Kissing with confidence again.

LegacyUser

I separated last year after a sexless marriage for the last few years.
I'm now looking into dating again and am dreading the physical side of things.
I know I'll have no problems with the sexual aspect as I always had a high sex drive and enjoyed it in the past.

It's the kissing part I'm afraid I'll have a problem with.
I really do feel like I've forgotten how to kiss. I never ever worried about this before, even as a teenager. Yet here I am , an attractive, slim, intelligent woman in my mid 40s, I have so much going for me, and I'm afraid I won't be able to kiss when I start dating again.
I went on one date, and although I found the guy attractive, the kissing was a non runner.

I'd appreciate any advice, in particular from anybody who has gone back to dating after a very long absence.

strobe

It's such a massive cliché, but it rely is like riding a bike, it's not a conscious thing you can think through, it's subconscious 'muscle memory'. Once you dive in, it'll all come back to you without thinking about it, just have to dive in in the first place.

ongarboy

When you see a man you are attracted to and has a handsome face, do you not feel the urge to kiss them? If you feel the urge, everything else should come natural. While you say you were attracted to this man, was the urge to kiss him there?

Why not let him take the lead? With kissing, it's relatively easy for one partner to lead and the other to be passive. If he excites you and turns you on sexually, the rest should take it's course. If not however, perhaps there is some emotional hang up preventing this. Not sure if counselling may help then.

gsi300024v

Sometimes a 1st kiss is bad, it's like you've to both learn how each other kisses and find the way you'll kiss them.
It's like as if you never kiss two partners the same.
My thinking is you can't go in to a new relationship with a set style of kissing, you need to see what they're like and adapt.

LegacyUser

ongarboy wrote: »

When you see a man you are attracted to and has a handsome face, do you not feel the urge to kiss them? If you feel the urge, everything else should come natural. While you say you were attracted to this man, was the urge to kiss him there?

Why not let him take the lead? With kissing, it's relatively easy for one partner to lead and the other to be passive. If he excites you and turns you on sexually, the rest should take it's course. If not however, perhaps there is some emotional hang up preventing this. Not sure if counselling may help then.

no need for counselling, no emotional hang up.
spent years in a passionless relationship so was worse than starting over.
Yea I was attracted to him, yea I wanted to kiss him.
It just felt like I was clueless and inexperienced and out of sync and I was embarrassed.
And we're not seeing each other again, so that speaks volumes for me.
And it's not like riding a bike.
if you've not spent years frustrated within a relationship, you couldn't possibly know how awful it is.Its why I left.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

As other have said before kissing is like riding a bike, you'll just know. You can follow your partners lead if you're not feeling that confident. I suggest this video, kip forward to 1.50 as much of the stuff before that is pretty obvious e.g. oral hygiene, consent, etc.
<SNIP - Video links are forbidden as per forum charter>
Kissing will come back to you, so just relax, don't over think it, go with the flow. However if you're kissing for a while, and it becomes slightly monotonous I suggest mixing it up a little (as in body-language and tongue). Just do whatever feels right. There's really not much where you can "go wrong", tbh. Don't worry about it, if 12 year olds can do it so can you :P