Really Lonely!

The Wallflower

Hi

I am a male in his early 20's and I have been struggling recently as I would love nothing better than to have a girlfriend and to know what it feels like to have a girl to like you for who you are.
I have never had a girlfriend and honestly never even kissed a girl.

I am in college but am commuting from home due to financial reasons. All my friends are away at college and never go out at the weekends when their home as they prefer going out during the weekdays which means I rarely get an opportunity to socialise.
My town is really small and there is very little to do in it.

I have never really been close many girls as I was really shy when I was younger.

I am the type of guy that would do my utmost best to make my girl as happy as possible. (But I am no pushover either)

Basically I would love a relationship but can't find a girl I connect with.

The whole situation has me feeling really lonely and frustrated.

Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks

DUB0207-old

join a group @meetup.com

December2012

Have you any friends in college?

The Wallflower

December2012 wrote: »

Have you any friends in college?

I am doing a PLC course which doesn't have many numbers but I am the only guy on the course and any of the girls I like have BF's and the rest are all too young for me.

Thanks for the reply.

December2012

The Wallflower wrote: »

I am doing a PLC course which doesn't have many numbers but I am the only guy on the course and any of the girls I like have BF's and the rest are all too young for me.

Thanks for the reply.

So you're only interested in girlfriends? And not making any friends?

The Wallflower

December2012 wrote: »

So you're only interested in girlfriends? And not making any friends?

Well I am interested in friends but the girls in the class are quite quiet and a lot younger than me.
I find some of them shut down a bit when I try to talk to them.

Most of my friends are sporty fellas like myself which is very different to the girls in my class.

cailin_donn

Would you consider joining a club that has a lot of girls? A friend of mine in Dublin says that he has met a lot of friends, and that other people have met partners, through their Yoga class. They socialise every few weeks, go out with each other, etc. It's not just Yoga then straight home.

The Wallflower

cailin_donn wrote: »

Would you consider joining a club that has a lot of girls? A friend of mine in Dublin says that he has met a lot of friends, and that other people have met partners, through their Yoga class. They socialise every few weeks, go out with each other, etc. It's not just Yoga then straight home.

That's a good idea but I am in a rural town in in the north west and VERY LITTLE happens here.

Matteroffact

The only way to get a gf is to mix with girls first. Go to places where girls frequent, e.g. any social club you can find. You might be a bit too young for dating sites, have you tried them ? Don't despair though because your time will come and this will all happen for you in due course. I know it is lonely waiting but you won't feel the loneliness if you mix with others as best you can.

The Wallflower

Matteroffact wrote: »

The only way to get a gf is to mix with girls first. Go to places where girls frequent, e.g. any social club you can find. You might be a bit too young for dating sites, have you tried them ? Don't despair though because your time will come and this will all happen for you in due course. I know it is lonely waiting but you won't feel the loneliness if you mix with others as best you can.

Thanks for the reply. Appreciate the advice.
Something you said is interesting to me as I am on online dating sites but have had NO luck.
Now my main problem is I am in an area where there isn't that many women on the site. I am not close to Dublin, Belfast or Cork which seems to be the best areas for meeting people.
You said I may be too young and I think you could be onto something.
I am only 21 but I feel ready for something serious and none of the girls on the site seem to be giving me a chance and I wonder is it because I am too young etc.
If I was 28 or 29, id say I could meet some nice women as I have found quite a few attractive women in their late 20's and early 30's but obviously they are not interested in a 21 year old.

AsianIrish

You can join language meeting locally, loads of girls from other countries looking for English speaking guys to help them with their Eng. go and find one.

The Wallflower

Thanks for the adivce everyone.
Being honest, I have been feeling really down these last few days and really don't know what to do about it. I would love to just sleep the whole time as it would mean I won't be feeling like this.

ongarboy

OP, at 21, while some people are in steady relationships at that age, many aren't. You are very young and I think you are placing a damaging amount of importance on the need to have a girlfriend at that age. I think your focus should be on just expanding your social circle of male and female friends. It is at that point, opportunities arise to meet friends of friends, more occasions for nights out where you get to meet girls and where you may have the odd snog/shift, one night stands, bit of fun etc. Yes, something more substantial may come out of those encounters or maybe not. Being with lots of other people will distract you from those lengthy periods where you dwell on what you do not have and instead allow you to just enjoy yourself.

If you feel so down as to not feel like getting out of bed, I'd be concerned there are bigger issues then finding a girlfriend. I highly recommend paying your GP a visit and tell them how you feel so they can offer you appropriate advice or medical assistance.

Rubberchikken

It has to be hard st 21to see others in relationships. I know you said the girls on your course are quiet but have you put any effort to talking to any of them?

Trouble with standing back and doing nothing is is that some people would see that as standoffish and not say anything either and then everyone loses out.

Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?
Good luck

The Wallflower

ongarboy wrote: »

OP, at 21, while some people are in steady relationships at that age, many aren't. You are very young and I think you are placing a damaging amount of importance on the need to have a girlfriend at that age. I think your focus should be on just expanding your social circle of male and female friends. It is at that point, opportunities arise to meet friends of friends, more occasions for nights out where you get to meet girls and where you may have the odd snog/shift, one night stands, bit of fun etc. Yes, something more substantial may come out of those encounters or maybe not. Being with lots of other people will distract you from those lengthy periods where you dwell on what you do not have and instead allow you to just enjoy yourself.

If you feel so down as to not feel like getting out of bed, I'd be concerned there are bigger issues then finding a girlfriend. I highly recommend paying your GP a visit and tell them how you feel so they can offer you appropriate advice or medical assistance.

I know what ya mean. I probably worded my OP wrong as although I would like a GF, it is not pivotal at the moment. The BIG problem is, is that I rarely go out and have never even kissed a girl before. I know even if I could get a snog/shift, I would probably relax that bit more. It's just that craving for intimacy and being close to a woman.
I suffer from various forms of OCD which is linked to my problems.

Rubberchikken

have you ever spoken to your gp?
a lot of things are easily dealt with if you have the right support.

The Wallflower

Rubberchikken wrote: »

have you ever spoken to your gp?
a lot of things are easily dealt with if you have the right support.

Thank you for the replies. They are much appreciated.
I've been dealing with anxiety disorders for the last 3 years. I've spoken to my GP and my therapist about it but haven't found many solutions.

These anxiety problems have gotten a lot better since and aren't related to women or relationships but they prohibit me from moving to a place where there is more going on.

Basically I am sort of stuck at home and there is nothing to do in my area.

AsianIrish

Please get out even for a walk and look around the life happening around you. I am sorry to read all the posts from you here but believe me we all go through tough times in life. However, tomorrow will be better. Hope is your weapon and you can fight this phase of your life with it. Do some self affirmation every day, there are loads of videos online which can help you.

Believe me, I am telling you about this as I have been there too and now my life is so so so so much better. I fought it!!
You will fight it too. Get out!! Do sport!!!

Girls or women are not end of the world. They will come when you feel happy inside you. You will attract them when you attract happiness in your life. All the best!!!

If you believe in God, ask for his mercy and help!!!