Should I meet my ex?

LegacyUser

Hi guys, just need some advice on something. Sorry for the long post!!

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years in March after I found out he was cheating on me while working abroad. (He literally lasted 3 weeks till he started sleeping with a girl there and then lied about it for months)He insisted it was a mistake and I stayed in contact with him and when he got back in May (we did act somewhat coupley in the first few weeks of him returning) but in June I told him I just couldn't get back with him due to the betrayal but we could stay friends. He didn't want to stay just friends.

Just after I told him I was getting on and there was no hope of us being girlfriend/boyfriend again, he got a sports injury and was confined to bed for 2 weeks. He harassed me for those 2 weeks to come visit ( I don't drive and his place in inaccessible by public transport). I didn't because I was extremely busy and he wasn't my boyfriend anymore.

He literally sent me so many calls and messages for the next 2 months through fbook, whatsapp etc. and he would do things like call me constantly for 30 minutes straight until I answered. same with messages. Then I told him I was seeing someone else but we could still be friends he said ''no I don't want to be friends.'' So I thought that was the end of it.

Since then he has changed his mind. From about August onwards he has been contacting me so much about meeting up as friends. For the first few months he was sending all these weird messages saying ''oh just thinking about the time we went to.....' Really creepy things like that from when we were together. Now it has moved on from that and I have about 3 months worth of messages asking me to meet him for coffee.

I am seeing someone else at the minute who has become frustrated at my ex calling me and texting me to meet. I ignore all messages and calls. My new boyfriend has even answered the phone to tell him to stop. I don't know what to do.

The way my ex writes these texts he makes me sound so bad. Like I wanted to be friends and now I'm ignoring him. he just wants to tell me about his new job and all these other amazing things he is doing. Also he said he doesn't want to get back with me anymore and he is now seeing the girl he cheated on me with. So why cant I just meet him?

I am wondering should I just meet him, once for coffee, and hope that it will cure him of this texting and calling. It is now on average of once every 2-3 weeks I get a spate of texts/calls but it is still annoying. I don't want to see him except for to know why he wont leave me alone.

I feel he just wants to meet so he can gloat at how his life is now ( I genuinely don't care, I am so happy at where I am without him) and perhaps tell me how badly I treated him. I just don't think he is getting the message through me ignoring him and blocking him on fb.... I dunno what is going through his head :S

mada82

Block his number and block him on fb?

December2012

Don't meet him.

Ignore him.

And if you have concerns for your safety then speak to the Garda about getting a barring / safety / protection order.

rsl1976

Don't meet him. As above block him on Facebook and your phone

Tell him firmly you do not want him to contact you again. Block his number, defriend him on fb. If he doesn't get the message, go and speak to the guards.

The guy sounds like a stalker at this stage.

deisemum

Next time he contacts you just tell him to stop contacting you and that if he contacts you again you'll report him to the gardai. Block him.

cactusgal

Ugh, +1 to all the advice above. I posted a while back about my ex, similar situation in that he was the one who treated me really badly, relationship ended, then he was driven mad by the fact that I didn't want him back, nor did I want his friendship. He wanted to still be in control, and it drove him nuts to have that control taken away. Sounds like your guy may be the same. Ignore, block, don't engage. Rinse, wash, repeat!!!

Big Bag of Chips

Do you want to be friends with him? If you do, then meet him. If you don't then block him? Why does he still have so much access to you? Why are you allowing him access to your phone, or Facebook?

Block him. It's easy!

I get the impression he needs to "win". You dumped him, so he needs to get one back. He might even try it on with you. He cheated on you, why wouldn't he cheat on his new gf? If he could convince you to meet him, he would probably have the confidence to chance his arm... Just to prove to himself that he could still have you.

Tell him one last time you are not interested. Tell him his job and his life are of no relevance to you so you have no desire to hear about them. Send the message and then block him. Don't give him the chance to reply.

I really don't know why you are even questioning this! What good do you think would come of meeting him? You'd piss off your bf just to please your ex?

The Masculinist

It sounds like any attention you give him could cause the calls and texts to become more frequent. I wouldn't bother meeting him.

Scruffy...The Janitor

I notice you say you tried to ignore him and even got your boyfriend to tell him not to contact you any more. You don't, however, mention telling him not to contact you any more yourself. If someone is persistent and deluding themselves that something can still happen then ignoring doesn't necessarily mean 'no'.

I've actually seen people in a very similar situation before and the ex had convinced himself that because he was just being ignored and not told no then in his head, the girl was being controlled by the new bf and really did want to meet him but just wasn't allowed.

Nothing good can come from remaining friends with him. You need to tell him firmly and definitely no. You do not want to hear from him any more and you're not interested in being friends and not to contact you any more.

You can block people on whatsapp, Viber, kik, Facebook etc so whatever apps you use block him on them. If he keeps texting/ringing after this then I would consider it harassment and would consider contacting gardai

pookie82

exboyf trouble wrote: »

Mod Note: Please don't quote entire posts. It is unnecessary and clogs up the thread with duplicate text

Meet him for what? There's nothing left to say?

Get on with your life and let him get on with his. Honestly I cannot grasp how people repeatedly think they can be best mates with an ex while in a new relationship. It's over, he treated you appallingly, he doesn't deserve another second of your time.

Focus on the guy who IS with you and don't piss him off and jeopardise that to go and pacify some idiot who has notions of "friendship". In your situation I can't even imagine entertaining the idea of meeting this fool.

Show your current bf some respect and tell him to p*ss off before blocking him on everything.

Funtrepreneur

I was watching a movie on Ted Bundy last night. He was a guy that didn't handle rejection very well. Your ex sounds like a bit of a sociopath so I'd suggest blocking him from everywhere or you may find yourself buried in a shallow grave in the wicklow mountains or somewhere similar. Bit extreme I know but you can never be too careful. Oh and it is possible to be friends with an ex but you need sufficient time apart to let old feelings subside. 3 to 4 years at least. His feelings obviously are still there. So I would do what all previous people have said and that's block and cut all contact.

Merkin

Why on earth would you think about meeting him? You say to find out why he won't leave you alone but I find that logic just bizarre. He is harassing you and it is quite easy to block someone completely rather than embroiling your current boyfriend in all the drama or having a crisis meeting with the fruit loop to talk about why he's doing it. By engaging with him even slightly you are actually encouraging him so if you want him to stop it really is down to you to make yourself un contactable. I've been in your situation with a couple of different guys in my time and it's actually very easy to disengage.