No References No Hope

LegacyUser

Hi,

My OH went back and studied what was suppose to be a growth area and got good results. He has had a few jobs which have all ended badly and he won`t get a good reference from any of them. He has some issues which he`s addressing, he gets quite aggressive and paranoid when treated unfairly/badly, not immediately but it builds till he snaps. Some of it is warranted and I don`t blame him entirely, all he can handle is his own response. He is very depressed at the moment and keeps thinking what he can do to rectify things, he found out last week 2 of the employers are actually telling lies about him to damage his opportunities.

I think he can`t do anything, the damage is done. I think he can get unskilled work or work for himself or retrain. I don`t see any other options.

Its not really feasible for me to go back to work for a while.

I`m very worried about him. Its destroying him us being reliant on social welfare, he feels trapped.

Neyite

If he is volatile, you cant blame an employer for wanting to be cautious. They have to put employee welfare first. If out of several jobs, not one will give him a reference, then it sounds pretty bad. Even the worst people I know who were managed out still got a standard reference.

The fact is, there is no perfect job, or perfect employer. Each and every workplace has a great boss, or a crap one, or the annoying/ dossing colleague. Every one of them has a manager backtracking on promises made, or moving deadlines or piling pressure. He needs to figure out how to take these things in his stride.

Stavro Mueller

If he can work for himself that might be the best solution. It's a damming indictment of him that not only has he no references but that he lacks the cop-on to change his ways. 5

ABajaninCork

I think the thing is to have the right sort of counselling. Is your partner undertaking anger management and/or CBT therapy for example?

And is he certain the employers are telling lies? Or are they simply warning prospective employers of potential issues with your partner?? Unfortunately, with the issues your partner displayed employers are entitled to be wary as Neyite says, and I have a feeling what's been said has more than a grain of truth in it. It also sounds as though your partner's area of interest is quite small, so I'm afraid he might be stuffed.

However - IF you can prove what's been said are downright lies, then a solicitor's letter to those employers asking them to cease and desist might do the trick...

The best advice I can give you is to help him work on his issues as you've been doing and maybe suggest he re-trains.

LegacyUser

Yes he is doing counseling and anger management which is helping.

3 of the jobs were internships and they expected him to do things he had never said he could do eg. programming which was nothing to do with what he studied.

2 of them blamed him for new products which were not working before he got there and the employers just wanted to be making profit on their investments and were getting frustrated. He was given no training in any of these jobs and it was just him and the boss. In one of them he had to build a completely new product because the one there which the employer had paid a lot for continually went on fire and didn`t do what it was suppose to at all.

The last one he gave an opinion on something when the boss asked and it went against what the other employees wanted, which he didn`t know at the time. Then he was hit by another employee and because he felt this was his last chance he said nothing. This was a family firm. He went abroad with them where they isolated him and there was further threat of violence so he got his stuff and left and just said it wasn`t for him.

Its very complicated but I have to say he has been quite unfortunate. I`m not making excuses for him, I`d be the first to call him on it if it was all him. He does misread things tho eg. that guy hit him so he thinks everyone in the business is in on it. He`s very angry at being treated badly and not being valued but to me that`s what I would expect from employers.

LegacyUser

Just in case : he never physically touched anyone. He yelled at 2 of them after they yelled at him. One tried to provoke him by pushing him but he just got his stuff and left.

MrWalsh

Were the internships jobbridge internships? Can he not complain to social welfare and then tell prospective employers that although he tried some internships they were actually abusing the system and he had to leave the internships and complain to social welfare. So he cannot use them as references.

kylith

I didn't think they could refuse to give you a reference, but it'd just say "X worked here from Date to Date".

He needs to get his anger under control, and to report any issues to HR before he loses his cool.

In the meantime I'd recommend volunteering; an employer will accept a reference from such an organisation.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much every one for taking the time to reply.

They were jobbridge and he did complain but it doesn`t seem to have made any difference as they`ve all been through another few interns already. There were no HR in these companies, they were getting him in to see if they could start something without paying for an employee. Basically they needed someone who`s skills were very valuable, or 2 somebodies, but didn`t want to pay. There was no possibility of training in these posts as the employers themselves didn`t even know about the technical details.

Kylith the volunteering is a great idea, thanks. I hadn`t thoughts of that.

By the way my OH is thought of as being a very nice guy. He`s not generally some horrible angry person. He`s a really good honest person, like if he got a cent extra in the shop he`d go back kind of person. He treats people with respect and expect to be treated likewise so I think that`s why he gets so upset when he`s treated badly. Its a shock for him because he believe people are the way they portray themselves.

MrWalsh

Is there some kind of time frame here? And how long did he last in each internship?

Why mention them at all?
They wont show up on any revenue documentation so a new employer wont know about them and if he has recently retrained then he can just say he has been looking for work since he finished the retraining.

Seeing as they ended badly I cant see why he would want to use them as referees - can he not use someone from the college?

LegacyUser

Yea he can certainly try that MrWalsh. Small country and small community not so sure he`ll get away with it.

MrWalsh

If I were him I wouldnt put them on the CV at all.

Then at interview when or if he is asked what he has been doing since college he can say that he tried a couple of internships but that they were not what they claimed to be so he left them and continued to seek paid employment.

Incidentally, on the one where he was assaulted, I sincerely hope he went to the Guards about that?

If your descriptions of the situations are true and the other internships were just him and the boss then I cant see how the companies in question will hold much validity in the "community".

LegacyUser

He just got a phone call for an interview. Thanks Mr Walsh I was wondering what would be best for him to say and that sounds perfect. He has a reference down from before, its 4 years ago tho just after he finished college.

He never had one work related problem before this, his managers from years ago stop and talk to him and think he`s lovely. He never misses a day or is ever late, he`s extremely diligent and dependable. His lecturers said if there was one fella they would recommend for a job it would be him, I overheard this it wasn`t said to me. I know the first employer was known himself in the industry to be very difficult and I think it spiraled from there.

I feel more positive now. He seems to be a bit better compared to this morning too. Hopefully things are on the up.

Littlekittylou

he found out last week 2 of the employers are actually telling lies about him to damage his opportunities.

That is slander.

MrWalsh

I hope things go well with the interview.

Its very hard for someone to be unemployed for a long time and to have had bad experiences with internships during that time makes it even harder. Its not unusual in the past number of years for people to have been out of work for long periods either.

One thing that does strike me though, if its 4 years since he was at college and he hasnt landed a permanent paid position since then, regardless of nasty internships - he could probably start thinking about more training, or moving sideways within the area or (depending on your circumstances) maybe moving to another county/country with better job prospects for a while? Or just taking an unskilled job while studying further by night to try and move forward? Itd be good for the mental health as well as the financial.

LegacyUser

Littlekittylou he has been told twice but not in a way he has proof. He did think about hiring someone or getting someone to ring but I discouraged him thinking it wouldn`t help him move on. I don`t know what he could do anyway even with proof, it wouldn`t change anything or make him happier.

MrWalsh thanks for your good wishes. He has and is availing of all free courses, he`s currently doing 2. He has a page long printout of all the courses he`s done with fas. We`re very low on funds obviously and there isn`t funding as he`s already got a qualification. We need to try to find a way. He`s worried about choosing the wrong thing again too.