Feel like I'm not taken seriously.

LegacyUser

Is there anything I can do to get a bit of respect?

I feel there are people in my life who don't take me seriously.
I think it's because of my appearance.

Among my colleagues, I feel I'm perceived as a bit of a joke.
I'm good at my job.
I know a few of my colleagues think I'm odd because of my lifestyle and my forthright disposition.

My family treat me very badly at times.
I'm not what they think I should be.

Trying to get work done on my house at the moment and find it very hard to get a response from contractors. I do think it's because I'm a single woman.

I don't want to be liked by everyone, but I feel like I'm too easily dismissed, for superficial reasons.

Is changing my appearance the only way I'll be taken seriously?

Littlekittylou

Is there anything I can do to get a bit of respect?

Listen the truth is people will stick it to you unfairly I would advise you lose respect for them rather than worrying about whether it is the other way around or not.

Being straight with people. Stoicism. Trying to stick to your values without worrying about what others think. Don't be pompous unfortunately not everyone will respect you. It's usually their issue. Some people are hardwired to be daft. Don't take it personally.

Honesty and beyond that knowing your self respect means more than others and not caring what they think of you. Care about how you make people feel about themselves and not about your image. If you truly respect yourself that is enough.

My family treat me very badly at times.
I'm not what they think I should be.

If you realize you are doing your best then that is enough. Sorry your family are at odds with you in this way.

I think it's because of my appearance.

It's nothing to do with you it's to do with them. There is nothing you can do. You just have to not care.

Don't live your way of life to be thought of a certain way. Do it because you believe it and it's really who you are.

Work on self respect and self confidence. Surround yourself with people who elevate you and reject those who don't. Reject negativity.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply Littlekittylou.
I do understand and agree with you.
I have recently removed myself from some draining 'friendships'.
I can't choose or ignore family and colleagues though.
It has to be somewhat a reflection on me that so many in my life are so dismissive of me?

santana75

No respect. wrote: »

It has to be somewhat a reflection on me that so many in my life are so dismissive of me?

I would say its 50/50. You definitely teach people how to treat you and if you allow them, some people will treat you with a lack of respect. I think the best thing you can do is to know that it really doesnt matter what people think of you. If this is at the core of all of your interactions with people then you'll always do right by yourself and not put up with any nonsense but also you wont try to please anyone.
Its not about your appearance, its about how you view yourself. If you have a healthy self image, most people will pick up on that and react accordingly. The same goes for if you have an unhealthy self image. It seems somehow that you've learned to view yourself in an unhealthy way and this is the vibe you're putting out. You can change your appearance if you like but I dont think it'd make much of a difference, at least not in the long run. You'd be basically changing your image to suit others in the hope that they'll give you respect and thats people pleasing which doesnt work. Change your image because you want to invest in yourself, but not because you want to get something from other people. But I think the bottom line is your self image and the vibe you put out to the world. Work on how you see yourself and get to like and accept yourself, everything else follows from that.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I'll try.

Littlekittylou

No respect. wrote: »

Thanks for the reply Littlekittylou.
I do understand and agree with you.
I have recently removed myself from some draining 'friendships'.
I can't choose or ignore family and colleagues though.
It has to be somewhat a reflection on me that so many in my life are so dismissive of me?

It depends on the profession. Sales can be like that for instance.
It could be you are in a profession that is full of self important people or where ego is bloated or used. Dismissive–avoidant cultures are generally full of insecurity .People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships". It to some people might seem cold or arrogant. Dismissive people do generally come off as arrogant. Perhaps that is why you feel it's derisory to you. Maybe take some time to shake it off once and a while.

It's possibly not as many in your life as you think.


I have found generally people to be considerate. I don't know whether it's the people I surround myself with or my way of dealing with them.

Think of actresses going on auditions etc. Rejection is just a way of life. Contractors not contacting you is ...well ...it has to be like water off a Duck's back.

I can't really believe your family treat you badly because you do not look as they would expect you to. Unless they are very conservative and you have an alternative look?

I would stop blaming it on your looks. If you wish to take the responsibility of how others react to you on yourself it's most likely more to do with your behavior or how they perceive your treatment of them.

Communicate it to others?

But try to have a kinder internal dialogue.

Rubberchikken

'My forthright disposition' is the bit that catches my eye.
Reason why is i worked for a year with someone who would describe themselves like that and tbh as time went on i found their cpmpany very difficult to deal with.

They had an answer for and opinion on everything and were not always correct but that certainly didn't stop them.

Just ask yourself what kind of person do you think you appear to others?

LegacyUser

Littlekittylou wrote: »

It depends on the profession. Sales can be like that for instance.

I'm in a public service office job.

Littlekittylou wrote: »

I can't really believe your family treat you badly because you do not look as they would expect you to. Unless they are very conservative and you have an alternative look?

I'm overweight and they're very much into fashion and appearance.

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

'My forthright disposition' is the bit that catches my eye.
Reason why is i worked for a year with someone who would describe themselves like that and tbh as time went on i found their cpmpany very difficult to deal with.

They had an answer for and opinion on everything and were not always correct but that certainly didn't stop them.

Just ask yourself what kind of person do you think you appear to others?

I'm honest when asked questions and a pretty straight person in general. I never lie or bs.
But I'm definitely not a know it all.

I think others think of me as a bit of a fool. But I can't figure out why.



Thanks for the all the replies.

RossFixxxed

Just a quick note to reiterate; there is a difference between 'forthright disposition' and being blunt and rude! As Troy McLure said "there's the truth *shakes head* and THE TRUTH *big smile, nodding*" Nobody really wants the first one.

Do you talk too much in work? Do you narrate what you are doing? Does your forthrightness end up with swearing, rudeness? Are you a bit of a 'drama queen' in work? Why is your lifestyle making people think you are odd?

LegacyUser

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Do you talk too much in work? Do you narrate what you are doing? Does your forthrightness end up with swearing, rudeness? Are you a bit of a 'drama queen' in work? Why is your lifestyle making people think you are odd?

Genuinely, I'm not rude. I do swear sometimes, but not in an aggressive way.
Though friendly, I'm a quiet person actually, not a drama queen at all.
I'm quite experienced in my role and am often approached for work related advice.

I'm 'independent'. I'm a spinster, who is happy in my own company.
I holiday alone, but don't admit that to people anymore, as it's a reason they think of me as odd! My colleagues are all about their families, and my life is nothing like that.

RossFixxxed

No respect. wrote: »

Genuinely, I'm not rude. I do swear sometimes, but not in an aggressive way.
Though friendly, I'm a quiet person actually, not a drama queen at all.
I'm quite experienced in my role and am often approached for work related advice.

I'm 'independent'. I'm a spinster, who is happy in my own company.
I holiday alone, but don't admit that to people anymore, as it's a reason they think of me as odd! My colleagues are all about their families, and my life is nothing like that.

Ummm those would all strike me as positive traits in someone. Holidaying alone isn't weird at all...

Your work place sounds very cliquey, and all I can think to do is not give two fiddles what they think of you.

Is this happening outside of work too? It just doesn't add up right in my head. There's plenty of crappy places to work, with crappy people in them, but if this happens everywhere you still need some reflection on what could be causing it.

LegacyUser

I've thought about this more since I posted.

In conversation with more than one person, I cannot get a word in edgeways and am often spoken over. Colleagues don't want to hear what I have to say, unless they're looking for help with work. I am definitely not rude.

Outside of work, I am can figure out what's going on between me and the people I associate with. In work, it's different.

I don't want to friends with everyone. I just want to be respected.