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I done something bad

  • 08-01-2015 1:43am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    :(so I had a staff night out at work, I was dancing with one of the girls I work with and I kissed her on the cheek. I think it freeked her out, but I dont blame her. She is 18 and Im 21. The thing is she is a nice looking girl, but I wouldn't be attracted to her at all. I was just very drunk.

    I go to bed every night feeling sick, ashamed and imbarresed over this. Im also am feeling depressed this happened. I even considered suicide over this, it really is eating me up inside.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    I think you're massively over-reacting here. A kiss on the cheek is usually a fairly innocent thing, unless there's some other issues going on here that you haven't mentioned.

    If you feel bad about it, the best way to deal about it is to talk about it and apologise. Did you apologise to the girl on the night, or since? It's possible that she might not even remember or care about it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hi OP,

    I realise that this may seem like the biggest deal in the world to you right now, but really, on the list of things to worry about, this should be low on the list, and it's important to keep this in perspective. Yes you were both at a party where drink was involved, and yes you possibly misread the signals and went for a kiss on the cheek, but really this should be the source of a little embarrassment in the cold light of day next morning, nothing more, and I'm sure that she feels the same way too.

    Regarding this girl, the simplest solution is when you see her next, is to say that you are sorry if you made her feel uncomfortable at the Christmas party, that you'd obviously had too much to drink, and leave it at that. Though to be honest, I doubt that she's half as freaked out over it as you think she is and that you are blowing this massively out of proportion in your own mind.

    Regarding the fact that you let this incident get to you to the point where at one stage you felt suicidal... this really isn't a healthy response, and might I recommend that you talk to a professional about this? Talking to a counsellor might help you to put some of these things in perspective so that should you feel embarrassed over something in the future (and we all do - it's human nature), you may be better equipped to deal with it than you were this time around.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    whatdidido wrote: »
    :(so I had a staff night out at work, I was dancing with one of the girls I work with and I kissed her on the cheek. I think it freeked her out, but I dont blame her. She is 18 and Im 21. The thing is she is a nice looking girl, but I wouldn't be attracted to her at all. I was just very drunk.

    I go to bed every night feeling sick, ashamed and imbarresed over this. Im also am feeling depressed this happened. I even considered suicide over this, it really is eating me up inside.

    This is a massive over-reaction to something completely trivial. Some people go out to staff work do's, get drunk, punch their bosses, insult everyone else and end up lying outside covered in vomit and god knows what else. Think I'm exaggerating? I'm not - this happened an ex work colleague.

    My point is - don't fret over something like a kiss on the cheek. It's really not that big a deal. Many work colleagues have done far, far worse with each other when drink was involved. I can't see why a girl would be freaked out that much by a kiss on the cheek, are you sure you didn't misread her reaction?

    So please, don't even think about suicide or anything remotely similar. It's really not that bad.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 812 ✭✭✭Dog of Tears


    If you're considering suicide over something so trivial you need professional help, the sooner the better.

    Speak to your GP in confidence who will be able to best advise you.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    You are completely flapping out over this. Its s tiny thing, she has probably long since forgotten. Considering suicide over it? Come on man, get a grip, seriously.
    It was a kiss on the cheek, no-one else likely noticed.

    I think you need to stop thinking about it and just forget about it. She most like has.


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Hi, whatdidido. It sounds like it might be a good idea to pop along to your GP and have a chat about feeling down, suicidal, and overly anxious.

    You objectively have NOTHING to worry about regarding this incident, but it looks like it has become a huge issue in your mind.

    It would be good to think about how you can work on your self-esteem and confidence and learn to like yourself. Some talking therapy with a counsellor might be a good idea. Your GP should be able to guide you.

    Don't focus on this incident. Every time it comes into your mind visualize a big red stop sign. Look after yourself OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, thanks for the replies. After reading all your replied, it has really put it into perspecive how foolish I am to be worried. As for the suicide, when something happens that worries me I imagine what it would be like if I did. I know its not healthy to be doing this.

    Also small things alwas bothers me. I dont really know why though. But it shows that I dont realy have problems when I let the smallist things eat away at me.

    Im going to see my doc soon about my menthal health also. Because realy this has to stop.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 383 ✭✭Mike747


    Lol I think back to the things I did to girls when I was drunk. You did nothing wrong. If she can't handle an innocent peck on the check then she's a crazy puritan who should stay at home with her knitting.

    Seriously, do not apologise to her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,555 ✭✭✭Augme


    OP if this is the worst thing you ever do in your life then you should be up for sainthood when it's all said and done.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    i'm glad you realise you did nothing to be upset over.
    a chat with your gp would be good when you get the chance.

    if you find yourself doing silly things when drunk, maybe you should look at how much you're drinking and whether you want to change it.

    take care


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    whatdidido wrote: »
    :(so I had a staff night out at work, I was dancing with one of the girls I work with and I kissed her on the cheek. I think it freeked her out, but I dont blame her. She is 18 and Im 21. The thing is she is a nice looking girl, but I wouldn't be attracted to her at all. I was just very drunk.

    I go to bed every night feeling sick, ashamed and imbarresed over this. Im also am feeling depressed this happened. I even considered suicide over this, it really is eating me up inside.

    Dude,

    Trust me, by the the time you're 30 you be after doing much worse and would only laugh at something like that.

    Don't beat yourself up.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    The thing is - you don't have to have "big" problems to think about suicide the way you did.

    These kind of feelings don't always need a reason. Please go and see your GP and have an honest and frank chat.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7 Cant Handle The Banter


    whatdidido wrote: »
    Hi all, thanks for the replies. After reading all your replied, it has really put it into perspecive how foolish I am to be worried. As for the suicide, when something happens that worries me I imagine what it would be like if I did. I know its not healthy to be doing this.

    Also small things alwas bothers me. I dont really know why though. But it shows that I dont realy have problems when I let the smallist things eat away at me.

    Im going to see my doc soon about my menthal health also. Because realy this has to stop.

    Glad you're feeling better. When I was your age I used to feel terrible I did something to a girl (much worse than what you did) and it used to eat me up the next day. But now that I'm older I realise its no big deal.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    whatdidido wrote: »
    Also small things alwas bothers me. I dont really know why though. But it shows that I dont realy have problems when I let the smallist things eat away at me.

    Now THAT is rational. It sounds healthy, and it shows that you have put up some distance from the issue even between your first post and this. You'll be fine. Yes though, you massively over reacted and if you find that this is a pattern for you then you really could benefit from looking over that pattern with a professional to help you examine why you fall into this way of dealing with upsets.

    On the issue of you being embarrassed over making a boo boo with kissing this girl. The feelings you are having are something that you have to ride out till they dissipate a bit (believe me, I've been mortified as well!), but you will find that the next time you get embarrassed over messing up in some way, you won't be feeling SO bad because you will be expecting to feel awful and you will have the knowledge that it goes away with time. It's called growing a thick skin! I have a hide like an elephant at this stage, and that only comes with MUCH practise at being mortified!

    Feel better soon OP.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭Littlekittylou


    whatdidido wrote: »
    :(so I had a staff night out at work, I was dancing with one of the girls I work with and I kissed her on the cheek. I think it freeked her out, but I dont blame her. She is 18 and Im 21. The thing is she is a nice looking girl, but I wouldn't be attracted to her at all. I was just very drunk.

    I go to bed every night feeling sick, ashamed and imbarresed over this. Im also am feeling depressed this happened. I even considered suicide over this, it really is eating me up inside.
    I don't think you did anything wrong.

    I honestly think you are reading something there that is not. I think she was maybe surprised ? Or awkward?

    I don't think you did anything wrong.

    I would just be normal and friendly. I think you would freak yourself and her out more if you made a 'thing' out of it.

    You don't fancy her. You know now what your own comfort zone is.

    Maybe you need to work on the rumination thing though. Obsessive guilt is part of a wider obsessive disorder sometimes.

    Kissing someone on the cheek is pretty standard in greeting someone in some countries.

    I think we have identified thought that the action is not the issue but an underlying problem is.

    I would address this and whilst not take the little things that cause the anxiety too seriously you might consider taking the anxiety issue alone in itself to a professional. I think they might give you support as you are obviously feeling some pretty powerful emotions.

    Kissing someone on the cheek should not cause such distress. It's how they say hello in France! So I would wonder is the anxiety itself the issue?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,584 ✭✭✭Rekop dog


    I'd be more imbarresed with your disgraceful command of the English language.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Rekop dog wrote: »
    I'd be more imbarresed with your disgraceful command of the English language.

    The irony isn't lost on me... take a week off to reconsider your posting style. Further posts like this in future are going to result in a far lengthier ban from PI.

    Regards,
    Mike


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