Wasting away life on my own?

LegacyUser

I don't know what to say since I felt like I have asked for advice over and over for years.

See I have always been a bit of a loner nearly all my life (now a young woman in my early 20s). Whether it stems from living out in the sticks all my life, having to deal with emotional abuse from some family members, or having something mentally different, whether it was my undiagnosed depression or having various diagnosis to understand why I cannot socialize (aspergers, social anxiety and/or schzoid diagnosis)...i just find it hard to connect with people.

School was hard, primary was ok although with it being a small class, I was the black sheep of the friends then. Secondary was worse, because of puberty as well as dealing with the emotional abuse at home and depression.
People thought I was weird and way too quiet, as well as people thinking I looked like a man because towards the end of my final school year I saw that someone had hold of my diary and scribbled in the sick notes as a horrible joke that I have to get my male genitals removed at the doctors.
During the years apart from the odd ignorant person, there was no severe bullying. It was only coming into 5th-6th year that it got worse, I was made to feel like some disgusting man, like some made vomiting noises when I walked past them. Also through no fault of my own, there was incidents online with Facebook, where people thought I was creeping and stalking on pages, when i wasn't at all, it was just a really bad misunderstanding due to leaks and viruses.
6th year just felt like I had some sort of a minor breakdown after a guy I really fancied and thought who fancied me end up being a joke for him. I ended up just ignoring people, bar one guy who came back to repeat the year and also understood what it was like to be outcasted. I just had enough of the place and the stress and wanted out. I didn't even want to go to the debs. There was still a few people I was friends with, but it is hard as it still comes with its challenges of of still not fitting in or understanding social cues.

So when leaving for college it should have been a great fresh start, but unfortunately I got absolutely no where, and it depress me how I made no friends while people were going off for college nights out. People were also very snobby towards me because of being different. I mean when you are too different for college you know you are doing something wrong. I just think the issues from my younger years still affected me.
I transferred to a branch college in 2nd year, so although i feel happier in the town itself, its still hard to meet people especially since the branch campus does not have much societies. I have never gone out and don't really get a chance to talk to people.


I know people might suggest counseling but counseling finds the source of the problem, which I have found already. As an adult, i do realise that I have had issues with connecting and so on, and that people can be cliquey so it makes it harder, but I know that its all down to me in the end to put myself out there and do my best. Only problem is I don't know how, because of being such a mess from my school years. I still feel like this awkward strange girl that weirds people out. I do have people in my life who i get on with, but not close enough to have a friendship or relationship because they all have lives of their own.


It just that i know people ask for advice on making friends on here, but it always seems like good reason like friends moving away and so on. But how does someone try to relearn social skills again, to restart a life that was wasted on depression, etc, and to build a life making friends again and possibly a boyfriend and just having a life that doesnt consist of being stuck on this computer all the time? I have tried joining classes, but there is never anything aimed for my age group.

lazeedaisy

You don't need a valid reason to meet new people. You do not say where you live, only there is nothing for your age,

Think outside the box, you seem to focus on negatives instead of positives.

You want to meet new people, that's a start.

I actually joined a dating site 10 years ago for their social cultural club. We met monthly, and they also had a weekly pub thingy that I used to go to, there is always things to do, I never wanted to meet a guy, just to up skill socially. It worked.

I have a tendency to be socially awkward, but had to make the effort, we used to have a poker weekly thing that was fun, not because we wanted to gamble, we needed to get together,

Look around and see if there is any volunteering you can do, A local library opens many possibilities, you need to work with the skills you have and use them,

Good luck

Rubberchikken

What are you good at? What are your interests?

Try to put primary and secondary schools in the past. Focus on now and what you want to achieve/change.

LegacyUser

lazeedaisy wrote: »

You don't need a valid reason to meet new people. You do not say where you live.

I live around the Wexford/Carlow area. Just by looking around it seems like the only place with lots of options is Dublin.

I dunno the thing is it gets to me when you do meet new people but it never expands after that. I am at college at a branch campus, and I have met people, but they are either tight with friends from school or from the college class (i only just transferred to 2nd year). I think a lot of people think i go out with my roommates, but problem is they are all male in their late 30s and have jobs (actual student accommodation is scarce here, so this had to do) so i might as well be on my own.
I dunno, it's just that people critisize me for not making an effort but when I do I get ignored or I make an complete idiot of myself because of my anxiety. It's frustrating.

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

What are you good at? What are your interests?

Try to put primary and secondary schools in the past. Focus on now and what you want to achieve/change.

Photography, fitness, etc but thing is I just dunno how to bring something to the table that can attract friendships or relationships. I found that it is very easy to join anything, but completely difficult to connect to someone that gets you, if you know what I mean.

Lauren7

I have the exact same problem lifetrouble123, lonely456 can't seem to form relationships with anyone

LegacyUser

Lauren7 wrote: »

I have the exact same problem lifetrouble123, lonely456 can't seem to form relationships with anyone

Hey didn't realise I used two different usernames lol! :P

Nice to hear I am not the only one like this. And do you find that people think that you don't try hard enough at socializing? Because I do, even though I have tried talking to people and joining clubs and so on in the past.

Dutchess

You are definitely not a lone in this. I also find it very difficult to connect with new people and evolve from just meeting them at whatever club you joined to actually hanging out. There really is a lot to consider, much like dating.

So I don't have any advice, just the info that this is definitely not something to feel ashamed of. Because there are many of us:)

tinz18

Dutchess wrote: »

You are definitely not a lone in this. I also find it very difficult to connect with new people and evolve from just meeting them at whatever club you joined to actually hanging out. There really is a lot to consider, much like dating.

So I don't have any advice, just the info that this is definitely not something to feel ashamed of. Because there are many of us:)

+1. I'm the same here- tried a couple of times to expand my friend circle but it doesn't seem to be happening. I would be quite chatty and friendly but all my friends are scattered across the country and where I am I find that most people my age already have their friend circles formed because they went to college here or are natives.

Lauren7

Yes, Family members have often said it me 'you're not trying' but in fact i think i've been trying too hard at times. I have no idea what to do. I can chat to people at first but it just never expands, never get there number or meet up after a couple of weeks i just can't think of anything to talk about. I know that sounds stupid but it's true.

lonely456 lifetrouble123 wrote: »

Hey didn't realise I used two different usernames lol! :P

Nice to hear I am not the only one like this. And do you find that people think that you don't try hard enough at socializing? Because I do, even though I have tried talking to people and joining clubs and so on in the past.