Dating Online - Turns ons/Turn offs

Nynaeve

Aside - I'm very new here. Mods, please move this to a more appropriate forum if needed. I considered the ladies lounge, but I would like a more open discussion. As I said I'm new, and trying desperately not to stand on well established toes

I signed up to a dating site recently. I actually met my last boyfriend on one, but it's been a while, so it all seems brand new. (Of course, I'm older and uglier now!)

But whats with blokes putting up pictures of themselves with girls wrapped around them?! You're on a dating site, but do you really need to be? In my head they're thinking "This is the standard I expect, you won't get a reply if you don't meet it."

Am I wrong? What do people think? Some of these lads would be blokes I'd otherwise message or at least wink at, but the pictures put me waaay off.

How do you guys find internet dating? Are there any warning signs to watch out for?

Zippie84

Hate when guys message a girl me with one word message 'Hi'.

Literally just 'Hi', a one word message.

Or even 'hi bbz'.

At least make SOME effort.

Given up on all that now tbh...

Nynaeve

I actually put that at the bottom of my "about me" section; "I promise to make an effort at conversation if you do"

Maybe for the blokes that's just another turn off though?! :P

tomwaterford

Nynaeve wrote: »

I actually put that at the bottom of my "about me" section; "I promise to make an effort at conversation if you do"

Maybe for the blokes that's just another turn off though?! :P

TBF any messages I've received from young wans aren't exactly stuff of conversational gold/literary genius

AndonHandon

It's difficult to start a conversation with someone you want yo get to know, without coming across as cheesy, other than to say 'hi, how are you?'. The ideal response is 'good thanks; 'just in from the gym' or 'just in from work', 'just ate dinner' or whatever. Something other than 'good, thanks'. There is so little to work with from a picture and a paragraph 'About Me' profile section. Need to converse a bit more online than in real life!

MarkAnthony

Much overthinkage.

Don't look at any of the pics and have a chat. See if you click. If you're just looking for lust just look at the pics.

Warning signs, beyond being on an internet dating site? :pac:

Notorious97

I think some turn ons for some girls are butter knife wielding lads

Nynaeve

AndonHandon wrote: »

It's difficult to start a conversation with someone you want yo get to know, without coming across as cheesy, other than to say 'hi, how are you?'. The ideal response is 'good thanks; 'just in from the gym' or 'just in from work', 'just ate dinner' or whatever. Something other than 'good, thanks'. There is so little to work with from a picture and a paragraph 'About Me' profile section. Need to converse a bit more online than in real life!

That's a good point. (And it's good to know this isn't a one sided problem. Very sexist of me I know, please forgive me)

I would always try to pick something out of that horrible section though. Most people mention their taste in music for example, start by asking their favourite band

HamsterFace

You may have a point in wishing you would get a fantastically interesting first message, but you also need to be cognisant of the fact that it takes two to have a conversation.

It's easy to dismiss everything straight off but maybe worthwhile to give a little something to build a rapport or else you may be missing out on a potentially fantastic encounter

Nynaeve

MarkAnthony wrote: »

Much overthinkage.

Don't look at any of the pics and have a chat. See if you click. If you're just looking for lust just look at the pics.

Warning signs, beyond being on an internet dating site? :pac:

5 years ago I'd have agreed with you! But for someone (not necessarily myself) who doesn't like clubs, where else can you meet someone these days? Believe me, I'd give my right arm to walk into easons and fall over a bloke who just happens to be reading my favourite book :P

I think internet dating is the smart choice these days. If I started going to clubs to meet someone, I'd hate the whole thing, and I'd end up with a boyfriend who enjoys something I hate

Zippie84

AndonHandon wrote: »

It's difficult to start a conversation with someone you want yo get to know, without coming across as cheesy, other than to say 'hi, how are you?'. The ideal response is 'good thanks; 'just in from the gym' or 'just in from work', 'just ate dinner' or whatever. Something other than 'good, thanks'. There is so little to work with from a picture and a paragraph 'About Me' profile section. Need to converse a bit more online than in real life!

I think there's always something better to say than just 'hi, how are you?' (although at least it's not just 'hi')

Ideally make it individual to that person. So it doesn't just seem like you're firing out a standard generic response to everyone.

The person will have written things in their profile. If you're messaging them there must have been something about them that appealed to you, or something in their profile that you found interesting. Well, that's a good starting point in itself.

If you were going up to chat some stranger up in a bar doubt you'd just say 'hi' etc, but similarly there's no need for cheesy chat-up lines either. I don't see online as all that different. The other person is just a human being.

You're interested in them enough to want to message them, you want them to be interested in you too. Make enough effort that to gain their interest, but at the same time just treat them as the human being they are, and have a chat. It doesn't need to be anything groundbreaking, but still, make some effort...

MarkAnthony

13 years ago I joined an internet dating site, digital cameras were rare enough and pictures weren't common if for nothing else because of the stigma of online dating.

13 years later I'm married to the one of the first girls I met (second actually). So please don't mistake my tongue in cheek remarks as anything but that. Also forget the pictures.

AndonHandon

Nynaeve wrote: »

5 years ago I'd have agreed with you! But for someone (not necessarily myself) who doesn't like clubs, where else can you meet someone these days? Believe me, I'd give my right arm to walk into easons and fall over a bloke who just happens to be reading my favourite book :P

I think internet dating is the smart choice these days. If I started going to clubs to meet someone, I'd hate the whole thing, and I'd end up with a boyfriend who enjoys something I hate

I actually thought of this the other day; if I don't want to meet a girl who I can ask out, from a night out, then how do I go about asking a girl out during work, lunch, gym etc.? At least with internet dating, when you chat it is building up to a 'do you want to go on a date?'. But is there an alternative?

Nynaeve

I personally don't think there is an alternative. I have a very small family, and I'm the type of person who has a close circle of friends, rather than loads of people I "kind of" know

Traditionally people met their OH through friends or family, that's still possible of course, but in my case it isn't.

Otherwise it seems to be good luck, or extreme confidence

thegreatgonzo

AndonHandon wrote: »

I actually thought of this the other day; if I don't want to meet a girl who I can ask out, from a night out, then how do I go about asking a girl out during work, lunch, gym etc.? At least with internet dating, when you chat it is building up to a 'do you want to go on a date?'. But is there an alternative?

You could find out the kind of things they are interested in and invite them out socially to something, even as a group. Invite them to a charity table quiz to save kittens or whatever. It needn't look like a date but you'll have a chance to get to know each other in a different setting.

AndonHandon

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

You could find out the kind of things they are interested in and invite them out socially to something, even as a group. Invite them to a charity table quiz to save kittens or whatever. It needn't look like a date but you'll have a chance to get to know each other in a different setting.

That's a great idea actually. What would you suggest if I was to ask them to come but as part of those in the group too, e.g. In work at lunch; should I invite all of work but try to let her know that she is the reason I want everyone to go and how should this be emphasised?

Joe Doe

CNBC did a documentary on this, they focused on the 'tyranny of choice' aspect, which isn't really such a bad thing. As Mrs Doe (to be) can only be selected from very finest stock, from the 4 corners of the web.

Certain filters such as 'any' of these words/phrases: smoking / princess / can't cook / icanstxtspk4u / pony~horses / rugby / gaa / weightlifting etc. swiftly get sent to the delete bins. As wouldn't be partial to either princesses or on the other side of the coin pro-feminists. Ideal visual rating is strictly 7.5-8.5 as most chaps know having a 9/10 lady is a bit like having a Ferrari - high maintenance, expensive to run and likely to get nicked. Having an old Fiat Punto isn't much fun either.

Libraries, Galleries, Museums and IQ Certification exams and are also good places in the real world.

AndonHandon

Joe Doe wrote: »

CNBC did a documentary on this, they focused on the 'tyranny of choice' aspect, which isn't really such a bad thing. As Mrs Doe (to be) can only be selected from very finest stock, from the 4 corners of the web.

Certain filters such as 'any' of these words/phrases: smoking / princess / can't cook / icanstxtspk4u / pony~horses / rugby / gaa / weightlifting etc. swiftly get sent to the delete bins. As wouldn't be partial to either princesses or on the other side of the coin pro-feminists. Ideal visual rating is strictly 7.5-8.5 as most chaps know having a 9/10 lady is a bit like having a Ferrari - high maintenance, expensive to run and likely to get nicked. Having an old Fiat Punto isn't much fun either.

Libraries, Galleries, Museums and IQ Certification exams and are also good places in the real world.

Can you rephrase this in English please?

YFlyer

Zippie84 wrote: »

Hate when guys message a girl me with one word message 'Hi'.

Literally just 'Hi', a one word message.

Or even 'hi bbz'.

At least make SOME effort.

Given up on all that now tbh...

Girls don't make any effort either.

Joe Doe

AndonHandon wrote: »

Can you rephrase this in English please?

Which word can't you read?

Lyaiera

What dating sites are mainly used in Ireland?

AndonHandon

Joe Doe wrote: »

Which word can't you read?

Can you use it in a sentence?

eternal

AndonHandon wrote: »

Can you rephrase this in English please?

He's talking about the psychological whimsical approach to filter out the categories of said potential partners by means of evaluating certain terms of phrasage and use of the 'english' language.

AndonHandon

eternal wrote: »

He's talking about the psychological whimsical approach to filter out the categories of said potential partners by means of evaluating certain terms of phrasage and use of the 'english' language.

Yeah but in a one-liner chat up line?

eternal

AndonHandon wrote: »

Yeah but in a one-liner chat up line?

His point consisted of him explaining the metaphor behind the actuality of the dating world. The whole point of a one liner was not at any time mentioned, I'm afraid and the thread does not allude to the posts consisting of everyone using a one liner to gain attention.

ratmouse

Joe Doe wrote: »

CNBC did a documentary on this, they focused on the 'tyranny of choice' aspect, which isn't really such a bad thing. As Mrs Doe (to be) can only be selected from very finest stock, from the 4 corners of the web.

Certain filters such as 'any' of these words/phrases: smoking / princess / can't cook / icanstxtspk4u / pony~horses / rugby / gaa / weightlifting etc. swiftly get sent to the delete bins. As wouldn't be partial to either princesses or on the other side of the coin pro-feminists. Ideal visual rating is strictly 7.5-8.5 as most chaps know having a 9/10 lady is a bit like having a Ferrari - high maintenance, expensive to run and likely to get nicked. Having an old Fiat Punto isn't much fun either.

Libraries, Galleries, Museums and IQ Certification exams and are also good places in the real world.

Ponies and horses? What's the problem? They don't go hand in hand with the term princess you know.

AndonHandon

eternal wrote: »

His point consisted of him explaining the metaphor behind the actuality of the dating world. The whole point of a one liner was not at any time mentioned, I'm afraid and the thread does not allude to the posts consisting of everyone using a one liner to gain attention.

eternal dweeb;

Collectively alone forever

AlanS181824

Someone who can't keep a conversation going annoys me a lot.

Hi

Hey, how are you?

Good.

.

.

.

eternal

AndonHandon wrote: »

eternal dweeb;

Collectively alone forever

Intellectualised commentary noted with your own special kind of one liner. Not one that would score any babes but. How can I be collective if I'm alone????

DoYouEvenLift

ratmouse wrote: »

Ponies and horses? What's the problem? They go hand in hand with the term princess you know.

I have yet to meet a woman who is into horses that isn't bat sh!t insane.

ratmouse

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I have yet to meet a woman who is into horses that isn't bat sh!t insane.

Gross generalisation much?!

Joe Doe

Would also add those Grammar-Nazi's or folks that get all perplexed about spelling and exact word-smithery as real turn-offs.
They most likely never get the 'jiggy jiggy' as it's not on the scrabble acceptable usage list.

Girls (or indeed Ladies) who want a new pony, usually want a new Mini, diamonds, shoe collections and those wee handbag dogs too.

DoYouEvenLift

ratmouse wrote: »

Gross generalisation much?!

No. Strong comprehension. I didn't say "ALL women into horses are bat sh!t insane", I said I hadn't met any who weren't

eternal

Joe Doe wrote: »

Would also add those Grammar-Nazi's or folks that get all perplexed about spelling and exact word-smithery as real turn-offs.
They most likely never get the 'jiggy jiggy' as it's not on the scrabble acceptable usage list.

Girls (or indeed Ladies) who want a new pony, usually want a new Mini, diamonds, shoe collections and those wee handbag dogs too.

So women who have a brain don't get f**ed. I just spent three posts standing up for your fragmented essay and now this comes out. Weeps.
Who doesn't want a shoe collection , are we supposed to walk around barefoot like the latch key kids in Cambodia?

ratmouse

Joe Doe wrote: »

Would also add those Grammar-Nazi's or folks that get all perplexed about spelling and exact word-smithery as real turn-offs.
They most likely never get the 'jiggy jiggy' as it's not on the scrabble acceptable usage list.

Girls (or indeed Ladies) who want a new pony, usually want a new Mini, diamonds, shoe collections and those wee handbag dogs too.

And what about the females who mention horses and ponies because it might be a part of their job? Or do you expect the yearning for diamonds/shoes etc from all vets too?

eternal

I actually want a dog who wears diamond shoes in the front seat of a mini being pulled by a horse.

ratmouse

eternal wrote: »

I actually want a dog who wears diamond shoes in the front seat of a mini being pulled by a horse.

I have an actual image in my head now of what you have described!

expectationlost

stabbing fantasies .... turn/off that is

Zippie84

YFlyer wrote: »

Girls don't make any effort either.

I didn't say they do, or that all guys don't. I can only comment on what I don't like from guys who've messed me in the past.

Zippie84

Joe Doe wrote: »

Would also add those Grammar-Nazi's or folks that get all perplexed about spelling and exact word-smithery as real turn-offs.
They most likely never get the 'jiggy jiggy' as it's not on the scrabble acceptable usage list.

.

I'm far from a grammar nazi, but when someone uses literally no punctuation, no full stops, commas, nothing, just this massive unreadable collection of words, I basically find it impossible to read, and often misinterpret what they're trying to say. Even worse if they thrown in txt spk too obviously. So that's a no for me.

anncoates

Nynaeve wrote: »

I actually put that at the bottom of my "about me" section; "I promise to make an effort at conversation if you do"

Would make me think I'm going in to an exam.

Sometimes a amicable silence is OK until people - especially shy - warm up to each other.

Nynaeve

anncoates wrote: »

Would make me think I'm going in to an exam.

Sometimes a amicable silence is OK until people - especially shy - warm up to each other.

Maybe you should think of it as an exam though? Not literally, but you are putting yourself out there to be judged and not just on your picture. There has to be a reason you signed up to the site in the first place.

If you're not actually looking to meet people, amicable silences are fine. Winking, flirting etc. etc. is fine. But if you've put down "Single male looking to meet female" you have to be willing to put some effort in; start and continue conversations for example.

Would be so much easier if all these people just put down "Single male/female just here for a browse"

anncoates

Nynaeve wrote: »

Maybe you should think of it as an exam though? Not literally, but you are putting yourself out there to be judged and not just on your picture. There has to be a reason you signed up to the site in the first place.

How romantic

Sounds like a horse fair!

Ficheall

anncoates wrote: »

How romantic

Sounds like a horse fair!

You can buy the horse for a one-off fee though, and ride it to your heart's content forevermore. Maybe feed it occasionally.

MarkAnthony

MarkAnthony wrote: »

13 years ago I joined an internet dating site, digital cameras were rare enough and pictures weren't common if for nothing else because of the stigma of online dating.

13 years later I'm married to the one of the first girls I met (second actually). So please don't mistake my tongue in cheek remarks as anything but that. Also forget the pictures.

Another person on boards who met and married someone from an internet dating site I have a friend who met and married someone they met on a dating site and wont say how they met and pretends they met through friends.

UCDVet

I think online dating is better than real life dating. It just makes sense that it would be, imho.

That whole thing of me letting the girls try some stuff with other guys has come up again - from me more than them - and I was thinking of whether dating sites might be the way to go for it or whether real life in pubs or clubs. Is there much difference between dating sites or personals sites? I have spent little time on either. I guess the latter is more for one off meets and the former geared towards relationships? Or are both heavily populated by one night stand kinda people?

whisky_galore

'Bubbly' = Fat

'Curvy' = Fat

'BBW' = Fat

'Average' = Fat

'Athletic' = Fat

'Slim' = Fat

AndonHandon

AndonHandon wrote: »

It's difficult to start a conversation with someone you want yo get to know, without coming across as cheesy, other than to say 'hi, how are you?'. The ideal response is 'good thanks; 'just in from the gym' or 'just in from work', 'just ate dinner' or whatever. Something other than 'good, thanks'. There is so little to work with from a picture and a paragraph 'About Me' profile section. Need to converse a bit more online than in real life!

or even how about, not bad thanks, just outside yourz actually wearing night vision goggles!!!.........it puts the lotion on it's skin.

Nynaeve

I'd never really considered personal sites if I'm honest. There is a lot of one night standers on the sites I'd use, you get used to ignoring them. Maybe the difference is that a lot of the dating sites will only let you do so much for free then you have to pay to use all the extended features. I don't know if personal sites work like this, but a paying customer is going to be more invested in meeting someone I think

As I've said I met my last boyfriend online. That lasted over 3 years (but it obviously ended so it's probably not the best advertisement for them :P)

But, like in a pub or club if you go in with an open mind it's possible. Easier on a site too, because you can start off at least knowing a little bit about the random stranger you're approaching!

Nynaeve

Nynaeve wrote: »

I'd never really considered personal sites if I'm honest. There is a lot of one night standers on the sites I'd use, you get used to ignoring them.

Thats what I expected really - if I were to look online for doing the thing we want to do - to find a guy for the girls to play with - I guess I would become one of the one night standers. So probably best to avoid dating sites and go for the more outright meetup sites.

Recommendations welcome