What to do with toddler when baby needs sleep?

emer_b

I'm sure my situation is not unique but I'm finding it hard to manage and wondering what other families do.
I have a 4 month old and a 2yr 3month old.
The baby is good as gold but obviously still needs about 3 naps every day. I need 15/20 mins quiet time to get her settled. I'm actually doing sleep training with her at the moment so that she might settle quicker on her own.
However I just can't keep the toddler quiet/busy for long enough to get the baby to sleep. Then the baby gets cranky, takes even longer to settle, then the toddler gets cranky as the baby is taking all my time!! Everybody ends up crying.
The toddler has no interest in tv and very short attention span with toys. She just wants to be doing jobs around the house with me, out in the car etc. She's also mad about the baby and wants to "help" me put her to bed. I've tried bringing her into the baby's room with me, disaster. We have a playroom with a gate but she just stands at the gate roaring for me to come back.
For this reason I've been sending her to a childminder for a few hours most days since baby was born but I really want to cut that back now. The guilt is killing me!
How do people manage this situation? There must be plenty out there with an even smaller age gap than mine. I know every family/house is unique and I'll just have to come up with my own solution but I'm interested to know how other people make it work. By the way, the toddler has just about given up her daytime nap, only nods off if we're in the car now. The baby is also exclusively breastfed and won't take a bottle. I'm working on that too

galah

Would also love to hear solutions. Our three year old is the same, wants full attention and does not cooperate when i'm trying to put baby down for a nap. He would actually go out of his way to keep baby awake :mad: toddler also doesnt watch tele, and i could not leave him downstairs on his own while i'm upstairs, that's a disaster waiting to happen. the only thing that works for us consistently is take both for a drive, but that's really inconvenient for me

another thing i sometimes try is to have baby sleep in the pram downstairs. Most of the time he will nod off, but doesnt sleep as long then, and only if toddler lets him.

So any ideas are welcome, as at this rate i really dread naptimes with both kids on my own.

Sligo1

I could've written this last year! 15 months between my 2. My son is now just 2 and 1 month and my daughter 9 months. They both take their nap now at the same time (thank God!).

But back when she was younger I found I had to put my son in his playpen. Now I know this is terrible but if he cried I just had to let him cry. It was never for long 5-10min but I had to let him while I went upstairs to settle her. And I knew he was safe. Other things which worked for me was out the TV on while he was in playpen. He never ever got tv so when it did go on for a few minutes he loved it. Now when I go to settle her first I just say to him, T will you please go into the playpen while mummy puts baby to bed. And he walks in no problem .

My little girl was also exclusively breastfed and would not take a bottle at 4 months. My advice with this is get her started asap! It was one of the most stressful and frustrating experiences of my life! I gave my last breastfeed when she was 8 months and thank God she is taking the bottle now.

Rubberchikken

Could you feed the baby downstairs while your toddler 'reads' to you or talks about their tots etc?

It's great that she wants to help with the baby so maybe a bit of bribery, you help me get baby to sleep and then we'll play' type of thing might work shortterm.

Sorry to have no great answers. Can remember it with my two and sometimes the baby would end up being rocked gently and eventually falling adleep in my arms while her brother read me some of his story nooks or enacted some game with his toy figures;)

cyning

We have this problem too: I get baby off to sleep in my arms downstairs so that she goes to sleep, then carry her upstairs and pop her into cot then try and stop the toddler shouting up the stairs and crying looking for her. Or I sit down on couch with baby in my arms let her sleep and read books and play stickers and bubbles and silly games with the toddler. Neithers ideal but it's what works right now. Or if we've been out I leave her asleep in her car seat in the sitting room and we go into kitchen.

How Strange

The age gap was similar when my daughter was born. He went to creche 3 dats but on the other days we would go to the playground a lot. It distracted him and she slept in the buggy. Thankfully he was still napping so I always made a point of being home for his nap and my daughter and I would go for a nap together. However there were lots of days when it just went completely pear shaped.

Suucee

I have a 23 mnth age gap. My lil guy is 9 mnths now so settles mostly himself but in the begining i used to give toddler some snacks in a bowl (bread sticks, rasins, even cereal with no milk) anything just to keep her busy. Id also put a cartoon or game on an app on my phone. Watching something on mammys phone is way more exciting than watching it on the tv.

I would bring baba upstairs and put him in his cot. Have toddler sitting in the next room where i could keep an eye.
also one nap a day is normally taken when we are out walking (weather permitting)

emer_b

Thanks for the replies, I knew I wasn't alone!
I suppose the real problem is that the baby has very specific sleep requirements. She'll sleep in her cot, swaddled, with white noise, or else in a moving car (don't even think about stopping at traffic lights!), none of this nodding off in the buggy/on my shoulder for my lady!! That's why I'm doing the sleep training at the moment and it's actually going quite well so that might be my solution!
The playroom is essentially a large playpen for my toddler as its gated. I just hate leaving her unsupervised for more than a few minutes.
Interested to hear how anyone else dealt with this, thanks

monflat

I had this problem twice as I have three and oldest was 2 when middle child born and middle child was 2 when 3rd was born.

Each time I have to go upstairs to settle I tell her that mammy going up now to settle baby and il be real quick and then we will do something nice (one to one play) . I like to keep some things that they only do with me like arts and crafts type things which I have in a box and when baby is in bed I produce this. Not every time but now and again.

However each time baby is in bed its our time together to do things they want draw paint jigsaws etc !
Now I have gone through the screaming and rattling of the Stair Gate whilst I upstairs settling baby but they do understand eventually and occupy themselves.
I say to the 4yr old the more you scream and make noise the longer il be upstairs.

My youngest is4 months now someday s they are great downstairs other days they are fighting like cats but they seem to be accepting me going up with baby.

Moonbeam

I have 2 24 month gaps and 1 15 month gap.
My babies mostly just went in to the bouncer /to bed after a feed and went to sleep but for when I was nursing them I would sit on the couch and read the older one a story as that is when they would want mammy most.
I do find a good sling worth every penny,I used them for both baby and toddler and the 2 year gap was perfect but with the 15 month gap it meant they both got loads of attention and hugs,and it helped with reflux too.

pwurple

Buggy is what we used. Baby always napped in buggy... Outdoors usually. So basically I would bring the two of them for a short walk to get baby off to sleep. Used a buggyboard at the start, switched to a double when it got colder.

Park buggy at home when baby is asleep and go about our business (which was usually playing the garden with eldest) until she wakes again in an hour.

RentDayBlues

19 months between mine. When the youngest was 4 months I put her to sleep for naps in the travel cot in the sitting room, we were in open plan living. She was used to falling asleep in it as we had it in open plan room before that, we never did the quietness to fall asleep as we just couldn't get toddler to be quiet!

I also kept certain toys/activities for for this time only - sticker books worked well. You just need to find what works for you