How often do you fight with your other half?

Woshy

We recently moved house and are now in a semi-detached. The neighbours we share a wall with seem nice enough, we've had a few chats and we've kids the same ages.

The thing is they fight with each other constantly. Every two or three days they're screaming at each other at the top of their lungs for an hour or so and slamming doors in anger. Most times we can hear some of what they're saying and some of the things they say to each other shock both myself and my husband. We just wouldn't talk to each other that way.

It doesn't bother us really, it adds a bit of drama to our quiet lives and we try ignore it and turn the TV up but it's got me thinking, maybe that's just the way they communicate? My husband and I rarely fight and if we do it's more so a bit of a heated discussion and withdraw from each other and then we make up. It would happen maybe once every few months. I would find it exhausting screaming and roaring at my husband a few times a week, instead of enjoying a relaxing evening together but maybe that works for them. Maybe we're boring and they're passionate? (And no, we've never heard any make-up sex :P)

So people of AH, do you fight a lot with your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend? How often? Is that just how some couples function do you think?

Sisco14

Like u , my wife and I rarely fight, never a screaming match as if it is going dat way 1 of us would walk away, we all say things we don't mean in da heat of the moment so we try and avoid losing our temper, we hate da tension in da house when der is an argument, I would hate 2 live in a house were arguments are da"norm", our neighbours also have some v heated arguments, not v often it has 2 b said, often in da middle of da night when dey r just back from da pub!! 1 ting I found is how da smallest ting can start an argument and when u least expect it!!

To Elland Back

Sisco14 wrote: »

Like u , my wife and I rarely fight, never a screaming match as if it is going dat way 1 of us would walk away, we all say things we don't mean in da heat of the moment so we try and avoid losing our temper, we hate da tension in da house when der is an argument, I would hate 2 live in a house were arguments are da"norm", our neighbours also have some v heated arguments, not v often it has 2 b said, often in da middle of da night when dey r just back from da pub!! 1 ting I found is how da smallest ting can start an argument and when u least expect it!!

I'd fight with you over that text speak.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Never had a fight in our 45 years together. I don't know how any couple could continue together if they are fighting regularly.

mad m

It's getting to a point now, my wife keeps her eyes closed when we make love. I bloody know she hates to see me enjoying myself....:pac::pac::pac:

Willfarman

I don't know how you could stay together and be happy without the odd fight

Pherekydes

Friday night is fight night in our house. No weapons, though.

Weapons are allowed on the first Friday only.

GLaDOS

Sisco14 wrote: »

Like u , my wife and I rarely fight, never a screaming match as if it is going dat way 1 of us would walk away, we all say things we don't mean in da heat of the moment so we try and avoid losing our temper, we hate da tension in da house when der is an argument, I would hate 2 live in a house were arguments are da"norm", our neighbours also have some v heated arguments, not v often it has 2 b said, often in da middle of da night when dey r just back from da pub!! 1 ting I found is how da smallest ting can start an argument and when u least expect it!!

Hi Sisco, welcome to boards. I'd like to point out that text speak is forbidden on boards as it is a pain in the hole to read. I'd suggest that you post using full English for the benefit of everyone.

Mod

Penny Tration

We had one fight, over a year ago. It was sorted within a few hours.

We don't fight. If either of us does something the other isn't happy about, we just discuss it calmly and that's the end of it.

NachoBusiness

Soon as I have a few drinks I end up doing things that they clearly want to do, but which I'd rather not.

Then when I sober up and begin to deal with the regret of what I've done, he curls up and falls asleep. I hate my lower half sometimes.

To Elland Back

I've been with Mrs Elland Back for 35 years. Hardly a week goes by without a bit of a flare up. Usually over nothing and is over in 10 minutes

HalloweenJack

Hardly ever fight with my GF. We're both too laid-back.

MRnotlob606

U ok hun ? write to me in chat xox

whupdedo

About every 3 weeks

mojesius

Rarely fight and if we do it's an altercation over the bins (his job) or something equally trivial that lasts for 5 minutes

We used to fight more frequently if tired/stressed etc. but we know each other a lot better now and just make space for each other when needs be.

Good thing is we're into similar music, films, and how we spend our spare time so I'm sure that saves a few rows

Woshy

Maci Ripe Memoir wrote: »

Never had a fight in our 45 years together. I don't know how any couple could continue together if they are fighting regularly.

This was my thinking too - I'd be miserable fighting that often but maybe some people like the drama?

There was a whopper of a fight tonight so now I'm thinking maybe I was being generous thinking it was just the way they communicate. It got to the stage that I was thinking do I have to call the guards if I think it's getting violent?

Interesting to hear other people's perspectives anyway!

Cunny-Funt

Almost never. Fight isn't even a word I'd use, heated disagreement at best. Mostly down to communication skills As cliche as it sounds. (go to any relationship boards section and 90% of the issues can be resolved by feckin TALKING to their other half!)

But also , emotional intelligence and some understanding of human behaviour.

It just appears to me that a lot of people out there just don't know how to communicate. That and a lot of people in relationships have odd views on what's ok and what's not ok in terms of behaviour.

I see a lot of lads give in to irrational behaviour from their OH's because of some weird idea that "this is how women are, and as a man, I am supposed to put up with this behaviour , because this is how 'all' women are and this is the compromise I have to make to have a girlfriend."

Instead of instantly calling her our on it and sitting down and talking about what's really going on "this behaviour is out of order, irrational, and uncalled for. So either we talk about what is 'really' bothering you and we will dissect the issue and find out if the issue is worthy of this kinda of bad behaviour"


But then those same lads would behave one way when with their mates, but behave in a totally different manner around their GF's and are embarrassed about the GF finding out about how silly they were acting when out with the lads or some such.


Again very common thinking with men. The idea that they are supposed to come across a certain way in front of their women. Their OH. The one person in their life they should NOT be embarrassed about being who they are.

Both of these examples are 'everywhere' in a lot of relationships and date back to very old school thinking. And both are the kind of thing that can end up building a lot of resentment between couples when you add years to the relationship.

You wanna be happy and never fight? Always be on the look out for those moments you might think "This is really bad behaviour by my OH but I'll let it slide because that's just how men/women are/some other bollocks" Anything that has potential to grow into an issue over time. ****ing talk about that **** instantly BEFORE it has the chance to fester and turn into something horrible years down the line. And both parties must be able to make their point calmly rationally and logically. Have a zero tolerance policy for emotional manipulation/blackmail, guilt tripping, lying and so on.

But it seems a lot of couples default to lying and emotional blackmail as their tools for dealing with things, instead of communicating openly and honestly.

Sisco14

To Elland Back wrote: »

I'd fight with you over that text speak.

Must be an age thing!!

spud82

Over stupid things like what to watch on TV maybe once a week or something. We never really seriously argue if we do there is make up sex? Also question for the ladies out there, did ye ever give an angry BJ??

Sheep Lover

Being in a gay relationship has its benefits in these situations, being two lads we batter the sh1te out of eachother, shake hands after and then go for some hot, rampant gay sex.

You don't get that with women, you just get a "I'm fine" for two weeks.

Aongus Von Bismarck

We'd have the occasional tiff, but nothing that doesn't blow over quickly. My partner is extremely obstinate which can make reasoning with her very difficult when she gets her thong in a twist. Mindfulness has given both of us some additional skills for stepping back from the situation and analysing it objectively before we get to the point where we're digging emotional and rational trenches.

bb1234567

I think some fighting every so often is healthy
Partners don't have to and probably shouldn't agree on everything, and if they do it probably means one spouse is just under the thumb of the other.

tomwaterford

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

We'd have the occasional tiff, but nothing that doesn't blow over quickly. My partner is extremely obstinate which can make reasoning with her very difficult when she gets her thong in a twist. Mindfulness has given both of us some additional skills for stepping back from the situation and analysing it objectively before we get to the point where we're digging emotional and rational trenches.

whats wrong with argueing a rational point

beks101

My OH is impossible to argue with, he's just too damn agreeable and will just smile and be all lovely and reasonable if I get my knickers in a twist about something. Or he'll distract me with a good-humoured joke and I'll forget why I was angry.

I seriously hope your neighbours don't have kids OP, that's a sh1tty situation for any kid to be in and bloody irresponsible parenting.

Woshy

beks101 wrote: »

I seriously hope your neighbours don't have kids OP, that's a sh1tty situation for any kid to be in and bloody irresponsible parenting.

They do have kids (we have kids the same age) and it breaks my heart to think they're growing up hearing their parents scream and curse at each other like that. It must be a horrible way to grow up - there's a fair bit of screaming at the kids too so they'll probably grow up thinking it's normal

Kintarō Hattori

Really only when we're in the car. She does things one way, I another. The 'advice' I get isn't always appreciated at the time.

Cookie_Monster

Argue every single day, only 1 fight in 10 years though

MythicalMadMan

Maci Ripe Memoir wrote: »

Never had a fight in our 45 years together. I don't know how any couple could continue together if they are fighting regularly.

Just means one of ye is a walkover. :P

anncoates

Argue sometimes and occasionally have a row albeit not on front of the kids. Would never yell or shout or anything like that though and it's generally quickly resolved.

I suspect these threads are like parenting threads as in there tends to be a far higher chance of people pretending they're perfect.

ronjo

Sisco14 wrote: »

Must be an age thing!!

Bloody hell. Are you really old enough to be married?

RonanP77

I'd say we fight or disagree about 3 or 4 times a week. It's mainly over silly little things, I'd say we've had serious fights about 5 or 6 times in 12 years together.

The Cool

In 5 years, there have been 2 shouting matches, over major issues that we nearly split up over. Other than that we don't really fight, we're rubbish at it! I see my friend and her boyfriend who can argue to beat the band, and it seems to be how they get their annoyances out of their systems, and it works for them. My OH and I are saps, our disagreements generally go along the lines of: whinge, whinge, apology, compromise, hugs. We just don't have the heart to bítch at each other.

Baxterly13

Maybe once a month! Usually over small things which are normally my fault cause I'm fairly annoying

Baxterly13

Maybe once a month! Usually over small things which are normally my fault cause I'm fairly annoying

Dracula!

Maci Ripe Memoir wrote: »

Never had a fight in our 45 years together. I don't know how any couple could continue together if they are fighting regularly.

Never had a fight in 45 years. That seems unreal.If there is a couple out there who have had kids and never had an arguement pigs can fly in my opinion !

Zippie84

I don't have another half - never have and never will. Granted, I would like to be back in a relationship at some point, but I'll always be a full person in my own right.

fleet_admiral

We only argue when I know she is wrong

Dracula!

Cunny-Funt wrote: »

Almost never. Fight isn't even a word I'd use, heated disagreement at best. Mostly down to communication skills As cliche as it sounds. (go to any relationship boards section and 90% of the issues can be resolved by feckin TALKING to their other half!)

But also , emotional intelligence and some understanding of human behaviour.

It just appears to me that a lot of people out there just don't know how to communicate. That and a lot of people in relationships have odd views on what's ok and what's not ok in terms of behaviour.

I see a lot of lads give in to irrational behaviour from their OH's because of some weird idea that "this is how women are, and as a man, I am supposed to put up with this behaviour , because this is how 'all' women are and this is the compromise I have to make to have a girlfriend."

Instead of instantly calling her our on it and sitting down and talking about what's really going on "this behaviour is out of order, irrational, and uncalled for. So either we talk about what is 'really' bothering you and we will dissect the issue and find out if the issue is worthy of this kinda of bad behaviour"


But then those same lads would behave one way when with their mates, but behave in a totally different manner around their GF's and are embarrassed about the GF finding out about how silly they were acting when out with the lads or some such.


Again very common thinking with men. The idea that they are supposed to come across a certain way in front of their women. Their OH. The one person in their life they should NOT be embarrassed about being who they are.

Both of these examples are 'everywhere' in a lot of relationships and date back to very old school thinking. And both are the kind of thing that can end up building a lot of resentment between couples when you add years to the relationship.

You wanna be happy and never fight? Always be on the look out for those moments you might think "This is really bad behaviour by my OH but I'll let it slide because that's just how men/women are/some other bollocks" Anything that has potential to grow into an issue over time. ****ing talk about that **** instantly BEFORE it has the chance to fester and turn into something horrible years down the line. And both parties must be able to make their point calmly rationally and logically. Have a zero tolerance policy for emotional manipulation/blackmail, guilt tripping, lying and so on.

But it seems a lot of couples default to lying and emotional blackmail as their tools for dealing with things, instead of communicating openly and honestly.

I would be fighting you over the word noise !

Sir Osis of Liver.

Maci Ripe Memoir wrote: »

Never had a fight in our 45 years together. I don't know how any couple could continue together if they are fighting regularly.

Not even a slightly heated disagreement or bickering?

TheBeardedLady

We've an argie bargie now and then, yeah but not very often. We fought more in our first 8 months together than the last 3 years and 4 months combined though. Direct correlation between me not getting absolutely rat-arsed anymore (which he's never, ever done) and our reduction in blow outs. Strange that.

Arguments seem to give him the horn though, which I can't get my head round as I just want to angry Kevin Bacon flash dance all over my flat and slam doors and stuff.

Lia_lia

Very rarely. I don't think he really knows how to fight (only child!). Any "fights" we do have is over housework or him smoking in or halfway in the house.

SadieSue

We have a few disagreements and we bicker now and then but no name calling or fights. That's just mental.

Our neighbours are really loud though and I can never tell if they are just having a conversation or a fight. Also their sex is loud but its only awkward when they have friends over. We think they are loud swingers:pac: