that I've definitely let myself go a bit more and also am far more body confident and am willing to try more things.

Looking back with my ex I never felt 100% comfortable with him, I also despite being a size 8 never felt body confident.

Try and put your ex's silly comments out of your head, and don't let him spoil another minute of your happiness going forward.

Oh and for the record the first time I slept with my current partner it was a total disaster So funny that we can laugh about it now.

Enjoy it all and don't overthink it anymore

miamee

You didn't mention anything about wanting to have sex with this guy, only that ye have been holding off. Have you been stopping things at a certain point or had you both decided to wait until the 'right' time/opportunity not really come up yet?
Whichever it is, you should still tell him that you are looking forward to it but nervous as it's been a while since you were intimate with someone. If he's a decent person (which I'm sure he is), he will take things at your pace and reassure you along the way.
If you decide not to talk to him beforehand you will possibly spend the whole time telling yourself to act sexy, act confident, play it cool...and you'll be so busy doing that you'll forget to enjoy yourself. That's no good for either of you. Talk to him

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. He mentiomed to me last week that he felt things were going well with us. I said they were and I was really enjoying getting to know him but before we took things to the next level, meaning sleeping together, I needed to know if I was the only girl he was seeing or if there was others. I had been burned like this before where things were going great with a guy and found out from mutual friends he was with somebody else at the same time. So he told me there was nobody else because he wanted to see how things would go with us and he didn't feel the need to be with anyone else. So I guess that means we are exclusive. I am looking forward to having sex which is probably going to happen this week but I guess I just needed advice on whether to let him know I am a bit nervous or not. I really like him and am so content with how things are going I don't want the possibility of awkward sex to ruin things.
As others said if he is genuine and into me he won't mind a bit of nerves. Its something I am excited but I still have niggling doubts over whether it will be ok and he won't think I'm being stupid. Anyway thanks for all the advice here..I will mention how I am a bit nervous and take it from there.