First weekend away with girl. Confused about sleeping arrangements and sex! Help!

Chemical Byrne

I'm seeing this girl since January, she's 28F I'm 31M. We are not what you would call "official" bf & gf or anything, ie we haven't had "the talk" yet but I'm hoping it will develop.

Basically we're having a weekend away to Waterford and have a few sights and activities planned. I'm booking the hotel and therein lies the problem - I'm confused as to how to broach the subject of sleeping arrangements. I've only had one previous LTR so I'm a bit inexperienced in all this.

I'm wondering what sort or room to book? We've never had sex and if I book a double I wouldn't want her to feel she has to have sex or, worse, that I ASSUMED there would be sex. On the other hand I don't want to book a twin or separate rooms and have her think I'm a total prude or that I actually DONT find her sexually attractive (believe me she is, and I would!!!)

I'm comfortable around her and we talk a lot but I'm a bit apprehensive about mentioning sleeping set ups lest it cause awkwardness or make her feel either obliged or else unattractive.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not after sex as such. Sure it might be great and all but I'd be equally happy to just pass on it and have a good time with her without the whole mindfúck of sex mixed in which could have the potential to spoil an otherwise great getaway. Would it upset a girl to just cuddle or what?

So I'm sure the good and more experienced men of TGC have come up against this at some point. How should I manage this predicament, double/twin/separate rooms/ask her/don ask? It's wrecking my head!

Panthro

Say to her you're going booking the room, do you want double, king size or are ye getting a twin room. You'll know soon enough if you've floated into friendzone unknowns to yourself....

And how can I put this...ya really ought to sit her down and ask her what the story is. Yer both grown adults time to straighten the stuff out. If yer together, yer together And quit the messing.
(Sorry i f I sound rather harsh!)

Chemical Byrne

Thanks panthro.
I get your point but I'm not so sure about sitting her down and "straighteing stuff out" with regard to whether things are official etc. Is it not putting her on the spot in a big way ask that? I don't want to rush anything. I doubt I'm in the friendzone, like we cuddle and kiss and all that, so...I suppose thinking about it I'm not really comfortable getting groovy with her just yet, maybe that's weird for a guy?
Sorry, I'm a bit clueless in all this. I've only had one proper gf before.

MrWalsh

Book one of those rooms that has a double and a single bed in it, that way she can kick you out to the single if she wants.

enfant terrible

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Thanks panthro.
I get your point but I'm not so sure about sitting her down and "straighteing stuff out" with regard to whether things are official etc. Is it not putting her on the spot in a big way ask that? I don't want to rush anything. I doubt I'm in the friendzone, like we cuddle and kiss and all that, so...I suppose thinking about it I'm not really comfortable getting groovy with her just yet, maybe that's weird for a guy?
Sorry, I'm a bit clueless in all this. I've only had 1 gf before.

If yer kissing book the double definitely.

eviltwin

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Thanks panthro.
I get your point but I'm not so sure about sitting her down and "straighteing stuff out" with regard to whether things are official etc. Is it not putting her on the spot in a big way ask that? I don't want to rush anything. I doubt I'm in the friendzone, like we cuddle and kiss and all that, so...I suppose thinking about it I'm not really comfortable getting groovy with her just yet, maybe that's weird for a guy?
Sorry, I'm a bit clueless in all this. I've only had 1 gf before.

Get her to book the room? Seriously though you're both adults and if you have any kind of vagueness about where you're at then just as her. "I'm booking the room, is a double okay or would you prefer twin/seperate rooms"...at least that way you know for sure and can take it from there.

enfant terrible

eviltwin wrote: »

Get her to book the room? Seriously though you're both adults and if you have any kind of vagueness about where you're at then just as her. "I'm booking the room, is a double okay or would you prefer twin/seperate rooms"...at least that way you know for sure and can take it from there.

Don't ask her looks weak, just book the double and if she doesn't want sex yee can just spoon for the night.

aaakev

man just book a double, simple

alias no.9

Make a deal of looking for a hotel together, do a bit of research first and find a nice hotel with some room upgrade options, a room with a fancy bath for example, as you look through the rooms, it should be obvious if you're sharing or not.

looksee

And for god's sake go prepared, in case you do end up in one bed regardless of number of rooms etc.

Columbia

As you're kissing and so on, you can just come out and ask - double or twin?

However I would say just go ahead and get the double. Once you get there you can just say "I wasn't sure, so I booked a double". No need to go into a spiel about "I don't expect blah blah blah", if she's going away for a weekend with you she trusts you enough to assume this.

Chemical Byrne

I see the general opinion is leaning towards booking a double. I think most hotel rooms now have the double and a single aswell, certainly a lot that I have been to recently. I sort of had the same leaning towards this.

I would agree with Enfant Terrible that directly asking is a bit naff and is putting her on the spot in my view. I don't think I'll be doing that, nor will I go on any big speil as you say Columbia, agreed.

I presume you're talking about condoms looksee, I'd be a bit slow to pack condoms in fairness. Does it not seem a bit presumptuous to just whip a packet of bags out of the case? I'd hate her to think I was some horn dog just looking for me hole! <mod snip>

I'm inclined to think that a double might be the way to go. Like we can always just snuggle or whatever, theres no obligation implied - but will she see that?
I'm starting to think a twin or separate rooms would come across a bit cold. I'd find it cold if the shoe was on the other foot.

enfant terrible

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I see the general opinion is leaning towards booking a double. I think most hotel rooms now have the double and a single aswell, certainly a lot that I have been to recently. I sort of had the same leaning towards this.

I would agree with Enfant Terrible that directly asking is a bit naff and is putting her on the spot in my view. I don't think I'll be doing that, nor will I go on any big speil as you say Columbia, agreed.

I presume you're talking about condoms looksee, I'd be a bit slow to pack condoms in fairness. Does it not seem a bit presumptuous to just whip a packet of bags out of the case? I'd hate her to think I was some horn dog just looking for me hole!

I'm inclined to think that a double might be the way to go. Like we can always just snuggle or whatever, theres no obligation implied - but will she see that?
I'm starting to think a twin or separate rooms would come across a bit cold. I'd find it cold if the shoe was on the other foot.

Def bring condoms, you'll only whip them out if you need them.

spurious

The double with a single would seem to be the obvious choice, if you're not into asking her what sort of arrangements she would like.

endacl

Book a triple. You never know...

looksee

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I presume you're talking about condoms looksee, I'd be a bit slow to pack condoms in fairness. Does it not seem a bit presumptuous to just whip a packet of bags out of the case? I'd hate her to think I was some horn dog just looking for me hole! Reminds me of that threat in PI/RI a few weeks ago where your man and his half estranged wife went on holiday and he whips out a packet of bags and she gives him a big scowl.

Lol, seems like a sure way to make sure things go no further if you don't take them. Though if you are not sure yourself might be a good excuse!

irish_goat

As you walk into the room say "Oh wow, the hotel must have made a mistake and given us a double. And what's this? Champagne??"

Thank me the next morning.

Chemical Byrne

looksee wrote: »

Lol, seems like a sure way to make sure things go no further if you don't take them. Though if you are not sure yourself might be a good excuse!

What do you mean, no sure about having sex or not sure about the whole relationship?

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?

endacl

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

What do you mean, no sure about having sex or not sure about the whole relationship?

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?

I found that they were of very little use the next day.

Wibbs

You're going out with each other from what you're saying. There's no "let's be friends", you're away for a weekend together. Book the double. For god's sake don't ask her to do it. If she objects to the arrangement which is her right and fair enough, but in that case I'd chalk up to experience and "NEXT" her. You're both adults, she should know what's what and if not you don't need that headmelt. That's my take anyhow.

Dog of Tears

She's going away with you for the weekend.
It would be pretty reasonable to assume she's going to shag you at this stage.

Don't ask about sleeping arrangements - it's going to sound weird and she would have told you anyway if she didn't want a double booked.

Just book a double.

tinkerbell

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I presume you're talking about condoms looksee, I'd be a bit slow to pack condoms in fairness. Does it not seem a bit presumptuous to just whip a packet of bags out of the case? I'd hate her to think I was some horn dog just looking for me hole! Reminds me of that threat in PI/RI a few weeks ago where your man and his half estranged wife went on holiday and he whips out a packet of bags and she gives him a big scowl.

LOL. How is this even remotely similar to your question? That thread was about a couple having major issues, and the wife finds condoms in the husband's suitcase when they hadn't had sex in years.

Bring protection. You'll look like a total idiot otherwise if she does want to have sex with you and then you won't be getting any for sure then. It's not about "presuming you're getting it", it's about being sensible in case the situation requires it.

embraer170

Book a double.

I mean I know some "friends" who even book doubles on trips together...

mada82

How long are you with her?

I'd just book the double and bring condoms. Better safe than sorry.

It's normal to want sex so she's not gonna have a problem.

Chemical Byrne

endacl wrote: »

I found that they were of very little use the next day.

Oh, very good! lol
I meant we could get them the next day for getting giggidy the next night. It's a 2 night break.

Mada82, we texting since early December. Meeting up weekends since January, so say it's been 6 dates or 7 cos we're meeting this weekend too. Waterford trip is Friday week. In pretty much daily contact through text.

Woshy

Definitely bring condoms. If they're not necessary she won't even know you brought them. If you do need them she'll be happy to see them and that you are smart enough to be safe and prepared. Sure, she might even be smart enough to bring her own but there's nothing worse then having to stop sexy time because you've no protection.

Also, if she's going away for a weekend with you and you kiss and cuddle normally I would be very surprised if she's not expecting you to take the next step, physically.

Wibbs

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I We've never had sex and if I book a double I wouldn't want her to feel she has to have sex or, worse, that I ASSUMED there would be sex/I'm comfortable around her and we talk a lot but I'm a bit apprehensive about mentioning sleeping set ups lest it cause awkwardness or make her feel either obliged or else unattractive.

On these points CB there seems to be an undercurrent of she doesn't want sex/will feel obliged and you're all apologetic about your own sexuality. All too common in blokes I've found. As if women aren't up for it/want to wait/are delicate in such matters. They like and want sex too in the vast majority of cases, so chances are extremely high she's expecting some jiggy at this stage.

eviltwin

enfant terrible wrote: »

Don't ask her looks weak, just book the double and if she doesn't want sex yee can just spoon for the night.

Looks weak to who? They aren't teenagers, they are adults, its a simple question. What's the big deal?

Woshy

Yep, that's what I was getting at. Us ladies like sex too and if she's going on a weekend away with you then I'd say it's likely she would also like to get to know you in a biblical sense. IT's been a long time since I was single but I know I would presume a weekend away meant sexy time.

It's sweet that you are so concerned she will feel pressured etc by the way - very thoughtful of you. You obviously really like her

eviltwin

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

What do you mean, no sure about having sex or not sure about the whole relationship?

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?

Bring them, keep them in your bag if needs be but at least if things are moving in that direction they are there.

Slicemeister

Book the double Chemical, worst case scenario you get to overindulg at the residents bar.

Don't be so nervous, enjoy the weekend. Be sure to bring condoms.

Holsten

You're building this up and thinking about it way too much.

Book a room with one big bed. Simple.

shalalala

I would assume sex too but I think I would like to be asked first! Yas are both adults with a very simple question. If you cannot ask about bed arrangements how can you discuss sex further down the line?! Because of course something would have to be discussed.

Anyway, ask her and pack condoms either way

Lux23

Book a double room.
Bring condoms.

lycan238

plus one to bringing condoms. had this very situation a few years back although I was 21 and my then GF was 19 so I went the safer option and booked a twin room. I was not ready to take that step at that time and being honest am glad now that I didn't.

Spencer Winterbotham

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?

Oh for the love of God man....

Are you actually planning to NOT bring condoms so if you get to point of having sex on the first night you can say...

"Oh I'm such a gentleman, I didn't bring any condoms because I didn't assume we were going to have sex" ?

Is that the rationale here?

There is a good chance she'll think you're clumsy and indecisive.... or worse, weird.. the moment could be lost and maybe lost for ever.

In answer to your question..

"How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?"

Yes... yes I have faced this situation before.... I booked the double room, threw her on to the bed and buried her into the middle of next week.

Jesus man.... You are going away on a weekend together. Do you actually want her to spell it out for you?

disclaimer... in the slim chance she doesn't want to have sex.... you make your move, she says no, you apologise and find a bird who doesn't send out such mixed up signals.

Zaph

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

The moment may have passed by the time tomorrow rolls around. If the moment never presents itself she'll never even know you had them with you.

mada82

Or don't bring condoms and go bareback

Don't come to me if you catch anything though haha

Liam McPoyle

Spencer Winterbotham wrote: »

"How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?"

Yes... yes I have faced this situation before.... I booked the double room, threw her on to the bed and buried her into the middle of next week.

OP, if you ignore the idiotic posts there is some decent advice in here.

1) Bring condoms, its better to have and not need and speaking from experience most women are not as coy as you appear to think.

2) I wouldn't say its too presumptuous to think that sex may/will be on the cards. Ye are going away for a weekend, ye are having to stay over night so again, women aren't too coy about these matters. If you feel you are getting mixed signals then approach it like a couple of previous people have said and ask her what kind of room to book.

3) Don't over think it! You are at the stage in a (possible) relationship thats really nice, dont ruin it for yourself or her by getting bogged down in what ifs. Ye aren't kids any more but I do feel a certain amount of empathy for you as you are in somewhat uncharted waters.

boredatwork82

book the double, was in your position before. she is not going away for a weekend for milk and cookies. book the double, she will know your intentions. saves you ending up in the friend zone and worst case scenario just ring the hotel that night and get a pull out bed if she is not happy to share the bed with you.

Just a word of advice, ring the hotel and get some flowers , and chocolate strawberries and champagne to be awaiting your arrival. that will guarantee you will be sharing the double bed!

Dog of Tears

boredatwork82 wrote: »

Just a word of advice, ring the hotel and get some flowers , and chocolate strawberries and champagne to be awaiting your arrival

And extra cheese while you're at it

No need for any of the above.

Condoms would be pretty essential though. Can't believe you would even consider not bringing them.

ZeroThreat

boredatwork82 wrote: »

book the double, was in your position before. she is not going away for a weekend for milk and cookies. book the double, she will know your intentions. saves you ending up in the friend zone and worst case scenario just ring the hotel that night and get a pull out bed if she is not happy to share the bed with you.

Just a word of advice, ring the hotel and get some flowers , and chocolate strawberries and champagne to be awaiting your arrival. that will guarantee you will be sharing the double bed![/B[

I'm totally shocked that you'd believe a woman would sell her virtues for such paltry items.

Chancer3001

People go away for weekends to have sex, relax, get to know each other better.

Single.beds would be insane. Insanely prudish

Double all the way. Fool around a little, maybe you should say to her you're not ready for sex.

I don't think you are

ZeroThreat

Dog of Tears wrote: »

And extra cheese while you're at it

No need for any of the above.

Condoms would be pretty essential though. Can't believe you would even consider not bringing them.

Maybe he's catholic??

ancapailldorcha

Spencer Winterbotham, please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting again. Thank you.

goz83

Ah come on now OP. A double? What the fûck are you thinking? Splash out on the king size at least. It'll give you both room to breathe after getting it on, using those rubbers you brought along. And if she didn't want sex, it will at least make for a cleaner plumbing job in the loo while she sleeps.....:D

In all seriousness though, you're way over thinking this. She is going on a 2 night break with you. She wants sex. If she doesn't, then something is wrong imo. Getting anxious about it will ruin it for you. Be prepared and you'll have the tools if you need them.

beks101

Jesus Christ I'd be mortally offended if a guy I was dating and going away with for the weekend for the first time booked a twin room and didn't make any sort of move towards me all weekend. Honestly, I'd be assuming he was either not into me or he was a bit slow or weird about sex.

You're dating, hooking up, kissing and I assume all that goes with that - I think it's safe to assume bunk beds like a pack of 10 years olds at a sleepover would be way off the mark.

Book the double, pack the condoms, make some joke about hoping she's not a snorer or a sleep talker and get the hell on with it.

ElleEm

Bring condoms.

Always bring condoms! It is better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them.

mfceiling

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

What do you mean, no sure about having sex or not sure about the whole relationship?

But yeah, I don't think I'll bring them. If things took a turn in that direction we can always go get them or maybe get them the next day.

How have you guys handled this situation before? Any experiences to share?

Let us know how you get on!!

*getting heavy*

Her "get a condom"

Chemical "sound" *starts to get dressed*

Her "what are you doing"?

Chemical "i'll be back in an hour, I think I saw a chemist shop back down the road"

Just bring the condoms - hide them where only you can find them and you'll have no worries there.

Gerry T

Look at it from her point of view, she's going away and your booking the room. IF she didn't want to sleep with you she would be making sure it was separate rooms, she would have said something.

So her silence can be taken that she is expecting one room, one bed.

At most I would drop a hint about getting a double but dont make a big thing about it.

Also do get condoms, its the responsible thing to do. You don't have to bring them out unless needed.

ifritzero

I'm sure that your lady friend would have said if she wanted a seperate room , so I'd go with the one room with double bed , if it comes down to it that when ye arrive she says it then you will know if it's more than friendship. always have condoms on you.