cant stop thinking about him

groovyychick23

So i ended things with my ex early december. I ended things between us because we were arguing alot and for months i had my doubts about our relationship. I couldnt see a future between us and i was always worried if he wasnt right for me. Im only 21 and i didnt want to get to settled. He was very serious and i consider myself layed back. When we brokeup we both distraught and said our goodbyes. He had poored his heart out to me and begged me not to leave but i had to make the right decision for both of us. I was the only girl he had ever been with too so i felt it was unfair on him not to experience differnt things. We said we would see how things went in a few months once we had some space. It wasnt a bad break up.
a week later i had heard from a mutual friend he had been on a night out and brought a girl back to his house. i thought i was a bit soon to be sleeping with someone else. I was heartbroken so i blocked him on facebook. He txt me then sayin i was being horrible for blocking him. I asked him never to contact me again.
I ran into him around christmas and he told me he didnt care about me anymore had moved on and to stay away from him. He said he wanted to move on with his life.
now im finding things really difficult. All the time we were in a relationship i couldnt see a future with us and now when were broken up i can. I can make sense of how he can just cut me out. I feel like our relationship was a big lie and meant nothing. I feel so worthless

Tokyo

It's the easiest thing in the world to look back through rose tinted glasses, and see situations and relationships as being far more perfect than they actually were. But you had your reasons for breaking up, and they were very reasonable ones.

I ended things between us because we were arguing alot and for months i had my doubts about our relationship. I couldnt see a future between us and i was always worried if he wasnt right for me. Im only 21 and i didnt want to get to settled.

But part of the issue here also seems to be the fact that he is moving on with his life, as he should, where you have this expectation that he should be sitting at home broken hearted, not able to move on. You left him (for valid reasons) - but it wasn't the 'not bad breakup' that you say it was. Emotions are still raw on both sides, arguably moreso on his because (a) you are the one who broke up with him, and (b) did so despite him begging you not to. He brought a girl home. You got angry and blocked him on social media. He got angry and told you to stay away from him. It's a scenario that has been played out a thousand times in a thousand other relationships.

You weren't wrong to break up with him. However you are wrong to think you have a say in how he moves on from it. He cut you out because he was angry, both at the breakup, and at certain actions of yours afterwards. He's asked fro space, and he deserves it, so give him what he's asked for. This will take time to heal from, for both of you. And each time you are feeling nostalgic, remind yourself of what you posted in your very first paragraph:

I ended things between us because we were arguing alot and for months i had my doubts about our relationship. I couldnt see a future between us and i was always worried if he wasnt right for me. Im only 21 and i didnt want to get to settled.

groovyychick23

Thanks for replying. I know , im only thinking about the good times in the relationship.. not the reasons why we broke up. Your right its his way of dealing with things and its none of my business how he goes about it. I really care about him so he deserves to be left alone. I just have this idea in my head that we will get back in future? Trying to ignore it and move on too! Its hard to accept

Stavro Mueller

groovyychick23 wrote: »

I just have this idea in my head that we will get back in future?

I wonder are you grieving because your safety net is gone? You also mentioned that you'd agreed to see how things went in a few months once you'd had some space. What exactly did this entail? Was it licence for you to go test the waters and if you didn't meet anyone else in the meantime, you'd return to your ex and life would resume? The reasons you gave for the break-up certainly aren't bad ones. There must've been a reason why you were so determined to end things rather than to try and resolve them at the time.

Staying friends with an ex after you break up is a terrible idea anyway. If you look through the threads here, the one piece of advice that comes up again and again is to cut contact with your ex. Sometimes people do reach a place where they can be friends with their exes again but that's only when both of them are over the break-up and don't ever want to be a couple again. As you've found out to your cost, keeping tabs on your ex's love life is a head-melting experience. It may be for the best that you're not friends with him on Facebook any more. How would you feel if you opened it up some day and saw photos of him draped around a new woman in your feed?

It's understandable that you're upset that you've burnt bridges and that you're now facing into uncertainty. Being single again can be pretty daunting and it'd understandable that you're filled with regrets. As things stand there's nothing you can do regarding your ex. Even if you'd handled things differently after the break-up, it might've gone pear-shaped anyway.

deaddonkey15

i thought i was a bit soon to be sleeping with someone else

Irrelevant. You ended the relationship, he's a single man and can do what he wants. So one of the reasons you broke up with him was that you were the only girl he has been with and it was unfair on him not to experience different things, then you block him on facebook and tell him never to contact you again when he does just that? How reliable is this mutual friend anyway? He may not even have slept with the girl. Then, when he has a bit more maturity to actually tell you to your face that he no longer has feelings for you, is moving on with his life and to leave him alone (essentially what you said to him by blocking him and telling him never to contact you again), you get upset? I think it would be more fitting for your ex to be on here looking for advice after the pain he's been through. You need to grow up a little. You caused all this, so accept it, deal with it, learn from it and move on. Also, your ex's personal life is no longer any of your business.

groovyychick23

Thanks for your honest opinion. Yeah i get that i messed up. Gonna leave him alone... he deserves it. I literally handeled things in the worst way possible!!

Tokyo

groovyychick23 wrote: »

Thanks for your honest opinion. Yeah i get that i messed up. Gonna leave him alone... he deserves it. I literally handeled things in the worst way possible!!

Don't beat yourself up too much over it. We live and learn by our mistakes

groovyychick23

thank you , i know i just feel dissapointed in myself for how i acted

bren2001

groovyychick23 wrote: »

thank you , i know i just feel dissapointed in myself for how i acted

Well forget about it. People do stupid things when they are breaking up out of hurt. I've said some stupid stuff and done some stupid things but all you can do is chalk it up as experience and if you find yourself in the situation again draw on it and act they way you want too.

As for moving on? It isn't easy. There is no point in "hoping" for a future. It might happen but its most likely wont. I certainly find the advice on this forum a little harsh in terms of "block them". It's important not too keep tabs on them and is a mistake I made at one point. Does checking his FB page ever make you feel better? (Not that you can now) No. Take some time for yourself, forgive yourself of anything you felt you did wrong and when you feel ready, get out and meet the next guy and in the meantime, enjoy the single lifestyle. If you find you are getting down, I'd definitely advise going to a Counsellor, they are not magicians but talking with someone helps.