boyfriend's best (girl) friend

merdkerp

My boyfriends best friend (who is also a girl)
Hates me and I hate her. (For no apparent reason)
I know it sounds immature but this has been going on for a year now and there's no going back to us trying to become friends

Shes super clingy with my boyfriend even we started dating which really pissed me off . They always call each other "babe" and send hearts to each other etc . I know it's just playful because she is in a relationship too.

I feel really intimidated by her.
I get jealous and annoyed at him when they hang out; go to parties or text each other .(although he does hang up on her when I'm around )

A few Times he even stayed in her house (but I told him it upset me) so he stopped.

Me and my boyfriend pretty much have a perfect relationship .
but the thought of her just bugs me so much that its ruining our relationship and my self esteem.

The other day he met up with her after we were hanging out to give her a Christmas present .
This made me incredibly jealous and we had a fight (rare)

I feel like the taunting thought of her existence is turning me into a psycho girlfriend, I've tried everything bbut I can't seem to grow up and accept the fact that he is so close to someone who hates me.

I'm turning into a psycho girlfriend who overthinks everything involving this girl but I can't seem to let it go.
I'm not usually the jealous type (which terrifies me in this relationship)
I feel like this is ruining my self esteem and making me really nervous and untrusting .

I really love him so I've been trying for months to just ignore it but it's really ruining our relationship (for me)

Any tips?

Kidchameleon

By the sounds of things they are just friends. Your going to have to kop on and get over this or you risk loosing him. All this is in your head, so they call each other babe, so what? My older sister calls me babe! You guys don't dislike each other for "no apparent reason". She dislikes you because she is picking up a terrible vibe off you! You need to work on your insecurities, but remember they are YOUR insecurities, he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him.

strobe

Sounds like she may dislike you, not for no reason, but because you want her best friend not to be her friend anymore because you're jealous and insecure.

ted1

Might she be foreign ? My wife can't stand my best friend, mostly its comical unfortunately sometimes it's not

Jentle Grenade

Have you talked to her bluntly about this OP?

I'm gay and my best friend is a guy. We've been best friends for nearly 8 years and we would be casual huggers/odd kiss on the cheek etc. He started seeing his girlfriend about a year ago and I couldn't understand why this perfectly lovely girl hated everything I said or did.
Eventually I became sick of dealing with her hissy fits and I asked her what her problem was. Basically she was uncomfortable with my friend having such a close relationship with me because I was female.
We thrashed it out and we haven't had any problems since. I do know that she does read his texts though and has been annoyed a few times when I put an X in the message (rarely, i.e. Happy birthday etc). I try to be more aware around her but I'm not going to drastically alter my relationship with my best friend because his girlfriend has trust issues and doesn't seem to grasp that I'm gay.

missjm

This all boils down to trust. If you trust your boyfriend, then you've nothing to worry about. The fact that his best friend is a girl should be irrelevant. They're best friends for a reason. You already pointed out that she's in a relationship anyway. I think the way things are going, you'll probably only draw her out more!

Big Bag of Chips

I wouldn't be quick to lay the blame solely at your feet! It sounds like there's a pair of you in it fighting for his attention. I know you say she's in a relationship, but I'd guess she enjoys this "special" connection or relationship she has with your bf, and you are after coming along wrecking that buzz!

Friends don't tend to be "super clingy" to each other. And friends tend to allow their friends space to have relationships. If it was a fella he was friends with and he was marking his territory on your bf when you started going out together you'd probably be equally as uncomfortable thinking he didn't like you!

I think she's trying to let you know that she was here before you! She may have absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever but now she is sharing him with you. Nothing to do with her being a girl.. Some friends CAN be clingy and jealous of new friends that come on the scene.

Accept you don't like her. Accept she doesn't like you, and just try to stay out of each other's way. You don't actually have to have a relationship with her at all. But you do have to accept he might go out with her occasionally. So if you can go along and be civil, do. If you can't then you are only annoying yourself by being there.

Have you spoken to your bf? What does he think?

merdkerp

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I wouldn't be quick to lay the blame solely at your feet! It sounds like there's a pair of you in it fighting for his attention. I know you say she's in a relationship, but I'd guess she enjoys this "special" connection or relationship she has with your bf, and you are after coming along wrecking that buzz!

Friends don't tend to be "super clingy" to each other. And friends tend to allow their friends space to have relationships. If it was a fella he was friends with and he was marking his territory on your bf when you started going out together you'd probably be equally as uncomfortable thinking he didn't like you!

I think she's trying to let you know that she was here before you! She may have absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever but now she is sharing him with you. Nothing to do with her being a girl.. Some friends CAN be clingy and jealous of new friends that come on the scene.

Accept you don't like her. Accept she doesn't like you, and just try to stay out of each other's way. You don't actually have to have a relationship with her at all. But you do have to accept he might go out with her occasionally. So if you can go along and be civil, do. If you can't then you are only annoying yourself by being there.

Have you spoken to your bf? What does he think?

I've spoken to him
Na I knew my boyfriend way before she knew him.
They've only known each other for maybe a year I've known him for maybe 4 years.
I'm just really insecure.
A lot of his friends don't like me because " I influenced his decision to stop taking drugs"

I straight up told him I didn't want to be with someone who did drugs every week.
so he quit, but lots of his friends hate me now because of that because he doesn't go toraves anymore

It just sucks I feel like an awful person even though I was trying to help him.

I feel like II'm not suited for him because I'm messing up these relationships.

Thanks for the help appreciated

merdkerp

missjm wrote: »

This all boils down to trust. If you trust your boyfriend, then you've nothing to worry about. The fact that his best friend is a girl should be irrelevant. They're best friends for a reason. You already pointed out that she's in a relationship anyway. I think the way things are going, you'll probably only draw her out more!

He's done a few things to spoil my trust .
I still love him and he's become a better person lately but I still don't trust him 100%. So maybe trust is the issue...

merdkerp

Jentle Grenade wrote: »

Have you talked to her bluntly about this OP?

I'm gay and my best friend is a guy. We've been best friends for nearly 8 years and we would be casual huggers/odd kiss on the cheek etc. He started seeing his girlfriend about a year ago and I couldn't understand why this perfectly lovely girl hated everything I said or did.
Eventually I became sick of dealing with her hissy fits and I asked her what her problem was. Basically she was uncomfortable with my friend having such a close relationship with me because I was female.
We thrashed it out and we haven't had any problems since. I do know that she does read his texts though and has been annoyed a few times when I put an X in the message (rarely, i.e. Happy birthday etc). I try to be more aware around her but I'm not going to drastically alter my relationship with my best friend because his girlfriend has trust issues and doesn't seem to grasp that I'm gay.

Me and my boyfriend are both bisexual so it's not a gender thing for us.
It's more that she hates me and because she hates me I hate her...

And man that sucks. I kind of get where she's coming from ,
she's probably insecure like me

Funtrepreneur

If she's hot I'd worry. If not maybe your insecure. Or maybe your boyfriend is the problem. He shouldn't be getting so close to a girl if he only met her a year ago and has known you for 4.

Big Bag of Chips

It sounds like there's too much about the person your bf is that you need to change in order for him to be the person you really want to be with. I'd say maybe find someone who is already pretty close to the person you want them to be. Changing people to suit you never really works out well.