The One Thats Getting/Gotten Away

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this and I'll try keep this as short as possible.

Basically there's this girl I've known for the guts of a decade and been absolutely mad about. Even when I've been in other relationships I've thought of her (which is wrong I know). We used to train together in the same swimming club and kickboxing class/club, we had mutual friends and she got me a job in the place she worked when I was stuck for a bit of work. When we started hanging out she had a long term boyfriend and when they broke up she started to see someone we worked with.

Anyway I moved abroad for a few months and they broke up soon after. I moved back and she was finishing college found a job and has been at the for the last number of years, I started working in my current role. We started to drift apart a little, not hanging out as much, and all this time I was afraid to tell her how I felt. So 2 year ago she took a trip to the UK and she met a guy. They had a LDR and then he moved here and last year he proposed and she said yes.

Now they're getting married this Autumn. The last week I was looking for some old pics and I found a picture of her and me at her birthday party years ago. I find myself absolutely devastated. I know it was my own fault for never even saying anything after the guts of ten years and I'm not looking for anything on that

Since getting then I have barely eaten or slept. I just want to be left alone. Has anyone got any advice on how to get passed this. Has anyone been in a similar situation, if so how did you get over this horrible feeling.

Mr. Incognito

Time will heal this,

But unfortunately time takes time.....

honey79

I hate saying it but you have left it too late to do anything about it , wish her luck and move on

It will get easier over time and lesson for the next time don't let opportunities pass you by

sadie06

Go easy on yourself. Yes, you may have missed an opportunity, or maybe not. She may not have been interested in you if you had told her OR you may have got together and not lasted, destroying your friendship in the long run. There is certainly no guarantee that if you had told her you would now be in a relationship. It's just not that black and white.

If it's any consolation, one of my biggest regrets is having a three year relationship with someone that I would have loved to have had as a friend for life, and still miss to this day, but alas, once we broke up a friendship was not possible.

Put the photos somewhere inconvenient where you won't get to them for a few years at least and try to get on with things.

bjork

If I understand correctly you never went out with her?

Therefore you don't know what she would be like as a partner/to live with and you have this rose tinted view of what you relationship would have been like.


Too late at this stage, forget about her and let her be happy. For the next one, ask her out, what have you got to loose

Paco Rodriguez

Sounds like seeing the photo is the main culprit in this explosion of feelings. Try and remember the moments before seeing this. You coped so long with your feelings, I think you just got stuck in a moment with this photo.

You need to start thinking logically....which was what helped me... This girl is engaged. It's not accidently. She is happy. Which is going to make you happier.....life without her completely and being free of these feelings eventually? Or enjoying her friendship with occasional moments of list or regrets?

In my case I choose the later and it was the best thing ever. Not saying it's going to work for you as it did for me...but it's ten of years of friendship. I would think that is important not to gamble.

In short, just try to shut out your romantic feelings, enjoy spending time with her. Because not everyone has such good friends.

Stavro Mueller

OP, maybe you were never in with a chance in the first place. You said in your first paragraph that when she broke up with her boyfriend, she started going out with someone you worked with. Why him and not you? Could it be because she only ever saw you as a friend? Surely she'd have tested the water in some way to see if you were interested?

As for what to do now, you'll come to terms with this in time. You're upset, you're heartbroken, you're grieving. There's nothing wrong with any of those -it's a perfectly human reaction. What's not helping either I think is that you've idealised her. Bjork hit the nail on the head with the comment about you not knowing what she'd be like as a partner. So in that way she'll always be Miss Perfect.

December2012

She's not the one for you.

If she was, you would have made a move or asked her out.

If you don't or didn't have the drive to ask her out then you're not supposed to be together.

the_monkey

The imagination of this being the perfect match is what makes it so painful.

This is not real - what you think "could have been".

I was in a similar situation once, and when I realised what I was "grieving" over was something that wasn't real - I started to recover.

As mentioned, it will take time, let it take time - but have no regrets ..
regrets are a waste of time, they are impossible to make right.

R.D. aka MR.D

I know someone who was madly in love with 'the one'. He took a huge chance to finally be with her after years of pining after her. He left a country that he loved and a very caring partner to be with this woman.

It lasted a week with her. When they finally got the chance to be together, it didn't work. It was just something that he had built up in his head. She wasn't the person that he thought she was.

He ruined his life to be with a fantasy.

Move on and forget about her.