How do you make friends in your 30s

LegacyUser

Hi

So Im 32 and single. I've noticed Im spending an increasing amount of time on my own as my friends are starting to dissipate through relationships, or other friends etc.

I enjoy my own company but I have found lately that I'm getting increasingly lonely. Even though Im quite a social person and don't have much problem establishing a friendship with someone , usually I have to be thrown into the situation rather than do the work myself, e.g. my friends are flat mates, old friends, college friends or I meet them through more social friends who would be good at making their own friends if you get me. I guess thats normal too, but its getting to the stage that i would love to start spending time with people I get on really well with, and I've realised that Im on my own now, and I cant keep relying on life events to meet new people.

I run my own business which is never great for the social life in terms having a wide circle of people around you.

Its even getting to the point where Im not exactly over excited about the weekend because quite simply Ive nothing to do.

Im not bad for taking initiative and doing things by myself, like going off somewhere, or taking a trip to a city in Europe or something on my own, but really , at the core of it I dont seem great at sparking up friendships by myself. Even while travelling I would really have to be thrown into the deep end with people to end up talking to people.

I know its easy to say "join a club", "take up a hobby", but I cant help but feel at my age its not really as straightforward as that, I would love to hear examples from people here where that worked out. It may give me some inspiration.

The problem with this age seems to be that its caught in the middle a bit. I would have spent my early 20s with alot of choice and plenty of nights out etc, but at the same time alot of classes, hobbies and night courses seem to be geared towards people from 40s upwards.

Im grateful that I do still have some very close friends, but just because they are close doesnt mean they around much to spend time with.

Thanks for reading

Strawberry Swan

Hmm it sounds a bit like you've already discounted the various ways of meeting people without even trying them. I'd consider myself like you, I don't make first contact easily but once it's made with me then I'm fairly receptive and sociable. I joined a running club and found that successful at making friends. They aren't close friends but they are long term friends that I would see outside the club. I found night classes weren't great as they don't last long enough and people aren't necessarily interested in making friends. I think anything that involves you seeing the same people on a regular basis is your best bet.

I actually found myself in your exact situation at your age. I started doing meet ups, walks, coffees, drinks, and made a few friends who are now good friends. I wont say it's easy but a lot of people attending these meet ups are exactly the same. Shy, needing some human interaction, and just wanting to enjoy themselves. Most of the people who run meet ups are really good at sticking people together and facilitating conversation.

ShowMeTheCash

Hmm tricky...

I kind of see your issue coming from someone who perhaps is on the other end of the spectrum.

People fall into a pretty granular spectrum of introvert to extrovert.
As someone who is an extrovert I have never really had any issue making friends or getting to know people, but some of the friends I have a few in particular would be very introverted.
Unfortunately introvert or perhaps just a little reserved can make it hard to meet new people...
There are a few books out there Like Intorvert to extrovert or even books like the game that can help with tactics to meeting new people etc that might help.
The idea is that you do not need to change, you just need an "in" or an opener to let people see you.

The other thing is location and activity.
Are you from a small town or the city? If you went to the local would people know who you are?
Getting involved in things is really the only way meet people or even someone you kind of know get involved in something they are involved with, it could open doors to new things and new people.

Good Luck

zoobizoo

makesomefriends wrote: »

Hi
I know its easy to say "join a club", "take up a hobby", but I cant help but feel at my age its not really as straightforward as that, I would love to hear examples from people here where that worked out. It may give me some inspiration.

..... a lot of classes, hobbies and night courses seem to be geared towards people from 40s upwards.

I joined a club of a sport I was interested in when I hit 33/34. It opened up a whole new world of friends who shared a similar interest to me. Weekends away, nights out in town and opportunities to do other activities because the group were an active bunch.

Eight years later and I am planning two weekends away over the next two months. In the meantime I'll

Check out Meet Ups... Once you have a common interest with others, it breaks the ice whether it be cycling, cooking, knitting or movies. While studying languages in my 20s, everyone in the class was also in their 20s and we used to go for pints and food afterwards.

Too many people are lead to believe that you won't make friends in your 30s upwards. Total nonsense. I see my new friends every one or two weeks compared to my old school friends (best friends let's say) who I see every few months.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, some eye opening stuff.

Interesting that someone pointed out that I have already discounted ways of meeting people, its an eye opener, its about time i forced myself into those situations.

Regarding the introvert/extrovert thing, I think Im a bit of both. I can be very quiet but also very talkative, and its not a case that im only talkative with people I know well, sometimes it can be like that with someone I just met. Im quite comfortable in my own skin, even when sitting there in silence, so Im not really sure if im in the mood for going down the road of the Game or introvert to extrovert.

I enjoy my introvertism when its there, but will freely admit its the reason I started this thread in the first place.


But about my location, ok im not in Dublin or Cork, but Im in a big enough place that I cant make excuses for that.

meetup.com seems good, I hadnt heard of that before, also thanks for the heads up on the classes, its a good point about them being short and finished too soon. I do like running alot so I think i will look into that one.

Thanks for the advice everyone, i think its time for me to put in more effort really.

gsi300024v

meetup.com go do fun things you like doing with a bunch of like minded people.

An Bhanríon

Was single up until the age of 35 and had the same thing of friends simply not being there so much because they were getting married, having children, etc.

In my thirties I have made lasting friendships through running club, amateur drama, doing a masters degree and volunteering long term with a charity.

I did not make new friends in any evening classes I took or through any short term volunteering.

I think what the recurring theme here is that I made friends in places where I was spending a significant amount of time with new people. Evening classes, people usually run off home afterwards.