Best to brush off negativity or take in on as experiance?

LegacyUser

Small silly question but would like to ask, as this just happened today.

I have always been that type of person who cared WAY too much about what others thought, especially when I somehow make an embarrassment of myself doing something. Always nervous to speak up or even say hi to someone, too quiet for my own good. Say the wrong or dumb thing without realizing it. People would look down on my for it as if I was dumb or stupid, and it made me feel worse.

But recently I have had some sot of a small epiphany (if that is the right way to describe this) to just not care and to say and do what I like without feeling like an idiot or feeling like I annoy someone. I already do it the other way around so I might as well!

It felt good for a while, to just say what I needed to say, ask for help with anything I needed in college, just plucking up the courage to speak up, without worrying about people's reaction's and what they say back. I don't say anything mean or insulting, btw! It's just that I am an awkward individual, so that brushes off people who interact with me, so in turn, they are awkward towards me too.
But I felt more confident and positive from it, if that makes any sense.

But today in college I said hi to a girl who I see sometimes in one of my modules, as part of me trying to speak up more. We don't speak much but when we do, we get along grand, and we have been here long enough to recognize each other.

But when I said it, she kinda acknowledged it from her facial expression but didn't answer back, and it looked like a cross between a quick smile and a weirded out "why did she say hi to me for?" I get that we don't talk to each other much, but I would have thought she said hi back at least.

Now I get that it's a minor thing, but minor incidents like that would get at me into thinking "Omg, she must think I am weird or something" or "Crap, I won't be doing that again' and it makes me regress back to being quiet again because of the embaressment, when there is the chance of gossip and especially since another classmate was there to see it.


But should I just brush of the embaressment and negativity of incidents like these when I try talking more, or should I actually take it on as experiance? I want to know where the fine line is so that I don't turn into this babbling annoying idiot or something! :P

FYI: Even though i am writing about it, it wouldnt be bothering me as much as it would have years ago, so that has to be a good thing then!

Tokyo

I'd suggest a happy medium, to be honest. Someone who says what they want without caring how it's taken onboard, can be just as bad as somebody who cares far too much about how he or she is perceived.

Pushing yourself to be more outgoing is a definite positive step, so yes, getting involved more in conversations, and initiating new ones is a good thing. Interacting more with your fellow students is also good. The key is to do it within reasonable social boundaries.

jopax

I would take it as an experience, good or bad you have learned something.

It just sounds to me that she is not overly friendly and that's OK too, just make a mental note not to bother with her.

You can't control what people think of you no matter how much you try.

Dont over analyse yourself, just be whatever way is comfortable for you.

orthsquel

In the instance you describe with the fellow student, I'd actually brush that off and not think about it again. There's nothing to be embarrassed about and she could be embarrassed with her own reaction (even thinking it rude), however neither of you have anything to be embarrassed about at all!
I have to agree with Mike on that too, gain a happy medium. And where people do react try not to let negative reactions provoke a negative reaction by you, or even within you psychologically or emotionally.

Littlekittylou

I am not an expert so take what I say with a grain of salt.

But when I read what you wrote it seemed to describe obsessive ruminations in your mind. It's nothing to do with this particular girl or this situation. It's every situation that you ruminate on. You are over thinking.

Don't ask the question what do people think of me over and over or what the balance is over and over and over. Ask once and accept your best answer. If you can't feel your answer is correct leave it. That is the problem you never feel you answer is quite correct and that spurs your mind into ruminations. And it's not about the question. Stop thinking about it. Go for a walk. Read a book. It will cease to be as important later.

Asking what others thinking of you is a reasonable question asking again and again to yourself is compulsive. Taking it as experience or brushing it off is not really the point to me but what stands out more to me is the amount of time you have spend thinking about it.

Stop over thinking it. That would be my advice.

In fact take a break from this thread :-)

Good luck op xx

retro:electro

What's there to be embarrassed about? What's the worst she can say? Oh there's that guy who said hello to me that time?! She probably made a face as she wasnt sure if you were talking to her or not, I can do this sometimes and make a confused face if I'm unsure if someone is speaking to me or not. Don't take it personally and don't let it make you regress.

Rubberchikken

You're doing gopd to decide not to let yourself bother about what people think.
But as it's a new thing for you, you have to keep practicing.

Maybe that girl was having a bad day, who knows. Start now by dismissing it from your mind and keep on going.
Make sure you don't go too far over the other side, where you let everyone know you don't care what they think of you- that's going from one extreme to another.

You need to find the right balance and that takes time and practice and awareness.
Good luck

Littlekittylou

I definitely think you are over thinking this OP. And no you have nothing to be embarrassed about! :-)


Think of it this way if you had not said hello I bet your brain would have worried about that! You can't win with this over thinking!

Maybe she WAS having a bad day. Maybe she is crotchety in the mornings. Maybe her cat died. Maybe she is rude. Maybe she forgot to say hi back . Maybe she thought the 'nod' was saying hi.

I would really say though that you misinterpreted the quick smile. To me it sounds like you said 'Hi' and she smiled back at you. But I think you fear the worst.

But don't worry about it. Nothing to be embarrassed about. :-)

JAMES VI

Keep going. You're doing great! Remember! Your epiphany. If she doesn't want to say hello, that's cool - remember, you say and do what you like without feeling like an idiot or feeling like you've annoyed someone.

Maybe she was just caught off-guard, or maybe she simply doesn't like you - either way, I wouldn't look near her again. She, in her own time, may even come to you - and if that's the case - happy days! Otherwise, I'd be staying well away.

Somebody out there will like you exactly BECAUSE you say and do what you like without feeling like an idiot or feeling like you've annoyed someone.

dellas1979

One of the best quotes Ive ever read "what somebody thinks of you is none of your business".

You are taking it personally. Like all of a sudden you did something wrong. You need to try and figure out what you saw in her thats made you doubt yourself.

I fell over on a stairs in front of 20 colleagues on Tuesday. Nothing I can do about 20 people laughin their heads off (it was kindof a slow/comedy-type fall). Id actually forgotton about it until I read your post!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, and don't worry it hasn't bothered me at all now. Just thought I'd ask anyway, since I do tend to give off an unlikeable vibe, without meaning to.

I wouldn't worry OP, everyone's different when it comes to things like that.
I'm personally delighted whenever anyone I vaguely know from class says hi to me, makes me feel memorable!
However there have been occasions where I don't have the glasses on and my squinting and weird face pulling to stop seeing double has probably been misinterpreted as me being a bit sour!!

Keep being friendly and you'll soon see you'll be happier within yourself for giving off a positive vibe, even if there's a 1% of people who don't pick up on it! Love the quote from another poster too - "what someone else thinks of you is none of your business"