Who tells the kids?

wet sand

If a husband and wife split up who tell's the kids?

cocoman

wet sand wrote: »

If a husband and wife split up who tell's the kids?

The husband and wife.

wet sand

cocoman wrote: »

The husband and wife.

why?

eviltwin

wet sand wrote: »

why?

Are you for real? Why do you think? Because they are the parents, its their responsibility and because they know the facts and can tell the children exactly what is happening rather than second hand information, they can also answer any questions the children might have.

OP is this a personal issue for you

wet sand

bluewolf wrote: »

OP is this a personal issue for you

I'm not sure. If it's the decision of one parent to end the relationship is the onus on that particular parent to tell the kids? Is the other parent absolved considering she didn't want to split?

ronjo

wet sand wrote: »

I'm not sure. If it's the decision of one parent to end the relationship is the onus on that particular parent to tell the kids? Is the other parent absolved considering she didn't want to split?

Its about whats best for the kids not about who is right or wrong.

Stavro Mueller

Regardless of who wants what, the bottom line is that the parents are splitting up. This sounds like a classic case of one parent trying to turn their kids against the other one.

beertons

Both of you are parents, so both of you should be there at the same time to tell them.

Neyite

wet sand wrote: »

I'm not sure. If it's the decision of one parent to end the relationship is the onus on that particular parent to tell the kids? Is the other parent absolved considering she didn't want to split?

No. Thats vindictive and cruel and you'd be trying to hurt your ex but hurting your kids more in the process. Grown-up's generally sit their kids down together, and explain the split in a non-blaming way addressing their fears about their living situation in the process and answering any questions they might have.

If you are 'she' in question, cop on and put your children first in this.

ABajaninCork

If you're going to play the blame game, then I would respectfully suggest you don't. It benefits NO-ONE. If you're splitting for whatever reason, surely it's better all round to split up as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Don't badmouth the other parent to the children, however angry you feel. NEVER use the children as a weapon. It causes confusion in the children and cause no end of grief and damage. Trust me I know. My parents had a very messy divorce and the repercussions are still felt to this day. To quote Judge Judy (!!). You've got to love your children more than you might hate each other.

The pair of you should sit down with the children and tell them the truth. Don't give all the gory details, but explain that Mummy and Daddy can't live together any more, but it doesn't that you love them any less, and that the leaving parent will still be there for them, still see them and still love them.

I wish you luck.

Shrap

wet sand wrote: »

I'm not sure. If it's the decision of one parent to end the relationship is the onus on that particular parent to tell the kids? Is the other parent absolved considering she didn't want to split?

I don't think there's any such thing as being absolved of your shared parenting responsibilities whether the parents are together or not. You are both responsible for how this break-up is put across to your children, and you are both responsible for trying to keep them on as even a keel as possible during difficult times.

As parents, there are ways to handle this that won't come back on your kids in terms of their emotional health too badly. I suggest googling "how do you tell your children that their parents are separating" and read all the advice on how to avoid traumatising your kids as much as is humanly possible.

And for the future, never EVER bad-mouth the other parent (that goes for both of you) to the kids if it's at all avoidable, even if you feel you're covering for them. Address those issues with the other parent, NOT the children.

Another thing to keep in mind at all times is that your kids have their own rights to a healthy relationship with their parents and regardless of how you feel about that parent, it's your responsibility to try and encourage that.

The Princess Bride

Hi OP.
Have a read of the Barnardos literature.
There is advice for parents for themselves and also for the children, if they're old enough to read it.
There is a right and a wrong way of dealing with this decision.
If one of the spouses does not want the separation, quite possibly, he/she is grieving the change/loss of the relationship - that is normal.But the needs of the children will always be more important than that of the parents.
Best of luck.

http://www.barnardos.ie/resources-advice/publications/free-publications/parenting_positively__coping_with_separation__adults.html

http://www.barnardos.ie/resources-advice/publications/free-publications/parenting_positively__coping_with_separation__children.html

JAMES VI

I'll never forget that day, you know. It's quite sad thinking back. They done it well though. Fair play to them.

But here - gerraway that!! There's two of you involved here. The crying children will want both their parents there! Anything else is bullsh*t.