Weirdest chat up line

Witchie

At a friend's birthday party and a guy about half my age was chatting to me and quite obviously flirting then said:

You will be in your bed soon with your feet burnt by the bulb.

I just laughed.

What is the weirdest chat up line you have used or had used on you?

wretcheddomain

When Linda Martin sang Get Lucky to me live from Saturday Night Show studios.

Iranoutofideas

Do you want to go halves on a bastard?

Birneybau

Can I smell your fanny?

No!

It must be your feet then.

The Backwards Man

I use 'Do you want to buy a load of turf?' on tinder, works a charm.









Sold three load so far.

thelad95

You must make milkshake because I was in your yard last night.

eternal

'Do you want to dance?'
'No.'
'Suppose a blowjob's out of the question then.' (50 year old guy to 17 year old me)


'I was thinking of something exciting to say to you but by the time I got over here, I couldn't
remember what is was.' (My second cousin who didn't recognise me and went blood red when I told him who I was)


Random asshole in Kilkenny grabbing my breast on the street: 'I'd like a nice, comfortable hole to slip into.'

pablo128

Hows your belly for a lodger?

Talib Fiasco

"Hey my d*ck just died, can I bury it in your arse?". It's weird because it works.

Kovu

Him- ''F**k me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Aishling?''
Me- "No...."
Him-

EoghanIRL

Everytime you look away I take a hair and add it to my collection .

wardy2

does this smell like chloroform to you?

CJ Haughey

I have a front grab.

NachoBusiness

I'm not Asian but I'd still like to eat your pussy.

Hi, can I have your number?
No, I have a boyfriend.
I have a maths exam next week.
'Maths exam'? What?
Sorry, weren't we talking about things we were going to cheat on?

AndonHandon

"I refuse to pay for water".
Your man was bent as fcuk, small, fat and on the dole.

jamesbere

EoghanIRL wrote: »

Everytime you look away I take a hair and add it to my collection .

Charming

Wang King

Many years ago I had a woman come up to me and tell me I looked like the gay lad off Fair City
It was unusual....but it worked for her

The Sidewards Man

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

Purple Mountain

You're smashing...

I ran for the hills pretty quickly!!

RWCNT

Some lad in Ibiza to my ex years ago -

"Excuse me, what perfume are you wearing?"
"I'm not wearing any"
"Well you must smell ****ing good in bed then!"

Macavity.

Me: Are you from Tennessee?
Her: (unimpressed) Why, because I'm the only ten you see? :rolleyes:
Me: No, it's just you've got a real inbred look about you.

AlanS181824

One I heard before.

"Are you a swan? Cos you have skinny legs and fat arse!"

Charming right?

Potential Underachiever

'I'm looking for somewhere warm to park the willy wagon tonight'

'Nice legs, what time do they open at?'

'See my mate over there (point), her (yeah), he wants to know if you fancy me.

Fuzzytrooper

Roses are red, voilets are blue.
I have a knife, get in the van...

Robsweezie

something about balls, broken glass, farting and a walkie talkie

Zippie84

"Hi."

Chickentown

wardy2 wrote: »

does this smell like chloroform to you?

Ok Jimmy Carr

lazybones32

Chickentown wrote: »

Ok Jimmy Carr

Jimmy Carr's joke-writers you mean?

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

catallus

I love the seal-laugh from Jimmy

Wang King

It's a watered down version of Eddie Murphy's from Delirious

Saralee4

A guy once told me 'I like your colouring'

Another came to me in a nightclub, told me he was lonely, holidaying alone, sang "losing my religion" in a karaoke bar and then told me I had a "very beautiful neck"

I legged it because I just thought "better to strangle you with my dear" !!!

I do like the cheeky funny ones though.

blinding

Ken ya give this number a ring I'll be in Kenya !

runinfinity

"Have you any land have ya?"

In a pub in Bundoran last summer. Word for word.

RayM

Is that a lack of serotonin in your central nervous system, or are you just unhappy to see me?

Karona

I like your build....

Frynge

(Reach into their drink and pull an ice cube from it, place on bar counter and smash it with your drink)

"Now, I've broken the ice"

AlanS181824

Jimmy's Seal Laugh!

Rosie Rant

" You remind me of a Tellytubby."
" Uhh.. why?"
" Because you make me want to Dipsy
my Tinky-Winky in your La-La. "

FTA69

eternal wrote: »

Random asshole in Kilkenny grabbing my breast on the street: 'I'd like a nice, comfortable hole to slip into.'

Pretty sure that's more sexual assault than "chat up line".

conorhal

runinfinity wrote: »

"Have you any land have ya?"

In a pub in Bundoran last summer. Word for word.

Amatuer. Didn't even bother to check if you had any road frontage. :rolleyes:

eternal

FTA69 wrote: »

Pretty sure that's more sexual assault than "chat up line".

It was a shock to the system. My breast took ages to recover.

djflawless

On PLC group holiday in Italy and 1 of the lads dared me to try a chat up line that was
Licking my finger and rubbing it dry on a girls top and saying "let's get you out of them wet clothes"

I was extremely drunk, spat on her jacket,, and in the creepiest voice ever said "I'd do ya!"

Apologised severely after.got the girl a drink and left...horrible!!

niallo27

"Is your father in jail"

"No"

"If i was your father i'd be in jail"

Works every time.

Conall Cernach

eternal wrote: »

It was a shock to the system. My breast took ages to recover.

I might have to numb it for you. "Num, num, num, num, num...."

or

I better weigh them "Wayhey!"

ArnoldJRimmer

A guy came up to my friend, and asked where she was from. She answered 'Corofin.' He went silent for a second and said 'You've a lovely grotto.' Cue a very confused look from my friend who didn't know if that was a euphenism or if he was referring to the church in the town.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Have you got a mirror in your knickers? Because I can see myself in them.

razorblunt

a/s/l

Sheep Lover

You don't sweat much for a fat lass

ButtersSuki

From my student days - a couple of girls who were in college with me were up visiting for a few nights and on the first night I took them to Central Park (they wanted to go there as they' d heard so much about it) in Galway. So the girls and me are at the bar and two lads come up to work the magic on the laydeez. They're dressed in Caterpillar boots, Wrangler Jeans and check shirt complete with several gold chains etc. - you know the look. Opening line from the boys?

"Howiya girls, we're boys"

I practically wet myself laughing. The girls replied by stating they were both with me (lol) in an effort to move them along. I'm just over 6'6" barefoot so I'm assuming that was intended to imply moving along would be the best option (not knowing I couldn't punch my way out of a wet paper bag). One of the lads replied with:

"I don't mind sharing" and punches one of the girls in the arm whilst winking at her, causing he to spill her drink all over her white top. I thought she was going to kill him.

Ah the memories…….

TerrorFirmer

Saw one here awhile ago that actually took my breath away.

Him - "Is your father a thief?"

Her - :rolleyes: "Why?"

Him - "......think I ****ed him in the 'joy."