So I'm leaving home for the first time in my life...very nervous

LegacyUser

My issue is that i'm leaving home for the first time in my life in 4 days and i'm extremely nervous. I've lived with my parents all my life and am their only child. I'm not just moving a few miles away, i'm going 20,000 km away on the 1 year working holiday visa to Australia.

I'm going because I love travelling, but mainly because I wanna get out of my comfort zone. I'm extremely shy and at 25 I think its about time I grew out of it because i'm sick of it holding me back. My social life here revolves around drinking, with just 1 friend. I struggle to socialize without drink. I guess I wanna try some different jobs too as i'm not totally sure what I wanna do with my life. I was brought up by parents who tend to be constant worriers (I love them but its an environment I need a break from).

But the closer the time gets the more my negative thoughts are prevailing. What if something happens to my parents while i'm away? What if I go to Oz and it's a disaster and I'm even more lonely than I was at home? What if I go, and come back to the same situation I left? What if my best friend has moved on and I don't even have him to hang around with anymore?

All these negative thoughts are going through my head, I guess i'm just looking for advice on seeing this as a good opportunity instead of what if such and such goes wrong. Does anyone reading this think its a good idea for a shy, anxious guy to move 20,000 km away in the hope of getting out of my comfort zone, or is it an idiotic thing to do? Thanks for any advice. The rumination is almost constant over whether i'm making the right choice.

Doug89

It's a great idea - go, have the craic and enjoy yourself! Skype is a thing, and if you really really hate it you can always come home.

Think of how you'd feel in 10 years if you never tried it!

uck51js9zml2yt

One thing you need to do is make sure you don't leave your common sense at the departure gate.

Be aware of your surroundings, dont be a dick and enjoy yourself.

TheBeardedLady

Pre-travelling jitters - been there, bought the t-shirt. Par for course. It IS a good idea and you're going to enjoy yourself (although it might take time to settle). Fear of the unknown is always scary. You'll be grand. Have a great time!

Matteroffact

I agree with Doug 89. Just go and if you don't like it you can come back at any time. There are no guarantees about anything in this life, but if you don't go you will always be wondering. Best of Luck and hope it all works out for you. Give yourself time and so long as you look after yourself you won't come to any harm. I even worry about going on holidays so I think your anxieties are very normal about this trip. It will be a great adventure and the fact that you can come home anytime is all the reassurance you need.

playedalive

Dude. I could say nearly the exact same thing. I'm quite an anxious man myself who, after no luck in getting a job and was sick of home life, took the plunge and moved to France. I was 23 (now 24) at the time. It's a great move you are making and it might help you to retreat and work out better ways to deal with your anxiety. I come from an anxious family background and anxiety tends to feed on anxiety. So fair play for making a not-so-easy decision.

If I could give you any advice. Take everything step by step. (Looking for a place to live, etc). Prioritise what is important day to day (short term) and what's not and can be done tomorrow (longer term). Try to not be culturally biased or go in with preconceived ideas about how things should be (I did this a lot and it really does feed anxiety and homesickness).

Homesickness definitely creeps up on you. Bring favourite music, photos and just remember the good times. I am in my fourth month here in my job and, whenever I get homesick (I think it's always there in the background), I just reflect on whether I'd really be any happier in Ireland (no job, parents driving me mental). Sport can be good too (going swimming has been great for nerves). Learning to cook better meals. Keeping a routine. Try to not isolate yourself too much either (Me time is great but it's nice to get out and do things, make friends which is harder when you're shy but give things a go)



Good luck

Rubberchikken

One step at a time.
It's great you're going. Go there with only positive thoughts in your head and you'll do great.

While your parents will miss you and you them, the year will fly and you won't believe how much you'll have achieved when you come home.

Try to socialise without too much alcohol. Start fresh. People there don't know you're shy. Now is your chance. Enjoy every minute and take care.

InTheTrees

Go for it.

I moved to California in my 20's for similar reasons.

And the year will fly by anyway.

LegacyUser

Thanks to people who have replied to this so far, I've got some comfort from reading them. I guess I just feel like i'm resisting this big change. At home my life isn't ideal due to lack of variation in my social life, but it's comfortable. I have my own routine. Like today for example, waking up having a fry and watching the sport on tv for the day. I'm completely changing this up with no real idea of whether i'll be happier over in Australia.

I have just the one good friend but as cheesy as it sounds I really care about him and am worried for him when I leave. He battled with a cocaine addiction and many times he has said that hanging around with me was what helped him come off the drugs. I'm concerned he'll slip back into that habit when I leave. It's probably normal to resist the change to my life like this but I just wish I could be more positive about it. If I don't go there with a positive outlook there's no way I'll enjoy it

Rubberchikken

You sound like a good person and a good friend but there comes a stage where you have tp start living your life.

You can keep an eye on your friend - skype, email even the odd text. He has to learn to stand on his feet too.

Have a great time in oz:)

Sephiroth_dude

scraed2leave wrote: »

I'm going because I love travelling, but mainly because I wanna get out of my comfort zone. I'm extremely shy and at 25 I think its about time I grew out of it .

.

This move will force you too do things out of your comfort zone,Your gonna be grand, best of luck with it

Zen65

scraed2leave wrote: »

It's probably normal to resist the change to my life like this but I just wish I could be more positive about it. If I don't go there with a positive outlook there's no way I'll enjoy it

It's normal to suffer some jitters before such a big step, but the move sounds right for you. You cannot take responsibility on yourself for the people you are leaving behind; that sort of a burden would stop you ever having your own life.

Best of luck on your travels. As others have said, keep your wits about you and avoid taking the easy route to a life revolving around drink. Take up activities as much as you can, and work to open up a social circle that goes beyond the bars.

Keep safe and be at peace,

LegacyUser

Zen65 wrote: »

It's normal to suffer some jitters before such a big step, but the move sounds right for you. You cannot take responsibility on yourself for the people you are leaving behind; that sort of a burden would stop you ever having your own life.

Best of luck on your travels. As others have said, keep your wits about you and avoid taking the easy route to a life revolving around drink. Take up activities as much as you can, and work to open up a social circle that goes beyond the bars.

Keep safe and be at peace,

I can understand that it's normal to suffer jitters before my trip but the way I feel is horrible. It's kind of like a constant rumination over whether doing this is right or not. I've changed my mind about 15 times over whether I should go to Australia and that is just in the last 2 days. It doesn't help when I've grandparents and parents telling me they wish I would settle down at home, learn to drive and all that jazz. They're saying why not just take a holiday for 2 months in Asia or something.

For a shy guy, would working in a bar or restaurant in Australia really be helpful? I could just get more depressed over there because I find myself struggling to deal with the increased level of daily social interaction. I just don't want the whole thing to be overwhelming and me to leave after like a month there. Maybe I should go back when i'm in a better mindset?

Matteroffact

If you don't feel up to it OP, don't go.

TheBeardedLady

OP, you have to be honest with yourself and decide if what you're feeling is simply nerves or it's your gut telling you you're making a mistake.

When I went to South America for a year on my own, I had no clue at all whether I was doing the right thing and honestly, I'd only booked the tickets originally thinking it would help me get over a break up (and between you and me, to make the ex a bit jealous!) and not because I had some mad burning desire to see SA or travel - I just needed to do something and it was a gamble. I remember the morning of the flight I was trying on my packed rucksack in my parent's sitting-room visibly shaking in front of my family. I was absolutely ****ting it and wasn't in any way excited. My very first day in Buenos Aires was spent sitting in the middle of the world's widest road crying in the heat all alone in a completely foreign country/continent and only having the very basics of the language - I was terrified I'd made an awful decision.

It took a while to adjust (and I also bumped into my ex by chance the first week in Buenos Aires - a story for another day!:)) but it was genuinely the best year of my life - I was free, I was young, people I met were open to meeting me, the people over there were lovely, the continent was the most amazing place I'd ever been to....the whole year was just brilliant and what'd originally been a very badly thought-out decision turned out to be the best year of my life and I feel so grateful I had the chance - you only live once, OP, and that'll become more apparent as the years go on.


Take the chance. If it's a total disaster, come home but really, what do you have to lose?

Btw, I'm not painfully shy but people who know me know I'm not extroverted though I can hide it reasonably well.You're going to meet all kinds of people but I can guarantee you the majority of them will be open to meeting new people and having the craic which isn't always the case at home in the place you're from.

I've worked in bars, restaurants etc. and being a hard-worker and friendly are two traits valued over being a social butterfly ime. You can overcome shyness or at least learn to cope with it but you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit. All types go to Australia and it's not just the sociable, outgoing people who do.

Give it a go - try it out. If you're genuinely feeling that you're making a reall, really bad decision that might make matters worse, then don't go. Listen to your gut.

Good luck, OP!