Coming out a good idea or not?

keegan.98

Hey guys.
I'm 16 and I'm a lesbian. Ive known 100% since I was maybe in 5th class so about 11 years old. I'm happy the way I am and proud of it! I plan on coming out to my parents when I start college. I'm pretty sure my parents know as my mom always makes remarks towards me about gay people. The only problem is, my mom said that if I was a lesbian that she would still love me the same treat me the same, and it would be the same as before but she would never accept my girlfriend if I got one no matter what. This really bothers me because shes pretty much saying to me I KNOW YOUR GAY BUT I DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIFE OR YOUR PARENER. I think it's pretty stupid and ignorant as she's the kind of mother that is overprotective about my friend and such yet she could give a **** about my girlfriend because she's gay?? This keeps me awake so much at night, I have lay awake countless nights since I was 11/12 thinking about my sexuality. When I come to accepting myself, I learn that my own mother does not want any part of this part of my life?! It just really makes no sense to me. So baisically in asking
* do I come out
*is this a terrible idea to tell my parents
To be honest I'm kind of just ranting because this plays on my mind so much it keeps me awake so much I've finally found somewhere to vent. I'm so confused and frustrated at this. That SHE WILL NEVER ACEPT THIS PART OF ME BEING GAY? It makes no sense, it's absurd. I don't even know. Ugh

Thanks

Dublinstiofán

Sounds to me like they already know. And that your not upset about her not accepting you as gay but the fact she will never accept a partner of yours.

My advice your too young at 16 to tell them. See if you can find somebody else to talk to about it and share your frustrations and anxiety with them for the moment.

Tell em when your more mature and absolutely sure your ready.

Aard

You'll soon learn not to care what your mother thinks, and not to lose sleep over it.

J_E

Wait until you're settled in college and there is a little more of a degree of separation between you before telling her.

Annasopra

Have you considered getting support from a group like belong to

keegan.98

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Have you considered getting support from a group like belong to

I was thinking of going to one but my mam is the kind that will ask questions and the nearest one to me is in a really rough area

keegan.98

Hi guys
I'm a lesbian. I haven't came out to my parents yet, although I'm pretty sure they know as my mom likes to bad mouth gay people while she looks right at me. I'm 16 years old and I plan on telling my parents when I start college. She told me if I was gay that she would still love me the same, treat me the same. But she will never accept my partner/girlfriend. It's really strange to me because my mom is the kind who always wants to know everything about my friends because she likes to suss them out. Yet she tells me she would not allow my girlfriend to come into the house or she wouldent be around us when we were together. This really really bothers me to the extent that I lie awake at night. It bothers me because I know that she will still love me yet she doesn't want anything to do with that part of my life. I can also imagine that it would cause problems in a relationship, I don't know. I think it's really close minded and stupid, my dad on the other hand doesn't really care, he's happy as long as I am happy and I value his opinions more than my mams because he's more reasonable compared to my moms favourite line of "because I said so".
So really I'm asking
is it a good idea to come out to my parents?
Should this bother me so much that she would have anything to do with my girlfriend?

Thanks

Annasopra

Hi OP

I merged your threads as they are discussing the exact same issue

Go to college, come out like you want to and when you feel strong and independent enough.
Your mother knows and it will only be a matter of time before she accepts you and your life including a partner eventually.
You are 16, she would have difficulty accepting a boyfriend at this age, let alone a girlfriend.
You are in a better position than most if your mother has already made it pretty clear she is aware of your sexuality. One step at a time for your mother.

wakka12

16 is too young to come out i think! 19 or 20 is a good time to tell them

Annasopra

wakka12 wrote: »

16 is too young to come out i think! 19 or 20 is a good time to tell them

I would have said that 10 years ago but now its quite common for 15/16 year olds to come out and with supports like belong to can be quite positive

wakka12

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

I would have said that 10 years ago but now its quite common for 15/16 year olds to come out and with supports like belong to can be quite positive

Its common, but secondary schoolers are a lot less mature than college students, so i think a a gay or lesbian 15/16 year old is at a much higher risk of bullying than an 18+ year old college student.

Annasopra

wakka12 wrote: »

Its common, but secondary schoolers are a lot less mature than college students, so i think a a gay or lesbian 15/16 year old is at a much higher risk of bullying than an 18+ year old college student.

Yes but schools now all have to have anti bullying programmes in place.

Personally I wouldnt tell anyone its too early to come out.

My advice is more to be aware of the consequences both negative and positive and if you feel you have good support such as good friends or a group like belong to then yes do come out now but only if you feel personally ready.