Am I overreacting?

hagoonabear

hi , long time poster here so here's my problem.

I was invited Friday night to my partners work night out in town, so all goes great head to a nightclub at the end of the night , we bumped into a few people we knew along with his work mates met into this girl he knows who would be his friends ex they start talking I was introduced all went grand chatting away .

anyways my partner also invited out that night his friend lets call him bob , now bob is a prick absolute misogynist, any girl we passed you hear him coughing "slut slut" etc.. I don't like him but anyways night went great went home only next morning my partner to be rang up by his friend john who is also great pals with bob.

john said " heard you were shifting the face off some girl infront of hagoonabear last night , everyone heard it etc.." now john is an absolute looser , who says afterwards he was only joking but its funny to get people to think you cheated with a slut , the slut in question is a nice girl to talk to I just hate how this guy never meets any women stays in home all week and just hates women never stops talking horrible stuff about them .

now john and bob don't find anything wrong with what there saying , the two lads absolutely have no respect for women , when my partner said look what your saying is just weird and wrong , hagoonabear was with me all that night and thank god she was because imagine if she heard it off anyone what you were spreading around.

the two lads are nearly 25 btw , my partner now is getting more annoyed by his two friends and wants to stop talking to them in general I feel bad because I got really upset over this , but i don't want him loosing friends either over me.

now the two guys are asking why he even told me what they said and that why can't I take a joke , so tell me am I overreacting its just that word has already spread around ..

strandroad

It's up to your partner to drop them if he wants, they sound like they well deserve it.

eviltwin

Did you say anything or put any pressure on him at any point to drop these friends? Because if not you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Seems like your boyfriend has copped on that these two losers are not the kinds of people he wants to associate with and can you blame him? They have started a rumor he was cheating, some friends.

I'd stay out of it, let him make up his own mind about what to do.

Stavro Mueller

I'm not sure how worse off your partner would be if he didn't have this pair of losers as friends. They sound like a pair of prats and god only knows why he liked them in the first place. I think the best course of action here is for you to sit back, say nothing and let this run its course. I get the impression that the scales are starting to fall from your partner's eyes and he's seeing them for the idiots they are.

hagoonabear

oh he is , he was wondering before why his two other friends stopped hanging around with those two. i was really annoyed at first but know I am just telling him to just leave them off ignore them . I actually thought at one stage these two guys I would of classed as friends myself but not any more thanks for all the advise . I am definitely not putting any pressure or advising him to not be friends with them , I just rather if they stopped having a laugh from lies that could harm us .

eviltwin

Some guys can be like this when they lose one of their wing men. They can see girlfriends as a big threat and they react in this childish manner. They probably think they are hilarious but at 25 they should be acting like adults not little kids. You're boyfriend is better off without them.

Saralee4

If he wants to cut them out then let him do that but just don't tell him you agree or disagree but are supportive of him either way.

I think he is basically just coming to realise that he is more mature than his two mates and probably doesn't have much in common with them anymore. Sometimes you just grow in different ways compared to your peers and you need to get away from them.

Does he have other friends?

miamee

There's no need to worry that he will lose these friends because of you, if he decides to distance himself from them it will be due to their own childish behaviour.
Being annoyed with them is not an overreaction at all, imagine the trouble their story would have caused if you hadn't been on the night out and they said your boyfriend had been with some girl?! No, it is quite normal to be annoyed by this.

Rubberchikken

These two sound like idiots. A so-called hatred of women probably stems from the fact that no woman would be possibly interested in these two ever.

Your partner isn't losing anything in not having these two as 'friends'

Big Bag of Chips

Your partner isn't doing anything "because of you". I'm sure he has a mind of his own? Is capable of making his own decisions? The two friends disrespected him more than you. They are saying he cheated, not you. If two of my friends were boasting to me that they were spreading rumours that I had cheated on my husband, there wouldn't even be a discussion about whether or not I was still going to hang around with them.

They've made their bed. Your boyfriend has made his decision. Rather than accept that this is their own doing they have to blame someone. They can't blame your bf because they are trying to get back in his good books. They can't blame themselves because that would mean admitting they are absolute gobshytes, so you're the only one left.

Your bf doesn't think it's anything to do with you, really. You know it's nothing to do with you, really. They both have themselves convinced it's you, because it can't possibly be them.

Pat your bf on the back and support him in hs decision. Do you really want to convince him to not be so harsh and have to sit through another night out with the pair of them? Don't be a fool for them. And don't let them make fools of you and your bf.

stinkle

Sounds like your bf handled it well by saying how awful it would be if you hadnt been there and heard the rumour. You've got a good one there, and hopefully he realises they arent real friends at all. You aren't overreacting, they disrespected you and your relationship, but more importantly they disrespected a man they are supposed to be friends with.

How do you feel about being around them again, OP? Would you be ok, or uncomfortable? My OH had a particularly misogynistic friend who had huge women issues and they hung out in an already immature group of friends. I used to put up with some of the comments (never said when OH was in earshot, funnily enough) as I figured it was a "hazing" thing, and didnt want to be <i>that</i> girlfriend who cant take a joke or seems prudish or wants to take him away from his friends. It got worse though, and thankfully when OH got wind of his/their behaviour he was disgusted.

I just refused to be in their company ever again and told him I'd be really upset if he put them ahead of me - i.e. if he cancelled plans with me to see them, or invited them over to his when I was also gonna be there. Didnt put any pressure on or anything, just said I was deadly serious about not being in the same room ever again and he could arrange meeting them around me, his family and many other friends. The friendship fizzled out, surprisingly. No loss.