Need advice

RachN0207

Looking for some advice about a current situation I find myself in. I've been dating a guy for 3 months now who appeared to be really into me, as in always bringing me out for dinner and drinks, taking me away weekends, introducing me to family and friends, making future plans etc. anyway main point of my story is last week one of his friends referred to me as his girlfriend in passing conversation and he very defensively said I wasn't his gf. I left it go as we were out in a group and didn't want to make a scene so asked him when we got home what we were and where I stood basically to which he went very quiet. Said he didn't know and wouldn't really talk about it. Have had hardly no contact since when he used to text and call me several times every day except for a few texts the other night saying he doesn't feel ready for a relationship atm but still really liked me and wanted to stay in contact. Any advice on what could be going on here or what I should do? I'm early thirties so know better at this stage and my gut tells me to just cut contact and walk away now

ABajaninCork

Sorry, but this guy sounds like a commitment phobe. Your gut was right. I'd walk away now and don't waste any more time on him.

glassdaisies

That's a tough situation. A friend of mine is going through something very similar, has been dating a guy for 3 or 4 months, and he admittedly refuses to call it any sort of realtionship because he "doesn't like labels."

I'll tell you the same thing I told her. It's worth a conversation with him, but if he won't talk to you, how are you supposed to have that conversation? It's easy for me to say, but I would cut my losses and get out before you find yourself more emotionally invested than you already are, because it sounds like he's not.

strobe

He's told you he doesn't feel ready for a relationship right now, so unless you are OK with continuing to see him atm in the context that the two of you are not in a relationship, then the two of you seem to be at an impasse, and should probably part ways.

Stavro Mueller

Sorry OP but this isn't looking good at all. What's telling is that even when he had time to think about this, all he could come up with was that he wasn't ready for a relationship. It's as if he was happy drifting along in his little bubble with you, making the right noises, enjoying your company etc. but then when someone from the outside uttered the word girlfriend it poured cold water on it.
As for what's going on in his head we can only guess. Either he's a commitment-phobe or he has realised that while he likes you a lot, he doesn't like you enough. The danger with accepting what he's offering (not ready for a relationship but still wants to stay in touch) is that you'll put your life on hold waiting for him to change his mind. I know you're still only in your early thirties and not seeing him all that long but still...

RachN0207

Thanks for advice guys, just kinda confirmed what I already knew/felt. I'd discussed it with friends but as they'd met him and loved him I felt I got very biased opinions. I've told him not to contact me again and deleted his number. Whilst I feel a bit stung right now I know I've done the right thing in the long run. He obviously has issues whatever they are and I don't need to be any part of it. I think what really threw me off was how fast someone could go from being so loving and attentive to so cold and detached, very strange. Anyways, thanks again!

glassdaisies

RachN0207 wrote: »

Thanks for advice guys, just kinda confirmed what I already knew/felt. I'd discussed it with friends but as they'd met him and loved him I felt I got very biased opinions. I've told him not to contact me again and deleted his number. Whilst I feel a bit stung right now I know I've done the right thing in the long run. He obviously has issues whatever they are and I don't need to be any part of it. I think what really threw me off was how fast someone could go from being so loving and attentive to so cold and detached, very strange. Anyways, thanks again!

That's good, I really think you made the right decision. I know it's really hard, I totally understand. Good luck in the future!!